Chemotherapy Day. This morning I felt like I was getting married or something…..or starting a new chemo regimen. I had a bag packed with something old (my 2 year old running shoes), something new (comfy outfit from my friend Staci and her mom Elaine), something borrowed and blue (Boo sent her blue Ugly Doll Ket)….I made sure Ket was in a few photos:
I was supposed to show up at 8:30am. When we got there my FIL Barry showed up….he had just finished his morning rounds at the hospital. He absorbs all the information and asks the right questions and I know he’s looking out for me.
We went over my scans from last week again and the risks of the treatment with Dr. L. The decision was to get through a few rounds of the EMA-CO regimen and then do some more scans to look at my liver again to see if anything happens to the tumor there. No one wants to biopsy it….the risks outweigh the benefits and if anything were to go wrong it would affect the current treatment. Dr. R, my gynecological oncologist from Loma Linda, called and gave his blessing.
So Day 1 of EMA-CO was:
E – Etoposide (small bag): This drug attacks cells during various stages of division. Maybe that’s why it makes you lose your hair?
M – Methotrexate (huge bag): I was a little shocked at first at the huge bag of Methotrexate I was given. The dosage was FOUR times what I have been getting the last 8 weeks. This drug keeps cancer cells from dividing.
A – Actinomycin-D (by injection into IV): Dr. L had to special order this because it isn’t used often. It’s an anti-tumor antibiotic.
Each drug was given one at a time and before they started I was hydrated well and given nausea medicines by IV. They had a hard time getting blood from my finger first thing. I have really long skinny fingers and they just kept turning purple all day. They might put in a port soon but for now the IV is working and I asked them to take it out when I left knowing they’d still have to put it back tomorrow. I just wanted to be free of it all and walk out the door with no contraptions. They’ll find a vein somewhere….
“HOW are you going to fit THAT inside of me?”
I’ll be honest that it bothered me a little that the word “TOXIC” was written all over this huge bag of neon yellow liquid slowly dripping into my body….no turning back now!
Gale brought me some food from Cheesecake Factory and I ate as much as I could. Barry came to check on me too.
7+ hours total of chemotherapy today. After about 6 hours my brain felt cloudy. I could smell the toxicity coming out of my pores. I finally got home around 6pm. I was able to eat a little dinner but mainly my joints hurt and my leg muscles don’t feel like they work quite right. I’ve got a massive headache too and I’m just trying to stay hydrated. Brett says I sound drunk when I talk…..I feel out of it…really foggy…..I guess that’s what they call “chemo brain.” I only speak in 3 word sentences.
The most important thing about Methotrexate is remembering to take my Leucovorin in the morning right on time. Leucovorin decreases the bad side effects. I joked “Dr L. said if I don’t take it right on time I will DIE.” The nurses didn’t even crack a smile and said “he’s right, you WILL die if you don’t take it.” They win….way to scare the patient in to following orders! I have every alarm set on my phone since I can’t even remember how old I am or what the year is. Brett went to pick up the prescription at the pharmacy tonight and they said they didn’t have it available. Brett: Really? That’s the one thing she’ll need or she’ll die. So, they called every Walgreens in town and figured it out after talking to the doctor’s office that they could use smaller doses and I would just take more.
I think the hardest part of the day was hearing from no less than 10 people: you are TOO young to be in here. And there were the sad smiles when I gave any details of why I was there. I just tried to reassure them that it was okay. As Dr. R says: we are bringing in the “bazooka” now. Yahoo.
We must not wish for the disappearance of our troubles but for the grace to transform them.
-Simone Weil
Sorry you are having trouble sleeping. Hopefully, that will go away for you. When my mom had her chemo for breast cancer, they put her port in and the placement was not good. They put it right where her bra strap would go. So aside from having this port sticking out of her collarbone, it hurt to wear a bra. She was able to wear a cami and that worked well. So if you go with the port, be sure they put it in a good place (if there is such a thing).
Praying for a peaceful night for you.
You are forever in my thoughts Ashley, so many prayers and all the positive energy I can send your way I do. I picked up a little something for you and Boo today, and they will be going out in the mail tomorrow. (((HUGS)))
I’m up now too, about to go to sleep. I’m praying the bazooka gets it good and your joints feel better in the morning. I’ve just started keeping up with you recently and glad to get to know you through your sharing of your heart. Love you! 🙂
It looks like a big bag of Mountain Dew. I hope everything goes well tomorrow and you don’t have to be there long. Why do you have to go back? Are you always going to have to do this for two days? How long between treatments? Sorry I’m asking so many questions. I have been doing research on all of this too. I pray for you all the time and talk about you to my mom like you’re my best friend that I’ve known my whole life. She practiced Reproductive Endocrinology nursing for 36 years, so she’s very familiar with the things I tell her about you. Keep your wonderful spirit up! I’d love to see a video of that man sleeping! 😉
Wow! I love the positive attitude you have! I’m not quite sure I could take it with so much smiles, humor and positive outlook.
Heck, I’m sick with HG (Hyperemesis gravidarum) right now and my attitude could be a lot better. lol I love reading all your posts and following your story. It’s very uplifting!
You are amazing! I sat and chatted for a few hours with my dear friend who has battled and won against breast cancer the last four years…we talked a lot about you and your amazement..tomorrow I will be bringing her a Choose Joy bracelet! Love you! Keep up the amazing spirit!
that should say I chatted tonight with my friend*
It sounds like you have an amazing support family. My thoughts and prayer are with you and your family. When my sister had chemo we would be told to hold it down , because we could get a little loud. Sometimes laughter is the best medicine.
I thought about you all day knowing you would be receiving your chemo. Keep up your spirits !! i don’t have to remind you to choose joy as your are the poster child for that… but do it anyway.
oh Ashley you made me laugh w/Mr. S and the man who yells out bad words in his sleep then made me cry when it came to the “L” medicine and the your husband’s pharmacy visit. I can’t imagine what your husband was emotionally feeling when he was told they didn’t have the meds. So glad Walgreens took the time to make the right calls to get you what you needed. You writing your daily journey makes me feel like I am sitting there with you. I only know you thru your blog and the adorable pants you made for our little Ava but I have to say I feel like I am a part of your life. It is so hard to explain. You words, your emotions, your expressions your humor it pulls me in to your life and helps me understand what your experiencing, living and surviving through and I want to say that’s what friends are for to listen and be there. I am praying for you and your doctors so you can be healed soon. I am so glad your FIL is a Dr and getting all the info and relaying it to you so you can understand all of it. Sometimes Dr’s just over talk the patient like we know what their terminology is. I am glad your FIL is tying the pieces all together for you. You are so young to go thru this and your youth is on your side to help you thru this too. You are lucky to have such a tight and loving family not everyone is as lucky. I understand your insomnia I have it and just had 48 hrs w/absolutly no sleep. Last I got some after being up those 48 hrs and now I have no sleep again tonight. I can’t imagine being sleep deprived as you are and going thru your health journey. I will continue to pray for your recovery. huggs from your cajun friend.
Ash – you are such an inspiration!! God does have a plan for you! Keep hanging onto that! There are so many people praying for you!! God bless!!
Keep up that sweet spirit!! Looking at the bag of Metho actually made me sick to my tummy…UGH, I can TOTALLY relate to the ‘smell’. I used to say my pee, spit, snot, EVERYTHING smelt like metho. We called it the bag of Mt. Dew….kinda looked like it, huh?
My heart goes out to you….and my prayers are going up for you!!
I’ve never left a comment but found your story through someone (can’t remember) asking us to be thinking about you when this all started. I love your attitude toward all of this. I pray that it inspires someone else going through something tough. God Bless You.
I don’t know you, but you are an inspiration to me. I’ve had many trials in my life & one big one I have recently had to face. I find myself saying often, ‘I’m done! I don’t need anymore trials.’ Reading your story & how positive you are just amazes me. I love the quote about not wishing for the disappearance of our troubles. I hope you continue to touch others lives as much as you have mine.
Hope you will get some rest tonight:) thought about you all morning, then God blessed me with a little run in with boo and your mother in law while out shopping…they were too cute! I am so grateful that you have such wonderful doctors and an amazing support team. Continued prayers for tomorrow;)
I’m so proud of you and your strength! You’re such an inspiration! Be well!
You’re amazing.
Amen sister. I just love you.
Wow. Praying for your Ashley. Praying that whenever you go there are interesting characters around like the ones today to make the time a bit more enjoyable. xo…
Well, my dear, this is *exactly* what you are doing…and in doing it so publicly, you are helping all of us to try to do the same. Thank you!
>>We must not wish for the disappearance of our troubles but for the grace to >>transform them. ~Simone Weil
p.s. Dear Lord, please help all of us to have this same kind of attitude!
>I just tried to reassure them that it was okay and it’s God’s plan for me. It IS >God’s plan for me. And THAT is why I was excited to be there today for my >“chemo >marriage.”
And Lord, please heal Ashley completely! Thank You!
Love,
Maryann
You are truly God’s instrument in so many people’s lives right now – I hope that in any moment of sadness or hard times that you may personally struggle with…that these words will burn deep in your thoughts/heart. He chose you Ashley, because you are so amazing and strong. Is it bad that I am still jealous of how pretty you look even when you claim that you’re drab ; ) Your beautiful, inside and out and I am afraid you could win the beautiful bald girl award (if that ever happens!) – BTW I chuckled a bit just thinking of that guy cussing…I think in a weird way, that God puts those people there at certain times, for certain reasons…as you are an instrument, so is he. It’s a beautiful chain ♥. Thinking of you always and rooting you on!!! Goodnight…and thank you.
I am amazed, impressed and oh-so-glad that you are blogging tonight! Prayers are coming your way from Indiana. It’s great to hear that there were a number of fun and colorful characters to keep you company today. 😀
Our family has been on a crazy roller-coaster ride for the past two-and-a-half years. Through it all, I’ve clung to this verse from Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG): “I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”
I’m so thankful that He has taken care of me. I have no doubt that you’re being swooped up and taken care of too!
Your strength is so inspirational. Thank you for inspiring me to be strong too. Loved the quote at the end..
Oh Ashley you amaze me!
I have been an avid reader of Lil Blue Boo since I bought my first dress from you. It was back when you only produced a few and because of our time difference it was stinking hard for me to beat the other Mom’s out for it. I managed to score 2 in a matter of week and I felt like I had won a major award. The girls still fit into and love their dresses you made and wear them once a week. It is like a visual reminder to say a little prayer for my favorite dressmaker.
As I read through your journey and see the grace and poise that you are dealing with all of this with I am amazed. You are such a wonderful and inspirational woman! Even something like cancer can’t hold you back and keep you from sharing what you have/love with the world. I want to be more like you Ashley!
My thoughts were with you all day!! Hugs, you little fried bologna!!
Ashley, once again, you’ve given me chills. You AREN’T too young to be there either. This stuff knows no age limit. I love your attitude! I truly believe that you can do anything you set your mind to do. You’ve obviously set your mind to beat this, and you most certainly will;) no doubt here! Your daily posts are inspirational and they always make me smile. Just wanted to say hello <3 Melissa Carrie
You are amazing, amazing, amazing! I am so crying right now. You are amazing. We all love you so much!
Ashley, I am a cancer survivor (Ewings Sarcoma, bone cancer). Your posts about your experiences are like reading pages from my biography. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. When I was sick, my mom told me, “Three steps forward, one step back still gets you to the finish line, it just takes a little longer”. My experience with cancer lead me to my career in nursing. I wouldnt change what I went through because that would change the person it shaped me into. Be strong sister, keep moving forward!! Blessings!
Hugs. Keeping you & your family in my thoughts and prayers.
You go girl! xx
rock on with your bad a** self. sending you hugs, healing and aloha.
Hello 🙂
My name is Becky, I’m Nancy and Marks niece.
I’ve been a “huge fan” of LBB and you for quite some time now. You have been on my mind all day. I have and will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Wow, you are such a beautiful person. I have much admiration for all your talents. You inspire me daily, wether it be an art project or reading your strong words of hope/faith. I pray that your treatments are gentle on your soul and kick that cancers ass! You will be in my prayers and I hope for smooth days ahead for you and your family. Xoxo Becky
Praying for you from across the world (Singapore). God has brought you to mind often!
I admire your strength.
Ashley with a spirit like yours, you’re going to be fine. You keep fighting and we will be praying. My best friend is going through the same experience as you. God bless you
Ginger
How you manage to write so eloquently on “chemo brain” confounds me. I’m thankful god has blessed with you with this talent so you are able to share how he’s working through you to teach us (your readers) about perspective, humor and grace during times of struggle. My prayer is for this nuclear goat goo to obliterate every last cancer cell in your body and for God’s continued grace to keep you well enough to use your creative talents to share the ride.
Ashley – your blog entries read like a hard to put down bestseller. It has suspense, tragedy, hope, an awesome main character you root for, humor, inspirational messages and just keeps one coming back. When this chapter is done and you win this fight you should think about publishing. It would make a difference in so many other’s lives.
Team Ashley!!! XOXO
Thanks a lot Ash…I just woke up the whole house with my uncontrollable laughing! I can just hear and see the “you will die” scenario and the poor Mr LLB and the guy at Walgreens. That had to be hilarious!
I know all of that toxic stuff going into your body has to be scary, but LOTS of people are praying over that stuff that it will work for you and not against you!
Look at it as liquid love going in to kill out nasty cells. Love conquers all!
Hope you have a good day today!
Still praying for you and your family today!
Love ya girl,
Beth
Love you and praying for you little mama!
I will never eat fried bologna again (oh, wait, I never did) – oh, Ash, I am glad to see your spirits are still up and that you have so many great people on your side. Prayers, Bev
Toxic to the cancer cells first, Ashley, as they DON”T BELONG. Sweet dreams. L xx
Isaiah 43:1-4a
Today you are showing you are faithful to God, and He will be faithful to you. I am praying that His strength keeps you going each day, and that you are able to keep focused on Him, knowing that He is writing your story. Have a blessed (and restful) day!
You are an inspiration! I just learned about LBB and started following you. I will be praying for you! Keep up your positive attitude. God is with you!!
Your candidness through this journey is amazing! Thank you for sharing your story so publicly. Through your words alone, you are touching the lives of so many.
I’m honestly not even sure what to say. I wish I had something profound or enlightening to tell you….but I don’t. There is a quote that keeps coming to mind when I think of you and your situation. It’s from the movie The Help, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” All of those are true. And SO much more. You can add “You is inspiring. You is strong. You is amazing. You is full of faith.” I, personally, am not a believer in Christ. But I am definitely spiritual. And I can appreciate the faith of others in their beliefs. You are one of the most *honestly* faithful people I’ve ever “met”. It is refreshing. And encouraging. Thank you for sharing so much. It is sometimes hard to remember what blessings we have in life through our own jaded, narrow perspectives. You help to take off those jaded glasses.
you are a true inspiration.. i just recently came across your blog and i love reading newer post as well with older ones… sending you and your family lots and lots of positive thoughts!!!
I’ve only just found your blog in the past month or so, but I get such a strong sense of your personality and who you are as a mom, a woman, and a person through your words. You are incredibly strong – and you have an ever growing community of friends (and strangers) watching over you. My thoughts are with you! Sarah
As always Ashley I just have to say you are an amazing woman. Simply amazing.
Merry Christmas to you and yours, I hope it is a great one!
My favorite line from Soul Surfer is “get a new perspective” —-I love reading your blog posts—-you give me that on a daily basis! Thanks and I continue to pray for you.
Thinking of you. Wish you the best of luck to fight through this.
Desde Colombia te acompaño y te admiro. FUERZA!
Prayers for you and your new “chemo friends.” Simone Weil sounds so wise. Something you have in common.
Prayers are constantly being said for you! You are such an inspiration & I’m sure all the people in the infusion room were thankful for & inspired by you.
Just wanted to tell you how strong you are. I too got chemo yesterday and like you I am the youngest in the room by more than 20 years. I don’t let it bother me because I always find some sweet lady to talk to. I have a port and I have to say it is sooo easy. I would suggest two things. #1- have a female put in the port and #2- have them mark it while you are wearing a bra. My surgeon was a female and she did this and my placement is perfect. Most days I forget I have one. Also think about where your seat belt falls as this is the only thing that bothers mine. Lots of prayers are being said for you!
You are amazing! I could only hope to have your attitude if I was dealing with only a small part of what you are! I am so glad I found your blog! I started sewing because of it, which I thought was great, but now I look forward to reading about your journey to recovery! I meant to post on your blog about losing your hair. Would it help Boo if you cut it first to donate to Locks of Love, or something like it? Maybe if you told her it would help a child with no hair it would help her?!? I think about you daily and pray for your recovery!
You are phenomenal.
I worked in an oncology hospital for 4 years (and I’m about to go back after baby number 2), and I know how special some of the patients are. You will make amazing, lifelong friends and influence people you won’t even realise!!
God bless, stay strong…..prayers coming your way!
Praying for you as you battle this. But you have such a positive attitude and I admire you. May God bless you and your family in many ways! Your story touches my heart.
Ashley,
You are changing lives for Him. You have an army of prayer warriors and now so do those that you write about!
He’ll keep you through this.
Hello,
I just want to say you are amazing! The way you can write about all the heavy things you are going through! So strong! Not afraid to leave out the bad thing. It’s great you are doing that. This is a great insight about cancer treatment. I really hope everything you are doing results in a healthy Ashley! (Now I also hope I wrote it down in a right way… My English might not be that good. Anyways it was all supposed to be positive).
So, I really hope you’re treatment will work!
Love,
Judith
This is my first time to comment, I found your blog a few weeks ago through a friend who found all your naughty elfcapades. We loved them by the way. After I started reading more, I wanted to know what was going on so I went back several months. I just wanted to let you know that you have some people here in Alabama that feel like we know you and wish we could change this all for you. You are the first blog I pull up now everyday. I hate, hate, hate you are going through this and your positive attitude is AMAZING. You make me want to be a better mother, friend, sister, etc. I’ve even framed your Choose Joy you had on here and plan to put it in several places around my house. Praying for you and your family!
Much love,
Morgan
I have been reading your blog everyday since you lost your pregnancy. My heart went out to you because I have experienced multiple miscarriages. Then your journey took a turn from mine. I read now, not because I shared your experiences, but because I am so impressed by your faith and grace. I keep you in my prayers and hope that this newest treatment will do the trick.
My 8 year old says, “Win, win, win!” Do not give up! She has a strong, positive spirit…and we are sending you that spirit today. 🙂
I so love your attitude. You’re a blessing to those in that room, I’m sure.
I saw something on a news show about a head wrap that keeps your scalp cool during chemo and somehow the hair doesn’t fall out as much? I read the post about Boo and the hair and thought of it.
Praying and laughing..you are doing such a good job, keep on Choosing Joy 🙂
I commented yesterday and have checked back a couple of times to see how the day went. I can’t believe you have the strength or energy to post all that to your blog. You are amazing! Hang in there!
Keep on keepin’ on Ashley! You got this!
Patti in NYC
Yeppa. God has a plan. Praying for you. Do rest. i feel so choked.
hugs
Ashley, its so unfair that you have to go through all this, and I can’t believe you had the stamina to post all that after a day like yesterday. My prayers are with you! Yay for the man causing a ruckus in the chemo room!!
Wow!! Ashley, you are truely amazing… I know you are going to be just fine… I know because I have never heard someone be so positive about something that is really crappy… I love it.. I love reading about your day, it makes mine.. Thank you for sharing and I’m blessed to be able to listen. Good luck today on your second day, I look forward to reading about.. I send tons of positive thoughts and prayers!!
LOVE your blog. ive been reading almost since the beginning! your situation now reminds me of the story of JOB from the Bible. all the trials and suffering he went through. only to be SO blessed by God, come the end. you should read the book “1000 GIFTS” ann voskamp. A-MAZING great read, about eucharisteo, giving THANKS. no matter the situation. we accept blessing from God with arms wide open, why not the latter? you are an INSPIRATION. thank-you for sharing your testimony with so many! honestly, thank-you.
I am praying for you. I love your attitude and pray that I would Choose Joy if I was in that situation!
Wow! That was a long day. Glad you made it through. I am sorry you can’t sleep. Tony feels you on that one. He has to take meds to sleep. He says his brain doesn’t turn off. His body is tired but he can’t go to sleep. Maybe you will be able to take a nap today!
Love the story about the guy talking in his sleep! And I am sure glad they worked out something for your medication so you don’t die! I would have like to see the pharmacists face when your husband said that to them. 🙂 I hope you have a wonderful week and a great Christmas!
I’m wearing my Choose Joy bracelet and have passed them out to several coworkers and friends with instructions to pass their bracelet along some day to someone who needs it 🙂
You are AMAZING! Still praying for you.
Andrea
TEXAS
You are such an inspiration! I am thinking about you and sending tons and tons of positive thoughts to you and your family 🙂
Ashley, I read this and walked away with overflowing joy that God has given you such grace and strength to walk this path with Him. You are such an agent for change, for good, for beauty, for spreading joy and love! Keeping you in my prayers, lovely lady. You are strong and a inspiring force for good…keep up the great work! <3
And once again you amaze me. You are such an inspiration and so courageous. I am thinking about you and your family. Take care Ash.
Ash, I have really wanted to comment on your posts for a while now, but just don’t have the “choose joy” mentality (maybe putting a bracelet on would help, ha!). I’m so saddened (and cry) that you have to deal with this as you seem like such a lovely lady – beautiful inside and out. I agree that God has a plan for all of us. I’m praying for you and I’m so very glad that you are choosing joy. Stay strong and believe that He will take care of you. And don’t forget to take your medicine or you’ll die!! You’ve gotta laugh or what would life be?! Hugs.
Sending you <3 & prayers. May our Awesome God continue to wrap his loving arms around you & continue to give you the strength you need. Hugs & blessings!
Ashley… You are soo graceful and beautiful in the way you can tell about your journey and the ups and downs and still make us laugh and find humor and “JOY” in your words. The week that you were diagnosed I remember reading your blog and just sitting in sad disbelief at what you were telling us..
and the following week my own daughter was diagnosed with hodgkins lymphoma cancer. We have been following along on your journey and it has been soo helpful to read what you are going through.. we love that you are willing to share all of this with us.. believe me it really does help others along the way!!
Hailie lost the last of her beautiful long curly red hair this past weekend.. at first she was sad.. but then she said- its nothing to be ashamed of.. why hide it.. she has chosen, for now, to only wear hats.. no wigs for her! She is 24 and also has such a positive outlook of YES! I CAN DO THIS!
Blessing on you and your sweet, loving and supportive family! We will continue following along on your journey and praying for your peace, STRENGTH, and of course “JOY” to get you through each step of the way!
Sending love from Idaho
Sandie and Hailie
Your strength, humor, and attitude during all of this is inspiring. Thinking of you and your family often-
I love your humour girl!
And your quote at the end from Simone Weil is perfect – I wish we could all look at life that way no matter how little or large our troubles are.
Wishing you and the LBB family a peaceful and happy Christmas x
I loved my port My body has no veins LOL It made it so much easier
I always loved the people around me in chem. I hade to be there 7 hours on Mondays & wear it home until Wed morning. The people really show the strength of people fighting. Prayers for you!!
You can do it, Ashley! Thanks for keeping us updated and for sharing your story of faith and hope!
Sending good thoughts your way. you are so strong and have a great attitude. I have my own health issues, and I need to learn to have an attitude like yours! You are an inspiration.
Your spirit is profound. I have been following you for a long time. I came because of your creativity and now follow you for your heart. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. My daughter Emilie also has a monster doll. Perfectly snuggly. I hope you have no side effect.
your my heroines… nuff said.
I love you
You are a truly amazing person! Thanks for documenting this part of your life. I got hooked on your blog months ago b/c of your creativity, and now I am hooked on your blog b/c of your creativity, your wonderful energy, and your outlook on life. You are such an inspiration to me. Someone I love has been through treatments and surgery for breast cancer, and she won’t talk about it. At all. That’s been so hard for me. I think your frankness and positive attitude must be so helpful to your family. I am proud of you for your strength! Praying for you. Rooting for you!
Yay for not allowing the cancer (or the chemo!) to weaken your witty sense of humor! It must be hard to stay beautiful and funny some days but you do it so well. Love from the frozen tundra of Duluth, MN!
oh my goodness — that is a lot of fluid. I have the smallest bladder in the world — can’t they just give you a catheder do you don’t have to keep getting up???
Wow, what a way to put things in perspective. You are right, it is part of God’s plan for you. Now why can’t I keep that mindset with all the small “inconveniences” that happen throughout my day? I wish I could laugh things off like you do. Boo is so blessed to have you for her mama!
Dear Ashley,
I have been following your blog for a year. At first I booked marked so i could day dream of having a little girl so I could get some of your clothes for her, but then I really started to love the insight into your life and how you are sharing it with everyone and anyone (the joys of internet!).
It’s like a bright spot in my day to check your blog, and see what you and the LBB team are up to, and obviously through this whole ordeal my heart breaks everytime I think your journey.
My father had colon cancer last year, and just finished chemo this summer. His scans are still coming up clear but you never know. I saw how it aftected him, and i only can wish you strength to spend this time with your family & loved ones.
Thanks again for sharing your story and many hugs for a successful recovery. Wishing you all at LBB a very merry happy holiday season.
xo
L
Still amazed at how much I can laugh at these updates, given that you are talking about chemo and all kinds of fun medical stuff. You are a gifted writer and a pillar of strength and joy. I am cracking up a the guy with the cussing problem. So funny, I would not have been able to hold in my laughter. Pretty sure God planned that one for you, just to give you something to laugh and write about. I am also sure that you are working your magic in that room with people who really need your joy and positive spirit. It is all in God’s plan, and I have NO doubt you are going to come through this just fine and be able to write a book about all the amazing experiences this is bringing to you and everyone influenced by the way you live your life. I have been giving out the bracelets to people in my life who need a lift and sharing your story with them. Don’t you wonder how many people are being influenced by you everyday?!? Like a bazillion, as my 3 yr old would say. Hope things go well today and you get some itch relief!! Much love and constant prayers!!
BOOM! A big, radioactive, toxic boom – pulling out the big guns for you, girl. Sending lots of love. xo
You are amazingly upbeat and it’s such a refreshing sight. Not many in your position are so positive! Every time I have something come up I think of what you would do and I try to have a good attitude. You are honestly awesome and changing lives. I hope you beat the cancer monster! 😀
You have such incredible grace. I’d be so angry. I would be having a pitty party! I thank you for your grace and faith. I also thank you for sharing your story. I think about you often and pray that the healing has begun.
I also read your post about your hair, and Boo’s reaction. Under all the pressure, still grace.
I think your new bracelt should be “I choose grace”.
Much love and Happy Holiday
Megan
You are the embodiment of grace and joy! I love that quote!
I am praying for you and your family. Your strength and grace through this all is an inspiration!
My sister and my mom both had breast cancer, so I have gone through some of the struggles with them that you are going through now! I know how hard it is to keep your spirits up, and be positive all the time about what life is dealing you right now. But you are doing it with grace, dignity, & such a sense of faith! I am inspired by your attitude on life, and just really think that you are an amazing person! I wish you were my friend :0) I have a very strong feeling that you are going to beat this, and go back to take numbers!! haha God has put you here to have this ability to get through to other people! You are right …. his plan is for you to touch others, & you definitely do! God bless You!
Oh .. and btw …. I am a middle school teacher in ND, and I realized as I was reading your blog earlier today that I accidentally left my computer screen up on the smart board! oops! It was my off hour, but I had a student in my class making up a test for another teacher. She said to me before she left..” I don’t meant to be snoopy.. but I read some of what you are reading. That lady is so cool! If I ever get sick, I hope I can be like her!” This is a 13 year old girl, and she thinks you are amazing :0) She went on to tell all her friends about you at lunch, so now they all think you are amazing! You have new groupies! I have a feeling they will be asking about you in the future :0) So you are touching people in the least expected places! More of God at work??? I think so!
Ashley – You encourage, inspire and amaze me. Thank you for who you are!! XOXO Betsy
Hi Ashley! I just want to say I think you are amazing and a half. Yes, it is God’s plan for you, and you are such a glory to Him!
All those cancer cells are just shriveling, like the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz.
Very good prose for chemo brain. Between the brain radiation and the meds I take I get foggy brain too.
Here hoping that tonight you will be able to have a good rest.
Debbie
Ashley- thank you for sharing your story with us. I am uplifted every time I come to your blog and I love the “Choose Joy” theme. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer this week and seeing how positive you are about your struggles has helped me gain perspective on mine. I wish you a wonderful and very Happy Christmas this week!!
Don’t know what to say…. I am out here and thinking about you, your family, and friends. You can beat this.
Ashley; I saw a comment about a port’s placement and bra strap. I used permanent marker to outline my bra strap and my surgeon worked around it so my port didn’t hurt whatsoever.
To be honest with you, the port was my savior throughout all of my treatment. My onc did not give me a choice in the matter. My port scar is just another battle scar to brag about.
“Chemo brain” is the real thing and I can’t believe how eloquently you wrote this posting. Did you onc give you any anti-nausea drugs to take at home? I had mentioned in an earlier post that I learned to take both of my anti-nausea drugs as soon as I got in the door instead of one and then adding the other on. The combo worked for me!!! You will be tired…your body is telling you to rest and give it the strength to fight.
Fondly, Heather
PS. All of my chemo had TOXIC written on every bag as well. If it wasn’t toxic, it wouldn’t be doing it’s job….
I have only been following this blog for a month or so. I honestly do not even know how I came it across but you have a new fan and a prayer warrior for you. You are def in my thoughts and prayers! I so admire your talent, patience and faithfulness.
Amy, from Texas
My friend Morgan already commented on here but I wanted to let you know too that we here in Bama are praying so hard for you and your family. You have such a contagious spirit and are such a fighter! We found your blog on facebook from the naughty elf (which is hilarious btw). Once I started going back I realized I have seen a lot of your crafts on pinterest as well. You are an amazing woman! We have printed your Choose Joy art that you had on here and think that is the best moto anyone can have. You inspire me to be a better person and have the kind of attitude you have daily. God has given you an amazing testimony and I am so glad you are sharing it with the world. Praying for you daily.
Much love,
Amber D.
Well I am glad you had Mr. F and his friend there to entertain you and the guy dreaming in rated R language LOL. I hope your aches & pains are better now and you don’t suffer too much from side effects.
God Bless you Ashley, I love your attitude and always praying for you!!!!
Wow, what an update…continued prayers sent your way.
You’re such a inspiration! Wishing you the best! Victory here you come…
You are such a brave and inspirational woman. I wish you all the best, you are in my thoughts.
I am so so sorry you are going through this. I have a friend in GA who is also going through Cancer treatment….bile duct cancer. She is not as open as you are and when I read what you are going through I feel like I know what she is going through, too. I empathize with you and wish you comfort through this time. You can beat this!
Prayers and good thoughts are coming your way! (I am just one more person who doesnt know you but feels like you are a friend and wishes you the best care, the best doctors, the BEST of everything!)
You are such a positive person, full of life and you inspire so many of us with your outlook on life! I love reading your post! Even though I have never met you, I talk about you to friends, family and of course my husband on what an amazing woman you are and your daughter is adorable! You are in my prayers and thoughts. When I go with my grandmother (she is 89 years old and a 3 year cancer survivor) to her Oncologist an meet so many amazing people and hear there stories, it just humbles me. I think being and thinking positive helps with the treatment as well. Wishing you the best in with your chemo marriage! 🙂
Love,
Claudia
Reading your account makes me remember the details of my dad’s treatments. You are handling it all with such humor and grace; what an important lesson for us all.
I remember having the same issue with the Leucovorin; told my dad needed it on the clock, but then having to hunt all over to find it! Oy! Glad you got it though!
I am keeping you in my thoughts and will keep reading!
Prayin for you daily! Among many others. Stay strong, positive and funny!
Warmly,
Shannon
I am continuing to pray for you, Ashley and I continue to be grateful to have found your blog and to read your inspirational story.
Laura
you are in my thoughts and prayers round the clock. Always B+!!! (from the Andrew McDonough B+ foundation ~for childhood cancer.Andrew’s bloodtype was B+ and he was positive in his fight!!
Thinking about you, and glad to see you are so positive. You are such an inspiration. I pray that you have the strength to get through this and have a wonderful Christmas. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
Kim Limer
I look for your e mail every day…BECAUSE you inspire me so much . I think about you during the day, sending you healing energy, and pray for you and your family . Have a Wonderful Christmas !
I just noticed you are getting your treatment in your arm. In my opinion and my dads a port is the best way to go – mainly because it won’t mess up your arms. The chemicals can mess up your arms so bad. Still praying. Choose Joy.
I hope I get to meet you someday.
I love the quote at the bottom of your post – it was a little hard to read though thru my tears. I have said it before but I NEED to say it again – you are an inspiration. How you went thru all of that yesterday and were still able to write a touching post about the day (chemo brain and all) is amazing to me! You are in my prayers – God has your situation handled!
So many feelings and emotions resurface for me as I read this, Ashley. I remember the first day of chemo…..the “yellow” bag of methotrexate……and when the drip began……I thought the same, “no turning back now”…it is in my bloodstream….and then the next time, I wasn’t so scared. I had my favorite nurses…the ones I knew could easily start my IV…and got to the point to ask for those nurses 😉 Mine was 5 days in a row…then a week off…and I never once wanted to come home with my iv still in…..i preferred to be poked the next day. It was worth it to me. I too wanted to be free of it all….even if just for a little bit. You are doing amazing and have the right attitude. You will beat this and fast!!! xo
Ashley, you are always in my prayers. Cancer sucks major. I love Jesus and have total faith in God’s plan but cancer sucks BIG time. I pray He will take it all from you so you can live out a long and beautiful like with your family. It makes me think of the verse where Jesus says, “my burden is easy and my yoke is light.” Yours sure doesn’t seem easy or light but I will continue to pray that you feel Jesus carrying that burden for you. Sending you love!
Ashley,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! I pray for you and your family daily. You are such an inspiration to us all! I dont think I could ever be as strong as you. You are an amazing person! I so enjoy reading your blog, it really makes me see things in a different light and to always choose joy! Praying for you!
You are so brave. I’m thinking of you.
Thank you for your beautiful example of acceptance and for your positive influence in all of our lives. Keeping you in my prayers. I hope your other meds will keep you comfortable. Keep fighting, Ashley! xoxo
Ashley,
Your positive attitude, strength and courage leave me inspired and in awe. Sending positive vibes and much love and light to you and your gorgeous family.
*BIG HUGS*
Kirsty xoxo
Kudos to you.
I am once again amazed by your attitude towards this journey. And I have to ‘take my hat off for you’. Wow.
I am such a chicken compared – had my check-up today and I am sure the results are fine, but just going to the oncology is so nerve-wrecking to me.
Thank you for sharing here.
ANN
You are a gift, an inspiration and I pray you will be blessed by God’s Will. You are truly the embodiment of choosing life. I truly enjoy your blog-I’ve been following for a while. I wish you well.
I feel like we are all right there with you. God’s plan! Well, I think he has many more things planned for you for very many years, besides, You are way too funny and crafty……..I am touched by your grace and your fight is contagious! Stay strong…You have so many prayers coming your way….
You are so strong and you are really an inspiration to your readers. Take care of yourself and keep smiling!
Hang in there, keep being you!! Surrounded in love and prayers. I hope you get to divorce the chemo soon.
I think of you often and your awesome attitude. I feel like I’m sitting right there with you sometimes. I had to have dialysis a few times and had a port put in my chest. If you do end up having one, the one positive other than not being stuck with a needle all the time is that the scar looks like a bullet wound. I noticed if I had on a shirt that exposed it, I would notice people glancing at it. I loved it! It made me feel bad ass. It’s so interesting the camaraderie and bonds you form with others in the same situation as you. Another time while in dialysis, I was going over my diet with my nurse and I asked if I could drink alcohol. This little old lady yelled from the other side of the privacy curtain “YEAH! YOU CAN DRINK, HONEY!” hahaha – I loved it!
Hope you have a good night. You amaze me with your zest for life and your faith in God. You are sharing such a great testimony to so many people. Many prayers to you tonight. Hugs to you!
Leigh Ann
If attitude counts, you can beat this on just that! I am so moved by your words. Take care & hugs to you!
Holy Cow Ashley! You have such great spirits about this! Happy thoughts, many prayers & Prairie Blessings are sent your way. Merry Christmas!
Positive thoughts and big hugs for your rapid recovery. 🙂
wow, potent stuff today miss ashley. i love that you manage to crack jokes and find silver linings throughout the day, it’s the very best way to stay focused on kicking that cancer’s arse. big big prayers for you, and happy belated chemo marriage 🙂
Whew…a very full day you had! Appreciate your wellingness to share this journey with all of us. You are so very brave. Saying prayers daily. Much love.
Chère Ashley,
Je sais que bientôt nous aurons la chance de lire la chronique de ta guérison, jour après jour. Ne lâche pas, nous sommes tous derrière toi. Tiens bon.
Marie-Josée
yay for bozookas! It is so encouraging to read of your attitude in this trying times. You are a blessing to me, thank you!
Ashley. I couldn’t help but think in every picture: YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL! You have this special glow about you. Ah, you are so gorgeous. Hang in there girl.
YOu are such an inspiration!!
That leucovorin rescue dose always made my mom SOOOO nervous! She was terrified that she would forget to give it to me. It really is sort of creepy the way they are so serious about exactly what time it has to be taken. I think that drug made my mom more nervous than any of the others when I was sick. She probably would have had a heart attack right there in the pharmacy if she was told they didn’t have it!