Every day is a good day. Some days are just better than others.
The doctor’s office was chaos yesterday. They are transferring to electronic records so I feel for them. I can’t imagine the data entry and headache behind all of that. The funny part is: I am the only patient that won’t be entered into the system for right now…..I guess because my chemo regimen is so complicated…..I’d cause a bottleneck. Nurse M reminded me of it all day to mess with me….she’d give someone a nice new printout of their schedule and then say “everyone gets one of these now…..except Ashley.” It made me laugh out loud every time…..and I’d act all melodramatic like it was so unfair.
While I was waiting to go in for chemo yesterday, sitting in a full waiting room, this guy behind me started ranting to everyone around him. He complained about how many chairs were in the waiting room. He complained about how slow everything was. He complained about the decor. He complained about the medical system. The Dr. D (who might be one of the nicest guys ever. Dr. L, my doctor, is his son….so it runs in the family) walked through the waiting room and was very apologetic about the wait and somehow the guy behind me turned it into ANOTHER huge rant. You could tell everyone was uncomfortable. I finally turned around and said “Cut the doctor a break today, okay?” The doctor left and this guy went on and on and on……the poor woman next to him not quite knowing what to do. Everyone stared at their laps hoping it would go away. A few people were cringing. I finally turned around, looked him straight in the eye and said:
ENOUGH ALREADY. YOU ARE DEPRESSING EVERYONE.
He said very sheepishly “sorry” and then the waiting room went back to it’s friendly atmosphere. It was totally not in my nature to do that…..but someone HAD to stop him. I wasn’t sure if he’d flip out on me…..but honestly I didn’t care. I would have given him a choose joy bracelet but honestly I was a little afraid he’d throw it at me. I designated myself the sacrificial lamb for that morning. A few people mouthed “thank you.” A nice elderly man across from me, leaned over and said:
Every day is a good day. Some days are just better than others.
I felt bad for the “ranting” guy honestly. He was so full of anger. It’s hard to let that much anger go. It came his turn to enter the infusion center and guess where the only empty chair was……next to me. Everyone just stared wide-eyed wondering what would happen. He put on his sunglasses and reclined in the chair and never said a word. I could tell he was cold, so I offered him my blanket. He declined but said “thank you” softly. I helped him figure out his reclining chair. Then finally when it was his turn to leave he said the nicest words to the nurse…..telling her how great of a job she had done. Maybe he softened a little after all of that.
I was at the doctor’s office 8 hours yesterday. 3 hours of pre-meds and hydration…then 5 hours of Cisplatin.
I’d like to know what this Cisplatin stuff smells like….I imagine it smells like gasoline or something. It causes so much havoc on my system. I had a ton of energy in the morning and the more it entered my body the weaker and weaker I got. So much so that when I was done I just told the nurses I’d just stay reclined in my chair with my eyes closed until Mr. LBB arrived…..even though the office was closing and I knew they probably wanted to start closing up.
I felt bad this morning until….guess what…..coffee enema time. I know so many of you love coming to my blog just to read about enemas right? I could feel the toxins sitting right in the middle of my body stuck in my intestines. A few people asked if I’m messing with my chemo by trying to detoxify myself……well, the answer is no. I have a five hour drip of Cisplatin so it stays in my body for a full 5 hours……and then they give me Lasix (a diuretic) to clear it all out when I leave…..otherwise it’s too hard on my kidneys. Anyways, the cancer isn’t in my intestines…..so I figure I can clean them out as much as I want!
My father-in-law called me with my HCG numbers this morning, up one from 2 weeks ago, but that’s okay….I got a week off of chemo. I asked Mr. LBB if we could hack into the computer system and change my number from a 3 to a 2. “What? and try to HIDE your cancer from your cancer doctor?” Yep. Then maybe I’d get another week off from chemo. It’s a sinister plan, but it might just work haha.
Anyways, I’m going to rest and watch a few movies today. I’m feeling a little confrontational again….so I must be feeling better. Sorry the blog has been down a little….but I think we are just now figuring out how to handle the traffic now! All good problems to have. Today is a GOOD DAY……I can’t wait for BETTER days.
XOXO,
Ash
I’m glad you said something! I never know what to do in situations like those and I’m usually one of the people who stays quiet.
Can’t wait to meet you in person at SNAP in a few weeks! So excited I get the opportunity to!
Kari
Good on you for standing up to the crazy ranting man! I would have felt bad for him too, but he sounds like he really flipped his lid. :O
You are one amazing woman. Honestly. I would have probably been silently ranting to myself about having to wait. 🙂 but it’s hard for us to think there are worse possible things that we could be enduring. I say that as I sit here at work still, working until it’s probably dark outside missing the chance to spend outdoors in this CRAZY warm Chicago “winter” where we have the windows open, wearing shorts and flip flops…oh, anyway, back to it. Yes, I’m angry I’m not able to spend the time tonite enjoying the outdoors with my kiddos, but there could be worse things, right?! You set me straight a lot and really cause me to think what is worth getting upset over and it’s not much.
Praying for better days for you Ashley and soon! I love the little donut dress you posted the other day (I think it was a donut dress?) whatever that cute little dress was….it was adorable!
So glad you spoke up to that guy. Maybe you softened him a little. Love your positive attitude and hope you get your energy back soon.
good for you for speaking up, I know that it was hard to do. we never know what another person is going through but….. sometimes we do need to speak UP! My sister is in remission 4mos now, I went to chemo every week with her and every once in awhile we would have a REAL complainer so I know what you are going through.
Bless your heart, I have always said the one who is the most unlovable needs the hug the most. I bet he ended up having a good day thanks to you. Hope you feel better fast and enjoy your coffee 🙂 Still praying.
I love your spunk. And confrontation is important I think. Without it, how can you grow? I love how that man got nicer. You really affected him! Good for you! Have a fun day relaxing and know there are many many people praying for you 🙂
I love your upbeat attitude. It helps me to remember that even though my days may be rough I still have it pretty darn good!
Luv you, Ashley. I know you’ve never met me, but I’ve been wanting to say that. Your posts really make my day!
Keep Shining Ashley! Sometimes people just need to be reminded how “ugly” they are acting. You never know… he may soften a lot and y’all may be friends one day. Praying that you regain energy at a rapid pace! 😀
Good for you for speaking what probably everyone else was feeling or thinking. It’s frustrating to hear people complain when you know everyone is really doing their best.
I agree with the man that “everyday is a good day, some days are better”…..one thing I have learned thru this whole cancer experience. Laid up for 5 days and just got out yesterday- driving my car was GREAT!! The little things that most people let pass, I notice- for that I am thankful. Here’s to a whole bunch of great days for you Ashley!!
And your kindness of the blanket-perhaps he laid there reflecting on his actions and therefore was kind to the nurse….that’s my guess 🙂
Confronting that man was the right thing to do. I’m sure everyone in the room was thanking you, plus maybe the man needed a little reminder to quit making an unpleasant situation worse.
And thank you for reminding me to Choose Joy, I needed it!
Sometimes, we have to be re(minded) that we have a light inside; then, we can let it shine again. Good job with angry scared guy! 🙂
I just love you! 🙂
Blessings,
Charity
Sounds like that guy needed a reminder to be nice…good job
You are so brave…I will be praying for you!
The best is yet to come, and won’t it be fine… you think you’ve seen the sun, but you haven’t seen it shine… Better days ahead for everyone. 🙂 Hope they come sooner rather than later. Prayers for you, and blessings to you!
-Evelyn.
Glad you stood up for yourself and the other patients – praying for you.
Good for you! My guess is he didn’t know how out of control he was. He’s probably mad at the world and scared that he has to be there in the first place, and has misguided anger. An extra bedtime prayer for him and his family tonight for peace and calm.
You’re probably right… I bet he was angry and scared, and acting hateful to try to feel in control of his situation. Glad the guy toned it down, and hope he– and the rest of the folks– get well soon.
Sending you restful thoughts and love and light sweet Ash. You are my hero.
xo.
You really inspire me. I wish I had your attitude and was so positive and optimistic. That’s amazing that you stood up like that, and you may have even had an effect on that guy. You go girl!
Ashley, Thanks…for all the reminders, we all handle stress differently and sometimes when you are that angry, you don’t even know you are doing it. So you being an example reminds us, that we all do have a choice, to how you behave to bad situations. You showed the gentleman that you do not have to fall victim, to whatever going on in our lives.
Ashley, Thanks…for all the reminders, we all handle stress differently and sometimes when you are that angry, you don’t even know you are doing it. So you being an example reminds us, that we all do have a choice, to how you behave to bad situations. You showed the gentleman that you do not have to fall victim, to whatever going on in our lives.
Good for you. I really dislike when some people just don’t stop complaining. There is always room for some complaints but not at the doctors and nurses that do their best to make you feel better. Hope you feel better after your chemo day!
It’s amazing how God works. I see God all over that placement for the man to be next to you to realize he isn’t the only one that has something to be angry about. Everyone in that room could be angry and act like him but they choose not to. Good job standing up for everyone that chose to stay positive. God is using you, probably more than you realize.
You may be surprised that the Angry Complainer may be your BFF (like all others after you confronted him)
God opens doors and puts these people on the other side. I’m betting AC will be wearing a choose Joy braclet soon. 🙂
Continued prayers, Charlotte
You Go Gitl! Some people’s glasses aren’t even half full now days they are empty…you have taught me to be more compassionate w people…you never know what shoes they’re walking in. Glad you are feeling better and believing for a 0 count in your HCG.
Love ya,
Beth
Ashley, I lost my big brother to cancer just about 2 months ago. For some reason I feel completely compelled to follow your blog and feel like I am participating in your treatment with you. My brother’s cancer was an extremely rare, very aggressive cancer. He was gone 5 months after he was diagnosed, at the ripe young age of 42. I know everyone handles their issues differently, but I did not see him grab his cancer by the horns and try to mangle it down like I see you are doing. He hated chemo so much, and his treatments were not as long as yours are. I pray daily for you, along with my dear friend Steffy who was diagnosed with brain cancer just days after my brother was diagnosed. She is still fighting her fight and lives daily for the joy she finds in it. Cancer stinks, plain and simple, but I feel like you are going to kick the holy heck out of it. I choose joy every day partly because of your attitude… I just wanted you to know what an inspiration you are to this sad little sister…
Huge big hugs to you Kara. Keep choosing Joy.
Ashley, you are so inspiring. It just brings tears to my eyes. Praying for your body to quickly eliminate the toxins and your energy to return soon.
Sending you love and hopes of feeling better this weekend. I was having a really bad day on Wed and told my boyfriend that it was over stupid stuff and I was going to choose joy instead. Thank you:)
GOOD FOR YOU TO BE THE ONE TO SILENCE THIS ANGRY MAN. My thoughts are only positive each day when I think of you. Blessings. Gayle
New here. I think it is important to stand up to people- if even to plant a seed so they’ll think twice about their behavior the next time. I usually feel a little bad after the fact, but it helps me figure out a more gentle way to approach the situation the next time. Feel good!
Hi! Thank you for making me smile…
I hate cancer. I love your spirit!! You rock!
Hoping you can have a break soon. Wishing you some good days in the near future! Good for you speaking up in the Dr.’s office. Oh and I loved the little adorable donut (I think it was a donut) dress you posted the other day. I was in my reader and didn’t have time to jump over and comment but very cute! Hope you get some rest and have good weekend 🙂
Just came home after letting a cheerleader and her mom have it for being mean to an old lady—I’m not so confrontational either… usually…but sometimes…anyways
The world could use more kindness..and joy…and people who are willing to be confrontational…
Enjoy your weekend.
You are amazing Ashley. As much as you had to handle that day, you still stood up for everyone in that waiting room. I can’t believe it. Have a joyful weekend.
Im so glad you said something in the waiting room. I sure love your heart.
Guess what? I got my “Fear Will Not Rule” tshirt in the mail and I will now be thinking of you even MORE! Love the shirt, super nice quality and fits perfectly.
ps..love that you are doing coffee enemas. I’m going to do a week of detox next week with juicing and c.e’s 🙂 I figure, if Ashley can do it, I can do it. I’ve read in “Crazy Sexy Cancer” that it is a good thing to do occasionally, even when in remission, so I’m gonna try it!
Wish you could come up to Seattle… my nanny needs your spirit! Love your reminders that life is good and God is greater. You’ve got a following of Seattle girls now rooting you on, by the way!!
hang in there girl…we canSer survivors are an awesome gang. I am sure you changed the way that man thinks now. The whole waiting room was educated that day. None of them will ever forget you. Thank you for speaking your mind that day..Jesus was working through you and a bunch of people saw it! Love u ..take care.
God was in the house yesterday! I see Him upping your confrontational skills for the good of all + having the guy sit next to you. IMHO, the poor guy was so fearful that all he could manage was anger…very sad.
You are a true inspiration to all! You’re in my prayers for strength, healing and tons of better days ahead. You will conquer this!
xo
Pat
we are still with you and still praying
You are amazing. I just had to tell you. My Dad passed last March from lung cancer and he was in bad place, it’s very hard on everyone. You and your family are just so inspirational! You probably helped that man snap out of it! Good for you!
I came across your blog about a week ago. I just wanted to say, Hi. Thanks for sharing about your day. Blessings!
Still thinking and praying for you. Better days are just around the corner :).
Love you! Thanks for calming that man down. You’re just what he needed.
Are any of us surprised that you would have the courage to stand up for everyone? NO!!!
That was no surprise but once again you amaze me with your awesome attitude. I would hv just thought of him as a jerk yet you had empathy for him and recognized that his anger was a byproduct of his anguish.you inspire me to be a better person.
God Bless you!
I love you!
I look forward to your post everyday! I too had chemo yesterday but only for two hours! Seems when you have cancer, you have so much more courage to stand up for what you believe and how you are treated. Forever we will be standing up for cancer! Plus, we are here on this planet to take care of each other! I hope your chemo ends soon and your numbers rock! Xo DD
I must remember that every day IS a good day.
Praying for you. Thanks for the post .
Here is to better days!!!
I think that you are helping others have better days, and I hope that you get many in return!
gives a whole new meaning to KaffeeKlatche and coffee break doesn’t it ??
You are such an angel! You may have been the kindest person to cross his path all day. (((((HUGS)))))
definitely a girl after my own heart. I have been known to do that. That poor man must have been really harboring a lot of anger.
Laura
Way to speak up!
Hang in there girl! I can only imagine how much chemo sucks, but you having cancer sucks more so you got fight it with the yucky chemo. Sending all my love Ms. Ashley!
It just shows how different people handle difficult situations. I think you were the perfect person to calm him down. I bet he doesn’t do it again, at least when he’s around you. Your attitude sets the attitude of others. I bet other patients look forward to having chemo the same day as you. You set the ultimate example.
It reminds me the other day, I accidentally got in the 20 items or less isle in the grocery store. I had way more than 20 items. One woman begins to ream me out. You see, I had been on auto-pilot for 10 days, watching my mom die from Altzheimers; she died March 10. I burst out in tears, apologizing profusely, telling her I just lost my mother and I wasn’t even thinking. Boyyyyyyy was she sorry. She apologized to me out in the parking lot. You just never know what’s going on in people’s life.
Hugs and prayers,
Cindy
A note to Kara, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother and the battle your friend is facing. I am sorry for your sad heart and my prayers and hugs to you.
Ashley, my father-in-law, who is battling Stage IV lung cancer that is now in his brain would probably be that similar to that man you met. He is soooo proud and a Vietnam vet-three tour of duty fighter pilot who is used to being in control of his whole life-until now. He has been very grumpy-mostly to his wife but also to outsiders. Sometimes, as much as we adore him, we can see how scared he is. Bless you for reaching out to this man. It may have been my beloved father-in-law. You have a gift, my friend.
May better days come your way soon.
Good for you! I’m not the confrontational type either, but wish I was sometimes. Praying for you daily! Knowing you will have better days soon!
Sarah
Way to go Ashley!! “A soft answer turneth away rath”! As the bible says, you just nicely told him to knock it off. Then you reached out to him to show him love. Can’t go wrong there!
I got the no FEAR tees today and am excited. So proud of you and hope you are nearing the final days of chemo. Praying and knowing it will be so, we all send lots of love and healing energy to you! Won’t be long and you’ll be hugging Justin and Perry! Yea!!!!!! Bundles of love to sweet Boo and Mr. LBB too!! J & Chinzy
XOXO right back at ya!!
such wise words from the elderly man. it would be great on a t-shirt. I would totally wear it. hum, or I might make it into an art frame, place it over the mantle and remind myself of its words every time I pass by it. yup. that sounds like a plan.
you are a very brave confrontational woman, and sometimes, that is what people need. good for you! now rest up.
Stay strong. You are an inspiration to us all. I think of you every day.
I am feeling that the man is really scared. Perhaps he is very angry at his cancer, or quite possibly his body. Do you ever feel that way? I imagine he felt that he might get some sympathy in a room full of other cancer patients. I think it is sometimes easier to say, “I am mad” than, “I am scared”.
You were very mothering to him as well. Stern (confrontational) yet loving (offering your blanket). Maybe what he most wanted was right then was his own mama.
You continue to amaze me through this fight, and I just know that you are changing peoples lives. You are crashing servers for goodness sake!
Keep being Ashley.
xo Jay
I just have to say that you are such an inspiration! I came to your site initially for your incredibly creative DIY projects and I quickly learned that you are one amazing woman, mother, and wife. I am praying for you and praying that more people can be more like you! You are truly incredible. Thank you for sharing your story (and creativity) with us. The world is a better place for having you.
Thank you for your kind actions! As someone who works in the world of electronic medical records (and often is helping with hospitals as they just on the first couple days using the system), people who are able to let go of their anger in that situation make my day.
While I’m commenting, I wanted to tell you how much you have helped me recently in my personal life. I recently had a miscarriage when trying for our first child, but I’m trying to just tell myself to choose to be joyful. Everything that’s happening is for a reason, and I have to have faith that things will work out in the end.
I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now, and keep hoping hoping hoping for a very speedy recovery!
Ashley, I am a long time follower who hasn’t visited your site in quite sometime until today when you were posted on oneprettything blog. I am crying…I had to read back to October of 2011. I am in shock of your cancer and miscarriages. Please continue your positive attitude towards this whole thing but I am empathetic to your circumstances. I have a daughter a year younger than blue and know it has to be hard. I will pray for you and your family that you will continue to get stronger everyday and be with us all. My mom and sister both diagnosed with cancer within the last two years and then I had a scare with a biopsy and I was lucky nothing was found but I get concerned every year around mammogram time. I too suffered a miscarriage and want to get pregnant again (40years old) but always have that fear of what I experienced before. I sound fearful I guess but that is my reality. I am so sorry for what you are going through and hope the best to come is in store for you and your family. I’ll check back to your blog often to see what new crafts you have in store. Take care!!!!!!!!!!
Right on, sistah.
I found a site that shows how to make cloth donuts out of old kids socks and felt. It is super cute. I am sure you already know how to make these but I thought I would share the link.
http://www.rookno17.com/2010/12/sock-upcycle-gift-tutorial-how-to-make.html
P.S. You don’t know me, but I read your blog every day. You are a true inspiration.
You are so amazing Ashley!
You have so much strength, love and grace inside you and you are fighting a battle that I can’t even imagine having to fight.
I am ashamed sometimes that I am so lazy and unmotivated, because I see someone like you who is sick, yet still lives life to the very fullest and does so much for others. A lot can be learned from you and I am going to try a lot harder ever day to “Choose Joy” and be more motivated.
Love You and your blog!
Lisa H.
This is a very nice quote ^^
There is always much to learn you read, full of level : craft, médical, life … choose joy !!! Thank you Ashley !
LOVE from Belgium ;))
You are truly a remarkable woman, Ashley. You are an inspiration to me.
I just came across your blog for the first time today and you are an awesome person. I definitely will be using your “Choose Joy” motto in my life. I just recently had my mammogram and ultraosound and there is a “very suspcious” looking area in my breast. I am scheduled to see the surgeon April 3rd and am scared to death. I have been dealing with this since 2004 and each time have been cancer free but it still messes with you mentally. I always tell myself there are alot of people that have more severe and traumatic things going on in their lives than me and I need to just suck it up and move on. I pray that God gives you the strength you need to endure your chemo and anything life may bring to you. You are beautiful and an inspiration to everyone. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Ashley, you ROCK…there are times when fear and rage can high jack any one of us. Your lovely spirit came through to soothe alot of people in that waiting room
just as you do with your blog to so many. Bless you dear heart, you and your beautiful family are in my “intensive prayers” 🙂
Way to go! So proud of your for speaking up! Don’t know if I’d have the courage, but reading your posts gets me motivated 🙂
Ashley, that was my Dad’s favorite saying….I heard that all my life :0) he was a positive person like your Dad & I lost him to a sudden heart attack as well. Hang in there for better days :0)
I would have given the guy a ‘Choose Joy’ bracelet anyway. It seems it couldn’t have gotten any worse than it was. The sad thing is that is probably how he is dealing with his health issues. Hopefully your example gave him something else to think about and maybe next time he won’t be so quick to upset those around him by ‘selfishly’ dealing with his pain. Everyone in that room was suffering not just him…maybe he got it…
Hugs to you Ashley! So glad you could speak out to this person. Sounds like he is taking his anger out on everyone. Sometimes you just have to put a STOP to the negative vibes… so cheers to you! I hope things get better soon! Sending continued prayers and positive thoughts your way!!!
ashley you are blessed, choosing joy, seems simple yet so difficult for some. i actually took a workshop years ago called “happiness is an option”, and since then i try to help others find their happiness when it seems fleeting. that poor man was just ranting at life, like someone said before ranting at his own poor health, angry and confused, i am sure your gentleness will be a lasting thought for him in the future. i hope you have more better days than not, you just seem to radiate joy. have a great day!
Ashley,
You are amazing. I love your life affirmations and healthy detox information. When I drink my wheat grass drink, I think of you!! Lots of <3
Stacey
I pray for better days for you daily. Rest up….!
Keep Smiling Ashley – the world needs you!
~Lisa in Nova Scotia, Canada
🙂
Better days are ahead!! You are such an inspiration with your choose joy attitude. We have a friend who has just been diagnosed with throat cancer. He is the most wonderful friend, husband and father to 2 little girls. He is also choosing joy and recognizing all his blessings instead of focusing on the negative. He starts chemo and radiation next week. His joy, faith and humor will get him through this fight just like you. Blessings to you as you continue on your journey!
Ashley – you are wonderful, inspirational and so admired. The angry man – probably at his body and the cancer, more than likely very depressed (anger is a sign of depression). He really needs to Choose Joy – I’d have given him a bracelet. Maybe you’ll see him again and his attitude will have changed, a little bit perhaps, we all know a good attitude is catchy.
Good for you! I hope you are feeling ok after this round. I too am in treatment right now .Cisplatin and radiation. You amaze me I only had 3 rounds of Cisplatin and honey those were tougher than 5 weeks of radiation!
Just have 9 sessions of boost rads left… Then God-willing I am done! Your blog has been a blessing to me throughout. I have found this journey humbling but life altering and not altogether in a bad way!
Praying for you! Your amazing attitude is so contagious. I too “choose joy”
Xo
Oh Ashley, that cicplatin is tough to take. I had endometrial cancer with mets 13 years ago and cicplatin was part of my chemo regimen, too. It’s strong stuff, but it was so worth it to be cancer free.
Sending love and prayers for your recovery. Be well, and keep on choosing joy.
Cindy