Chemo was this morning. Gale (my MIL) took me so Brett could take Boo to school and keep her morning routine normal. Barry (my FIL) also meets us there. I feel like I have an entourage….and they rock. The good news: my levels went down from last week’s 5066 to 3416. It looks like they are dropping by a 1/3 every week.
I lost 3 more pounds since last week. I felt like I was finally eating more but it doesn’t seem to be helping me out yet. Can I get an IV of butter?
This sums up my morning:
The nurse walked in with the needles today and I freaked out….they were the longest and widest needles ever….like the ones they used in the hospital and I said “NO way are you getting those near me!” Seriously, they looked like horse needles. I thought they would go straight through me to the other side. The only good news about losing so much weight is that they can use the kids needles on me…..my butt is starting to look concave. The nurse went back and changed out the needles to the kid-sized. It was worth the hissy fit I threw. They let me choose to lay down or stand up for shots. I think standing up is easier. All my blood tests show my liver is doing great and blood counts are perfect. I’m just looking a little sleepy, maybe it’s my slippers I wore into the office. My eyes really aren’t that dark…..my sister-in-law Carolyn brought me some new eyeliner….liquid eyeliner. I’ve never used it before. I felt a little like I was drawing with a Sharpie this morning…..I’m not sophisticated enough for liquid eyeliner yet.
So how do I feel overall? I feel really positive. I’ve been super happy and I’m just glad to be here. I can’t wait until my body can keep up with what I want to do again. Boo, Brett and Diesel are doing really great. Boo’s been bubbly.
A few physical things I’ve noticed recently:
:: My incision gets better and better each day. I’m totally used to my belly button being an inch off center now. I’m glad my doctors get my sense of humor because I mention that every time they ask how I’m doing.
:: They said my hair wasn’t supposed to fall out…..but I’ve been losing a ton of it…..about 10 or 20 strands at a time. It’s everywhere. As long as it isn’t coming out in clumps I think it probably has to do with how high my HCG (pregnancy hormone) levels were. I feel bad that everyone finds it all over the place.
:: My right arm must be where the majority of my blood transfusions were done in surgery. I have a few hardened veins that are pretty painful. I was worried at first that they were blood clots and might travel but my father-in-law said the clots won’t move and there is probably some scar tissue. It should go away over the next few months. As long as they aren’t clots that move around I can deal with that.
:: I just realized…..my uterus is gone….does that mean no more periods? But it kind of freaks me out that my va-jay-jay has an end to it now…..apparently they sew it closed where the cervix was before. Gross and double gross. That’s the last time I’ll mention that.
:: I’m still wearing spandex pants and no underwear. My abdomen is still super tender and I walk with a slight hunch. I’m forcing myself into a walking regimen to start re-strengthening my stomach muscles.
:: I caught the worst cold which hasn’t helped the no appetite thing. Have you ever not had the strength to cough or sneeze? My stomach muscles aren’t even strong enough to blow my nose! Lisa said she’d get me one of those baby suction things….um, no thanks.
My friend Monique made us a dish that had spinach, quinoa and almonds in it……it was the first thing I was able to eat more of a cup of in a few weeks. I’ve recreated it for several meals now….I don’t know why I’m able to get this down and not much else. It doesn’t even sound that appetizing to write about but I eat every bite. I steam almonds and broccoli and mix it with quinoa. Then I add fresh squeezed lemon juice…….a serious amount of it….like 3 lemons worth. Brett tried it and almost gagged. It works.
The fresh lemons will hopefully help me get over this cold soon. My mom put notes on the doors for shoe removal and hand washing reminders but I guess we can’t keep all the germs out….but we try. Everyone knows what to do now, even Boo. Things overheard recently at our house:
Boo: Make sure you use hand sanitizer before coming into my room. It’s sitting on my table by the door.
Me: I’m not feeling so hot today.
Boo: You must have forgotten to use hand sanitizer.
Boo: Would anyone like some hand sanitizer?
I’m very behind on email. So many of you have sent personal stories and links for me to check out etc. I just want you to know that I have every email saved and I’ve read them all…..I just want to send a meaningful reply and that’s why it takes me so long to respond. I’m trying my hardest to get through them all one by one. One day at a time right?
I most certainly will be getting my hands on that pattern.
Your positivity and homour are inspiring.
I love your blog Ashley
Get better soon ♥
Thank you for keeping me in check! You are amazingly humble and open, and did I say amazing!
Yay for a positive update, and good for your for pitching a fit!! That needle drawing looks awful – I don’t blame you!! Hope you get over your cold soon and continue to get such wonderful reports! 🙂
The day I finally see a pic of you eating a donut again I think I will tear up. For real.
So glad to hear from you & your honesty will help so many going thru this, just keep it real! It’s nice to have an entourage, I couldn’t have gotten thru 6 months of chemo without mine! Support network, positive attitude, and sense of humor, check, check, check, you’re doing it right! I still crack jokes about having only one boob, if you can’t laugh at yourself & situation then you’re probably being negative and that’s not good! I love your conversations with Boo & the understanding that she has, good job! You are in my prayers! Pam
Ashley you are amazing! I keep you and your family in my thoughts daily <3
I’m glad ur hussy fit worked! Hearing about ur hubby gag cracked me up, am I strange? Sure glad ur spirits are up, what a lesson I’m learning. Are we having a going commando day or what? Cheering u on in PA.
Hi Ashley! So glad your counts are coming down & way to go with the kid size needles 🙂 Loved your story about the hand sanitizer…..little kids , love their simple thoughts 🙂 My son would have said the same thing 🙂 He just turned 5. Keep smiling girl! You are a true inspiration 🙂
ooops, meant to say Jessica (aka nucheysmommy) got a new name and design 🙂
So glad that you keep getting good results. Keep it up! Attitude is everything.
Wow! You are an inspiration! So positive!! I continue to pray for you, sending light and healing your way!!
Thanks for the update, been thinking about your chemo appointment today and praying all went well. Will pray the cold clears out soon. Hang in there, you are one tough lady! 🙂
So much to comment about!
-these posts make me SO happy. It is amazing how fast and how much your HCG levels are dropping. I am so proud of your body and that chemo! Working together as a team! It really is such a blessing.
-I have definitely gotten pretty immune to those blood draw pokes I get each month, but YIKES, that needle does not sound fun what so ever. I think I am pretty tolerant to any types of needles, but seriously that scares me! I inherited my mothers good veins and the nurses love me very time I go in. I jsut sit back and enjoy the weird small talk 🙂
-That dress for Boo is So adorable!!! I love it!!! I want one in my size 🙂
So happy that you’re starting to feel like yourself again. And especially grateful your battle wounds are healing up. I totally laughed out loud about your comment about not having a uterus and my hsuband goes, ‘tell me” I’m like,….preeeetttty sure you dont’ want to hear this comment!! haha So weird to think about. Anyways, you’re amazing. Praying for your recovery and strength everyday girl.
So glad to hear about the decrease in HCG and glad you asked for smaller needles…I’ve found out the hard way, you have to speak up for you in medical things… on the hair falling out, prob due more to all the anesthesia & meds from the surgery than from the chemo…my hair used to be long, Chakka Khan curly, after surgeries & thyroid normalizing afterward…my hair got reallly, really thin, Like Rogaine for Women commercial thin…so I just cut it all off & rocked a short do for a few years..now finally it’s thick & it growing long again. (also take Spironolactone for the hair trouble, keep that in mind)
At 1 point, I looke in the mirror & it was bad, …(after a whole lotta tears)
I decided to go Blonde before I went bald (never went blonde before also never went bald) but that moment…I just decided to go with what I COULD DO NOW and deal with the what-if’s when they came knocking…(I hope that makes sense)
the vein damage will go away too, eventually…I do have a couple spots w/scar tissue so can get blood or pass IV there but other than that, all your stuff should recoved with the magic ingredient of “TIME”
Eat whatever sounds good & you can keep down…quinoa is really good for you… Nutella is a pretty tasty, weight-builder, I give it to my son on Lorna Doones or Pecan Sandies as a sandiwch.
Still praying for you & so glad to see that even though you;re sidelined, so to speak , you’re still creating & being you and no-one can take that from you!!!!
You could be losing hair from the weight loss too… just a thought. When We adopted our son I lost 15+ pounds from the travel to Korea (got totally sick from traveling- airsickness ect) and the stress and lost a TON of hair too.
I am so happy to hear that each week you are doing better… thank you so much for keeping us updated. You are in my prayers and I love to be able to update my prayers with praises too! 🙂
Hey there! Glad to hear you’re positive and upbeat. I had a hysterectomy, too… when I was 26… and it freaked me out for a while that my cul-de-sac has been turned into a dead-end. But the no periods makes it worthwhile 😉
I second the Nutella thought…. on toasted white bread… just for the straight out carbs and energy.. and the protein in the Nutella. From time to time I do one slice with Nutella, one with smooth peanut butter… slap ’em together and it’s a Reese’s sammie… which probably sounds revolting, but it’s not, I swear… lol.
Keep on the upswing!
Great news! Even better, nooooooo periods!!! Keep smiling 🙂
ps I looooove the butterfly print fabric on the dress!!
So glad your levels are going down and that at least something tastes good to you – blessings, Bev
I’m so happy to hear that your levels keep going down! Yeah! I hope that you continue to feel better too.
I have to say that I am super psyched about your new pattern going up to a size 14. Yippeeee!!!!
This blog post leaves me with so many questions. All ones that should never be asked in civilized conversation. hahahahahha
It’s wonderful to hear that your HCG levels keep dropping and that you are on the mend! Sending lots of good thoughts for the whole family and the evil eye to the the ugly beast you are fighting off. You are a great inspiration!
*hugs*
Caroline
I hope your hair stops falling out. If it make you feel any better I loose globs and globs everytime I pick my hair and blow dry it. My hair is curly and I straighten it with the blow dryer and a brush. I don’t know how I have any hair left! I shed too, my hair is everywhere! I think you and my husband would get along.. he has an interesting sense of humor. He messes with me sometimes and I just give him the look! He knows better! He is skinny like you too. Poor guy has a fear of needles but has to give himself a shot for his MS daily. He now has an auto injector but sometimes him or I have to do it manually because he is so skinny. There isn’t enough fat for the needles to go into.
I used to wear liquid eyeliner in high school. I would wear burgandy though and wear it like a cat woman, up on the outsides of my eyes and down towards my nose on the insides.. I was nuts! I do think liquid eyeliner is good for not smearing. In my family we have eyes that droop so eyeliner would rub on the tops of our eyelids. My mother has had surgery to remove part of her eyelids so she can see! Not looking forward to that later in life!
I am so glad you get to use kid needles! 🙂 And your numbers are going down quickly. I am sure it isn’t quickly to you when you have to go through chemo!
I also have had a hysterectomy. I still have my ovaries though. I love the no period thing… Thank god! But I never knew about the sewing up part.. Guess the Dr never told me that! Or he told me while I was still out! haha!!
Hope you have a great week! 🙂
I’m so glad your recovery is going well. I like to see you are keeping your sense of humor too….it takes a lot to make me gag, and that did it! Gross and DOUBLE GROSS. Having had 2 csections, it shouldn’t have, but it did!
God Bless you…rest. He has allowed this to take place in your life for a reason. You are precisely where He wants you to be.
Thanks for the update. The quinoa recipe looks yummy. Plus it’s great protein.
You poor thing. I’ve got to admit.. I’m not sure if I should laugh with your sense of humor, or be amazed and inspired by your whole ordeal. Glad the levels are dropping… hope that continues so you can return to as normal of a life as possible soon. And, a lop sided belly button? That would freak me out too. Hand sanitizer, stat!
You’re doing really great Ashley! Keep it up. (i sound like a cheer coach, ha ha) Gooooo ASHLEY! Seriously though, you are very strong and so brave. Needles!? I HATE needles! After i had my baby they were going to give me a shot for something and i about freeked out on them, mind you, i just went through a hard labor and ended up with an unplanned c-section… and still i was freeked out about a dumb shot. If i had to get a shot in my BUTT! i think i would cry.
Ashley, you are such an inspiration. Continue to stay positive. God bless.
This post made me smile. So happy to hear the updates – they are helpful to so many of us.
The pattern is awesome and I’ll for sure be buying!! Can’t wait. Thanks for the larger sizes – my four year old wears a size 6 (she’s really tall) so the bigger sizes will allow me to keep sewing cutie stuff for her for a while yet 🙂
I love reading that a friend made something that works for you. Good friends that truely get you are priceless! She clearly knew your affinity for lemon and freh veggies right now! Glad to hear your levels are down….always great news! 2/3 rds thru!! You are a CHAMP! So inspiring. xoxo
ummm…one more question…do any of the nurses think it is strange that your MIL takes photos of your butt?? Love it. My MIL would do the same. xoxo.
when my mother was fighting breast cancer she was told by an other women who was fighting cancer that fuji water the only water that would quench her thirst. A few years later when she was fighting (and sadly lost) her battle to different type of cancer fuji water was her favorite thing (we had gallons on top of gallons of fuji in the house) Still to this day i hear from so many women going through chemotherapy that the only water they can drink, and enjoy, is fuji. Just a little FYI. Keep strong!! Your faith, your joy, your family and your friends will love you for this!!!
FYI, the V-jay always had an end, well more like a turn-about…but an end nonetheless. 🙂 Something they don’t tell you… forgive me but I HAVE to tell you… the first time you use it will feel like…well… the first time. (I wish someone had warned me!) There are quite a few things your doctor can’t tell you if they’ve never experienced it. Book knowledge is a little different from actually experiencing it. I am a nurse, but I wasn’t prepared for the different physical changes I was going through after my TAH. I think someone who has experienced it and not afraid to talk about those changes should speak to each woman at their last post -surgical checkup. Sorry for being so long winded, but sometimes the “person” gets lost in the “medical care”. On a lighter note, I’m so glad your making positive strides!
You are an inspiration! Sending thoughts and prayers all the way from Indiana. Keep up the positive MOJO!
So happy to hear the good results and that your keeping such a positive attitude. Hugs Ash!
Good for you Ashley! Thanks for keeping us all posted, we’re all pulling for you and praying for you! Love and hugs, Patti from NYC
No more periods! That must be the silver lining. 🙂
I’m excited about the bigger sizes on the new pattern. I think that’s the one I’ve been waiting for.
Keep that great, positive attitude of yours… you’re amazing! Thoughts and prayers from Dallas, Texas.
Ashley,
so very happy that your numbers keep going down….YEAH for low NUMBERS. Its crazy how your whole life all you want is HIGH numbers…ACT, SAT, in classes and here we are praying for the lowest number possible…kind of like golf. Must be your daddy helping drive those numbers down. 🙂
My husband and I were in NYC the other day and I saw several mannequins on the street with leggings. I wanted to stop and take a photo, but I was driving and couldn’t. If I get back and see them, I will make a special point to take photos.
Just wanted to you know that you are thought of daily and praying for a speedy recovery.
Eleanor
You inspire me every day. Bless you.
Oh, thank the Lord for the good results! I pray that you just keep getting better and better!
You are beautiful, inside and out, and it’s wonderful that you are so generous with *everything*! Thank you for sharing all that you do!
May God bless you and your whole family BUNCHES!!
We’re still praying for you every day over here. You don’t even need to respond to my comments, I’m just glad to see how you are doing from the updates and write to let you know I’m still out here thinking about you and yours. Just know that I pray, I watch for your updates and love seeing your photos. I can’t believe you are keeping up so beautifully. Hang in there and rest and eat! This is your time to think about YOU.
Keep fighting the good fight! You are fierce!!!
So glad you are doing so well and getting stronger. Still praying for you ! Still loving you blog and ideas! But am learning that Choosing Joy is sometime quite a challenge…you are quite the motivator! THANKS!
I am sure I am not the only one who wishes they lived near by to help you out. You help us all out with your incredible gifts of Joy, realness, and of course your creativity. Yeah for the new pattern. I just made my first Sienna dress and of course I loved it. I will send pictures when I can!
What an inspiration! Not only are you going through chemo, but you’ve managed to produce yet another pattern! Amazing! Know that you continue to be in our prayers.
Been thinking of you today….so happy to see your counts are going DOWN!! yay!! So many of the same fears/feelings I had. My hair did thin…..I would just run my fingers through it and would count 20-30 strands (I have very long hair). I had a bad habit of doing that….counting….the worst part was after I took a shower and combing out my hair….but you know….nobody else noticed……my hair did thin (I had to wrap my pony tail holder an extra time) but it NEVER came out in clumps or anything like that…..and now it seems back to normal….actually didn’t seem to take that long really.
Yay for the kids sized needles……I totally know what you mean about the 1 1/2 in. needles…those are WAY too long.
As for cravings…I craved Sushi….many days that is what I would have after chemo….before my appetite was gone.
You are doing great! Another week of chemo down…not many more to go!!
Love and Hugs! Amy
I am beyond thrilled that the dish I made for you (out of love, no less!) was one that you loved. I choose quinoa because of the BM issues you were having and wanted to help things “move along” for you and thought it was a good choice. I especially love how you made your own version. I love reading your blogs and I want to thank you for having the courage to share this incredible and remarkable journey with me (with us!). XOXO, Monique
So happy those counts are going down! Love your updates – your attitude is so inspiring. You amaze me.
Praise God on good reports. You have been on my women’s bible study prayer list and some of them are following your blog now. (I caught them up from a couple of months ago) They love your “Choose Joy” and faith and positive attitude.
I have learned you really have to speak up when it comes to your health!!! I’m glad you stood your ground on the size of needles. I am 5ft 1in and 105 lbs. They use pediatric everything on me now, from IV’s to scopes. ( I asked them, if I am this petite on the outside, why wouldn’t my parts be petite on the inside?) They finally listened to me. My pain level for procedures are so much easier to endure. My DIL is a PA and she is my advocate when it comes to anything medical for me.
I love the butterfly dress an Boo is an adorable model!!
Praying for strength, and continued blessings to you and you family.
Cindy
Sending you love and prayers always!!
So glad you are healing well! Lots of prayers still coming your way.
Thank you so much for your continued updates. I am so anxious to hear how you are doing and think of you and your family often. You are such an amazing woman. Your positive attitude about what life throws at you is amazing. I hope to show as much grace as you when faced with lifes obstacles. Thank you for being you. God Bless!
I love your stories of Boo, and your updates. Thank you for sharing your life with us, for your attitude, and goodness. I absolutely love that pattern.
Oh yes, this means no more periods and no more smear tests for cervical cancer either! There has to be an upside right? Think of all the money you’re going to save on sanitary products!
Glad your chemo seems to be working.
Best Wishes
Claire
I look forward to your post every day. Glad to hear your levels are going down. Whenever I am feeling down, I think of you.
So glad that you are doing better! God is the ultimate healer . . . <3
ashley~your faith and attitude are just amazing to me. i have not had a chance to read thru all of your posts (i am at work), but i would like to go back and read more.i did not realize you were going thru all of this. i am so sorry and i truly wish you the best of luck and lots of prayers to you and your family. keep up that awesome spirit! xo
You should totally try a Netti pot. It looks like a genie lamp-you stick one end in your nose and it runs saline solution through your sinuses and it is AWESOME. If you want a good laugh, look at yourself in the mirror while you do it! You can get them almost anywhere (Target, Walgreens, CVS, Walmart). You barely have to use muscles to blow your nose right after you use it.
Ashley, I was looking at your blog and the drawings of the syringes caught my eye, so I read this post. So many things I’m thinking now, but NUMBER ONE – be your own advocate and YES that nurse SHOULD CHANGE THE NEEDLE to a smaller size if tolerated!! NEVER be afraid to speak up. I evaluate the patient and always use the smallest needle possible – some nurses don’t even think about this. So sorry things hurt, love your attitude “at least it’s not Boo”. HUGS. <3