I’m finally home and resting from a full day of chemo treatment. I’m so exhausted and I have aches and pain like the flu…..but only from the waist down. I was able to eat dinner and I’m just trying to drink as much water as I can to keep my kidney’s flushed out. Below is a photo of Brett and I first thing this morning, 8:45am at the doctor’s office…..eek, we both look super tired, right? Notice my hair? Brett said it’s looking super thin. My friend Tara came over yesterday to inspect it. She said my hairline has moved up about an inch underneath and some around my face too. And I have a reddish birthmark at the bottom of my head revealing itself that hasn’t been seen since I was a baby. I’d cut it all off today but everyone thinks I should wait until this next round of chemo. I’m just tired of shedding.
Dr. L said I’m doing great with the drugs….my body is recuperating quickly after my treatments….so he’s moving my next round up a week (i.e. I’ll only have one week off in between). Below were my menu items today (the EMA in EMA-Co, same as last time)……all of these drugs have to be given one by one. That’s why it takes all day. I’d much rather be there all day as an outpatient than have to be admitted to the hospital for these drips. I’ll be back tomorrow for another treatment but it won’t be quite as long. New CT scans are being scheduled for 2 weeks from now to see how the tumors are reacting to the EMA-CO.
They used a pump today to try to keep the large Methotrexate drip more regular (the stuff that looks like mountain dew…..or neon radioactive material). I think it looks like centepede as it pumps the drug through the IV. I felt a little trapped when they first plugged it in. I like to be mobile and free. I drink so much water and I look forward to my every 20 minute trip to the bathroom. I solved that problem quickly though…..in my big bag of goodies I had brought my own extension cord and I moved the pump plug in so it was right at my fingertips. A few of the drugs are given as an “IV push” which means they inject it right in instead of a drip, drip, drip. I learn more medical stuff every time I go.
I’ve set all of my alarms so I don’t forget the “take or die” drug tomorrow. It’s Leucovorin and since I would prefer not to die: I’ll take it at 7am EXACTLY and 7pm EXACTLY for two days. Leucovorin is a compound similar to folic acid and it’s an “antidote” to certain effects of the huge bag of Methotrexate I got today. It’s called a “chemoprotectant.”
Here’s the part I don’t like about being at an oncologist’s office: I see some very sad things. I see some very sick people. I see a lot of grief at times in the waiting room by family members. I see preparations for what I know is the end for someone. I see a nurse lay a hand on a patient’s relative feeling helpless. I see the end of hope. I didn’t have a tough day. My day was cake. And as always, I’m just happy to be here.
Another day closer to being well. Good night and sleep well.
Hugs Ash!!!
U go Ash!!! You have the best attitude & view on all this, keep it up. I laugh every time u post about the birds & your hair. You know those birds are making the most amazing nests with your hair & probably giving little bird tutorials on it 😉 Thinking about you & thanks for the update 🙂
Such amazing perspective you have! Isn’t it amazing when the glass is half full? I’m always thinking about you and praying for you. Thank you for sharing and keep smiling!
God bless, friend. You are in our prayers.
So happy that your day went well. I totally understand about the looks on peoples faces. I use to fly into Little Rock to meet my parents after they had driven 5 hours (each week) for my father to receive cemo. I met the most interesting amazing people in the waiting room.Well, it’s 12 am on the east coast and I fell asleep tonight at 7:30. I woke up from having a tad nightmare about felting. I was trying to teach my 20 residents during a hurricane. Everyone was in hurricane mode and here I was felting with the residents!! Ha
Ashley – Through it all you are choosing joy! Hallelujah!
Thank you for sharing yourself with others throughout this ordeal. I appreciate it and i know others on your blog, at the chemo camp, and in the oncologist’s office do, too. Bless you.
~Kathy in Seattle
You’re the ultimate trooper! I think seeing others in pain is what keeps our hearts soft…..the oncology nurses are one of the many reasons I’m finishing up my prereqs to start nursing school!
Ashley! Keep up the great spirits…We LOVE you! 🙂
I’m praying for you every day!!!! You have made me a stronger person 🙂
Ashley…You are always in my heart & prayers. Please stay strong, positive, and busy 🙂 You’re a very delightful, courageous young lady and I admire you. I love you dearly 🙂
I was speaking with a teen the other evening after church and she began to explain how she felt the world was falling down around her and she couldn’t even force a smile anymore. I shared your story with her and shared your choose joy site with her. Since last Wednesday she has texted me every morning making the statement that today she was choosing joy. Today I saw her and she was smiling ear to ear and said she was having.the best week she has had in a very long time. Thank u for sharing your journey and your strength. You have touched a teens life all the way in Texas. God bless and my 6 yr old daughter and I pray for You, Mr. LBB and Boo every morning on the way to school.
By the time I reached the end all I could think was God love ya. You have a good heart , thinking of others before yourself.
Continued prayers.
Hugs
You cease to amaze me. Nice work today, and thanks for the recap on how it went. Sending prayers and joy your way. I’m happy you’re here, too.
I was just about to head to bed when your update came through my feed reader. I’m so glad to hear that your day went well– and that it’s over. I have little doubt that your hope-full outlook is a blessing to so many others who are there and feeling depleted of joy. I’m praying for you here tonight. Hugs from Indiana!
Ashley, this site has lots of patterns.
I’m using this one now.
http://www.redheart.com/free-patterns/town-shawl
Thank you for your generosity of spirit.
Glad your looong day is over! It must feel great to know your body is fighting and winning this battle!
Glad today went well for you..You were on my mind all day, actually all my friends going through cancer were……I got news this a.m. that a friend of mine lost her battle with breast cancer….she went home to Jesus leaving behind an amazing husband, 16 year old son and 7 year old daughter…..I will be sending them Choose Joy bracelets as soon as I get these moving trucks unpacked from our move back to AZ…hugs and love…Trisha
Great to hear that you are recovering so well after each treatment. Following you every step of the way. Those hummingbirds will be the envy of birds everywhere!
Love you, Ash!
We are happy you’re here as well, Ashley! 🙂 take good care and thanks for the update!
You are amazing and so talented! Your attitude is so inspiring. I have it pretty easy health-wise and I still aspire to be like you!!! Rock on!
Thanks for the update, was thinking about your long day today. We are all happy you are here too. 🙂
Thank you for helping the rest of us truly keep our focus “real”.
Might have been other things but have have been you too, yeah, it certainly is YOU, giving me courage to do just the right thing and stop being afraid of nothing (like a mere needle), but this afternoon, in my mid west part of France, I’m gonna become a blood donor and I will feel blessed I can be of help to others in need.
Done now! So easy, I should have done it earlier in my life!
I have been following blogs for about 2 years. I have never felt the “need” to comment before on anything. BUT, I think you are an amazing person who has the best outlook on life. PLus you are an incredible writer and the fact that you are giving eveyone a first hand view of what it is like to go thru this situation is over the top. I pray for you and your sweet family daily and always look forward to your daily entrys. i have 4 daughters and one is about your age and has gone thru many health issues. she, like you has always been upbeat and looked on the bright side and has never complained. She is a beautiful girl just like yourself and i could never be more proud. God put special people like you and her on this earth to teach us all how to be better people.
You have such a great attitude, Ash! I was laughing at your descriptive practicality over the extension cord (but I know what you mean). Glad that you found some craftsters and that you can work on crocheting, minus putting the nurses station on high alert. (: Praying for you and those who aren’t quite yet on the accelerated mend…
You are my inspiration. I keep thinking my life sucks with so many responsibilities in helping my daughter and her son (she’s a divorced, single mom) at the age of 26 and then I see how up beat you are and I say to myself, “what do you have to complain about”…. 🙂 I had a bracelet made for me with lots of citrine for happiness, etc… and she is placing a charm on it that says “choose joy” and I told the woman your story and she said that from now she will be choosing joy. Wow you inspire people all over the world…seeing that I am in Eastern Canada. Take care of yourself and when you decide if you want to cut your hair, don’t let anyone tell you what to do…it’s your head, your hair and as long as you are happy, that is all that counts. 🙂 <3
I too had chemo Tuesday. I often wish I could set up my sewing machine and get some sewing done. I usually make a few bows for my girls while I have my treatments. Good idea about learning how to crochet or knit! Always wanted to try it. Hope you were able to get some sleep last night! Praying for you!
Beautiful! Your spirit is beautiful! Yesterday, while listening to my favorite Pandora station and thinking about you, I realized who your celebrity look-a-like is. Deana Carter, on her album cover, Did I Shave my Legs for This. Keep up the hardwork, Ashley!
Life is so intriguing… I’m so thankful for what God can put in a persons heart. It made me smile last night as I was praying for you and your family. True, heartfelt prayers of healing and strength and I almost forgot I don’t even know you! Maybe I just feel like I do know you through your blog. You’re so genuine and real. I will continue to pray for your family and thank god for your positive influence on many lives! Godspeed!
Have you thought about cutting your hair partly off first so therse a transition? plus when its short the hair falling out will bother you less. plus think of all the awesome hair cuts you could have in the meantime? 🙂
When i went into hospital for a minor op seeing other people suffering was so hard. The medical staff deal with it every day, but was hard to watch. When i was recovering from surgery some of the other patients looked in a bad state post surgery. x
Barnicles
Your attitude is fabulous & you are such a dynamic woman. Thank you so much for sharing your journey!
Ashley stay strong and hopeful, the hope in others isn’t gone it has just shifted, from the hope of themselves or their loved ones being healed to the hope that one day others won’t suffer because of new research, and hope that they are healed in the afterlife. Thank you for starting my day Choosing Joy! ((hugs))
Your attitude about this whole thing is more inspiring then you’ll ever know. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Think JOY!
You just have to keep on livin.
Every time I read your cancer posts I am blown away by how amazingly you are handling this. You are totally humbling. Thank you so very much for sharing.
You are an amazing woman – stay strong, rest, and be well!
I wish I could give you a big hug.
Go, Go, Go!! You can do it! It is worth the fight. Thank you so much for allowing us to be part of your cheersquad. You have been such an inspiration to us all. I continue to pray for your complete healing here and now, and for divine guidance for the doctors and staff to get you there.
On a side note, I was wondering if it might be a little easier on Boo if you cut your hair a little at a time… You know, maybe shoulder length now, then chin length, then all the way off as needed. I dunno, it might be kinda weird with the hairline issue. Just a thought. 😉
You always pull me up…thanks!
You are so awesome. I have been feeling so lonely lately with my husband being a full time law student and he works 15 hours a week. He was MIA all weekend working on a paper and I was so lonely. I hate it when I get down about things like that because I know he is working on things for my future! and he is doing the best he can. I am grateful for you for helping put my life in perspective and helping me remember that things are just a small moment in the grand scheme of things. Ash- you really are a rockstar. and I think you look so beautiful in that picture of you and your hubs.
We lost my grandfather to cancer in September. I can’t even describe how I fee reading your posts. I’m really glad to see you so positive. I know this must be such a difficult experience for you. You’re really amazing.
One day closer to kicking this cancer out, you are a very sweet and tough young woman. I will keep you in my prayers and choose joy. 🙂
Ashley- I started following you on Facebook over a year ago because I love the LBB style. I just wanted to let you know how inspiring you positive attitude is and that I am praying that God continues to put His healing hand on you. God Bless you and your family!!
Jennifer
Wrapping my arms around you in a big bear hug. Saying prayers. Much love. XO
We all LOVE you Ash!!!!! You are amazing!!!!!
Love Ya!
YOU are amazing sweet girl!
Its great to hear your positive attitude. I wonder if blogging your journey helps with the positivity. It sure helps me. It forces me to reflect and appreciate the good things in despite of everything else. Also, what you said about the hospital. Hospitals are such a blessing, they really are humbling. One of the most beautiful and tragic things I see in the hospital are sick foster kids, there are some amazingly devoted foster parents out there though. There devotion is inspiring.
Anyway, so glad to hear you are dealing with it so well. I am praying for you and your family. Good luck with the long infusions though, that takes a lot of patience!
Hi Ashley,
You are so cheerful and funny. Even with cancer you make me laugh.
You are having Chemo and I’m laughing about the bathrooms being clean.
(I’m so glad they are) Anyway, I hope you slept well, and can rest today.
I’m so happy your mom is still there. I’ll be thinking about you and the familia.
Sending you love and blessing, Helen
Ashley, thanks for sharing your story. It’s been very healing to me. I lost my mother-in-law to cancer almost 2 years ago. She never wanted her kids to know how rough it really was. My in-laws withheld a lot of information from us to protect our hearts. I’ve struggled with that. I’m detail oriented and need to know answers.
You two shared a very similar philosophy in life. Her saying was, “Life is Good.” She looked forward to chemo days because chemo days were ultimately what was going to make her well again.
Reading your story has made me feel like I’m with her again. With her in a way that I feel like I “know.” In a way that I can help. I feel like I can re-walk that journey with her, spiritually.
So, thank you. Thank you for your honesty.
In prayer,
Michaela
You’re an ispiration, Ashley. I think of you often and the battle you are fighting with so much strength and determination, I am in awe. You are truly special and you should feel so proud that you are able to halp so many people with your positivity and honest approach. You are in my prayers!
You are so wonderful & have such a loving spirit
& heart !! Love Sharon
Thinking of you…….and ps…you’ll get the hang of the crochet. I promise. It’s very theraputic as is knitting 🙂
You have such a beautiful heart!
Oh the anxiety of losing the hair…it kept me up at night when I was going through chemo. I remember finally seeing my scalp and thought, OK time to cut it…then I tried a short pixie cut. It turned out HORRENDOUS! So I kept that for one treatment and then we just buzzed it all. Let my husband shave it all off and then I got to return the favor right after! He shaved in support of me 🙂
Are you meant to lose all your hair…like go bald??? That was one of the worst parts…I mean its just hair and it does grow back…but at the same time it IS our hair for God sakes…part of what makes us a woman is our hair and boobs…and when one is missing it affects how we are! Good Luck though…try not to stress and worry about the hair loss…its just part of the funny journey you’ll talk about later.
You are awesome…keep it up!
Thankful that God has given you strength and joy through all of this!!! And I used the same book to learn how to crochet 🙂
I am so very happy sweet lady that you are here as well, your attitude makes me cry in awe you are a rockstar! A hilarious one at that:)
Ashley,
I just found your blog and read your post. i just want to reach out and give you a big old hug. You are a beautiful soul on the inside and outside. I am sending you warm thoughts and prayers for you to kick this cancer’s butt! Good luck and hang in there, I know you can get through this. 🙂 XOXO
You are so strong Ash! Hugs and rest up.
Ashley,
I don’t normally respond to various posts. However, I wanted to leave you a message and tell you how sorry I am to hear of your cancer diagnosis. For a while, I had been checking into your blog and even purchased a dress for my daughter. I had taken a break from checking a lot of blogs and just checked yours the other day. I was so shocked by what I read. I want you to know that my thought and prayers are with you and your family. I have loved your post because I can related being an art teacher of fourteen years, a crafter, as well as sewer. I want you to know that I live in the Los Angeles area and can help you sew if you need the help. Just let me know. 🙂 Sending you get well wishes, Melanie
They used to always put my daughter, when she was a teen, in the oncology unit each time she was hospitalized because she has a primary immune deficiency and had to be isolated. It was always so difficult seeing what people were going through. Everyone was so wonderful. I am so glad that your treatments are going well, and I continue to pray for you daily.
Laura
You’re amazing and LOL about the extension cord :).
You are good, soo good! Continue on!
Still as beautiful as ever…it shines from within! Sending more prayers and good thoughts your way.
You are amazing. I love your spirit. I love that you are sharing this fight with us so openly. God has great things in store for you!!!
I’m so glad to hear you are doing well with these marathon sessions. I think the hardest part is sitting there for 8 hours and not dying of boredom! I’m happy to hear you are tolerating all the drugs as well as can be. Hugs to you!
Praying those scans will come back with amazing results in 2 weeks.
Praying that those drugs kick the cancer and don’t leave any bruises! xoxo
I heard a pastor named Matt Chandler speak this past week at a memorial for a friend’s three year old that passed away from heart transplant rejection. He was so uplifting and full of hope, it was crazy. He talked about joy and how we can’t count on happiness but when we put all our hope in Jesus, he gives us the joy that nothing can beat. Pretty awesome and just want our friends wanted at their daughter’s memorial since she inspired a lot of people with her joy and caring ways. Then I came back home and googled him looking for more sermons but what I really found is that he has stage four terminal brain cancer. You would never know because how he lives and how his wife that was also there lives. Truly inspiring, as are you.
You are amazingly talented and all inspiring! You have given so much to so many others. Our thoughts are with you and your family! I know you will beat this! Best wishes!
Dear Ashley, what u wrote in the 2nd last paragraph just made me feel so sad…
I am glad that you write. You are such an inspiration to me!
Ashley–We are so happy you are here as well. Thank you for your bravery and honesty and for reminding us all of what really matters and how blessed we are!
-Amy
Crafting by Candlelight
I’ve been in remission from my lymphoma now for about 18 years, and I still have trouble with chemo infusion rooms. 🙁 We had to take my daughter to an oncologist a couple years ago (not cancer, but another blood issue), and at one point, they asked us to wait in a waiting room attached to the chemo room. I just couldn’t do it. I went back out to the main waiting area and asked my husband to come get me when they needed me. For the most part, I’m so far past my cancer both emotionally and physically, but those infusion rooms must bring back powerful memories.
Take care!
Ashley, I think you and Mr. LBB looked fabulous! You amaze me at how you remain to stay strong. But know that so many of us are praying for your recovery everyday…and those that you see and meet at the hospital. Love ya, Cousin Vicki
P.S. Tell your mom I send my love…
Once again you have shown me that looking at the good in all things is the way to go. I choose Joy and will pass it on to my family.
I found you through pinterest. I just wanted to say you have such a positive uplifting attitude even through what you are dealing with…its truly amazing and makes me realize i am very lucky to be alive! We all have so many things in life to be thankful for but often outway those things with petty negative thoughts. Thanks for reminding me to stick to being positive no matter what! GOD BLESS YOU! <3
I am REALLY enjoying your blog!! I found you via a friends FB a couple days ago..and am stopping by to catch up again!! Maci had her first dose of Methotrexate last Wednesday since late October. {She developed complications with an increased dose…and suffered from Methotrexate Neurotoxicity} We were also prescribed Leucovorin for the first time to take Friday. I am still anxious to see if she has another reaction to the Methotrexate {last time it took 9 days}…
I saw that you are bald now!! You make it look so stylish!! I am finding out that Maci doesn’t like most of the hats people have made and given her….the only ones she will wear for long periods of time is the soft jersey knit fabrics.
Do you notice a more sensitive scalp from the chemo?
Thanks for being an inspiration to us!! 🙂
~*Jessica