Take away the 8 inch incision, hysterectomy, chemo, cancer, pain and nausea…….and it looks like I could be on holiday.
Until a week ago, our dog Diesel thought I was chopped liver….this week he won’t leave my side. He wants to sleep with me, accompanies me into the bathroom, and follows me everywhere. Go figure.
Nothing is worse than not feeling like yourself. But I’m on a mission to make myself get up everyday and work through it. My sweet hubby does so much for me right now……adjusting my covers at night and putting lotion on my legs since I can’t reach them. He even brushes my hair:
Last night I figured out how to sleep on my side a little…..it involved about 14 pillows and it was like heaven for 45 minutes. I had really weird dreams about Project Runway.
Monday we go back to Loma Linda for a post op appointment and chemotherapy…..they should know by then if my current chemotherapy is working and we’ll hear the pathology results from the tumor they removed. Pray that the chemotherapy is working….that would be a miracle and I wouldn’t have to go to a stronger version of it.
Emotionally I feel great today. Physically not so much…..I can’t tell what are effects from surgery and what is from chemo:
I’m still bruised all over my body. There is bruising covering my entire buttocks area and I don’t even now what it’s from…..maybe from the operating table? Can you bruise from pooping?
The pooping situation has gone the other way and now I can’t stop. My poor insides feel like they are on fire.
I have zero appetite and the nausea medicine at least keeps me from vomiting. The only thing I can really stomach right now is McDonald’s sweet tea…..so I’m surviving on sugar. Better than nothing right?
I made it to Sienna’s “Trunk or Treat” at school for an hour today. Everyone was so nice and Lisa’s husband made sure I had a chair to sit in. Gicela and Lisa pitched in to make Sienna’s costume….they did a great job and I’ll share pics later today.
I will most definitely be praying the chemo is working and the lab results are all good.
Ash, you are a freaking ROCKSTAR. Thank you for motivating me to dig deep to find my own strength to battle my own health demons. You are the epitome of grace and courage.
xo.
Still praying! Glad you are at least able to get out a little. I am sure she just looked too cute… she always does. 🙂
The photo of Mr. LBB brushing your hair brought me to tears… such a simple act really shows how much you guys love each other. Hang in there!! xoxo
First I want to say I am sorry you are going through this- I am unable to come up with any words that give justice to your situation or what you are going through. Just know you have my prayers! I think you need to call your doc regarding the diarrhea and not being able to eat- they can give you something to help out with that. You need to stay as strong as you can and if your dehydrated and not eating you wont be.
Jen is right about calling your doctor about the diarrhea. They have meds to help. I meant to mention to you about my experience with this. I went to an extreme with constipation. I found out that my pain medications were prone to causing the problem, that combined with not drinking enough. I ended up in the hospital (this next statement should give you a big laugh) and I “gave birth” to a 7 pounder of poo!!!!! I kid you not. I survived on Cokes, probably not the best thing, tomatoes and milk for a good two weeks, oh and cottage cheese. If something appeals to you try and select a healthy choice, not always possible, I know….and even if all you can muster is a nibble, go for it! I, like most cancer survivors, can share my experiences with you but I don’t want to force anymore on you. If I can be of any assistance just let me know!!!! Keep smiling!!!!!!!
Praying the doctor visit goes well. Your guard dog is adorable…somehow they know when our heart needs some extra attention, I have 3 that give me lots of attention even on a good day! Keeping prayers coming your way.
Oh Ashley, You are one tough cookie! I feel so bad for all of your pain. I wish I could take it away! It is very interesting how dogs can sense things! He is watching over you! I am sure Boo loved that you made it to her trunk or treat! Can’t wait to see her costume! 🙂
Sending extra prayers about the chemo Ashley, I do pray this treatment works wonders for you!
WOW – you are rocking it! So glad you are letting us in on the good and bad bits so we can pray intelligently for what we know and in faith for what we don’t know. Please be KIND to yourself. And give your MUM a big HUG from New Zealand – I am really praying for her at this turn of events. Who knew that 2011 would bring such change? But God… Finissh it how ever you like. I especailly love the phrase But God will have the last word and it will be good.
Even when ill…you are still completely beautiful!! So thankful you have a great support system behind you. That helps so much! Praying for you, miss Ashley. =)
Praying the chemo works well, that you won’t have too many side effects, and that it’s a short treatment plan. Keep being strong and leaning on the Lord for your strength! “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Listening to One Republic and wishing you health and strength.
We will definitely continue to pray for you to have a full recovery Ashley. Much love.
Oh my gosh Ashley, that picture of you is Amazing! I am praying for you everyday and so is my little Emmie! And praise the Lord you have such an amazing husband and support group! Good luck on your appointment and know that we are following your progress faithfully! I tell all of my friends about it!
Much love! xoxoxo
Just asked God for the same deal he gave my Mom: one round of chemo did the trick and 19 years later she’s still cancer free. I’m so thankful and I believe Sienna deserves the same great result of healthy, happy, loving mommy around for a LONG time. 🙂 Much love and continued prayers for your whole family, Ashley.
I am glad you are feeling a bit better! Little steps!! It is amazing how dogs know when something is up!! Your strength throughout all of this has been amazing!! Keep up the good work!! You are such an ispiration!! Gld bless you and your family during these trying times and we pray that the chemo is working and that you are nearing the end of this journey!!
hi sweet ashley,
your joy, strength and courage are simply beautiful. i pray that your faith will be deepened during this time of suffering and hardship, and may the gift of joy that the Lord has given you be a strength to you. may Jesus give you His rest and His peace even more so. may God comfort your family, your husband and sweet little one.
i have been listening to florence and the machine today and thought of you! if you have a chance, please give this song a listen: http://youtu.be/U76QmKG-stU
Florence and the Machine
~You’ve Got the Love
Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying “Lord I just don’t care”
But you’ve got the love I need To see me through
Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough
And things go wrong no matter what I do
Now and then it seems that life is just too much
But you’ve got the love I need to see me through
When food is gone you are my daily need
When friends are gone I know my savior’s love is real
You know it’s real
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
Time after time I think “Oh Lord what’s the use?”
Time after time I think it’s just no good
Sooner or later in life, the things you love you lose
But you’ve got the love I need to see me through
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying “Lord I just don’t care”
But you’ve got the love I need to see me through
**************************
You are an inspiration to many, Ashley…you are a blessing to many…and YOU shine. May God encourage you and surprise you with His amazing presence today.
Sending love your way today…
Try fresh pineapple juice, I hear it helps.
There’s nothing like a little Heart to get you through a bad day:) Prayers from a stranger in hawaii that you will be responding well to chemo.
Stay strong Hun. My thoughts are with you always. Praying the chemo has started doing it’s job and you are on the road to recovery. Let’s hope you will be feeling more and more like yourself in the days, weeks and months to come. You are one very amazing lady. Sending you and your family lots of love.
I continue to pray and think about you. Dogs are sensitive and can tell your sick. My dog would go crazy when I would have a migraine and attach herself to my side. She also did the same when I started to have problems with my pregnancy. Take it easy and stay positive. Your attitude towards everything that has happened has been inspirational to me.
Hang in there, sweet one. Praying the single agent chemo WILL work! BUT- know this as you get results- if it is not working, I just received my “3 month post EMA-CO chemo treatment” results, and I remain CANCER FREE!! Praying you feel HIS loving arms around you as you walk through this journey!!
Love the pic of you. Mr. LBB is doing a great job of brushing your hair because you look beautiful. Kudos to Mr. LBB. It’s funny how dogs are, but I believe Diesel senses that you need someone to keep an eye on you. Dogs are an amazing animal, they have a great sense. Praying that everything goes great on Monday. I read the medical stuff to my hubby and he says you are lucky to be alive, 11 units is a lot of blood. You will probably be the morning talk at the hospital meetings. Continue to take care of yourself, you need to heal.
Sending hugs and love 🙂
Your strength and courage is amazing!! I am praying for your healing!! Sending you light and love!! Your little dog is precious.
Cucumber juice and ginger tea may be helpful. Cucumber juice is very mild and cleansing. Cancer cells thrive on sugar so if you can stay away from it, please do.
hey girl, finally even diesel has realised that you are THE one to go after, look after, keep safe and well. he is a clever doggie. .yes we are still praying for you. and it seems like God is listening as i asked Him to give you strength and determination, which you do have. keep going ashley, we are behind you,
hugs
What a sweet husband you have, your post brought me to tears. I saw my mom fuss over my dad when he lost his battle to cancer last year and it was such a good testament of what marriage should be, serving the other. You will be married for life with that kind of adoration for each other:) Praying that your surgery/chemo side effects will improve! You are amazing and shine even when you feel crummy or poopy;)
Prayers will be headed your way! You are such an inspiration for us all! Hugs & prayers, you are a strong woman ♥
That’s a good dog!! He knows you need him!! Lots of prayers for you and your family.
Keep on keepin on Ashley! And may Toto keep making that walking just a little easier! xxoo
You are in my daily thoughts. Your are an inspiration.
Wishing you strength. May Deisel, Boo and Mr. LBB give you love and HOPE.
Hugs and prayers.
You are an inspiration. You are having the roughest time, but you have the motivation and determination to keep going and rather than feel self pity or down you are thinking of your family and those around you. Sorry I haven’t commented before, I am fairly new to your blog and don’t comment much but I felt I had to tell you what an amazing person you are and your attitude to what you are going through is wonderful. I really hope everything goes well on Monday.
Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers! Animals always know when we need the extra love and attention even when we don’t. And at least it’s not 100+ outside so you can get a little sunshine nap 🙂
I really have no words of wisdom in insight to offer. I just wanted you to know that your story and blog have touched me hugely. We women are amazing creatures. Every one. Take a little strength from all of us and we will see you through.
You have an amazing, incredible family and I’m glad that you are all able to love so freely and well.
Good luck for Monday – I have everything crossed for you.
Take it easy, Ashley. I know you want to get back to normal, but your body has to heal. I pray for you everyday and I talk about you to my mom like you’re my best friend. She prays for you too. We are both so glad to hear you are on the mend and are able to do some normal-ish stuff. Sending BIG HUGS your way!!
My heart aches for you! I hope you are feeling better soon!
So wish i could help and even say something that would make this all go away. When my Mom was going through her battle with breast cancer 3 years ago she also has a gaurd dog. They know when we need a little more attention.. Hugs to Mr LBB a true man and lots of hugs to you.
I will continue to keep you all in my thoughts and prayers
God blessed you with such wonderful helpers – Brett, Sienna, Diesel, Lisa and so many others! I’m so glad to hear you are well taken care of. I’m still praying your body heals; physically and emotionally and the chemo is doing its job! Maybe someday soon you’ll get a real vacation!
Best,
Kathy
Je pense à toi à tous les jours. Tu es un modèle. Bon courage. (from Quebec City, Canada)
I am so glad you got out to see Boo’s Trunk or Treat… it is the little things like that, that matter and help us heal!
Isn’t it always about poop? Not enough… too much… I will pray about that too! God cares about poop too! I will also add the chemo to the list! : )
Dogs/pets totally know who needs the love!
Keep up the good work, you have a lot of supporters out there and we are all ready to help lift you up!
Thinking of you as you deal with this. As for good comeback songs, i recommend “Tub Thumping” (i get knocked down, but I get up again, they’re never going to keep me down..). It may be about drinking, but it has become my recovery song through the years. Hoping and praying you get great results on monday!
When my father had cancer and underwent chemo, the nuirses recommended he have some baby food. Bland, but at least it has a few calories in it. Perhaps you could get down a smoothie? Prayers that you are able to eat a little something! And that the chemo is working. Take care!!
Ashley, we’ve never met but I think of you often during the day. You are brave and an inspiration. And I’m glad you have some humor too.
P.S. Dogs are so smart. They sense so much. Diesel is wanting to keep an eye on you.
Will continue to pray for you. Try for a normal routine but let your family dote on you for as long as you can. When I went through chemo, my doc told me a story about a woman who wanted her to write a doctor’s note to her family stating she still could NOT do the dishes, the laundry, etc. LOL She was enjoying the help 🙂
Your little friend knows you are not well. Mine never left my side & we slept alot!
Nice for you that you have the sunshine to enjoy….good for the spirit <3
Good luck on Monday. I hope the news is good.
You have such a brightness of hope! I’m glad the surgery went well.
Continued prayers.
Praying for good results and hoping you can find something that will agree with your tummy so your strength will improve. When I was going through chemo, sometimes all I could eat was fresh tomatoes with salt and lick lemons.
Mr LBB is clearly the best…a keeper!
Diesel is just doing his job, protecting you. When I had multiple miscarriages, my three Lads, all Golden Retrievers, FOUGHT to share any sofa or bed I happened to be stretched out on. Awkward to have three 85lb dogs trying to get into my clothes with me, simultaneously 🙂 But that is true canine love, never to be denied….Diesel is very conveniently sized for that, isn’t he? I am SO happy to see you doing do well, storming the poolside for exercise, you are really inspiring! Stay Strong!!
So glad you have such a support system! Your little dog is adorable and I want to high five your husband for being such a sweetheart. What a guy!
Ash-I know this might sound crazy but ask your doctor for a rx for Kytril. It Really (underlined) helped me with all the vomit & yucky symptoms. it’s like night & day withe the meds & you don’t get all loopy with it.Maybe I am stepping out of bounds buy if you want to call me I have some really helpful tricks with crazy chemo. I wish I could have known some sooner. My # is on facebook & I live in Santa Clarita CA. big hugs sweet girl your name is on my fridge to continue to keep you in my prayers!!
The best remedy I know for bruising is Arnica. It is a homeopathic medicine – it doesn’t interact with any other meds. It comes in little sugar pills to heal the bruising inside you, and in a lovely gel to use on the bruises on the outside. Don’t get it right next to open wounds – I think it can inhibit healing. It is routinely given for surgery patients in Great Britian. My family has been using it for at least 25 years, and everyone we have ever recommended it to has been happily amazed. Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s carry it, as do many other stores. Try to cut out the sweet tea – go for ginger tea, red raspberry leaf tea, vegetable juices. There are some really good “natural healing from cancer” sites out there. Even with chemo, you need the best nutrition you can possibly get.
I’m praying for you.
Totally agree. Sugar feeds cancer.
I am amazed at your strength! I will continue to pray for you and your family! What an unbelievable journey this is for you! Sending tons of postive thoughts your way!
You are amazing, Ashley. You continue to inspire us all each day.
I just wanted to add that when my mother was getting chemo she had a hard time getting comfortable enough to sleep, and we found the only thing that worked for her was a pregnancy pillow (it was called the snoogle; ordered from amazon) and it wraps around your shoulder and behind your back and between your knees. For some reason it props you into a position that it comfortable and supportive, no matter which way you turn/roll. Best of luck to you. Sleep is so important in the healing process.
HI, I’m a new reader and a new prayer warrior for you. I pinned your post on distressing a canvas, that’s how God guided me here.
I read from a book called “Jesus Calling” it’s a daily devotional and it brings me peace and joy and hope. I hope that I have chosen carefully the words that I want to share with you that they would bring you peace and hope and encouragement and comfort and all the good thing that God is. I find that when my words fail, God’s never do. I would like to share with you what was in this daily devotional book for tomorrow, Oct. 30 and some of my favorite scriptures.
from the Jesus Calling Oct. 30th devotional, ” I AM WITH YOU. I am with you. I am with you. Heaven’s bells continually peal with that promise of My Presence. Some people never hear those bells because their minds are earthbound and their hearts are closed to Me. Others hear the bells only once or twice in their lifetimes, in rare moments of seeking Me above all else. My desire is that my “sheep” hear My voice continually, for I am the ever-present Shepherd.
Ouietness is the classroom where you learn to hear My voice. Beginners need a quiet place in order to still their minds. As you advance in this discipline, you gradually learn to carry the stillness with you wherever you go. When you step back into the mainstream of life, strain to hear those glorious bells: I am with you. I am with you. I am with you.
Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Prayer does not cause faith to work but faith causes prayer to work.
John 14:27 … “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.”
Philippians 4:4-8 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. ”
Psalm 34:17-18, 20 Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you. If you heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath. He is your bodyguard, shielding every bone; not even a finger gets broken.
Lifting you in prayer.
I can explain! – I didn’t know that you read Jesus Calling and I REALLY didn’t know that you never skip to the next day!!!!!
I’m counting on the fact that you will read this comment tomorrow, that way there will be no hole in the matrix. !
Totally loving your spirit. God is ever present in you and through you.
Thanking Him for you. See ya sweet sister.
The bruise is possibly from the chemo shot, I would suspect. Also, I am not at all surprised Diesel is your right hand man. Dogs have an amazing ability to sense illness and that need, he is your protector and comfort. It is very sweet. I’m so glad you were able to be there for Boo. I cannot imagine how hard this is, but your drive to make life as normal as possible for her just speaks to how amazing a mother you are. The other day I was feeling sorry for myself for something silly and you popped into my mind. I immediately said a prayer for you and felt better thinking about you. Lots of love in the universe for you!
we all know how strong you are and how much you’ve inspired the rest of us. now we’re here puling for you. all of us. stay strong…
I am praying for you all the way from New Jersey. You will make it through this and then you will go on to help others. I feel it. xxoo
Praying for you. God bless you and thank you for all the inspiration!
Hi Ashley,
When I had my hyst, I found this site; http://www.hystersisters.com
It was pretty helpful for me to connect with other women who knew what I was going through in that respect. I hope your chemo is working hard and doing it’s job. I had a sweet tooth too. It’s the only thing that tasted like… well, anything. My aunt came with my mom to take care of me and she brought homemade fudge. For a week, I ate a little pc everyday. I’m still here over 10 years later. You will be too!!!! You have so much grace, strength and fight. Hearing your story is like going back in time… You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please know, this can be survived.
Ashley, you have such a great attitude! Hang in there! I’ll keep you in my prayers 🙂 Sounds like you have a really sweet husband.
Ashley, I know you don’t know me from Adam and everyone is probably giving you advice, but can I give you just ONE piece? PLEASE, please, please don’t drink any more sweet tea. Please avoid sugar like the plague – or, closer to home, avoid it like cancer. Sugar feeds it and weakens your immune system, which is already being bombarded by the chemo, etc. Your body desperately needs nutrition to fight, even if you can only handle it in tiny bits. So no, sweet tea is not ‘better than nothing’. Please! I’ve had two family members die of cancer in the last 2 years and they wouldn’t listen to any advice until the very end, and then it was too late. I know I’m a complete stranger, but I will be praying for you.
Lisa
Hello, I saw a request from a FB friend to wish you well. Well, here I am and I am certainly wishing you well! I can relate to you. I’m a cancer survivor and experienced many of the same things you are going through. It is obvious that you have a great attitude and that will get you on the road to recovery. I love your determination! If you get down just remember what a difference a day makes! Surround yourself with upbeat people and keep smiling. My best wishes to you for a speedy recovery! Hope to hear from you if you aren’t too busy.
I have been a reader of your blog for some time now and feel like I’ve known you in person even though we’ve never met and probably never will. Words don’t seem enough to express how much I wish you a speedy recovery and hope that angels are watching over you, wrapping you in their wings and filling you with health and love. I hope everything goes better than you hope for on Monday, your dog is just lovely. Glad you have a little protector to watch over.
Oh Ashley you are an inspiration to us all! Prayers and positive thoughts your way!
Oh and btw, I just had to have a hysterectomy a few weeks ago as well, but due to endometriosis, and the not pooping thing is a nightmare!!! So know how you feel! I called my husband home from work in extreme pain as I am writhing in the bathroom, it make come back, so keep some dulcolax suppositories on hand!
Also glad you have a loving husband and family by your side. There’s nothing like love and support from your family and close friends when your bodies been through the ringer. Sending you gentle healing hugs across the seas. xxx
thoughts and prayers and love across the miles from Nashville, TN.
Yes, we are still praying!
Please check out the Master Cleanse. I find that it would be beneficial to you. I hope you feel better soon.
Yes, will be praying! And so amazing that you have such a wonderful support system!!
Oh my gosh, I have been behind reading my blog roll & was shocked to hear the news. Know that we will be praying for you and your family. I hope you feel better soon.
Ashley….Please take care of yourself! I had a somewhat similiar experience a few yrs ago. I know you want to get up and get back to feeling yourself but remember your body has been through a very traumatic experience. It needs time to heal and in order to heal your body needs rest. Every calorie you consume goes to healing your body. I know you are unable to eat, so was I, so rest is even more important until you are back to adequate nutritional intake. Just remember you will be yourself again soon and give yourself time, dont push it. Many prayers are holding you up, including mine.