I was kind of a baby yesterday at chemo. Not because they poked me a total of 7 times before they could get any blood and blew a vein, but because they ended up putting the IV right in the crook of my elbow and anytime I moved my arm it would slow down the drip….and it made me NOT happy. I couldn’t type OR play Draw Something on my phone. End of the world right? I have about 50 games of Draw Something going……I’m trying to get enough coins to upgrade my colors so I don’t have to draw BLUE trees anymore. I just watched a few movies I had with me and tried to nap a little. The good news was that I wasn’t the last one there yesterday……a few stragglers behind me!
I always go into chemo with cheekbones….and 8 hours later after all the fluid has entered my body I look like a swollen chipmunk! This is mid-way chipmunk:
It was kind of a really long day for the first time. Typing always passes the time. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m typing….I just write and write and write. I did pass the time trying to figure out what flavor jelly belly I picked out of the bag without looking. I’d gag every time I got popcorn…..I should have picked all of those out first.
I begged Dr. Luke to let this be my last week of chemotherapy. He sympathizes. He can tell it’s getting worse and worse with the Cisplatin. I haven’t been able to sleep at all and I have hot flashes all the time. I can tell that my ovaries are slowly dying. I tried so hard to maybe get my eggs frozen before I was blasted with chemotherapy….but there just wasn’t anytime or the cancer would have taken over my body. Maybe they’ll recuperate…..or maybe I’m going into early menopause……either way these little guys are suffering big time. I tell my sister Perry that she better have twins soon…..and I’ll take one…..the cutest one haha. A daily conversation here:
Boo: WHEN can I have a sister?
Me: Diesel’s your brother….and you make him wear dresses….that’s pretty close right?
Boo: Diesel is a DOG.
I went in for my Neulasta shot. Every time they inject it in my stomach I say “$4,950…..get into my belly”! Yes, this tiny little “I want to be a grown up shot, but I’m just a wee little shot” is $4,950. Each one. Maybe because it’s so cute and miniature? Small things always seem to cost more. If it was a 4 foot shot it would probably cost 49 cents.
Oh my gosh….I have to share my newest thing. Since I’ve had trouble sleeping they prescribed me Ambien…..which seemed to help a little. BUT the thing that helped them most? A simple bar of soap under the bottom sheet of my bed…..placed down by my feet. I was researching “restless leg syndrome” a few months back for Mr. LBB and came across this remedy. No one knows why it works but it does. Mr. LBB has been using it for months. I had the most restless legs last night and the second I unwrapped a bar of soap and put it down by feet…..instantly the restlessness was gone. It’s not hokey….it really works. I’ll take it. Some people say to use Dove soap…..the Irish Spring worked fine. If anyone knows why it works I’d love to know!
Oh Ashley, sorry it’s getting so trying as time goes by. Hang in there, you have seen the results and you’re one tough cookie! I hear you on the meds. I take a monthly injection for arthritis and it’s $1800 here in Canada for me. An American friend on a similar drug was paying $5000!!!
Ashley – don’t worry about keeping your blog up to date, it really doesn’t matter right now….direct all your energies into resting and getting better. Don’t waste one ounce of energy on these things that really don’t matter. Advice from one who knows. Lauren
You are so funny!! I can’t even imagine all that you’re going through… and I pray things keep progressing in the direction of HEALTHY AND HAPPY. Keep your posts up – You really do have a gift for writing. I laughed so hard! Diaper! HAHA!
I read your blog frequently but I don’t comment much. Even though I don’t comment, you have really been helpful I’d like you to know that. I have been sad my boyfriend has prostate cancer and recently his prostate was removed but it is likely some cancer cells were left behind. Now it’s still just a waiting game. Before all this we were planning to have a baby when he returned from his last deployment in Iraq. The cancer diagnosis and subsequent surgery happened so soon, we didn’t get sperm frozen. Anyway that is why I decided to comment today. Cancer has changed our lives, not totally but in a significant way. I felt better to order your “choose joy” necklace and it arrived a few days ago. My sister had given me a similar necklace with my children’s names stamped on small silver discs so I added those to the chain, and then my boyfriend always gives me pearls so the pearl sort of represents him. It reminds me even if things are different now we can still choose to be joyful. Before I saw your site I was thinking to myself, “well this is your new life now, so get used to it” – but your way of saying it is a lot nicer!
Bless you! I think of you often.
Sorry you had to be stuck so many times. I have been waiting to hear how your day went, I am sitting here eating popcorn so when I read that about the jelly beans I chuckled a little. I pray numbers are good and that your ovaries hold on. I named my Ethel they took one out years ago. I will keep you on my prayers sweet girl, now rest up some 🙂
Oh the butter makes me gag too! I just don’t understand how ANYONE could actually like butter flavored jelly beans? It doesn’t make a bit of sense to me at all!
The funny thing about the soap in the sheets is not that it works… It’s what made the first person to ever do it in the place…
Thank you, as always, for sharing. Send the buttered popcorn jelly beans this way, I love them! And, I’ll play Draw Something with you ANYTIME! username cecicat!
Ash,
I can sympathize with the hot flashes. I was on a drug called Lupron because I have endometriosis, and it put me into menopause. The hot flashing (among other, worse symptoms) were misery. At the same time that that was happening to me, my mom was going through menopause because of the breast cancer treatment she was on. One day, my dad was sitting between the two of us on a sofa and my mom and I hot flashed at the same time. He leapt off the couch fanning himself and yelling, “Good god, women! You’re broiling me!” Highlight of my menopause experience.
You are so funny, regardless what your going through, you make me laugh and cry. I keep you in my prayers always, and your sweet family too. Hopefully you get some much needed rest this weekend. xoox D.
So sorry it has been rough for you lately. Hopefully you can get a break from the chemo soon.
Your price tag with the shot instantly triggered the cost of the meds my daughter was on to help with the rare form of epilepsy she was diagnosed with as a baby. Are you ready? $22,000 a month! Crazy, I know! It was a miracle, she has been seizure free for almost 3 yrs!
I’ve never heard of the soap for RLS…good to know, and thanks for sharing!
Prayers and hugs to you
Ashley, I wish I could hug you in real life today. Boo asking for a sister breaks my heart, I know I will have to deal with that soon with my girl too. You handle it with such strength and grace. I hope I will too.
love & light, always.
xo.
hang in there ashley!!!
and about that bar of soap thing…gonna have to try it with my daughter, she is a creeper, comes into my room about midnight every night!
Nothing to add, but {hugs} I’m praying for you.
You are so amazing Ashley – hang in there – you are so far along now that there has to be a light at the end of that tunnel – I think of you often and how strong and positive you are – that makes the world of difference when facing what you are facing. This time will pass and you will be living life fully again. And – as for the tip about soap – what is that?! Weird but if it works -! Will tell my friend – her two year old is chronic with restless legs – is yet to sleep an entire night – can you imagine? Hang in there and be gentle – you deserve quiet and peace xxxx
Hi Ashley – i read your blogs but haven’t written yet – just keep hanging in there – I went thru’ chemo for lymphoma 4 years back and there were days on that chemo where i would just curl up in the fetal position and it hurt to much to even cry. And i had the same experience as you on my last day of chemo – they could not get a vein – my arms were so bruised and banged up -it was a Friday, everyone wanted to go home, i was the last one in there. And that Neulasta shot was worse than chemo some days- my chest would be pounding and in so much pain from my white blood cells activating – I kept telling my oncologist that i was allergic to this entire thing b/c there’s no way it should be this toxic.
One of my chemos was red -the red devil -Adriamycin. – i still can’t look at any sort of fruit bunch drink to this day and i still have to take a random side entrace when i visit my oncologist, b/c if I walk in the front entrance near the chemo center, which is also near the cafeteria – i still get nauseous – will even gag at the thought.
p.s. i have one little girl and we didn’t have time to freeze eggs either – we found out about the lymphoma when she was just a few months old. She keeps asking who is going to be her sister – sometimes it breaks my heart – but i always try to focus on the positive (and you have a lot of that) – i’m here now, i’m healthy, they caught it, and she won’t have to worry about fighting with siblings! Keep hanging in there – I made it thru’ you definately can!
Laughed so hard about ‘Mrs. S’ I cried – thanks for the good laugh!
I am going to try the soap thing with the RLS! Thanks! – hadn’t heard that one before!
Have a wonderful weekend!
Soap & restless leg= thank you!!!!! I have it miseray. I’ll be trying tonight.
I have heard that about the bar of soap for RLS – my legs get all creepy and wiggly before I go to bed, always in the evening when I’m relaxing while reading or watching TV (ok, I can be honest, I’m always watching TV 🙂 When I get into bed they seem to calm down. So I’m going to try the soap thing at the foot of my recliner. Maybe I’ll have to strap a bar to each leg! Ha!
I love hearing about your day, even the chemo days, because you help me keep things in perspective. You do have a great sense of writing – I feel like I know you and am sharing the day with you! Thanks for writing about even the simplest of things when they are funny or helpful.
Will pray that maybe the chemo will end soon, and that all the numbers you have tested will be the right ones!
my mother-in-law swears by the soap in the bed trick, too. The whole family teases her about it, but she’s been doing it for about a year now and says it makes a huge difference. I hope you get some good rest this weekend.
keep strong hun!
— dalis
PS. I just told my mom about the soap!
I’m sorry you have to keep taking that crummy medicine. Hopefully it will make you much better soon. I’ll have to share that soap remedy with my husband and mother-in-law. Both are bothered with restless leg syndrome. I’ll let you know how it goes.
I’ve heard that about soap too! I heard it also helps if you get leg cramps 🙂
Hmmm… The bar of soap thing reminds me of the claim that Vapor Rub was more effective if put on the bottom of your feet. The bottom of your feet must be the portal to everything. Poor Boo. I used to complain to my mom that it was unfair that I didn’t get to meet my sister (who died before I was born). It wasn’t until I lost my own son that I realized how heart breaking that must have been for her.
Stay strong and kick this cancer’s butt!
Laughing to tears!!! Love that you keep such an awesome sense of humor through it all! You are showing us all such great strength. I’ve been reading your blog for about a month now and think of all you go through often. Your “story” really puts the everyday things into perspective! Thank you for sharing and helping to keep me a little more grounded and appreciative for where I am.
Hugs and prayers for you!!! May you get some much needed rest and I’ll be buying some bars of soap this weekend too!!! 🙂
How can I laugh AND cry at the same time??! And how come I feel like I know you?? You have so many prayers going up for you, hang in there x
Bwahaha! I’m going to have to read the Mrs S convo a few hundred more times… so cute!
The other day I must have spent a few hours reading your journey with cancer from the beginning, you have an amazing way with words and you are sharing this in such a candid way, it is truly humbling.
I’ve laughed and cried, gotten angry on your behalf, whilst there is nothing I can say or do to make any difference I sincerely hope and pray that the chemo ends soon and numbers are all what they should be.
Your writing and attitude to your cancer is an inspiration and sure to be helping others.
Have wonderful, restful weekend.
Oh my….but buttered popcorn is my absolute favorite…. I could eat them all day!…jelly belly’s are the only jelly beans I will eat! As always… I am amazed by your strength…. your honesty inspires and encourages that same strength in others… I can hardly go to bed without checking how your day went… some day I would love to send you a pic of sophies room… before she was born as soon as I found out she was a girl I painted her room to look like a beach…… I know you would appreciate it…anyways warm thoughts and prayers that you have a restful weekend!
I just took Perry to the airport and the thought of you all being together soon makes me so happy. Sweet Justin will be there too. Do a group hug and pretend like me and Mr. Chinzy are there cuz we are in spirit!!! Love you and so proud of you and your ruff day. Talk to you soon!! Blessings galore!!!
Wow, I can’t believe that medication costs so much there! I wish I could send you some from Canada – We dispense it at my pharmacy for $400. Yes, that’s only 2 zero’s. Ridiculous!
You are such an inspiration, love reading your posts. You can always send me the popcorn Jelly Belly’s, they are my fave lol. Hope that you can be done with the Cisplatin soon, and praying for you and your family! HUGS!
I live in Canada and need it for the same reason Ashley uses it and I was told it costs $3000.00 – far from your number and not far off Ashley’s in the US?? Weird. My benefit company refused me and so now I am on Neupogen.
I’m with you …those popcorn jellybeans are Nasty! lol
And poor Mrs.S..i’m afraid that will be me and my hubby some day…he worrys that he will be annoying to me…cause he has some hearing loss now, and it will only get worse as he ages. Thank you for always letting us in to your world…I pray for you often…If I haven’t checked my email by bedtime, I have to take my phone to bed w/me to check in on you before I go to sleep. Thank you for reminding us we all have something to be thankful for …. and to just let go and laugh at life. 🙂
I am sad today to hear of your long day and struggles with the chemotherapy. You are still beautiful-even with the puffies! Get some rest my friend. We’ll be here when you feel better. Meghan
I Wish you a Happy and Restful Weekend. I keep up with your blog and family and I think and pray for you all often. You are more Beautiful on the Inside than you are on the outside. Your Spirit shines through in every pictures. You remind me to Grateful for everyday, Thank You,
Jamie
I love that you have humor during all of this. Thanks for sharing about Mrs. S. That was sweet and funny. Hope you are enjoying the beauty of Spring. Renewal is just around the corner.
I swear by the bar of soap. If my leg gets really restless, I make sure my foot is touching the soap. Don’t ask me why, but it works. It was even written up in our newspaper. I keep thinking I should take it when I travel, but with my luck, I’d leave it somewhere, and then someone would find it and wonder who that cuckoo woman was.
Your picture is beautiful. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs to you during this time. I have not gone through chemo, but was a care giver. Can not even imagine what it’s like. Your posts are so positive, I hope your spirits are high!
Question: Is there any specific kind of soap? Or does any bar soap work? We are a liquid soap house, but I have some nice soaps that were in gift baskets. Thanks for sharing the tip!!
You are such a trooper! I’m sorry about the veins and the neulasta. It’s totally ridiculous for drugs to cost this much. I think our gov’t and FDA are so wrong to do this.
Your humor is priceless! Poor Mrs S….can you imagine being her caregiver? I so appreciate the info re: the bar of soap. I am definitely going to try it!
Hopefully, you can go out to breakfast in the morning and enjoy a fun filled day! Lots of good thoughts and prayers winging their way to you.
xo
Pat
Hey Ashley! Just a tip – I’m a Phlebotomist in Plano, TX and I always tell my patients with difficult veins to drink a ton of water before they come in. Being super hydrated can make a world of a difference. I know you have to pee 12,747 times during chemo, so a few more trips is worth being stuck once! Try it, and report back! 🙂
That story about Mrs. S is so funny. Almost peed my pants.
As well, I am only on my first round of chemo, but haven’t been sleeping well, so I took a couple of Gravol and felt like I was being tangled in my blankets all night. I will try the bar of soap – all we have is the little round ones from Disney World I took home with me with Mickey Mouse engraved on it – hope it works as well.
That’s crazy that Neulasta costs that much down there – I was told here that it is $3000.00 and my benefit company declined me for it so I am now on Neupogen.
Think of you often and pray for you.
Oh Ashley, what a day you had! BTW,we call them “power surges” instead of hot flashes. Sounds more accurate anyway. My husband had a chemo shot the same size as your neulasta and it cost $36,000; He couldn’t believe it when they told him the cost. Thank goodness for good insurance. I pray you’ll have a great weekend and will feel much better. Blessings to you.
reminded me of the conversations we were privy to during MIL’s stay in convales/rehab and then hospice last summer in the inland empire..why are the normally private conversations the ones wit mega audio???
still praying for u and family…
Hey! I was thinking about the soap remedy, and my dad told me that in the old days when there was the military draft, men would take a bar of soap and put one under each arm and it raised their blood pressure enough that they wouldn’t pass the physical to join the military. Perhaps the reason it works has something to do with blood pressure? Just a thought.
I saw the picture of your face, and it just took me back to my days in the big vinyl chairs… Sending love and lots and lots of healing energy. xoxo
Ashley…. you are so darn funny- I swear if I was drinking milk- it would come shooting out my nose! Thanks for the laughs- even while you are going thru this lousy stuff…. you amaze me daily. I wish I could give you a big hug!
xo,Adele
big hugs to you ashley. you are so beautiful…inside and out! 🙂
I just said a prayer for your healing. I’m still praying for you…
My heart breaks for you (&Boo) because we were unable to freeze my eggs before starting chemo too 🙁 we have a precious 2 yr old but every day I feel so guilty she is an only child. We are holding out hope for adoption one day! I just know Gods got a grand plan for you & me both once we are done with all this cancer mess!!
PS I hate the popcorn flavored ones too .. Ick. And who knew the Neulasta shot cost so much?! I’ve received 3 now; so grateful for my insurance!
Yucky day. As always, you’ve come away with a pretty positive spin. I am one of those super positive people too. Not Pollyanna, but definitely a person who looks for the good in a situation. I truly believe that our attitude can change what is happening around us. Your strength is so clear through your posts. You are beautiful, and you are strong. Now, rest and take care!
Thanks for the soap tip! My mother in law has been having chemo for the last 6 years as unfortunately they didn’t catch the cancer in time to take it all out with surgery and she often gets restless legs or constantly rubs her face or hands so think the bed will need to be full of soap!
Keep going! 🙂
Funniest post! I really needed a LBB pick-me-up right now. I Choose Joy! S x
I am so sorry about your trials and tribulations with the needle poking today and glad you find joy and laughter in life! I lost my mother last Dec, 2 weeks short of her 91st birthday and I can so relate to the hearing issues with her, ha! It is funny and sad and then after we would have to repeatedly shout words to her, she’d say why are you shouting??!!! lolol She always understood sis and my husbands just fine though, so we always wondered if she did it on purpose to drive sis and me crazy, hahaha! Actually I think it has to do with certain tones! Additionally I suffer from RLS too and refuse to go on meds for that, which there are. I did hear of the soap thing and thanks for the reminder to try that! I have been using aromatherapy oils for my RLS, applied behind my knees which works for me. Lavender oil is one that is calming and can be applied behind your ears to help relax you too. You can consult an aromatherapist in your area for assistance if you like. ForeverGreen.com, AuraCacia.com sells oils and Trader Joes and some holistic health stores do as well. Just make sure they say pure/free, have both batch number and organic name on label.
I sympathise with your shot. Our part after insurance was 750.00. Every three weeks. Luckily we only had to pay for three months. Good luck and prayers go out to you.
“Baby” and “chemo”….don’t think you’re allowed to use two words in the same sentence….STILL lauging over the nurse & Ms. S…..
Even on days like this, you still manage to get out the funniest posts. You are certainly going through very very difficult days but your smile is always outshining the tough parts when you write. Thinking of you…
I have cancer too and your posts crack me up. I also happen to be a nurse so they doubly crack me up because we get so many odd patients and the hearing impaired can be particularly entertaining! (Nurses have very sicko senses of humor.) Here is another vein tip. Have your nurse wrap your arm in a warm pack or compress and also place a warm pack (or heating pad) under your arm PIT. Yes. It works I swear. Warm up arms and pits at least 10-15 minutes before the jabbing. Good luck and thanks for all the funny posts!
I just came across your blog recently, and I want to tell you in regards to your comment about being a “baby”….are you kidding? Never. You have the right to feel that way. From the little that I’ve read so far, you are not a baby. You are an incredibly inspirational, sweet, funny, ambitious woman. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. I suffer from depression, and many times have tried the “suck it up” and “get over yourself” bit, but it’s much easier said than done. Wish I had your inner strength to keep me going. Think of you often, and heartfelt. Thank you for being cute and funny through all your difficult days. Also, thanks for the posting about the Silhouette! I caved in and ordered it. Am hoping it will give me a little inspiration and get me out of the current funk. Hopefully I can begin creating some fun things. Re: illnesses – medicine makes such a difference, but I know it doesn’t always “fix” it…Hugs and love to you.
I am going to try the bar of soap. I have RLS and “The Boss” does not understand how aggravating it is. I tell him likes it’s worse than a muscle ache, and hurts to the bone. I stretch and stretch and stretch but it never helps.
Thanks for the tip!
Are you sure this bar of soap thing isn’t just to see how many of us will try it just cause you told us about it??? Mrs S reminded me of my Gram when I was a teenager and was in a public restroom with her and I guess taking to long, when I came out of the stall she not so quietly asked if I “had THE diarrhea.” so embaressed, and then she filled up travel size soap containers she pulled out of her purse with the soap despenser in the bathroom….. Good memories, man I miss her!
Ashley I have been praying for you.I had cervical cancer.Did chemo (cisplatin) once a week and external radiation everyday.And once a week had to have internal radiation they call brachy therapy.They would stick a tube into your cervex and shoot radiation in it.That has been 2 years ago.so far so good i havent been checked in over a year.but I still have restless leg syndrone and sometimes my arms feel that way too.Hang in there it will get better.Lots of people praying for you.
Ashley,
I read about the soap thing a few years ago in our local paper. I told my stepmom about it. Both she and her sister suffer from Restless Leg Syndrom. My husband thinks it sounds crazy BUT my stepmom and her sister tried it because what-the-heck, it’s cheap and certainly can’t hurt… and guess what? They swear it works 🙂
You are hilarious. Thanks for making my day! I just wish that it didn’t cost your dying ovaries or gross popcorn jelly bellies. Thanks for the good attitude, an example to me that I can do better in my trials.
Be careful with the Ambien, it made my mom sleep call random multiple people and say crazy things, it was too funny but we had to record her to finally get her to understand and stop taking it. Just sayin 😉
I hear ya on the colors on Draw Something. I finally just upgraded to the 99 cent version to get new colors. I have been saving to get more bombs and finally got some yesterday. And how are you supposed to be able to draw Jonas? Or Tupac?
Oh I sympathize with your dying ovaries 🙁 Mine too. Hot flashes all night long. I discovered this weekend that keeping the bedroom really cold helps. Like, 60 degrees. The colder the room, the less intense the heat. And sleeping bald of course. Under one layer of fleece blanket. I wish it was simpler, like putting a bar of soap under the pillow! LOL.
I just stumbled on your website, and I’m so glad I did! I have 1 question though…why didn’t you get a port to save your veins?? I just had mine removed on Thursday, it was a God send. I had breast cancer and just finished 6 rounds of chemo, I coudn’t imagine having to find a vein every time! I also had Neulasta, mine was $2800, each time (Canada), thank goodness for drug plans. I start 30 rounds of radiation in a few weeks….there is a light at the end of my tunnel. My motto throughout this whole ordeal has been stay positive, stay focused. It’s enabled me to run a 1/2 marathon 12 days after my 1st sugery, a 5 k run on New Years Eve, in the middle of my chemo treatments and play volleyball all winter. Don’t get me wrong, I did have rest days, where I barely made to the couch from the bed. Those are the days I felt like a baby….lol
You are truly an inspiration I enjoy your comments. It’s great to read other people’s positive outlooks. Get some rest and keep smiling!! I look forward to following your journey.
I just love you. You are going through so much and I realize that but gosh you’re funny!
I love keeping with your blog and I am a faithful reader. But I must confess that after reading this post, all I remember are the words ‘Draw Something’! Sounded interesting so I immediately searched for it in my app store. I HAVE BEEN HOOKED EVERY SINCE!!!!! (that was on Sunday night I think) It has been an immediate addiction. I found myself telling the clerk at Family Dollar about it b/c I had the app open on my phone. Let him even scribble a pic of a tornado on my phone and continued to explain to him how the game works. I keep starting new games b/c I’m so ready to draw and solve. I don’t know how many games I have open right now! It’s awful. lol But I’m loving it!
You are one of the fortunate few who still looks gorgeous even without hair (i’m soooo jealous). Lol!! I can understand hating the chemo and taking meds, but take one day at a time and enjoy every second.
ash. hang in there girl.. i have been through it three times and still going strong.. your sense of humor is the best medicine.. and makes a huge difference.. during my chemo (or here in La. we say chemeaux) i bought a portable dvd player and just kicked back and watched movies… it was a great help to me.. but i am sure your blog helps many many others more than me watching a movie… you are an inspiration to others and for that we admire you… stay positive… God bless you.. Pat.
I haven’t finished reading the whole cancer chronicles. yet, but it has been inspiring and emotional. Especially your hair shaving video! After reading this post, I thought you might enjoy my video of my kids and their jelly bean challenge. If I ever need to laugh I just play it. We were visiting my family in AZ and at World Market we found Harry Potter Jelly Beans! This comment box won’t let me copy and past, so if you go to my blog and in labels on the side find nasty jelly bean video
The Pastor’s Wife
teresarieke.blogspot.com