I’m trying to prepare Boo for the reality that I most likely will lose my hair in the next 2 two weeks. It’s not going so well. If anyone has another technique they think I should use I’m all ears.
I guess it will be traumatic for her right at the beginning but she’ll get used to it. I don’t want her to be scared of me or embarrassed. I think about myself at that age and how embarrassed I’d get of my mother for the littlest things…..it’s not that I was unkind, it’s just that age range when you are just trying to figure out where you fit in. The last thing you want as a kid is a bald mom.
On another note my boob looks as big as a cantaloupe in this photo! I look like I might topple over….too bad it’s just an illusion.
I’ve got my little bag packed for tomorrow with some magazines and my laptop. The nurses say that most people try to sleep through their treatment….um, I never sleep. Hello, I’m new here….and I can’t stay still. I’m not worried or scared about the IVs, drugs or needles…..I’m worried about getting claustrophobic and restless. I’m the patient that unhooked herself from everything after being rushed to the hospital JUST to get out of there. I’m the patient that tried to negotiate being discharged at 12:30am after being admitted for internal bleeding.
I still have a “super cough”….so I’ll spend most of the day trying not to cough which will just make me cough more. I had to take more pain medicine this morning because I pulled a few muscles where my surgery was just from coughing. Most normal people might have anxiety about having cancer and undergoing chemotherapy. I just have anxiety about having to sit in a chair for 6 to 8 hours and coughing all over everyone while they sleep peacefully next to me. And how I’m going to get lunch delivered to the infusion center so I don’t starve to death.
Oh bless your heart! I hope Boo will eventually understand and be “ok” with it! Thinking of you and PRAYING!!!
xoxo ,Amy
I think the Locks of Love idea is great! But, the reality is Boo might not be receptive to anything. Losing your hair probably makes the whole situation more real for her–a tangible, observable thing about mommy being sick. So, I’m sure she’s worried and scared and that’s just her little kid way of expressing all of that. No matter what direction you go though, talking about it with her and having her be part of the process can only help things (even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment). And, like others have said, she’ll see that you’re still the same old mommy and be fine with it in time!
Lots of prayers! 🙂
Awwww we often look over how the kiddos will react to something that is just in the cards. Maybe go wig shopping with her even if you don’t buy one or if you do and don’t want to wear one let her get one too to show her that she can look different too. IDK, good luck! I’m always praying for you even though this is the first time I’ve posted here.
I agree with Kelli. Maybe wig shopping will help with the transition. I too have been following your blog for a while, but rarely post. You’re in my prayers!
When I was probably just a few years older than Boo my mom lost her hair because of chemo. I don’t remember being too upset about it but I do remember going wig shopping with her. It was quite a thrill! I felt like I was helping my mom get better in some way. She didn’t pick the one I wanted her to get (not surprising, I don’t think anyone in their right mind would have picked it but I liked it). I did have some say in the one she picked though.
Praying for you!
You have beautiful eyes and can definitely rock the sinead look. As for lil boo, how about trying to make it a month of hats. You can go to the dollar store and buy some hats for the both of you and every day you wear a different one. You can have themes like rodeo, gypsy, baseball….heck you can even through a beautiful scarf on and be Elizabeth Taylor.
The hat party idea might help her deal with it better and also let her be a part of it too.
If Mr. LBB has Bradley Cooper locks, definitely not in support of him shaving his head. Tell him to join the hat party.
God Bless you girl and I will have you in my heart and prayers tomorrow and from now on. Your a champ and will do so well.
MJ
Lucky 7 Design
Maybe you could donate your hair and that would make it a positive (hopefully) experience for her instead of negative? If you show her pics of little girls with alopecia and little girls who have lost their hair from chemo too and that by cutting your hair & donating it they get to have a beautiful wig and can go to school and not be embarrassed???
my friend. You are too funny. Maybe you won’t lose your hair? One of our dear friends just went through several rounds of chemo for stage 4 liver cancer and her hair never fell out! Maybe you’ll get lucky?? I’m praying for you! xoxo
I am undergoing Chemo at the moment and bought a wig for when I lost my hair. My 12 year old daughter hated it – now that most of my hair is gone, the wig is not longer hated and I am told to wear it out all the time. Change is hard for the kids but they adapt pretty quickly.
I dont know you.. never met you.. but Ive been a lurker for sometime now.. In Oct we lost my mother in law to Cancer.. It was never fixable.. just prolongable.. when it was time for the hair… we did it as a family.. my kids were able to be apart of it.. so it wasnt a shock.. they saw it falling out and that it was becoming bothersom to their gramma.. so allowing them to help cut it all of.. was a way to help her feel better.. I highly suggest letting her be apart of the everyday with your hair.. she will see that every day.. it starts to fall out little by little.. let her be in the process.. its scarier to just see parts.. instead of being allowed to be apart of this battle on a daily/min to min basis.. let her help you take care of it until its time.. then she will know what yall are doing is part of the process.. not just something you did and she doesnt get it.. I wish you all the best.. keep the mind strong and the heart full.. the body will follow on its own.. many blessings.. Mindi
Sigh. I wish I had a good answer for this one. It’s gotta be hard not knowing what to say. I know when we were going through some tough stuff I was scared at saying, doing the wrong thing so that I didn’t traumatize my kids. I talked to a counselor and she said the only right thing to do is what feels right at the time. How do you know what you did is right or ?wrong? when you only have a tiny bit of info to go on. That’s why God gives us all these little tests. It’s not doing what’s “right” or doing it the right way, it’s how we handle the outcome that is important…that’s the test right?
No matter what you tell Boo, you can second guess it but all you can do is handle how you respond when she asks or says something after. It’s just a couple more little “tests” in the plan for you.
XO girlie. High fives for sweet scarves though…matching scarves will for surely help..I just pinned this awesomeone that is like a knit headband with a vintage scarf sewn on then pulled back like a pony tail….it’s in my Hair file on pinerest 🙂
maybe try seeing if shell help you pick out pretty hats? ooorrrrr help you pick out pretty fabrics and help MAKE pretty hats? you could both have coordinating [but not identical] hats! THATD be cool! and if you let her add fabric glitter glue and such, maybe shell be more inclined to like the new ‘do? but be aware, this idea might be TOO cool and she may want you to be bald forever…lol. jk. maybe…
Hi Ashley,
While I have no real idea of what you are going through, two summers ago I shaved my head after a dear friend of mine passed away from cancer. It was an experience I will never forget. Wonderful for all the reasons you mentioned (it will be a breeze to get ready in the morning and the feeling of driving with the windows down with the wind not whipping around your hair is surprisingly amazing). I will be praying for your strength, I needed some good thoughts sent my way sometimes during that experience too. Boo will get used to having just your beautiful face to look at. You’ll be glowing in your own special way.
You’re funny! I don’t know if it was what they gave me in that IV — but I would try and stay awake — and then totally nod off. I’m antsy too — maybe they did it for a reason! (I was a “memorable” patient!) And what about a short haircut before the drastic no hair cut? I went short because clumps of long hair were freaking me out… And then a couple weeks later I just went back and had them shave it. It felt a little less drastic that way. Oh — and my husband shaved his head. I’m much cuter bald and he’s NEVER allowed to shave his head again! Good luck — you’ll figure out what works for you. 🙂 Sending love.
You look even more beautiful bald! You have such wonderful facial features and your smile really stands out now! You could get all kinds of cute hats. 6-8 hours is a long time!! I would asked to be sedated so I could sleep through it. God bless you tomorrow as you start this new phase of treatment. I pray all goes well and you don’t get too sick. I think about and pray for you and your family every day!
Tell Boo that she can help pick out your new hair…wigs, scarves, etc. She can play dress up with you being her personal barbie doll 🙂
I commend your courage and your humor in this situation and others you’ve shared. You are amazing and Boo is lucky to have such a beautiful mother (inside and out!). My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I pray for a full recovery and uncomplicated treatment in the meantime.
Happy Holidays!!
Tara
Thoughts and prayers are with you. You are one tough cookie. Good luck with the sitting still for hours. I can barely sit through a movie at the theater – so I get it. Can you change your haircut now so it happens in stages? Maybe a bob and donate your locks? I’m sorry this is stressing Boo out, but she will be ok. You are surrounded by so many people who care about your family. Hang in there!
You are beautiful and amazing and you inspire a multitude of people! Prayers to you, your Boo and your Bradley Cooper!!! <3<3<3
Hey look, it’s Boobs McGee!!!
You may not be interested, but I think most insurance covers a wig of your choice of it takes awhile to get used to it, but maybe its something you could just wear when you are out with her. So proud of how brave & positive you are!
You will still look beautiful even without hair!
i admire your strength and your courage.
i personally think you will rock the no hair look…but i can see why boo might be worried. sweet little thing, i am sure she will get used to it!
stay strong. i will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.
Oh this brought tears to my eyes. I’m sure Boo will adjust over time. She can have fun helping you pick out pretty scarves and wraps and hats. Prayers for you and your family.
I think that you actually look super cute in that hat! 🙂 I hope that Boo will adjust to the changes. I will be thinking of you as you start your new treatment.
maybe this could help?
http://www.nowherehair.com/
oh! and anotehr way is maybe the two of you playing around with photoshop and taking silly pictures and adding funky colored hair and different hats and photoshop-shaving everyones heads? maybe shed find it silly and then suggesting maybe you both could get funky-colored wigs and wear them around the house and such. maybe chage wont be so scary if she can see that its all temporary?
You are truly an inspiration with all of your positivity!! And, my 7 yo hated when I cut my hair really short. She’s the girly one and I believed that in her fantasy mind I somehow didn’t fit any more. She waits and waits for it to grow back.
nd (for lack of a better term) “warned” her about it. Dwellling on it might only make it worse. Just a thought. I am with you on the no hair thing. I wear ponytails and baseball hats all the time! No hair would be great (for a while). I worked at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center and LOVED all the beautiful scarves I saw on the beautiful heads. Embrace it. It’s only for a little while.
Praying for you, and Boo. Bless her heart, I’m sure she’s worried about her momma (and mommas hair). Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas, and praying you have energy to enjoy it. Hang in there, you are such an amazing fighter. Thanks for all the updates for those of us who are constantly checking in to see how you are doing 🙂
So, I have never commented before, but I am a follower and I think you are fantastic. In regards to the hair issue, I think you have such a fun upbeat personality and you should just have fun with it! I know you are whole heartedly embracing this challenge in your life and the one thing that came to my mind about what to do with your head (if you loose your hair) is to let your daughter use honey as glue to place little bows on your head, just like mothers do with their babies. I was bald till I was 4 and that’s exactly what my mother did to me. I’m not saying you should leave the house like that, but let her play with your head like you’re her very own, bigger than life-size baby doll while you’re at home. You could even let her pick out your outfit for the day if you plan on staying indoors. And as far as leaving the house, I really liked the idea about having her help you pick out pretty hats. So I guess my suggestion is to try to turn it into a game of sorts. It is reality, but there is no reason it shouldn’t be silly at times! Especially for the sake of your beautiful little girl. You could even let her paint your head with washable paint if you’re into that. Choose Joy!
Hi Ashley. My mom underwent chemo for breat cancer when I was in the fourth grade. although I realize Boo is younger than that, I will tell you that I was most afraid of my mom losing her hair. I think I was afraid of her looking sick and that it would never grow back. It was initially traumatic, but like all things, I got used to it. And then when it grew back I got used to that too. I recall my mom telling me that the wig was very uncomfortable and hot (it was the middle of summer) and she asked me if it would be okay if she didn’t wear it. I realized I didn’t want her to be even more uncomfortable and she ditched the wig. Boo will realize that mom is still mom, hair or no hair. Best wishes to you for good health. You are an inspiration.
You are amazing and gorgeous! You totally can work the no hair! I’ll be keeping you and your sweet family in my prayers! ♥
Good luck tomorrow!
I went through the same thing with my mother when I was just a little older than Boo. I don’t remember alot about it, but this i do remember. We were told to view every strand of hair lost as one strand closer to being cancer free. It almost became a joyous event to find hair in the sink or shower. I hope this helps. 🙂
I agree with the other comments… and I know shopping for a bright pink wig would put a smile on my little princess’ face. Maybe give that a whirl?
I’m sure you’ve thought of it – but maybe donating your hair would help too? Talking to Boo about other little girls who don’t have their hair and how yours could help them might be a way to make it OK for her?
Thinking about and praying for you guys every day!
Ashley,
I’m not sure what the answer is in this situation. On one hand it’s terrifying for her to see such a sudden change, but in the other to let it fall out in chunks is just as scary. Is she in to books? Maybe there’s a book you can check out at the library that’s geared towards this sort of thing. Something on her level that will help her to learn what’s really going in and ways to help her cope.
One thing I have learned from reading your blog is that you are always doing the right thing for Boo, whether or not you know it at the time. The thing is, you are her mom-the only thing she knows as mom. You can’t do anything wrong, your ways are her ways (you’re like the Queen of Hearts!). You will both adapt together, and then learn and grow from it. One day she will look back on this time in her life and realize that she has learned her strength and grace from you.
I am praying for you, you are a truly wonderful person.
-Kristi
My daughter is about the same age as Boo and she is now to the point she wants her hair to look or be styled like mine. Maybe you could let her trim the ends of her hair, that way you both got haircuts or hat shopping, maybe even make some cute matching hats. My daughter would feel the same, its different and she knows you are sick, so I’m sure she’s just a little scared. I also think you are the most amazing mom to think about ever point of this journey for you and your family!
Awww… I can’t even begin to imagine… O my goodness… Praying for you, and you family that you all adjust, and discover a new normal. Who knows, maybe you can rock the shaved head…Britney Spears did it for a little while… right? You can do it… You will be just as beautiful as you always are. I swear you are the prettiest person even with so many chemicals with the chemo… You are beautiful inside and out, and I will be praying, especially for Boo to be able to understand and be able to get through it together. Stay strong.
New International Version (©1984)
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”
Much Love. Praying.
My thoughts are with you as you go through this next stage. What Boo’s going through is not about your hair, it’s about change. Kids don’t generally like change, whether it’s a new teacher, a new house or a new look for Mommy, because they have no power over it. You might be able to give her back some power by focussing on what your hair is going to look like when it grows back in. I’m sure you can find some sort of online site where she can put different hairstyles onto a face. Start with a stranger, then move to a public figure she’d recognize, then to other family members, herself and finally you. That brings it home slowly, and shows her that the person is the same. At the very least, it would amuse her – and probably you too ! – seeing what you’s look like with a 70’s Afro, lime green spikes, or fuschia dreads!
I agree that she is struggling with the change more than the actual hair. The hair is just something tangible that she knows she doesn’t want to change. This is all super hard on everyone. I think you are doing a great job so far and your little girl has a lot of support to help her through. Good luck and know that lots of people are thinking about you and wishing the best!
I have no answers for you… I was going to pre-cut mine. Austin was 3 and I was afraid I would scare him so I had plans to cut it short, then shave it. I had bought several soft hats and I was ready. It felt like it would any second, but it didn’t fall out. Poor Boo. Let the hubby keep his hair, that would just be one more change for here to adjust too. I think you are doing the best you can. You are talking to her about it. She might not like it, but at least it won’t be a shock. Thinking of you. Hope the treatment flys by. I would ask for something to help you sleep. I know, it is hard to just sit/lay there!! Best wishes for a cancer butt kicking session =)
I will keep you in my thoughts. I am so happy you have found the strength to stay in good spirits. In October I had a cancer scare (Breast) and I was freaking out about everything. I mean everything. I hope everything goes great for you and that you will never lose that spirit. I enjoy reading your postings and you inspire me and help me see things in a different eye. We love you and take care.
Hi Ashley,
You are truly an insperation for all of us. You are so amazing and strong and I love the zest you have for the positive things in life.
Have you ever heard of the Rapunzel Project? It isa non-profit Org that makes a cold cap that you wear during chemo that will make it so you don’t lose your hair during the chemo process/treatments.
Here is a link to their website if you are interested : rapunzelproject.org
U are too funny even in the midst of such trials. No advice on the hair but I look great in the pic. Thx for the inspirational updates! You rock!
You looks great! All the best for tomorrow!! Prayers for you and your family!
Ashley, I went through chemo from Oct.-Dec. 2006 and again in April – Sept. of 2007. It was hard for me to sit still too, but they would give me benadryl to prevent any reactions to the chemo. benadryl would put me to sleep, for at least a short time. I would also load up on books, magazines, portable video player, etc. Sometimes, talking to the people around me would make the time pass too. And then there’s lunch – my sisters and my neice would take turns taking me to chemo with the promise that they had to run out and bring me lunch – Pei Wei, Subway, pizza, etc. While everyone else was snacking on crackers, I was eating a full meal connected to the chemo I.V. God is so good!
I forgot to add that I let my kids, Alyssa, 9 and Zach, 7, give me a mohawk hair cut first, and then hubby chopped it all off. My daughter did get emotional about seeing my hair on the floor and gathered it up and kept it in a Ziploc bag. I chose to wear a wig to work, but wore a black sparkly baseball hat everywhere else. The second time around that I had chemo, I prayed that I wouldn’t lose my hair, since it had all just grown back in……I didn’t :o)
after my moms gorgeous long straight medium brown hair fell out from chemo, it grew in a gorgeous curly curly super curly dark brown. Maybe make a game to guess how it will grow back?
You look beautiful! You will rock the no-hair look. Praying for you!
Look at this idea! Super turban http://fr.etsy.com/blog/cahier-de-vacances-transformer-son-foulard-en-turban
I don’t know what to say…just want you to know that I will be thinking of you & your family…putting all of you in my prayers. Sending you love ♥
You keep being your awesome self!! You have a beautiful butterfly effect, thank you!
Good luck tomorrow, I will be thinking about you. I have no advice for the hair and Boo. I recently cut my hair short and came back to see my baby (15 months), she did not recognize me. That was the only time I regretted cutting it, because I was so excited to see my little girl after being away for a week. And she did not come running to me like I wished. My oldest looked at me and said “I don’t like it, you look different.” A few weeks have past and everything is back to normal, no mention of how weird I look and my baby knows I am mommy. It will take time for Boo to adjust, if it does happen, but like many have said you may not lose it. You are and will always be beautiful on the inside and outside. Take care of yourself and try not to cough (I know easier said then done. I always have cough attacks and my husband always tells me “stop coughing already.”)
You look great in a hat! Would it help Boo if she knew your hair was going to help someone else? Maybe Locks of Love would make her feel better? You could tell her it’s your Christmas gift to someone else? Just a thought. Good healing thoughts headed your way!
When my Mom was going through chemotherapy, the worst part was seeing her hair in clumps around the house, her chair, her bed, the bathroom. If you comfortable with shaving it, it will be easier on Boo then to see that.
I am amazed by your courage and your strength. I stumbled upon your blog through Pinterest and you have helped me more than you will ever know already. I thank you! Boo will be okay. Nobody likes change…my kids tell us they hate our hair everytime my husband or I cut it, at least for a little bit and then they are alright.
You could get some fun/crazy wigs (like halloween pink or rainbow) that you could wear for her until she would just rather you look normal and not like superhero/katy pery :).
Praying for you and your family. Love the attitude! I think it’s important to let Boo know that you really don’t like it either – validate her feelings & let her know that it’s okay to be angry & unhappy about the changes for a bit. BUT that it’s what you need to do right now and that you both will make the best of it, having a + attitude is VERY important & your going to do some butt kicking on this thing!! 🙂
Celebrities shave their hair off! Demi Moore did. Britney Spears did. You’re like a celebrity….. You’re beautiful. …You have lots of fans!!! 😉
All the best to you, Ashley!! xo
Ashley, I just want to wrap my old arms around you and squeeze!! You are amazing! And here I sit in a pity party cause I got my feelings hurt cause my husband and I didn’t get invited to a Christmas dinner party that included all our friends and here you are trying to just keep life normal for your sweet Boo under this difficult situation. Forgive me Lord! Thanks for helping me get my priorities in order. You’re probably one of those girls who looks gorgeous with no hair and will never go back to the long stuff. Lots of changes for Boo right now, but the one constant is the love that she is getting from her family…she will adjust. Maybe a coloring session with markers on your bald head will help! XO
As many have posted before, I would see if she would be receptive to helping pick out some really awesome hats/scarves or helping to “bling” out your beanie! I’m sure she will come around and much of the resistance is due to all of the changes going on! Your faith, love and outlook on life will get her through it all!
Praying that Boo is able to adjust and praying that this chemo kicks some cancer a$$. I know other people mentioned this, but I think picking out some cute beanies, hats, or maybe a wig, with her would help with the whole adjustment period. It is amazing that when hair is not the focus, how your eyes really stand out. They are so pretty! I love your daily updates, they have become a regular part of my day to day routine. God bless you and your family, Ashley.
Love the way you look at life and the courage you display. I think you’ll have the makings of a great book when this is all said and done. I’ll be praying for a peacefull heart through this next big step.
Your amazing! Get some hats and scarfs and get ones for your little one that match too. Sew some for the both of you that match. She will have so much matching Mommy! Your in my prayers.
I hope this treatment is exactly what you need to get better! Perhaps if you had Boo help pick out a wig with you, and you could wear it when you go places with her, it could help her feel more comfortable. What a difficult thing for you and your family to go through, the best to you all!
Ashley, your spirit is so strong and happy, that I have no doubt it will shine through as the hair falls out (not to mention, I think you look fabulous in the picture from this post!! Truly – you can pull this offf!!!). Thank goodness for all the beautiful scarves out there! Sweet Boo must sense that her gorgeous mommy is fighting a battle, and I’m sure she just wants signs that you are winning it. I’m with all the other posts about new hats and scarves – some for her and some for you! She will adjust – these little people are amazingly resilient! Many prayers for tomorrow!
A patient at the oncology hospital I used to work had a picture book published which she wrote to help her daughter cope with mum’s cancer diagnosis and treatment. I can’t remember the name of it but will try and find out…might help Boo to know other kids deal with this stuff too!
Oh and you’ll probably look so amazing sans-hair that you’ll start a new head shaving trend!!
Sending love and prayers
Bek x
First let me say you and your family are in my daily prayers. It’s amazing that even in crisis and sickness we worry about our family first.
I say you and Boo should rock some cool bright colored wigs at home. Include her and she’ll get use to it. My daughters love wearing wigs that we bought for fun. We have a bright green Mohawk , Afro , hot pink curly, bright blue punk mullet, and a rainbow mohawk. Just make sure you cut or shave it if it starts to fall out. It will fall out in clumps on your pillow and that may scare her.
This is a great book to share with Boo to help her understand why mommy’s losing her hair: http://www.amazon.com/Nowhere-Hair-Explains-cancer-children/dp/0984359109/ref=pd_sim_b_8
P.S. You still look beautiful, and rather tough in your black knit cap!
Ashley – So through a very strange course of events, I’ve found myself on your site. (Thank you google-analytics.) I too was diagnosed with cancer at a too-tender age with a young one at home. And I turned my major yuck into the book that Tonya (who is not a member of my family, promise) just recommended.
I’ve gotten sucked in to your writings, and really am amazed at how you are sharing all this with all of us. That your head is screwed on tight enough to create such postings is really a testament to your fire. I can’t come up with a pithy sentence about the whole chemo experience. It’s an existential shift, a clear-the-decks moment, a holy shit couple months. Boo will take her cues from you. I’m confident that you’ll be showing her, just by being you, that hard stuff comes to all of us, but we get through it. Together. It’s the best lesson out of my whole experience, actually. -sue
I just wanted to pop in and let you know I’m praying for you and your family, Boo included. I haven’t been following from the beginning but I just stumbled upon your blog a few days ago and have been trying to get caught up. My mom just passed away 2 months ago from pancreatic cancer, so I know what you’re all going through. Have faith in Boo. Kids are SO amazingly resilient. My own kids (2 1/2 and 5) went through it all right along with my mom and I…they went to a lot of appointments and visited in the hospital A LOT. Some people told us to keep them sheltered from what was going on, but there was no way I could do that to them. We prayed and had faith that should would pull through, but it just wasn’t in God’s Plan. Ultimately, I’m so glad we kept the kids so informed along the way. I am heartbroken for you. I’ll keep praying <3
your posts are so real and your take on things is so inspiring. wishing your treatment goes smoothly and that you all enjoy the holiday. as always so many thoughts coming your way. xo
when my mother went thru Chemo it wasn’t the hair loss that bothered the grandkids so much – started wearing a wig, hats, scarves early on – it was the loss of her eyebrows!! The ones she drew on with eyebrow pencil seemed to freak them out, even more than having no eyebrows.
the best advice I can offer, as have so many others, is to let her be a part of it all. i really like the idea of you and Boo wearing the same head gear. If she were older, I’d bet she’d want her head shaved to match yours.
Keep those spirits up – choose JOY.
Wow, your spirit is simply amazing, makes my heart smile for all those around you…even when you cough on them 🙂
Kids are funny. I got braces on in March last year and my 7 & 5 year old cried. They wanted them OFF and said I looked weird. My 10 & 17 year old giggled… 🙂 They are all used to them now, but it took about a week to adjust 🙂 Hopefully Boo will see how beautiful her Mommy is, hair or not! Have a Merry Christmas!
Awe… I love the idea of donating to locks of love or something and getting boo involved w/ the idea. I have been planning on donating my hair to locks of love and have even talked to my hair salon. It just won’t grow out!
You may not loose your hair at all. I don’t want to get your hopes up or anything, but it is possible. My mom went through chemo and surgery…it all twice, once when she was only 28 and had 3 very young girls and she never lost her hair. It was a beautiful blonde color just like yours.
Your in our thoughts and prayers! Wishing you and yours a Very Blessed & Merry Christmas and A Prosperous New Year! Your work is amazing! Give Boo lots of hugs! She is so precious! In Christ~Love, tmg~
I wish I had some advice as to how to ease Boo’s mind about losing your hair. Maybe a Barbie that goes through it too? You kinda look like a barbie anyway. 😉 You know, minus the big boobs now.
I hope everything goes well for you. I don’t know how I would handle it, but I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be with as much strength and grace as you have been.
On that note, I really need to get some of those Choose Joy bracelets. I keep telling people about your incredible story and life. I think they think I’m making it up!
Oh man…wish I had some good advice…maybe let her pick out some super cool scarves for your head….good luck and prayers always 🙂
I had an IV infusion treatment years ago for migraines. It was 8 hours a day for 3 days of sitting there. No TV, no food, etc. Bring your laptop, books, knitting, snacks or anything to keep you busy– or ask to be sedated! If I was nearby I’d totally deliver food to you!
Sending positive thoughts your way.
Aww…sweet blessing to you, Ashley. Lil Boo will adjust, and she will be very thankful for her mommy’s hugs during the process. (I’m sure that will be reciprocal). 😉
Totally agree with everyone, you can totally rock the no hair thing lady! lol I really commend you for your upbeat outlook. I know it has to be hard, and i’m sure you have the hard days, but keeping it positive I bet make those hard days easier to get through.
An idea though for Boo. …I notice with my girls they like things “normal” and “the real way” and anything other than that just wasn’t “right”..Maybe she is afraid that by you losing your hair, it’s making your cancer/ (you being sick) more “real” to her, b/c now she can “see” it. I mean up until know you still “look” the same. Now it will be different, so maybe that scares her, that maybe you’re getting worse, not better. So maybe, keep explaining that this is a great thing b/c it is a step you have to take to get closer to getting allt he way better (maybe even write out a list…1. dianogsis 2. plan 3. start med. 4. lose hair 5. wait 6. ALL better…? idk but just let her know that it’s a step you need to take to get better, and this just means you’re getting closer to the end of it all. and also do the things everyone has mentioned about making it fun, hats, wigs, dress up, draw on your head etc. =)
Thinking of you today and praying for a successful week of treatment.
Any chance Boo would go for you wearing a yarn wig to match Lil Sally’s hair? I think that would be fun! Will be thinking of you….
I’ve never commented before btu I’ve been a follower. My dad died just before your dad died. I cried when I read your blog about it. It sucks, shit who am I kidding, it still sucks and it’s been 9+ months (who’s counting, right?)
I’m sorry you have to go through this and i’m sorry Boo has to go through this too. I can’t image how she feels and how you feel that you are unable to make it better for her. Mr LBB should keep his hair, less change for Boo is better. I was 29 when my mom had cancer and lost her hair (BTW she’s a survivor now!!). It was traumatic to me even though I understood. I’m also a nurse so you’d think I’d understand even better. Truth is, it’s my mom, the only mom I ever knew, the one with hair that was always styled the same way. I knew she was sick and going through so much but once she lost her hair, it seemed more real. Maybe that’s how Boo feels too. Right now, she knows you are sick but it’s not totally real because you still look like “Mom” to her.
I have a 2 yr old and a 9 month old. I can’t imagine being a mother and going through all of this. I’m thinking of you and praying for peace for your little family.
I went through cancer too and lost my hair. You’re right, it’s not about the hair-it can always grow back, but when you lose your hair….seeing the handfulls of hair coming out in bunches while in the shower is kind of eye-opening. You realize that your body is in a major battle.
Dear Ashley,
I wish you all the best. It’s hard for me to put it in english words (that is just my second no third language), but it seems SO unfair that you not only have to deal with that damnd cancer, but also with that stupid cough. I dislike hospitals as you do, and I hope that the time you have to spend there will speed up really fast.
You will make it!
Greetings,
Tina
PS I totally understand that Boo doesn’t want you to be without your hair – girl, you look like a princess right now! Perhaps it would be better if somebody else (like her dad?) talks with her about that – in the kind of way: Mommy is going to loose her hair, and nobody of us will like it, but try to be strong for mommy because she will still be the same?
I think you’ll be a gorgeous baldy. Let her be a part of the cut, even if she’s just watching. This will be a good time to show her what’s on the outside doesn’t matter, you may be hairless but your still super cool mom! I have a few friends that shave their heads and they look great…and yes they are female and no they’re not lesbians. :).
Tell Boo that you’ll get all kinds of cool hats and scarves and she can help you shop for them and even pick some out for you…lol
Will be thinking of you tomorrow and send you positive vibes so you can sit still and relax…ya right, easier said than done.
Healing prayers continue to head your way. Take care of yourself. 🙂
To start: your boobs do look great {from a fellow Almost A cup!}
I think you have a lot of fantastic ideas from previous comments. It’s going to be hard to decide WHAT to do!
Ultimately, Boo will be fine, whatever you decide to do about your hair. Maybe your hair wont fall out, but if it does, I didn’t notice any mentions of fantastic earrings?! I think you can totally rock a bald head…and some fab dangly earrings could be fun.
I’m cheering for you and look forward to your updates. Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share what you are going through. Sending prayers and love!
My mother in law is dying of Lung cancer right now. I have a 3 year old son. He’s her life. She has 2 grandkids, the other is 11 and lives over 4 hours away. We live 4 miles away.
She was diagnosed 1 year ago last august. The doctors at the Hubert Humphrey cancer center in Minneapolis gave her 2 months. So far she’s been doing very well. Never lost her hair. Until now.
A couple months ago they told her the type of chemo therapy she is using quick working. The cancer spread to several areas in her body. Her spine, her neck, her ribs.
So they started her on a stronger chemo. Now she has no hair. My son saw her for the first time, and him being so young its hard to explain to him that his nana is sick. He just thinks she has a cool shaved head and looks like his other grandma *my mom* who also has short hair.
I guess what I’m trying to say is this: I told her that I’d rather be bald and feel good than feel bad and have great hair. She agreed. Even though she’s a very proud women. I’m looking into getting her some nice scarves, but times are hard up here. We got a puppy to help with pain management and stress, it has helped her.
The battle is worth it in the end if the end is what makes you feel more alive I guess. Hang in there. I love reading about your journey and your designs are incredible.
I will add you in my prayers, and who knows Perhaps you wont lose your hair. If you do, get some funky fuscia pink and lime green wigs. 🙂
Ashley,
I think Boo needs a journal now…maybe her words can help other little girls who are facing these things with their moms. This damn disease effects everyone around the person suffering through it. It is the most out of control, helpless feeling seeing someone you love change, whether they are fighting or giving in to the disease. It changes people, inside and out, it changes the way you look at the world, even the smallest parts of it are distorted some days, no matter how positive you try to look at the world. So, I think Boo needs a creative outlet, and if she is half as crafty and demonstrative as her mommy, then a journal is a good place to start.
DEFINITELY get a PORT! save those precious arms so you can hold her through the tough times and so you can have your arms free for rockin shots with your phone!
….You are always in my thoughts, Ashley, always….
Im praying for you! I’m praying you have peace (more than you already have? How’s that possible?!) and calmness when you are required to sit still tomorrow. You are amazing! We serve and rely on an amazing Heavenly Father. And what a testimony your life is! What a testimony of faith and your walk with Christ! I admire you and you are in my thoughts and prayers daily!!
You ROCK! You’re beautiful even without your hair!
My little one cried when my DH shaved off his beard so I think kids just don’e like change but she’ll get used to it. 🙂
Good luck tomorrow!
Boo is so sweet. I want to give her a giant hug!! So, seriously – you look so pretty in your cantaloupe-boob picture. Your face is so gorgeous that you truly don’t need hair. You’ll rock bald like it’s no one’s business.
PS – is there a book or anything you want that might keep you busy? PPS – you’re on instagram??! Why can’t I find you?
Good luck! Just remember that Boo loves you no matter what and that she is extremely proud of you and that trumps a bald head!
I had some hair dilemmas a couple of years ago and the women on this website were so helpful and courageous they made me want to shave my head. The website really helped me. you are so courageous. I am praying for you and our family. Check out this website it will help you deal with the hair part. Its http://www.womenshairlossproject.com
I am constantly amazed by your outlook! It is so uplifting and such an example to me! Prayers are being said for you and your little family. Sweet little Boo..those changes must be very different for her .,there is a book, I’m pretty sure it;s on Amazon called Nowhere Hair. It is supposedly a great book for kids and helping their little minds understand what is happening.
i have HORRIBLE Cough attacks too!!! I more i try to stop them The MORE I COUGH.. I sound horrible!! I Stop my attacks with Halls triple soothing action cough drops.. the one in the BLUE pack!! they really do start working within 10 seconds! I totally sound like a commercial but seriously, they work! 🙂
xo!
Keren
I only got through half of your post before I started crying… My 12 year old daughters good friend is going through an intense chemo treatment and lost all her hair after her first round… right before she lost it they chopped it all off and sent it to a place where they attach her hair to a hat…. If you want I can ask the name of the place and you can do that! 🙂
I follow your page closely and you are such a huge inspiration, and such a strong strong amazing woman…. You are in my thoughts and prayers… I admire your upbeat attitude and relate to you a whole lot!
xxoo
Amanda
I didn’t read all the comments but I have alopecia areata (a hair loss disease) and have been wearing Peggy Knight wigs for years now. They are AMAZING b/c the scalp is just like a real scalp so people can touch your head (Boo), comb your “hair” etc. They use real hair and look as natural as any wig I’ve seen. They are VERY EXPENSIVE but I do know that insurance covers the cost for cancer patients. Might be a lot of work to finagle your insurance, get the wig, etc but maybe someone could help you with the details. Just another idea to throw into the pot. If the idea intrigues you at all feel free to e-mail me and we can chat more.
Praying for you! Boo will be ok, she just wants things to stay the same as they were before you got sick. She seems to be your biggest supporter, she will come around and help you pick out scarves and hats and flowers to adorn them with. Just give her time. Bless your heart for helping her by telling her what to expect, it must be hard to keep your smile on for those conversations. Peace, and strength to you as you enter this next phase of treatment! Sarah
As I swear under my breath wrapping presents and cursing at how behind I am I decided I needed am Ashley moment. Ashley, you always seem to bring me back to what is really important. You have been on my mind more than most this week and I hope that despite the start of your treatment that your holiday is filled with joy, joy, and more joy.
On another note…what about if you have a contest for the best DIY hats and Boo gets to be the judge. That way even though she can’t control your hair coming out she can control what goes on your head instead. Just an idea.
Merry Christmas Ashley.
Good luck tomorrow. I worry more about the nurses trying to keep you in that room! By the way, with or without hair you and your attitude are a blessing to so many people. We love you very much! Go get ’em girlie!! With God on your (our) side there is nothing you (we) can’t do! Hugs, Sista!!
Kiki
Maybe you and her could cut your hair off for locks of love before it starts falling out? Then you could sport a short hair style for awhile and it won’t be as traumatic when it starts falling out? Oh, and here’s a bonus, when my brother had leukemia his hair grew back thick and full of loose curls, before it was fine and stringy…I would love to have those curls:)
U got so many lovely responses and ideas. I think the marker on your head is one that would appeal to my daughter the most. How fun!! What about buying white scarves and telling her “Boo, I hope you get on board with this because I need you to design my scarves” and let her decorate them with markers, jewels etc.
I’m sorry that you have to sit thru the long treatments. You should start a chat room- we could keep you busy 😉
You CAN do it!!! God will get you through the torture lol!! Good luck tomorrow. Praying!
My 13 year old son accepted my hair loss just fine….as long as I wore a scarf or hat out in public. My 6 year old daughter NEVER accepted it!! She hated it the whole time, but loved me anyway! I now have a few inches back on, just got my first “after chemo” cut yesterday…she still hates it short, but she loves me anyway! Boo may not like your hair…but she’ll LOVE you ANYWAY!!
On another note… you mentioned getting an IV..?? I’d request a PICC line if I were you. It is a simple procedure where they insert a central line trhough a main vein in your upper arm. I had 3 actually, because they do tend to get infected, or the skin under the dressing gets irritated. BUT…it means NO IVs, they just hook up to the line each time they draw blood and infuse chemo…something to think about. I HAD to get a PICC line as the Methotrexate infusion I had was 12 hours long, I had to wear a pump home, and no needles are allowed to go home stuck in you (in Washington anyway). My treatment schedule was E and A infused at treatment center on Thursday, M given via pump Thursday night- back to treatment center for more E and A on Friday, then CO the following Thursday. SO my schedule was TH/F- Th, TH/F-Th….It took a total of 3 treatments (3 TH/F-TH)to get me to HCG at 5 or below (was 270,000 at D&C, 70,000 at Hysterectomey, then 27,000 at start of chemo). Then the protocol that my Onc used was 3 full treatments after under 5. Chemo started for me on 5/19 and my last treatment was 8/4 (no treatemnts were skipped- even when white cells were down to .02) and my HCG upon completion was .34. It is now running “less than .10” which is the lowest reading for HCG in a woman!!! (for 3 months now!!!!)
Best of EVERYTHING!! I’ll be thinking of and praying for you tomorrow!!
And….just for the record…I NEVER slep a wink at chemo!!
Go and ROCK that place!!
Heather
Aww. Well, you’d be pretty bald, nakie, or what have you. (Is that really weird to say? Probably.) A lot of weird things scare kids. When I was a kid, my aunt had a wig and that scared me and intrigued me. I snuck into her bathroom to see it one night.. I was probably 7. When I was 2 or 3, my mom says I saw my first bald man ever in a shopping mall. I said “no hair, no hair!” and he wheeled away. At 2 or 3 years old, I doubt I was trying to insult him, or say it that loud, but it was just new, interesting, and intriguing… I literally had never seen a bald man before. I had the same reaction when I saw my first nun as a kid. (I called her “NUNNUUMM.” Oops!) Maybe pictures of other bald people would be good for Boo, but then again, sometimes seeing a lot of sick people is scary for kids. I’m sure she’ll get used to it… I like everyone else’s ideas of cutting it together or getting matching hats.
I don’t know if you prefer the shaved, bald, scarf, or what look, but I like the idea of showing Boo what to expect. And, you, too. 🙁
Sorry you’re going through this. Hope the treatment goes well and seems fast.
Good luck! We enjoy your blog and positive spirit so much…you make us want to be better people:)
The book written by the nurse in Missouri to teach kids about cancer is called “Honeybear: The Beginning.” There’s another one out there called “Someone I Love is Sick.” Not sure if either would be useful.
They make beautiful wigs now. Ashley, you could make up some really AWESOME berets to wear. Or, maybe since so many of us want to do something to help, and you are forever giving back to someone or something, maybe some of us could make berets for you to share with the other Chemo patients someday. As for sleeping through the Chemo you may find it a little easier to do that with the meds they give you to help your stomach stay half way intact. ZOFRAN was the miracle drug for us, when the nausea did finally hit. Good luck Ashley, special prayers for the baby boo too today.
Your so creative.. I am sure you will make the most adorable beanie’s .. If they are colorful and fun then maybe Boo can accept your hair loss better. ? Hope this helps.. God bless you and your positive spirit..
Love,Gweny
I haven’t read all the comments so this may have already been mentioned but what about making it a special event? Tell her that your hair is going to go away for a bit even if she doesn’t want it to but maybe you need some new hats. You could plan a little shopping trip to pick out a new hat or two (Target always has so many cute ones!) and let her pick out what your new style is going to be until your hair grows back to just how she likes it!
I just wanted to tell you to be brave! You will do great! My mom and dad had cancer at the same time so I had 2 bald and beautiful parents! After the clumps got to be too much mom shaved her head and dad about 2 weeks later. It was a bit of a shock but much nicer than the clumps. During my moms chemo she would visualize the chemo attacking her tumors like PacMan! 🙂 As for the hair try cutting it in stages and like someone else said every hair that comes out means the chemo is doing its job! We had fun with hats. She hated the wig. After chemo was over I remember massaging her head trying to get it growing again. We would daydream about it coming back curly or darker or silver. We would even do a weekly hair update to see how much it had grown. It was like fuzzy baby hair – we called it frog fur!
Lots of good ideas on here! Keep staying positive and we’ll keep praying!
I may never have the oppurtunity to meet you, but you inspire me everyday. After I read your posts, I send a prayer your way and then many times through out my day. You are an awsome human being. Thank you for sharing your life with me!
Good Luck tomorrow!
You are definitely gorgeous and look amazing just like that, but I can understand Boo’s concerns; my nephew freaks out when my mom goes from wearing her wig to her now growing short hair (although Sophie does not seem to care, maybe cause she is a bit younger…). My mom had considered shaving her head and using her own hair for a wig, but then decided to see what happened. That was in Argentina, but I am sure there is the same kind of place that makes them here. Best of luck and thanks again for sharing with all of us your super incredible great vibes 🙂
Maybe you could let her PAINT your head???
I just love your blog. I am amazed at how brave & positive you are. My prayers are with you & your family.
Hi Ashley,
I have never commented on someone’s blog before. However I have been following yours for a few months now. You inspire me everyday to be a better mom, wife, daughter, friend…..I admire your strength and your sunny outlook you have, no matter what the circumstances.
I had to comment today. I have a friend going through chemo right now and she did what most other’s have suggested. She let her kids help her shave her head. But first she cut a cute bob, then went a little shorter, then came the “shave party”. Maybe going through the different stages will help your Lil Boo.
Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers everyday! Good Luck tomorrow!
C~
Kids hate change of ANY kind.. it is like their worst enemy.. the thought of change, the thought of different.. but then, when it actually comes around it turns out to be okay.
She will fight the change, but then accept it because kids are tough and bounce back better than any adult.
You talking to her about it and offering for her to be involved is great.
She will love it because she loves you.. your hair is not you, you are you 🙂
Keeping you in my prayers girl!! Boo will adjust…everyone handles things differently. My grown daughter wanted nothing to do with shaving my head & she’s a hair dresser. But she did help me pick out a wig. Synthetic is best because they stay styled & you are ready to go at any time! I wore caps & scarves at home & the wig out in public. I even tried a blond one on (I’m brunette) & NO ONE recognized me! Haha..my kids thought if I robbed a bank & they posted my pic in the blond wig….they would have NO clue it was me! My chemo only lasted less than 4 hours each time, but it did seem to go by fast w/ magazines & TV. So get creative with your beanies 🙂 I’m sure you’ll come up with something beautiful!
saw these and thought of you: http://www.underarmour.com/shop/us/en/pid1222045-547
more crazy leggings!
Hi- I work for the Amercan Cancer Socety- first, I am sorry you have to have this conversation at all!! We often tell women to experiment with the different ways to wear head coverings, scarves, hats etc. Then there are the different kind of wigs as well. Maybe get Boo involved with picking some of those things out and maybe she can learn to help tie the scarves in differnt ways. Defintly focusing on how the medicine is helping you get better is good. Take care- you and your’s are in my prayers.
Still thinking and praying for you. You will be beautiful no matter what. Your beauty radiates not only from the outside but within as well. Hope your treatment goes well and as easy as it can. Hugs to you.
Pack a comfy blanket. Wear your Uggs. My feet always froze. Check and see, but food was complimentary for me. I had a menu and whoever was with me would call in my order. I only did it a few times as I never seemed to be all that hungry. You are going to do great. You have the attitude that is going to kick this in the rear!!
Thinking about you Ashley. Your positive attitude and sweet spirit inspire me so much. I will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending you my prayers and good wishes.
Love you my friend!!!
xxoxo
Jen
After my husband underwent chemo, his hair became sparse and my youngest son shaved the rest off. I sat in the background, silently crying – collecting the hair so that the birds could line their nests with it. When his hair grew back it was darker and fuller.
We have heard that if your hair is curly, it will come back straight. If it is grey it will be darker. You know we have the choice to see the positive even if you’re going through the bowels of hell. Unseen arms are wrapping around your soul. Feel that. We are all sending you our prayers. Design a good scarf!
Praying for you and your family.
I’m a blog stalker, and I totally love stalking you (that’s never creepy is it). I had to let you know that you’re super-duper famazing and I love reading about your life. Change can be so scary, especially for little ones. You’re such a great mom and Boo is such an adorable little girl. I hope tomorrow goes well…and I hope they can keep you and your creative energetic self entertained! Good luck beautiful!
I don’t know if anyone has already suggested this, but have you thought of donating your hair to Locks of Love? It’s an educational opportunity in many ways. Giving sometimes over rides the losing of something. Children are very compassionate beings naturally.
Praying for you! and glad to know I’m not the only grown woman who can’t fill out an A cup! lol And about Boo just remember, sometimes, you just have to let people feel how they are gonna feel…feelings are fickle…when she grows up she will probably feel aweful she was embarrassed! lol I know that’s how I feel about all the times I was embarrassed of my mom when I was little..God knows I have no clue what I would do, but maybe this would be a good way to let her know that whatever way she feels is okay, and that having certain feelings are normal, but we should not let our feelings control or dictate the way we behave…or something like that. Merry Christmas!
They have some good wigs now! I picked out a few good ones when my hair started falling out.
Ashley, you crack me up…only you could have such a positive attitude . Boo will feed off of your attitude just like we do. Stay strong and positive and keep laughing.
They make beautiful real hair wigs now and that would probably help Boo to see you as normally as possible during is time of transition.
Please know that I will be praying for you tomorrow. That you will be able to be still, not cough too much and that this chemo will work for you!
You touch my heart!
Beth
Hi Ashley,
This is a little thing, but might help. Last year our elementary school counselor was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was forty with 1 year old twins. Not the best year. Two of our staff, Becca DesJardin and Beth Owermohle, wrote and illustrated a sweet, funny book about illness, medicine, and hair loss. It was read many times at our school and facilitated healthy discussions. I would like to send a copy for you and Boo to read together. Would you feel comfortable emailing me an address so I can mail you a book? Mrs. Fiddlesticks Wears a Hat can be found at booksbybethandbecca.com/
I’m thinking of you.
We went wig shopping together with my MIL and also, we bought colored mousse’s and my boys played with it on her bald head and did mo-hawks with it as it grew in. They would dare her to go shopping with her hair blue and mo-hawed and by-golly, she did. Prayers tomorrow for your treatment tomorrow. I have a feeling you will know everyone before you leave and lift a few spirits in those 8 hours!
Blessings.
Cindy
Thinking of you and praying that your day goes well tomorrow. I think it is fine if you want to wiggle and dance in your chair. It might liven the place up. I have to have surgery soon and my biggest concern is that I’ll snore 🙂
Hugs,
Laura
’bout time for an AWESOME hat collection! My MIL gave us her super-cute hat collection after she was done with all of the chemo.
Thanks for sharing your hope and courage with us! We are on your side and praying for a quick return to a happy AND healthy you!
Hi. Erin Anderson sent me your blog via facebook. I met her in Boone a couple of years ago. We each have 3 girls and they are all about the same age. Just wanted to introduce myself to say I’m going through what you are about to. It seems like I may be few months ahead of you. Not sure though. You seem to be really strong and have a great attitude. If you ever want to talk I’m available. You can just email me and we can go from there. I took AC and then Taxol. I have stage 2 breast cancer and the chemo, although manageable has not been easy. My girls are 4, 2, and 1. Showing my girls a photo of a friend who lost her hair to chemo seemed to be helpful for them. I showed right before I went to cut it all off. I cut it to about an inch short all over. I began to shed heavily so I went back and had it buzzed-not to the scalp but buzzed. Then that week it all came out in the shower. I went from a buzz cut to scalp, took a razor too it to clean it up and learned to love my new look. Losing my hair was difficult for me. I thought I was ready, prepared, but when I saw myself in the mirror, out of the shower with large clumps missing it was at that moment that I really saw myself sick for the first time. I’ve moved on from that now. Anyway, I’m rambling on your blog. Sorry. Just wanted to say I love your writing and if you want to connect please email me.
ginger
I stayed up late last night reading every entry in your cancer chronicles. I should have read through them before posting. I was just so excited from your writing that I jumped right in not really knowing your whole story. Thank you for sharing so honestly. I love it and your writing has inspired to me to journal more. I’ve been journaling but not very passionately. I will be doing so from now on. I also just saw a movie titled “Not As I Pictured” Its by John Caplan, a pulitzer prize winning photo journalist. He was diagnosed with lymphoma and the prognosis has not been good but he remains positive and encouraged. If you don’t already know of him, you can search him and request a free DVD. It was inspiring to watch his journey through it all. He has inspired me to take more photos and you have inspired me to write more. I kept thinking, I’ll have enough scars to remember this journey by no need to write it down and document with a photograph. Even though that is true I don’t want just those scars to define all that is happening. There is much more to it than that. Having a photo of a friend with no hair to show my girls was helpful. I think I said that already. I know you don’t know me, but if you’d like me to send a photo of me with no hair I’d be happy do so. Its pleasant not a weird one. Sincerely, Ginger
She’s artsy like her momma. Let her paint your head. =O)
Maybe you can let Boo paint your head after you shave it? You know… kinda like they do pregnant bellies at baby showers?! I’m guessing the promise of getting to paint her mother’s head may get her on board!
Ashley; I am a 23 month Stage 3 breast cancer survivor who was diagnosed just after her 50th birthday. Although my girls are grown and graduated from college, I have a little neighbour (4 years old) who always visits me and she thought my hair or lack there of was absolutely hilarious. She would touch my head and even tried on my wig.
You might want to consider trimming your hair to your shoulders and then once you shave it and little bits start to fall out, give little Boo a lint brush and let her roll it over your head. Lint brushing your hair helps keep the little peices from falling everywhere and it might be fun for her to ‘brush’ your hair. Paint the handle a crazy color, paint her name on it, add rhinestones and make it her special Mommy brush.
I would tell Little Boo that the treatment kills all of the bad cells but it sometimes kills good cells like hair but it means that Mommy is getting the medicine she needs. And let her know that these side effects including losing your hair are all temporary, but wellness is something you plan on for a very long time.
As far as falling asleep during your chemo, I am also someone who just goes all of the time but the little sleep I would have during chemo allowed me to dream of wellness and truly sustained me through the reality of my 16 chemo treatments.
Humor and positivity were the biggest part of my recovery and it certainly seems that you have that all sewn up. Take each treatment in mind-sized bites and allow those who love you to take care of you.
You are in my thoughts and prayers,
Heather
Always praying for you Ashley! Hair or not your are simply gorgeous! I pray this treatment will work work work! Praying for Mr. LBB and Boo too.
Oh Ashley I feel for you! You’ve gotten such great advice here… I had to read almost all the comments because I’m going to lose my hair by the end of January, chemo starts mid January. While I am freaking out, my 10 year old Boo is my rock. She tells me all the time… it’s just hair… I’ll love you bald or not. But… I did chop off my long locks a few days ago and got a shorter layered cut. It will be easier to shave when the time comes. What I’ve done is go with my Boo and buy cute hats and scarves. Etsy has come cool “chemo caps”, I even bought a Pirates of the Caribbean knit cap AARGH 🙂 So my advice would be to take Boo shopping for Pretty scarves and hats (Or goofy ones, if she’s the type), cut your hair shorter (love the locks of love bit) so she can get used to you looking different and still realize you’re the same, and definitely validate her feelings about not liking change. Buy some cool boots and kick some cancer ass!
Good luck tomorrow, Ashley. I hope it passes quickly for you. My heart is breaking for you and your Boo. You have a wonderful spirit and I look forward to watching you winning the battle!
I went the wig route. I didn’t like wearing it as it was uncomfortable, so I didn’t wear it very often. However, I always got tons of compliments when I did, so it made me feel good. Also, my middle son usually preferred I wear it, so I would to some of his events. A couple of times my husband and I went on a date and I would wear my wig to just help forget I was sick for the night. I will tell you, when you don’t wear your wig you will get ALOT of stares, especially if Boo is with you. The looks from other Moms are a combination of pity and terror. But I got so it was kind of a badge of honor – Yes I’ve got cancer, but I’m out and about and kicking Cancer’s butt!
Well by now I’m sure everyone who’s ever had cancer who looks at your blog has commented about their story…I’m no exception.
Steve, my husband, would call me and have me get a burger from his favorite place before they started chemo…usually they run in lactated ringers or saline to make sure you’re hydrated. So as that was started he’d eat. Food just didn’t taste good for about the next 4 days. He seemed to like the taste of pork, tho.
Get some cute ball caps or perhaps a wig. This may be a fun time to see what you’d like as a burnette or red head.
I’m praying for you and your dear family! God Bless…Norma
Ashley-I think of you often and pray for you to heal and feel better soon, and for your family too. Your strength and humor are inspiring and awesome.
Do you need anything? Is there anything we can do for you or your family? I’m making Christmas cookies this week and considered trying to send your family some from AZ, but would that be weird to eat ‘stranger cookies’? I love baking and do pretty well, if I may brag a bit, my house is immaculate, and I’m an upstanding citizen. 🙂 I bake every year for friends and my employees, and would be happy to do something kind for your family.
Hang in there and take care of yourself and your sweet family. (I changed my name to Michelle T, as there is more than one Michelle checking in on you.)
Maybe this week you could get her to help you make some scarves, just painting and decorating some fabric squares. Also maybe cut a few inches off your hair every single night after she goes to bed so that it’s a slow transition from really long hair to shorter hair to no hair. You rock.
My heart goes out to you and to Boo. My situation is the opposite, my daughter is the one with cancer and I had to adjust to her without hair. She chose to shave it after we had a big hair party where lots of people shaved their heads in support. I put her little sister to bed, and came out to find my three-year-old and husband had both shaved their heads. It was initially shocking, but she was doing somersaults in the grass and saying how much she loved her new haircut. Her joy over it, made it easier for me to take it in. And in less than 24 hours, I was used to it, and loving her adorable bald head. Another thing that helped her was this book
http://www.amazon.com/Hair-Fairy-Alphabet-Encouragement-Insight/dp/1412049792/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324351524&sr=8-1
H is for Hair Fairy – it is an alphabet book for kids with cancer and has hair fairies that are like the tooth fairy, when you lose your hair, they come give you a present.
Best wished to you all,
Liz
Thinking of you and hoping for the best outcome! Many years ago, when I had chemo (notice the “many years ago” and I am still here), my doctor asked me if I wanted to try something that might help me hang on to my hair. He said it wasn’t proven to work but it wouldn’t hurt to try. A gel-filled, fabric covered cap (like an old-fashioned swim cap but thicker) was kept in the freezer at the doctor’s office, and every time I went in for chemo, I wet my head in the sink and put the cold gel cap on. One thing’s for sure–the icy cold sure took my mind off the treatment! Amazingly, I kept about 60% of my hair but I was expecting to lose it all. My granddaughter lost all her hair when she was four but she is nine now and has gobs of hair and is healthy as can be! My dear friends made cute hats for her and she wore them for a while but eventually tired of them and just went au naturel except in the sun and the cold. Be strong and think good thoughts and we will be thinking of you.
I don’t know what it is but, you just inspire me to be a better person. Hang in there Happy Holidays!
Shannon
Hi Ashley –
My two girls were 15 and 10 when I went thru chemo for breast cancer. My older one was more upset at my losing my hair than my younger one. I didn’t think I really cared, and tried to hold off shaving my head, but it started to get to me when I’d run my hand through my hair and come up with a handful of loose pieces. A stylist friend shaved my head for me, and it really helped eliminate the constant reminders that my hair was falling out! Tell that cancer who is boss and take charge!! I thought I’d try doing the crazy color wigs, but ended up with a great blonde wig with dark roots. Even the chemo nurses had to ask if it was a wig!
Fast forward 5 years, and my older daughter is now a hair stylist. I feel so great letting her practice new cuts on me (I got to be her model for Cosmetology exam) .. I tell her that there’s nothing she can do to my hair that will be that bad, and not to worry about ‘messing up’. Heck, I’ve been bald before! And it grows back.
BTW .. I learned more in the chemo room talking to other patients than I did talking to some of my doctors. Allowing those who are a step or two ahead of you to exchange wisdom of the experience is a blessing for both of you. You are an inspiration in courage and humor — God is using you mightily thru this too!
I think Boo will probably surprise you, I’ve found that children accept most things adults have a hard time accepting…whatever happens, you are still Mommy and that’s what counts the most right?
All my prayers are with you dear!
Merry Christmas
Marah
Your good humor really puts me to shame sometimes! You’ve got such fabulous features, I’m sure that when she sees you rocking pretty headscarves and fun hats and still looking gorgeous she’ll adjust.
Ashley,
I pray that you are able to sit in a peaceful state tomorrow.
As far as Boo is concerned, make her a little book about a hair fairy that came to take your hair away. Maybe put funny pictures of different hair styles and hats on your character in the book. Write another character in the book that doesn’t want change to happen. Then, she will have something to reflect on as she adapts to your new fashionista self!
What if you allowed Boo to shave a doll’s head and together, make cute scarfs or hats for both you and the doll?
OR: Have her write down 5 things that she would like to do with your hair. Start the list for her with something like 1. Dye it BLUE before we shave it off…
I gave a Choose Joy bracelet to my daughter today and told her the story of your father and about you. She asked if she could give a bracelet to a friend that was having kind of a hard time, and she shared a little of your story will a fellow 9 year old. You are touching the hearts and lives of many. Thank you so much.
Tomorrow, when you close your eyes, see every part of your insides as “well and healed”. Study each part that has cancer and see it all gone. The mind is also a powerful medicine.
With love,
Charisse
Oh gosh! I wouldn’t know what to say to my little ones. All I know is that you’re awesome. I pray for you often. I give my husband updates about you as if you were a close friend that lives down the street. You’re a trooper and my hero. I just got a t-shirt the other day that has a picture of Wonder Woman flying across and it says, “Yeah, I’m pretty Super”. I looked up to that lady when I was little. Loved her. I’m thinking you need one of those shirts! Sending lots of prayers up with your name on em’.
I remember when my dad lost starting losing his hair, he let my niece and nephew use duct tape to get the rest of it off. Of course his hair was a lot shorter than yours. Hang in there. Hugs.
Ashley, I have been meaning to write you a comment on your blog for quite some time now. I am almost obsessed with a stranger’s life it seems, and it is crazy! However, I feel you are no stranger in my heart…I see you as an instrument in God’s plan right now. Administering to many people worldwide (through your words, humbleness and honesty) here on your blog, that you are human and you are FAITHFUL. When you first see your blog, you see this amazingly beautiful Victoria Secret looking woman, with a child that looks like she should be on billboards for children’s advertisements…and a dog that looks like it’s a stuffed toy (adorable – I too have a Yorkie) however it’s a boy and he would go gaga for your ‘lil gal pooch! However, you expect to read about a glamorous life (which indeed you do have) – and you are extremely blessed…however I read about a beautiful strong woman, who is battling a life threatening cancer at age 34. Can I just say (sigh) with such envy to you Ashley. I read a few posts back how you suffered from anxiety…well to quickly introduce myself, I am 29 and anxiety consumes my LIFE at the moment (has for the last few years) and now has started to consume my poor little girl’s life (who I also call Boo ; ) and is only 6 years old. It breaks my heart into a gazillion pieces to come home and read your posts, after I feel like I am “pretend” dying in my mind everyday. I read in your past posts, where you had stated hat you have no fears, anxieties or worries with your current situation in life…but you suffered from ANXIETY immensely also in your 20’s. I feel like I found you, to help overcome my own anxieties, and now the anxiety that is robbing my poor child of her own innocence. If there are any words of wisdom you can share on anxiety, please reference them if possible – as I feel like you are the STRONG one here and YOU are helping us “others” through God’s will. I no longer envy you for your talents, beauty or ability to do anything and make iot amazing…I instead humble myself as you have shown me and so many others, and open my heart to you and say THANK YOU…you CAN do anything and YOU can decide to be positive through anything. I think of you often, and hope that you know that you will INDEED overcome this – you are stronger than it and that is what will heal you + your faithfulness ♥. From one stranger that reads your blog, it means the world that you share your life and experiences with the rest of us…God Bless you Ashley. I will be with you reading every post and cheering you on girl. BTW – you are so gorgeous inside and out…that you can make that GI Jane thing really work ; ) Merry Christmas!!!
You really are an inspiration!
Im covered head to toe in guttate psoriasis right now….Here I thought it could get any worse. I realize how difficult it is on my young sons and they just dont understand. I tell my 4 yr old that momma has the cool little polka dots and he can connect them!! I am praying for you to recover from all of this and I pray that lil boo will be comforted in knowing that God is in control. I bet once she sees how pretty you are bald that she will want to go bald too….Good Luck tomorrow!
I’ve never commented before but I am an avid reader. Let me start off by saying you are in my prayers and with such strength and determination you’ll be just fine! I’ve had to spend a lot of time in hospitals for a medical condition and all my doctors say if the patient isn’t willing to fight no amount of medicine will help, and you my dear are a fighter! But anyways, I would say you should wear your hair under a hat so Boo can get used to seeing you with that look. Then take her to buy some hats or wigs whichever you think she’ll have an easier time with, I would think it would be hats because wigs may freak a little girl out. Let her pick some and then after you’ve got a few hats set up a “hair cutting party”. Invite your close friends and family, play some music, eat, drink, dance (if you’re up to it) and in the middle of the party take a seat and have everyone take a little off. When Boo sees all the fun and joy she won’t be scared and won’t want to wait for her turn to shave! Good luck and I hope you’re able to nap tomorrow.
Best wishes tomorrow. Hope you can sleep through some of it. Always thinking of you.
Ashley,
You’re beautiful and so is your strength 😉
Vanessa
I didn’t read through all of your comments so maybe this has already been suggested, but maybe cut off a little each day. I’m praying for you Ashley. You are my hero!
Hair is just hair, it grows back. As someone who suffers from Trichotillomania, I’m used to hair loss and funny looks from others – but I know that it can be traumatic for kids if their parents lose hair due to a chemo.
You did great trying to prepare Boo for your Sinead style (which I really like, btw), and she’ll get used to it if the time has come. Maybe with tears and crying and “I want Mom to look like she did before”, but she’ll do fine because she had been prepared. Hugs to you!
When I went through chemo, I saw it as my chance to do something drastic that I would have never done before: cut off ALL my hair.
It was awesome! Besides scaring the crap out of my husband when I came home from the salon, that is. He didn’t recognize me. But it was something fun to do in the middle of a not-so-fun time.
I waited to the shaving until my hair had gotten so thin that I was wearing a hat every day when I went out in public. The one thing you have to realize that is the second you shave your head, you become “Cancer Patient” to everyone out there. That was a little hard for me. Before that, I was just someone with short hair and a baseball cap. Getting rid of all your hair is your “coming out” if you will.
So my advice (not that you asked for it), is to hold off on doing that for a while. Short vs. shaved is a world of difference, in a lot of ways.
And two tips in dealing with hair loss: get a satin pillowcase (it seems less hairs get pulled out overnight) and make sure you have a warm hat to sleep in. Once your hair is gone, your head gets COLD at night! When I was bald, I would also have dreams that I was brushing my long, silky, thick hair. And then I’d wake up and be crushed.
It’s only temporary and your hair will grow back. It might be a funky color and texture at first, but eventually it will be what it was. Right now my hair is only about an inch away from being long enough to donate to Locks of Love and I can’t wait to do it. It makes me feel like I’ve come full circle.
Good luck with your new treatments!
Hi Ashley,
good luck and I will send a prayer your way, I think you are handling this with such an inspiring strength, big virtual hugs for you and your family.
Maureen xx
Dear Ashley,
you are simply amazing! I wish you all the best for yourself and your family. Don’t lose your good spirits!
Off to make a snowflake dress from your sweet A-line for my biggest January snowflake…
Love,
Tatjana
Keep rockin it girl! You are amazing and such an inspiration. I will continue to pray for you, your family and little boo….Cheers to the Most wonderful Christmas Ever!!
Hugs, Amber 🙂
Ashley,
I’ve continued to lift you & your family up in prayer. Maybe you can get stock pics or youtube clip of the scene where Demi shaves her head and then another after it grew back???
If you shave it now you can save your hair to either have a wig made or donate to Locks of Love??? that way it could turn a negative thing into a positive…
maybe you’ve said it or heard people say it, “It’s only hair, it’ll grow back” (been there done that & it does grow back) however…it’s still “MY” hair..so let yourself have permission to get upset about it…I did for about 30mins, then I said, “Self, it’s only hair, and you are still you…and the treatments are keeping you here to grow it back again!”
Thanks for leading/urging all of us to “CHOOSE JOY” !!! God bless you & your family!
-Amy
Her cuteness, sharpness, and just plain old straight to point kid sense is great 🙂
You should try negotiating with her. You may have to loose your hair to get healthy, it will grow back. Since she does not like anyhthing you have picked so far (kiddie denial)and she has such a great sense of style :), have her pick what you will wear on your head. She will come around…..hopefully HAPPY HEALING AND LOTS OF FEEL GOOD DAYS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thinking of you today!!!! You are so strong, and I hope that you feel better soon!
Ashley – I have not read all the comments, so if this is a duplicate, sorry. I have been following your progress. I wish you all the best. What Boo said sounds like my son and maybe this will help. He hates change and when life is all stressful, he clings to the “normal” with all his being. With him it is not about what you are changing, it is because he cannot control it and it makes him feel helpless and question if it will happen to him. During every major event we have had (which has been too many in his short life) he has gotten upset with any change from the normal, because there was so much other change going around. Also when the issues were directly related to me, he didn’t want me to change anything, because he was worried that would change everything. I hope that helps a bit.
I had a friend who had cancer too and she had friends and fam mail her scarves even had a scarf/ tea party. This might help your little deal with it if she can go to the mail box and open packages of new scarves. Have a tea party with hats and scarves. She might enjoy all the gifts. As a teacher i know kids dont do well at first with change but they alllllllllways love you.and will be ok. I had very long hair and got a very short pixie cut and donated my hair once i showed them pics of sick kids and exp. why id done it they did much better. They even made get well cards to send with my hair for the sick kids. Hth.
I just had to say as far as your concern about not being able to sit still. They let my dad walk around. He can unplug for a little bit and move around. Which has been a salvation for him. Maybe you’ll be able to walk around too.
Good luck.
Have you thought of having her shave the hair off of one of her dolls? That might ease up some of the apprehension. On another note, my sister’s hair has started to grow back from her chemo from this summer, Yeah!
Hi Ashley! I saw some good looking wigs on HSN a few weeks ago. They’re the Iman wigs (you know, wife of David Bowie). I was watching a Joy Mangano (Huggable Hangers) show on HSN, and she was wearing a blonde “bob” Iman wig. The wig looked real – I was fairly surprised.
Good luck with it all! I’m sure Boo will adapt. If you can, find some really soft, simple beanie-type hats for sleeping. I always found that I needed something covering my head when I slept. I didn’t like the pillow touching my bare head. I didn’t like the air conditioning blowing on it. If you have some really simple soft hats, they are great for sleeping. As for sitting in the chair for so long – maybe they’ll give you some ativan to knock you out, and then you can sleep through it.
Ashley, I admire your spirit, your enthusiasm, your talent and your love for Boo. You are such a strong woman–don’t know you personally, but love reading your blog and posts. You and your family are in our prayers!
I thought the same thing about your boobs when I saw that photo!!!! Glad you mentioned it or else we would be a little curious about how you got them SO big! We will continue to pray for you and also lift up Boo in our prayers. I can’t imagine all of her emotions that she is going through, but I am so thankful that she has such an enduring mom to help answer her questions.
Woke up this morning thinking of you and your family, as you start the new round of chemo. I know you will show cancer who the boss is! Hugs to all of you.
Debbie
Some friends have been posting this on Face Book, so I thought I would share. It could apply to mothers that loose their hair, too.
They should make a Barbie with no hair so every little girl fighting cancer can feel beautiful. A Barbie that comes with a head scarf and donates the proceeds to the cancer foundation. Repost this if you agree. I bet 99% of you won’t. ♥
My husband lost his hair during chemo years ago. No hair, no shaving and easy to wash the head. It came in curly for a little while.
such a great idea!!!!!
I think “chemo” Barbie is a great idea! I’m also a formerly bald cancer survivor.
Thinking about you today and praying that the chemo session is going well.
hi ashley,
(first of all im sorry for my bad english, im from israel..english is not ‘my’ language)
i was sorry to read about your illness, i ‘accidently’ got to your blog this night by ‘pinterest’, fall un love and realized that you are in the biggest journey of your life. ive been ther a year ago, ive had 6 month of treatments and now 6 month of health (touch wood).
i also have a little girl, she was 4.5 years old when i found out i was sick.. and just ‘like’ you, tried to explain her about the loss of the hair. her first comment was in a very histerical cry! she said she is afraid of my bald spot..
i huged her and told her that i will do anything so she wont be afraid of me.
like you i shaved my hair before it started falling by it self (g i jane!!) and it made it easier to cope with, to her too.
one day, bald as a baby i went to her kibdergarden to show the kids my head, to have a laght about it, it made her very proud:-)and she was more comfortable since that day.
i hope my things can help you in any way..
i wish you a short journey, painless as can be…
a very big worm hug from over the sea,
ravid.
I remember when my mom’s hair started falling out. The weekend of my big brother’s wedding. She aqua netted the hell out of it and forbid me to touch it for the weekend. As soon as the wedding stuff was over, she came to our house and had my husband buzz it all off. She was so brave and so are you. She wore ute hats and scarves and I know she missed her locks, but she was adorable when it started growing back. I’m o sorry tat you are going through this. Your sense of humor is fantastic, I am so impressed. Its ok to mourn your losses, be good to yourself, you are worth every ounce of it. Prayers for your speedy recovery. And if you shave your head take pictures, I’m sad I didn’t get any of my hubby shaving my mom.
hugs to you and boo! i think you did the best thing. you were honest with her. with that honesty you and boo can work it all out together and it will be a great learning experience for both of you. i didn’t say easy, but in the end, it will be okay.
in my opinion, you are beautiful. others could only wish to have a face like yours that can rock hair and baldness equally well!
sending you much aloha and healing. 🙂
My friend wore a wig after she lost her hair because she didn’t want her little girl to see her bald. Finally her daughter said “I know you don’t have any hair, you don’t have to wear that thing”. She thought she was too young to understand!! So I’m sure she will understand after a bit. Maybe just keep something on your head at first.
Ashley: We’ve been praying for you, as usual, and hoping today went OK. I have gone thru this with many friends and with your courage, strength and faith ( and sense of humor) you’ll do well. You are so beautiful and vivacious who needs hair. Jennifer would say, “hats are much better anyway”. She grew up loving them and wears them alot. Hope the little box came for Sienna and the book is really for all of you. Love and huge hugs to you all. Now we can go hat shopping for you!! Yea!!!!
Thinking about you so much today! xox
This might be the most off the wall suggest you’ve received, but you could do what my best friends mother did when she had cancer (brain..) She knew she would loose her hair and had always had very long hair light blond hair. We were old enough to under said that hair wasn’t the most important thing, but still the idea of a bald mother had freaked my best friend out… So when she knew her hair was going to start falling out she decided to have fun with it. She dyed her hair! and not normal colors, our favorite colors. Blue, purple, hot pink, more of a tie died funky pattern. And while her coloring was permanent she let her daughter (and me via my mom’s permission) to use food coloring, jello, and kool aid to tie dye our hair too. I dont even remember when her hair fell out, but I think it was about the time ours finally washed out. In the end my friend wasn’t as shocked because we all ‘changed’ at the same time.
i read your blog often – i really admire your strength and you have a wonderful personality! 🙂
i haven’t read all of the comments, so maybe someone wrote this already, but maybe getting a couple of shorter and shorter haircuts every couple of days would help boo with the transition.
colorful wigs might be fun. Boo might love seeing you in an Ariel wig from the Disney store. 😉
You are truly the epitome of BRAVE. Wishing you the best. My prayers are in for a speedy recovery. Thanks so much for your beautiful words of inspiration and outlook on life. Hugz!!!!
I just stumbled upon your blog from a link on Pinterest & I am in awe of all you get done with everything you are going through!
I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 29 with a 4 year old & I know how hard and emotional it is for you. You want to be better for yourself, but you want to take the fear and worry away from your baby more than ANYTHING else! My little girl was the exact same when I told her my hair would fall out & that’s all she focused on. “When will your hair come back”, “What will people think?”, “Why does your hair have to fall out?”, “Are you going to wear a wig today?” (The wig comment was made before we went out in public pretty much daily. How can 4 year olds be so embarrassed of their parents?)
We got her a book from the Christian Bookstore called “Aunt Lucy has Cancer” by Connie S. Owens and it helped her a lot.
It’s been 2 years now and I have a full head of hair again and believe that my cancer journey has made her more sensitive and caring. She refers to the 6 months I underwent chemo as “When you laid on the couch and slept all the time”. Blue will be ok, try not to worry & don’t feel bad. You’re doing everything you can. It’s a lot for her to understand but just being as honest as you feel you can be at her age level will help. I’m praying for your family.
My mother went through the same thing and was super creative. One thing she did for my sister and I to understand was come up with a book of a bald superhero and made us lil dolls to go with it. When she did lose her hair we were able to relate her to the superheros instead of something scary. I hope this helps. I know it’s never easy but you are an amazing inspiration!
My dearest Ashley, Blue, and Mr. LBB,
I have had you guys on my mind so much since break started I just had to stop by and say hi. Ashley, you are an AMAZING woman and I for one am so very glad that proud that I know you. Blue, Ms. Kelli loves you with all her heart and know that when mommy looks different, its just on the outside. On the inside, she is still your loving mommy that adores everything about you, Mr. LBB, you are just as Amazing as Ashley is. The love you have for your family shows everyday in the caring way you take care of them both. Merry Christmas to you all. I love all 3 of you dearly and you are in my prayers as you go thru this trying time. It will get better. I know it will.
I have no advise for Blue, bless her heart and yours too!! I was in my late 40’s when my mother lost her hair from cancer treatment and I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing her without her hair. It ripped my heart out. She tried to make sure she had her wig on every time I was around and one day she didn’t have it on. And it was okay. She looked like a Cupie (spell?) doll. I couldn’t stand to think about it until suddenly I was “surprised” with the real thing and I was fine with it. Reality was so much less painful than my imagination.
Like I said, this is not advise but just thoughts. Maybe if you don’t talk to her about it at all until it happens. If she sees it coming out gradually and gets used to it she might take it better. Or you could go ahead and shave your head then get a blond wig like your hair and try to not let her see you without it. I don’t mean to suggest you deceive her, but the saying that children are resilient and bounce back only works most of the time. Several traumatic events happening to my mother when I was a child have stayed with me and are still upsetting at 53 years old. But Blue has such a strong support system and if she is as strong as her mother, she will be fine after it actually happens. But if she feels so strongly about it now, maybe she shouldn’t think about it until it happens and isn’t as traumatic and she is anticipating.
Just something to think about. You and your family are in my prayers!
My best friend’s mom lost her hair during chemo and put a spin to the bald head. She used to color it just because she could. My favorite was when she colored the earth in her head.
My aunt on the other hand did the wig thing and had different ones, so we just thought it was like playing dress up.
Hello I have been read since day one and I love your out look on life starting with the passing of you daddy. And i think you have the right idea on the outlooks of life and situations you have gone through so i smile and clap for you. I have an idea you said you are all ears so i was thinking you could maybe tell boo a little white lye. Hear it goes. So what if you tell her u have been thinking of going bald for a little while so you could grow back you baby hair or little girl locks just like her. Because ones your hair does fall out it will grow back so pretty and full of shine just like new no damaged end no split end you get. I will keep in touch hope it helps
Ashley,
Wow do you have a lot of followers!!! Took me forever to scroll to the bottom so I could send you a message!!! My father went through breast cancer – of all things for a man – and he lost his beautiful full head of salt and pepper hair. He couldn’t stand losing his hair so he ended up purchasing a wig. He looked like Martha Washington and most of the time it didn’t stay put and his part ended up so low on one side that it looked more like a comb over. Fortunately for women, wigs are much nicer and look very realistic. I would get several and let your adorable little girl help you pick them out. Get her a Liv doll. They are fashion dolls but they are also bald and they come with a bunch of wigs!! I agree with a lot of the other posts, it’s the change she fears, but she will quickly see that you are still you and that it is just hair. Shocking at first but she will get use to it and after a while it won’t matter to her whether you are bald, wearing a hat, or a wig. You will be the same loving, wonderful person on the inside. In light of your illness, you are hilarious at times and a true inspiration. Prayers are with you and your family.
Mis hijos y esposo no les preocupara mi aspecto, me intriga como me lo tomare yo, pero despues de los traumas que ya he pasado creo que lo importante es pasar el tratamiento, yo en eso tengo suerte, si no tengo dolor por el Lupus soy tranquila, pero no creo que me duerma, que salga todo bien y lo del pelo ya se solucionara. Besos.