We were watching Frozen Planet recently and there was a mother polar bear nursing her babies:
Boo: What are they doing?
Me: They are drinking milk out of their mommy’s boobies.
Boo: WHAAAT!?
Me: That’s what most babies do……um, except for you.
Boo: Will milk come out of my boobies?
Me: Yep, some day.
Boo: When I have big boobies right?
Me: Let’s see how many more times we can say “boobies” in this conversation.
Yep, that’s me…..I didn’t breastfeed. Judge me all you want. That was my decision…..and Boo’s always been a healthy, energetic, smart little kid.
The first thing I thought when I saw the Time Magazine cover was: who cares? I try to stay out of people’s parenting business. As long as your kid isn’t in danger….good work. Honestly, I don’t even know what the Time Magazine article is about……and I decided I wouldn’t read it because I know the cover was a ploy just to try and GET me to read it…..and that annoyed me. However, sometimes this tactic works…..put a secret paparazzi photo of Brangelina getting married on the cover of Time and I’ll purchase it in a second. If it’s Will and Kate related…..I’ll purchase it in a millisecond.
I have no idea what “attachment parenting” is…..but I’m pretty sure I don’t fall into that category. Or maybe I do? I’m pretty “attached” to my kid. I wonder if there even is a category for me? Why do we have to be put in categories anyways? Ugh….it’s like high school all over again. If I didn’t breastfeed….am I in the “out” group?
I’ve told various parts of my birth story before. “Birth story” sounds weird…..let’s call it “what happened when I had Boo.” The second I found out I was pregnant I was overwhelmed with happiness…..the next second I thought: oh sh@#, the baby has to come out somehow now!
I had white coat syndrome times infinity……every time I stepped foot in the doctor’s office my blood pressure shot through the roof. I’d lay on the table, start sweating, and all the cocoa butter I’d applied that morning would come sliding off onto the table.
Me: Omg. The baby has to come out my fine china*. I’ll die. I just know it.
*Note: I do not use the word vagina. I could never have been a doctor. My child will be referring to her “hoo hoo” or “fine china” for the rest of her life.
Dr G: Don’t worry. You’ll do fine. It’s a long way off.
Me: You can just cut the baby out right?
Dr. G: We can just plan on a c-section.
Me: And there are lots of drugs so I won’t feel a thing?
Dr. G: Yep!
Me: Perfect. Add me to the calendar.
And at that moment all the anxiety went out the window. There was no reason for me to have PTSD before the event even happened. I never had any desire for a natural birth. My worst fear was going through labor for 2 days and then having a c-section anyways. My body never even showed any signs of going into labor.
My amniotic fluid was low for the last three months of my pregnancy. My blood pressure started getting higher and higher. Dr. G and his nurses tried to keep me from doing any activity but I would forget. I would lay there resting and then yes, I would FORGET that I was supposed to rest. The weekly conversation at the doctor office would be:
Dr. G: Have you been resting?
Me: Yes, I think I have.
Dr. G: Well, what did you do today?
Me: I steam cleaned the carpets, worked on my nephew’s wall mural, and reupholstered a chair.
Dr. G: That does NOT count as resting.
Me: Really? But I didn’t break a sweat!
Getting closer to my due date I would be watching TV and everything would be out of focus…..I think there’s a technical name for that when you are pregnant….but really it’s just high blood pressure…..so I’ll just say I had high blood pressure. And soon after Boo entered the world.
I knew I would never breastfeed (honestly the only reason I ever considered it was because I can be super cheap and breast milk was free food.) The nurses tried to get me to breastfeed. I tried once…and I got nauseous. The nurses tried over and over to talk me into it. I threw a tantrum. They gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the time in the hospital. It didn’t bother me. God gave me the perfect little baby. I was in love. She wouldn’t care if I breastfed her or not. We were out of the hospital in 3 days. I was driving and back to normal in 10 days. It was how everything was supposed to be.
My mother begged me to pump for a few days so Boo would have some colostrum (I don’t even know what that is). Sometimes you just want to please your mom. I pumped for 2 days. That was enough of that.
Boo never slept in our bed. She slept in a pack-n-play nearby for about 2 weeks before going into her own room. I need my sleep. Mr. LBB needs his sleep. Boo needs her sleep.
For everyone else…..I think whatever you did……you rock. Did you breastfeed? awesome. Did you have a water birth with no drugs? awesome. Did you only have 2 hours of labor? awesome. 24 hours of labor? not so awesome, but glad you got through it okay. Is your kid 4 feet tall and still breastfeeding? awesome.
Keep up the good work.
Want to join in on the discussion? Check out the Lil Blue Boo forum!
Hey, you’re awesome.
That’s all I have to say about that.
perfectly put. Awesome and Choose Joy!
I love you!!! Haha 🙂 I wanted to BF, but couldn’t. I let the world get me down with their judgement and their “some women don’t have what it takes” comments. But second time around, I had more confidence and the knowledge that my first son was strong, healthy, happy and perfect, with or without breast milk.
We don’t ever co-sleep, and we certainly don’t carry our children around until HS graduation. I did use carriers with my kids (more with my 2nd) but as a convenience to be hands free while at the fabric store 🙂 I love my children, but I want them to grow to be independent, all while knowing I’m here whenever they want cuddling time. And it’s proven successful so far!
Ultimately, it’s like you said, who cares?!
Agree completely. To each his (her) own. Now, how is it I’ve never heard “fine china” before? In this house full of boys, that is now what we will call it. 🙂
Great article! Thank you for posting it. My oldest daughter and I nearly died when she was born and I was unable to breastfeed more than a few days as we were both so sick and I got grief over not breastfeeding!! A year and a half later my youngest came, had no problems with labor or delivery and was of the hospital the next day and breastfeeding. It took me many years to not feel guilty for not being able to breastfeed my oldest but she is active and healthy, she’s 11 now and the fact that she was bottle feed and her sister was breastfeed doesn’t even come in conversations. I’m also not any closer to my youngest because of breastfeeding, I have a great relationship with both girls.
Awe-Some! lol I love this! I haven’t read the article either. I think they’re trying to make people mad just to sell more copies. I tried to BF both my kids and it didn’t work out, and they are both huge, healthy, happy kiddos. Of course some people thought it was my fault (Sure, if I had wanted it more it would have worked, right? Yeah, no), but in the end it’s what was best for us. These moms all over the internet who get so defensive because of this or that are crazy sometimes. We’re all Moms. Period. We should be building each other up instead of fighting over the small things.
Oh my gosh. Fine china. I love it! And so fitting: it only comes out for special occasions.
HA!
We are birth story twins! The idea of a person coming out of me freaked me out so bad! I didn’t breast feed either, freaked me out, too. I watched the birthing video in my lamaze class and almost had a heart attack. “I AM NOT DOING THAT!” I was completely horrified. I had the exact same reaction when I found out I was having an emergency c-section. “NO WAY! WE CAME THIS FAR, WE ARE NOT TURNING BACK!” Fortunately for both of us no one listened to me and thanks to the miracle of modern medicine we survived to tell the story. My baby is 18 now and about to go off to college! 🙁 *sniff* I think anyone who gets through the whole ordeal needs to do it whatever way feels right for them. Viva la mommies!
I’m a super huge breastfeeding advocate (in that I loved breastfeeding and I want to help everyone who wants to do it, not in that I’m super huge 😉 but I gotta say, YAY! I’m super happy when I find other people who can take responsibility for their decisions and let other people have room to make theirs. (Not that I’m saying no one ever is *booby trapped* into doing differently than what they want; I just think it’s awesome when someone is confident in their choices and says so, even if it may not win friends.) So, from a mildly crunchy, extended breastfeeding, AP mama to a mama who made different choices, awesome. Keep up the good work.
I’m totally with Heather on this one. I’m a nurse, so I’m definitely a breastfeeding (BF) advocate. However (!!!), I’m also an advocate of doing what is best for YOU and your baby! If you HATED the idea of BF, but you did it out of pressure, it would not be a healthy bonding experience for you and your baby. Period! I’m so glad that you stuck by the decision that was right for you, and SHAME on those nurses for turning their nose to you after you made up your mind! Shame shame shame! That’s so not-right!
Fine China! Hilarious! I refer to the “nether region” as “my business” or “your business.” I’m a nurse, right? So, if I’m helping someone (in a clinical setting) to bathe themselves, I will hand them a washcloth (if they’re able to help) and say “make sure to get your business good & clean.” Sometimes I get the most funny/puzzled looks and I have to remind myself that “business” is MY term for it, but not everyone else’s.
LOL. You crack me up! I love your open & honest posts!
🙂
You are a breath of fresh air, as ALWAYS!! Thank you.
🙂 That is the nature of our lives as humans, we all have choices to make. And anyone who would try to say a choice you made in parenting was “wrong” – that is NOT right because they are not the one parenting that child (and isn’t that pretty rude to push YOUR views on someone else? I never understood that. Tell someone what your views are, fine, but NEVER try to make them change their view or more than likely, they are going to view YOU differently as a person who doesn’t respect their views) Yes, this is recommended and yes, this is what most people do but it not what is absolutely necessary and is not what EVERYONE does. *Fine print: if a parent is HARMING their child mentally, physically, emotionally – that is a different topic.
I wanted to breastfeed for 12 months. I breastfed for 3 1/2 months. I just found that I couldn’t handle the constant feeding and not being able to do anything else. My daughter took a bottle like a pro the first time and from then on. Do I miss it? Of course, it was a great bonding time and amazing experience. Would I be miserable if I were still breastfeeding? YES. My daughter is fine and at 10 months old, was taken to the doctor for the first time for a sick visit with an ear infection, which I have an upper respiratory infection so I am thinking it has something to do with that.
I made a choice to NEVER let her sleep in my bed. I hear so many people saying “My kid is 5 and still sleeps with us.” I did NOT want that to be me. So, she has always slept in her crib. For now, it’s in our room but for my sanity I will be moving it to another room asap. Sometimes, I put her in bed with me at night and think, oh, one night will be fine. Then, I can’t sleep because I am afraid I will roll over on her or smother her with my pillows so she just goes into the crib and then we all sleep peacefully.
This was hilarious! And you are awesome.
I read on this How To Be A Dad blog he said “Are you mom enough? Yes you are because someone calls you mom.” or something like that.
I breastfed because I didn’t want to spend what little extra money we had on formula. I was able to nurse, so I did. But no way in H E L L would I have done it with them standing on a stool. Are you sh!tting me? I nursed for 11 months, 7 months, and 8 months. My poor saggy breasts!
I was 11 days late and I had a 28 hour labor with my first. Horrible back pain. No drugs. And she came out of my fine china, 7 lbs even. My 2nd was 2 days early, only labored for 5 hours and it was so freaking easy, I shot him out. Gross! He was 7 lbs 5 oz. And then my 3rd and final baby was induced on his due date. It was a 10 hour labor. Wasn’t so hard. But what was shocking is when he finally made his entrance the dr said “he is really big” and sure enough he was 9 lbs 9 oz. My fine china hasn’t been the same since. Gross again, I know. I wish I would have had a c-section with him. And the drugs!
You are awesome! And you crack me up! LOL! I always look forward to reading what you have to say! Keep up the good work!
Oh my word, I wish I could hug you! I didn’t read that article either for similar reasons. I don’t know what attachment parenting is, and I really don’t care. To each their own, and I hope the judging has simmered down by now, this was such a low play on emotions around Mother’s Day.
Big hugs, I have so much respect for you!!!
I’d be afraid that my nipples would be gnawed off… So I guess if I’ll ever have kids (we’ve been trying for six years) I’ll only breastfeed until the first baby tooth starts to show.
I’m an adopted child and was never breastfed. I can’t say that my health is better or worse than others’. Well, I don’t have a single allergy – if I had been breastfed, I’d probably possess super powers. Damn.
I think to each their own. I thought the Time magazine cover was cute. I would consider my “style” to go along with attachment parenting. I love pregnancy & everything that comes with it. Labor, natural delivery, baby, breastfeeding and all. I breastfed my daughter for 22 months and would have longer, but my milk dried up as I was pregnant with baby #2. I wear my baby, cloth diaper, and share a family bed. But only because all of this feels natural to me. I’m not going to fit into anyone’s idea of what type of parent they think I should be. We all have our own ways that work for us and that’s special. How boring would it be of we all did everything exactly the same? Oh, and I tell my two year old it’s a vagina, but she calls it ginas, which is pretty cute.
I cannot stand the whole ‘mommy wars’ thing. I don’t understand it. I agree. All loving mothers are awesome. Regardless of whether they breast or bottle feed, circ or not, cloth or disposable, natural or C-section, medicated birth or not, co-sleep or crib. As long as the children grow up happy, healthy, and well-adjusted and end up being law-abiding, productive members of society-I don’t care how anyone raises thier child! 🙂
Well said!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you! It’s tough to make choices about how to raise children. Can’t we all just support each other through the process? No way is the right way for everyone.
You rock. And I will never look at my fine china (Christmas dishes) the same way again.
Love it! I’m all for breast feeding and tried with both my kids but it didn’t work out. And that’s okay! 🙂
Thank you for this post it made my day! I was in tears laughing and agreeing with you. Us moms need to be more supportive of each other and our choices. What works for one does not work for all. Keep up the good work.
I breastfed both my kiddos. First Little Man was breastfed until I was pregnant with Loo and he was a year old. Loo since I knew she would be my last, and I had no problem breastfeeding, (for me it was easy convienient and I didn’t have to do dishes I breastfed her until she was 18 months old… shhhh… a lot of my family was upset that I did nurse her so long), but, I loved it. For me it was something that bonded me and her, and even with my son, but more so my daughter. She remembers it. I am glad I did it, but I don’t think people that don’t should be put down. I did it because it was easy and worked for me. I hate dishes.
My mom said they didn’t have any money for formula when I was a baby so she breast fed me until 9 months and I went straight to the cup from there. I can’t even imagine doing that and I had six kids that I partially breast fed. A couple of them I didn’t breast feed at all and the rest were breast fed for about 2 months with bottle feeding in between. The only thing I had happen that I thought was wrong was once I was in the car covered with a light blanket feeding my first child at a family get together for my husband’s family. My husband’s aunt came out to the car and told me I was offending her family with my “gross breastfeeding”. I was very self-conscious of it and never did anything anywhere near public feeding. I was in the car with a blanket over me, how did I offend them? I told her to go away and leave me alone and I’m usually not like that. I’m like you, whatever works for you is great and I’m very happy for you but don’t judge me for my decisions!
Absolutely hilarious! I’m old (65) and was not a hippie but I breastfed – because my Mom, aunts, sisters, cousins did. Yes I found it easy, probably because I expected it to be, but I only breastfed for 6 months and had started solids at 8 weeks – there’s only so much time in the day & night to let a kid nurse.
I had natural childbirth – because the description of the needle for the spinal anesthesia nearly made me pass out – really, the Dr. asked me if I was OK as I’d turned whiter than white. Turned out having the spinal would have taken longer to take effect than the actual labor & delivery. Just lucky.
For all of those women out there contemplating what to do – do what you want – your baby, your life – make it work for you. Still think it’s the quality of time spent with them, the memories you make that are the REALLY important things in life.
Love your post, I think I laughed the whole way through. You crack me up. Thanks for this today. And I agree, who cares what everyone does as long as their child is healthy. 🙂
You must be in need of more comments for your crazy people file…them’s fightin’ words! And no I am not going to contribute any opinions on this one – I’m Switzerland. 🙂
well done. and well said. to each his/her own and i am glad to read all the positive comments on here. every mother/child is different and it’s for sure a ‘whatever works for you’ situation. i turned to my mother for advice, and, unless I asked, blew off everyone else’s. You are an amazing mother and a joy to read. Feel free to step up on that ‘soap box’ as often as you please-it’s your opinion and it’s your blog my friend! We are blessed to be able to read it and get to know you!
Wonderful post! For myself, I did breastfeed both my girls for 3 months! It was great, however I wanted some freedom back in my life and chose to stop. Both of my girls have acid reflux so breast was best, however they make speciality formulas now days that are incredible as well. Bottom line, either way is great! Your kids will be just fine.. determining a kids future based on being bf or bottle fed is just crazy:-) 🙂 thanks again for the post!
That was well put, and graciously said! I’m not a mother, but thank you anyway (I’ve never looked forward to the idea of breastfeeding).
One note that concerns me: Boo not knowing technical terms for private parts. I would urge you to teach her anyway. Because if one day – God forbid – she is abused, she should know exactly how to describe what happened in clear, technical terms so that there is no doubt or confusion on behalf of the authorities when you seek justice.
I remember when I finished decorating the nursery. I would walk by in admiration and think, I really have no idea what to do with that baby when it comes. Which was true, I had no idea and my baby cried all the time. And I had a natural childbirth without drugs, not because I wanted too, no one told me drugs were an option!!!!!! It was 36 hours of pain. I did it again five years later and still, no drugs. This time I asked for the drugs, and they said it was too late….UGH! I’m not planning to have another baby, but if I did, I would start taking drugs the day I found out I was pregnant!
By the way, LOVE your story! 🙂
You are SO right. Why do we have to be so judgmental of eachother??
You’re gonna get some weird comments on this one, I’m sure. 😉
I should be too embarrassed to admit it, but last week my roommates and I pulled out her medical encyclopedia to determine the word for “where baby comes out.” I’ve never heard someone say “it came out my fine* china (ha!). ” I always heard “birth canal” or… something, I guess. So did they. Here were are grown girls not knowing where we’re gonna drop one outta. Ok, I knew it came *there,*… just not the word to mention it.
I don’t see why anyone cares if I don’t breastfeed. I have zero desire. I wasn’t breastfed, and I’m fine. People who breastfeed a 5 year old scare me. Sorry.
I don’t understand the people who say “oh, I had it NATURALLY” as if it’s a trophy. It sounds incredibly painful. Give me meds for labor! Sheesh. You want natural, great… don’t gross me out with details. I dare someone to tell me I “have” to breastfeed or …whatever… if I just pushed a BIG baby outta me.. small… fine china.
I’m using disposable diapers. If I’m popping out a kid into an overpopulated world, the kid will use countless natural resources their entire lives. What’s a year or two of diapers? I don’t want “diaper waste” in my washing machine. Gross. I couldn’t have managed in the 1930s, or whenever cloth was the only way. EW!
I don’t understand someone’s desire to breastfeed **UNCOVERED** in public. If I was going to opt to breastfeed, I would at least cover myself with a blanket or shirt. I don’t want others looking at my breasts, nor should they be subjected to. I don’t enjoy showing my boobs in public. Well, not often, anyway… 😀
I’m really sick of the magazine and other articles praising cloth diapers, breastfeeding, natural childbirth.. or whatever. Aside from it being nasty (yes, I’m like a 12 year old), it’s all a personal preference.
Did you really not know the word vagina? Sounds like you need to do a little education to find out why natural home birth is, well, more natural. Something to do with baby and mom having natural hormones that are released during labor and the incredible bonding that happens when natural love hormones are released when baby comes out. A great way to educate yourself would be to check out the film, “The Business of Being Born”. Thats right the medical INDUSTRY wants you to have your baby in the hospital pumped full of drugs, strapped to a table on your BACK (the most unnatural position you could birth a baby short of being upside down). Now breastfeeding, its not really about “your desire” its about your baby, at least ideally. I am appalled at all the women that are freaked out over such a natural and beautiful experience. I have breastfed both my babies and I have no bottles to wash or warm up, no formula to buy( and why would I put my most precious child eat from a can made by Nestle. Do any mamas read the label???High fructose corn syrups, genetically modified soy, etc etc) let alone the insane amount of antibodies that the baby gets, less breast cancer for mothers who have breast fed, bigger brains for breast fed babies to name a few. Having birthed two babies naturally I can say that it is a trophy. I didn’t wuss out over pain and drug me and my baby up, increase my risk for an emergency c-section and was able to bond in an immediate way with my baby. I feel like I can do anything now because I could mentally conquer the most difficult thing that a woman can and has for millions of years. As far as planning ahead to create mass waste with disposables, ok. Go for it…Its your descendants that will be thanking you for caring about their planet with such care.And finally breastfeeding uncovered. I just cannot get over how far people have come from being in touch with REALITY. I never thought I would but I really don’t give a poop if someone sees me breastfeeding. Of course in a restaurant setting I cover myself and other places like that but at a park, or anywhere else I breastfeed no cover and its not like your breasts are hanging out…the view is of a cute baby head covering the breast! Sheesh! Anyways please check out that movie, open your mind and think about changing some of your perceptions. Where are your judgments coming from? that its gross to do extended breastfeeding, that its gross to cloth diaper(I cloth diapered my first entirely and there was absoluteley NO diaper waste in the washing machine…you do two cycles with cloth diapers) and that natural parenting is nasty? Sounds like the corporations have got to you…hospital/Big Pharma check, big Diaper Corporations check and Big Formula Corporations check. Please just try and look deeper at why you have these perceptions, Thanks
Really? REALLY? How about YOUR judgements? I guess this is the first angry comment I am ever leaving because you just sent me over the edge! I note your other pretty judgmental reply comments below too.
The whole picture is that children are raised by a loving family. The end. There are many, many children that are not. Children don’t have even have a Mom and Dad. HOW those children are fed or birthed is the least of their worries.
So how about you get behind someone who loves their child utterly? Who is raising their child in a loving and stable environment?
STOP being a Mom basher- how about supporting and encoring one another?
BTW I breastfed and used attached parenting. And I am not an a pedestal about it.
I am definitely not mom bashing (this person didn’t know the word for vagina…guessing no kids). But I shouldn’t have called moms that birth with drugs wusses; I’ve pushed two out with none and maybe my MadMax warrior spirit got a little feisty for a minute. Sorry.
I can see how it is important to encourage and support moms. But I also see that making that *choice* to not breastfeed can be selfish in nature (can any moms admit that?- moms that made the choice because of how it would change their breasts or too time consuming or just plain laziness- etc). Not a name calling, mean spirited selfish, but just a “Nope don’t want to do that” kind of selfish. I guess I get upset when I hear mama’s high fiving over not breastfeeding and how soon after birth they put babies alone in the other room. It makes me sad.
All I have to say is: great for you Celine. All natural. No drugs. Breastfeeding. Bravo. You definitely deserve your trophy. It sounds like I only get a “participation” award. I never experienced labor…..so maybe I don’t even get that. And you’re right, I’m a “nope don’t want to do that” selfish. Heck, throw a little laziness in there too. Oh, mix some fear in there as well. I’m sorry that appalls you. A few things just didn’t work out for me. Who knows….maybe I’ll get a trophy one day for just being a good mother to my daughter…..but last I checked this wasn’t a competition.
If you are a good mother Ashley that should be enough of a trophy for yourself but if you need extra kudos you could just reread the hundred plus comments in support of the post. There is no competition here, just a discussion on a controversial topic. What ever mothers choose as their method is what they choose. And they should also be able to handle the effects and consequences of those choices including internalized guilt from knowing they may have made a less than perfect choice. But that is the balance of motherhood, balancing choices with our children’s needs. I happen to have my opinion about that balance that may conflict with others. But that is it, my opinion. And I’m entitled to it. Thanks
Celine, I experienced my sister in law’s natural births and was awed!! Inspired. She was my hero. A true warrior mom. When I was pregnant I read everything I could get my hands on about natural childbirth. I took Bradley classes. I had a plan. I was going to labor at home as long as possible. Then I would transition to the hospital for a birth with no drugs, but with the “safety net” of close by medical support. I was a high risk pregnancy. In the last week of pregnancy my amniotic fluid became dangerously low so the first part of the plan went out the window. I needed to labor at the hospital so I could be monitored more closely. After 24 hours, it was determined that my baby was in distress. An emergency c-section was needed. Ends up the cord was wrapped around his torso. Twice. Every time I had a contraction his oxygen was compromised and his heart rate dropped. C-section. I was shattered. It took me a long time to forgive myself for not being “strong enough.” I watched “The Business of Being Born.” And it was healing for me that in the end the producer of the film had to be rushed in for an emergency c-section. It happens. After months of grief about my plan not going according to the plan, you know what I realized? I am as much of a hero as my sister in law. I, too, am a warrior mom. If I had labored at home, my son would be dead. Period. I am a hero because I was selfless enough to put him above my own need for a “perfect” birth. Our birth story is ours. And it is perfect. Ashley & Boo have a perfect birth story. It is theirs. Yes, women have given birth for millions of years. And in those years before medical intervention mommas died. Babies died. My son would have died. In my second pregnancy I would have died. So you can take your “perfect” story, and your judgement & shove it. Don’t we torture ourselves enough as mothers about doing all the WRONG things without nasty women like you coming along and torturing us even more?! It’s just pathetic & sad to me.
Hmm, kind of interesting. You pretty much bash everyone whose choices are different from yours, and yet at the end you state that it is all a personal preference. If you really believe that last statement, you will choose to live and let live, and other people’s choices will not bother you. If someone expresses an idea that you don’t agree with, or shares “gross,” “nasty,” or “scary” details, you can smile and politely change the subject. And you certainly don’t have to read articles that offend you. Choose joy!
I had my first baby a month ago. I was also freaked out of the fact that the baby was going to have to squeeze in to come out down there… but specially the fact that my ‘fine china’ wouldn’t be so fine anymore… As the pregnancy went by, I surrendered and I thought, ok I will try the natural (medicated) way. 8am 4/10 my water breaks, not until 8 pm I started pushing and around 12am the next day (still pushing mind you) I puked ALL OVER my nurse twice. They took my temp and i was at 105.00! so they decided to call the doc because also my contractions had stopped… i had labor all day only to be rushed to get a c-section stat… I was so dozed off from two epidurals (the first one i got when i started labor and the one they did when i was rushed to the csection) that i didnt feel a thing, but i was really buzzed and had no idea what language i was speaking and barely remember kissing my baby and hearing him cry. Later, due to my high temp, and needed a double blood transfusion due to severe anemia, i wasnt able to BF and neither did my milk ever come. My boobs never got engorged or hard, just Jessica Simpson huge. If i knew i was going to go through all of this, i would have gone with my fi rst instinct and booked that csection……….. Better luck next time! oh and i hate how ppl ask me if im BF’ing and give me a funny look when I say I didnt… ‘ohh you didnt give the baby cholostrum? ugh.. My friend’s daughter was never bf’ed and not even two yrs old and can pretty much recite the alphabet and her intelligence is of a 4 year old.
Now onto attachment parenting… Love it…
I am doing it, except the bf part and if baby only wants me to sleep, feed, and be with and not anyone else? fine by me. Call me selfish… I DO NOT CARE.
love your posts by the way!
xox, Marie – pls check my blog!
being a parent is awesome, no matter how you do it. as long as we are treating our kids well and others respectfully, i have no right to judge anyone else on their parenting. good for you for not reading the Time article, i didn’t either!
and LOL about “fine china!” i think i may have to borrow that
AMEN! This past weekend, I had 4 family members reference that time article and say, “You aren’t going to breastfeed that long, are you!?” (My son is 10 months old.) And I wanted to respond, “Why do you care? How is this any of your business?”
It’s freaking hard to be a mom, can we please stop making other people feel badly for their decisions? Breastmilk, formula, natural, epidural, c-section, who cares? WE ARE ALL AWESOME. Same thing goes for working vs. stay and home moms.
You freakin’ crack me up. Love the blog, even though I’m a bit of a lurker…
LMAO…you crack me up..and all I can say is, “Keep up the good work, and your’e awesome”!!!! xoxo Love ya Ashley!
Amen! This is so true and women everywhere should finally stop fighting each other for the decisions they take.
… and by the way, I love the way you make a serious point and at the same time me laugh out loud in front of the computer! You really are an inspiration in so many ways!
fine china!! i am so using that! its brilliant.
that and the “are you resting” i was a busy bee during my last few days of pregnancy with #2. In fact I made two 24×48 pieces of subway art the night before I went in for my chosen c-section.
i couldn’t agree with you more…..who cares? let moms be moms and parent however they see fit! why is this even a topic of discussion????
oh right because people will always need SOMEONE to judge.
I say unless you’ve had a baby of your own keep your opinions to yourself!
you’re awesome btw
I breastfed both my boys until the were 9 months old. And now I have like a negative A cup, and pre-baby I was pushing D. Sooo… while the moments were beautiful and touching all that… cue Johnson and Johnson commercial, you STILL pay for it, just not in monetary terms. Unless you get those bad boys surgically enhanced to reclaim their former glory.
Well said and DITTO.
That was SO me Ashley… 11 days late, 44 hours of ‘natural’ labor, then ended up with a c-section (but also a 9 pound 4 oz baby!!!)! Second time around I penciled a date in… was NOT doing that again!! 3 days ‘early’ and 9 lb, 11 oz!!! Oh my!
So I realize it’s still early… but I can NOT believe there’s almost 50 comments and they’re all positive 😉
THANK YOU. As a mom who didn’t breastfeed by choice, it’s refreshing to have someone just come out and say ‘You know what? I didn’t want to, not for me’. I’ve been called everything under the sun for that choice, and tried it for a week even though I didn’t want to out of guilt from everyone around me. Both of my kids are extremely bright, rarely sick, and rather tall for their age (maybe its hormones in the formula? yuk yuk yuk), so I’ve never felt I made a ‘bad’ decision. I’ve always admired my friends that had natural childbirths, breastfeed, and the few that cloth diaper… but that is just REALLY not for me. It doesn’t make me a bad mom, it just makes me different. I love and adore my kids just as much, and they love me just as much. It’s just so incredibly hurtful all the nastiness lobbed in each direction- as long as you love your babies you’re not a bad mother. Women need to quit throwing that around at each other and just support everyone.
I do love the ‘fine china’ 😉
Love this post. I felt the same way as you, but the nurses totally supported me and I had a great experience. I am told now that the new initiatives discourage formula and make it uncomfortable for moms in the hospital. Why do that? As long and you are feeding and loving your baby you’re all set – no reason to hassle people right after they figured out a way to remove another person from them (esp if their “fine china” is now beat to hell or stomach has a huge gash) – it’s traumatic enough!
I think that they do that because it is natural, free and better for mom and baby. When hospitals and nurses push formula onto new mothers thats when I ask why do THAT? And then I remember that it is a large corporation pushing their PRODUCT onto potential customers with zero concern for the actual health and well-being of the baby.
Who says its “BETTER”, you? I can assure you it was NOT best for my newborn to endure my full blown panic attacks every time it was time to bf. I tried for a few weeks, because I was made to feel guilty. It was awful! I didn’t even attempt with my next three and had zero post pardum depression or panic attacks. So, say take your “better for mom and baby” and shove it!
AND, at our house it’s called The Queen Victoria. Heehe.
Uh, yes, me and the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality at the US Dept of Health & Human Services for one. Here is from a study stating,”a history of breastfeeding was associated with a reduction in the risk of acute otitis media, non-specific gastroenteritis, severe lower respiratory tract infections, atopic dermatitis, asthma (young children), obesity, type 1 and 2 diabetes, childhood leukemia, sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), and necrotizing enterocolitis..”And thats just the benefit of baby…here are mama’s benefits,”For maternal outcomes, a history of lactation was associated with a reduced risk of type 2 diabetes, breast, and ovarian cancer.”You can look it up here
Listen if you want to argue that formula is better than breastmilk go for it. I disagree. I appreciate that a bunch of great mamas out there don’t “want” or can’t for whatever reason breastfeed. I can agree that they can make up for this in great mothering and being there for their kids and that is in fact the most important thing. Period. I can fully agree with that. With that said sounds like some people have some cognitive dissonance relating to their *choices* and arguing that formula is better than breast milk is a perfect example.
Never said in general formula was better. That was your judgmental and somewhat delusional mind. SO…take your link and shove it too.
*Biting my tongue*
I don’t know how recently you had a baby, but nurses certainly push breastfeeding over formula, not the other way around.
I think it depends where you are.
Well that’s it… Fine China is my new favorite anatomy term… Now what can we call my hubs dinnerware so we can stop calling it his front butt?? 🙂
Hubs’ dinnerware…..bwahahaha! LOVE the post & comments!
Hahahaha, awesome! Love it! I’m a mother of 1 so far, yeah I had the two days of labour and c-section anyways. Averageee! Well said!
Love It!!! Live & Let Live 🙂
Love, love, love the Fine China! We have a Deaf son so using the real parts is a big thing in teaching him sign…however our 3 year old loves to repeat everything that is said. She will be learning Fine China!
We did attachment parenting – but our children are adopted internationally and were used to sleeping with someone else – wasn’t my first choice but proved necessary for a bit. We were trying to have our children attach with us, not who had cared for them since birth. Happy to say two years later we are all in our own beds and happy! The children are attached and bonded – life is good!
Hooray for individuality !
I breastfed all three of my kids. However when the oldest one was almost a year old, and started unbuttoning my top to “get to the milk” I knew it was time to stop.
But …..to each her own.
First….haha on FINE CHINA! I had to read it twice to figure it out (maybe because I had a c-section too–haha!).
I, too, had preeclampsia (the high bp), my kidneys were failing, and my little punky wasn’t growing anymore…so I had a c section 6 weeks early.
He was fed both my breast milk and formula in the NICU—my goal was to get my 4 lb 6 oz fella big and healthy enough to go home!
I chose to breastfeed, but we definitely supplemented and I was absolutely fine with that.
I think that if you and Boo were any more “attached” you would have a hard time finding clothes to fit….I’ve got a feeling you are two peas in a pod! 🙂
Hooray that Mommies and Daddies have lots of choices now to make sure their Honey’s are healthy!
You are absolutely priceless, Ashley! Thanks for the latest installment of JOY to send me on my way with a smile!
Hugs,
Janet
Thank you so much for sharing your story! My daughter and I couldn’t get breastfeeding when she was born and it was a contributor to me having post-natal depression, mostly because of all the nasty judgemental people, including a health nurse I was assigned to, making me feel like I was the worst mother in the world. In Australia, the nipple police (as my husband calls them) are really judgemental but they DO offer a telephone help line – because obviously the do gooders can just reach through the phone and attach a screaming newborn to my nipples, right?
My daughter is an energetic, intelligent, funny and beautiful almost 3 year old. but I’m always sad I “missed out” on her early months because I was beating myself up about not breastfeeding. I am now pregnant with my second child and although I know I will try again and I will demand the support I need in the new hospital that I didn’t get in the first hospital, if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Growing to a size H cup doesn’t guarantee that those tanks can pump ladies! So I reiterate your wonderful story and those of others who have posted – if all you do is love your child, you’re doing the right thing.
And yes, I will be using the term “fine china” at my first obstetrician appointment on Tuesday!! Love it!
Take care everyone xo.
I think that’s the best perspective to have on parenting. People all over the world and across time have done it very differently, and the human race has survived. Awesome. It’s great that people want to go gung-ho for whatever the latest “right way” is for parents, but it’s wrong for it to become a reason to look down on those who aren’t interested. We can all be great parents in our own way. I believe that deep down, moms are sufficiently equipped to raise their kids, we don’t need people to tell us what to do.
I LOVE your last paragraph! You ROCK 🙂
I hate people putting people in catagories! I home-birthed, breastfed and cloth diapered but I didn’t want to be in the ‘crunchy’ mom group cause aside from those things we didn’t have much in common. Everyone called me a ‘crunchy mom’ which I disagreed with since I didn’t want to talk about the above as most ‘crunchy moms’ do but instead I much rather chat about handmade kids clothing…lol! We are who we are and I don’t like labeling myself, I just do what I feel like doing 🙂
I wish Breastfeeding moms could be less judgemental as a whole. I did breastfeed my first completely out of fear of getting mastitis AGAIN- and I pumped for 10 1/2 months because of this fear (okay and that I was cheap and wanted to use that expensive pump). My second, I was home and it was honestly easier… but at 1 year, I weaned. Having a little boy pull off my shirt in the middle of Target while shopping so he could have “some”, was NOT going to happen! But my kids do not sleep with us, I give spankings, and my kids are all healthy and happy. Attachment parenting is a crazy way to make us all feel inferior– I don’t need some crazy people who don’t know me or my family to tell us we’re not attached! 😉 Have a super weekend!
Sorry have to disagree that AP is a crazy way to make people feel inferior. For me it is a roadblock to what is natural and healthy. A way for women in our culture who have lost the way, from what women have been doing for thousands and millions of years, from what is natural…to have your baby close, in a sling, close to your hearbeat, breastfed with colostrum and antibodies, sleeping as a family together. Our culture has been decimated by corporate agendas, to separate, to alienate. AP is about being whole and together, not about putting anyone else down.
I meant road map! hehe
That’s why I just love your blog so much! Keep up the good work! 😉
I love it and completely agree, it is no body’s business. If it works for your family as long as everyone is safe, good for you!!!!! I wanted to breastfeed but LK could never latch on, every time feeding time rolled around it was a crying fest….not sure if she or I cried more….I finally decided that meal time should not be a stressful time for anyone, so I pumped and used formula when I could not keep up or needed sleep. And guess what, my kid is a healthy, very smart, well adjusted kid.
We as moms can be so hard on one another, we just need to give each other a little grace and encourage one another instead of judging sillyness that is not our concern.
Sorry I could not make it onto the “purple” folder 🙂 I’ll try harder next time.
I breast fed and I loved it. At times, it was inconvenient, but I was all about saving the bucks!! I did read through the comments, just because I wanted to see everyone else’s view on the matter. I am sort of saddened to hear that one reader thought that breastfeeding was nasty. I would never subject my children to something that was dirty. I shower daily…well…almost… Also, I do wear the fact that I had a child all by myself without the help of medicine. For one day, I felt Invincible and incredibly strong. I wear my birth story badge of courage with pride. Do I think anyone else’s story is less of a badge?? Not at all. Good on you for telling people that it is okay to be proud of theirselves, no matter what their badge describes. Baby wearer, Disposable diaper changer, breast feeder, brown bag lunch preparer, homemade everything maker, scheduled cecerean haver, Barefoot and pregnant, Business suit wearer, baby on the hipster, it does not matter. As long as we wear our own badges with pride, that’s all that matters.
Kudos! I was judged for NOT breastfeeding my first (altough I really tried) then judged again for breastfeeding?!?!…then judged for using disposibles and judged again using cloth. judged for nursing my 3 year old. Judged for co sleeping etc judged for circ my sons, and for getting an epidural…I tried it all finding what worked for my family.. and no matter what I did people judged me so I did what worked for my family. The mommy wars really got under my skin and I’m glad to see so many respectfull people on here that “get it” its not about “you” every family is different and hopefully more moms can be supportive of eachother! Our jobs are hard enough!
Its true…anything you do you will be judged! Great point. I went to France where I have family and they were appalled and disgusted that I still breastfed my then 2 year old and still slept together. By the end of the trip they were asking me how I did it and they had a change of heart because the other kids in the family were super sick constantly, always crying miserable and mine were healthy and happy. NOT saying that it is only because of AP but there was a marked difference in the kids. It changed everyone in my family’s mind on the matter!
Are you just on here to tell everyone how awesome of a mother you are?
No, just advocating attachment parenting.
Good luck with that!
Advocating or pressuring? I’m pretty sure there are moms out there who deserve the superhero cape and title more than someone who claims that breastfeeding and AP makes them a celebrity. I’m a supermom! Ashley is a supermom! I’m pretty sure every mom on this thread is pretty darn super! Just ask our smart, happy, healthy kids. 🙂
I dont think I ever said all the moms aren’t awesome. Im saying that our generally accepted perceptions about what are good for our babies in our Western culture is severely flawed. Look at the statistics for type 2 diabetes(used to be called adult onset diabetes) in kids…1 in every 400. We as a culture are not doing things right!!! Obesity on the rise, ADD on the rise, This is all preventable and is affected by choices we make from birth.
You’ve come onto a blog post about NOT pressuring mothers into a specific way of mothering to advocate attachment parenting. Do you not find irony in that? That is why it is out of place and unwelcome. Attachment parenting is not the best way to parent because there is no best way. The research you keep referring to (mostly about breastfeeding, but AP in general, as well) has been proven to be flawed in that it has not taken into account many other factors surrounding mothers, such as socioeconomic and educational factors. Just because a woman doesn’t breastfeed or doesn’t co-sleep, does not mean her baby will grow up to have type 2 diabetes. There are countless other factors that affect these outcomes. It also does not mean that a person who practices AP will have healthy, happy children, either. We can all only do our best. If your best is AP, then fantastic, but do not come onto a blog post about accepting ALL mothers regardless of their choices and began to fling about insults that you then try to cover up by saying “I mean no insults”. You obviously do mean them and they are unwelcome. This is of course, only in my humble opinion.
LMAO!! You ROCK!!
I breastfed three out of four kids for a month or so (just enough to make it look good I guess), and my 19 year old son is proud to say he was the only one NOT breastfed. Teenagers are not so much into that stuff, especially boys 😉 And we did co-sleep, but not for the reasons most people do. I was too much of a wimp to make them sleep in their own beds. And I can’t stand to hear them cry like that! I’ve had people actually say that we had to get the kid out of our bed. I was like yeah right whatever. You do you, and I’ll do me. If everyone were the same, what a boring world this would be. Everyone should just worry about themselves.
LOVE. end of story! P.S. I was unable to Breastfeed and appreciate your openness…there is too much judgement in the world!
You had me laughing so hard! I don’t have any plans on reading the article but I did read some of the feedback and WOW! This is really heated. I BF both of my girls, but I have no plans on making trips to their school for milk time 😉 To each his own. I have many Attachment Parenting friends and I often feel like I need to change my methods and be more like them…yada yada yada. I try to be balanced in my parenting. I keep my girls safe, healthy and happy. They don’t sleep in my bed and I don’t carry them on me 24/7. Sorry attachment friends, but I’ve got things to do. LOL. Great post and great comments everyone!
That was funny!
There’s a reason this is the only blog I read regularly!! Love the “fine china” – I’m trying to think of a way to somehow unnoticeably start using the term with my always inquisitive 5-year old daughter!
I have an only-child, another biggie for the opinionated parents! I did breast feed but I am not in the group of people who enjoyed it!! It was the hardest thing I have ever done but my husband insisted I continue exclusively for almost a year because of the “health benefits”. By the time I was done, I had mastitis 4 times & was white as a ghost with circles under my eyes & I was so tired, I don’t even remember most of her first year. Not all it was cracked up to be!
The only thing I think is “required” to be a good mom is love!
I love it! Thank you for being honest and not making me feel bad for hating nursing and not co-sleeping 🙂 You crack me up with every post. I love your honesty and humor!
You are so funny:). I really enjoyed your blog post. And I agree with your opinions at the end. I have to stick up for we OB nurses who support whatever feeding method you choose to be right for you:)
As a mom of 3 I’ve done it all. I’ve done bf and formula. Disposable and cloth diapers (and no it is not unsanitary to wash in the washer. That’s what the hot cycle and soap are for. I’ve seen far worse get washed during potty training) Cry it out and non CIO. Medicated child birth and non medicated. My babies have slept with me and slept in their own beds. All 3 are happy mostly responsible children. Yes, I think one should educate themselves when it comes to options, but ultimately it is a personal decision how to raise your child. It makes me so mad that there is even a mommy war at all. To each their own and it’s not anyone’s business. Unless a child is being neglected or abused mind your own business. My hats off to every mommy who makes it through child rearing alive no matter how they did it. So kudos to you for sharing your story. Boo is such a cute funny kid. I love hearing the stuff she comes up with. And rofl I love the fine china.
Fine china comment. Lol
my son always freaked out when I tried to breastfeed him.
So i stopped trying after three months. And we both happy since then.
He is now still 9 months, but still healthy and active like most boys in his age.
Not fat, just healthy and active.
finally someone talking about the dang article without butting their nose into other peoples parenting techniques! THANKS! 😀 i “attachment parent” [not that i set out to be this way, it just kinda happened…esp. the sleeping in my bed part. i needed my sleep, she wouldnt/wont sleep unless shes physically touching me…nuff said.] but i get criticized all the time by EVERYONE…but you know what? i dont go blasting them for the way they parent. and you know what? my kids perfectly fine and boo is the perfect evidence that your way of parenting works, too! i love how you approach everything, ashley, youre too cool! 🙂 again, thanks for, in a way, minding your own business. lol. 😀
[ps. this is in no way snarky, it just reads that way, idk how else to put it…damn internet.]
Okay I spit my coffee out twice .. lol First time was when I read “Fine China” Brilliant this is Not what my hoo hoo with be called .. Not that I talk about it often but maybe I should ..
Second
Dr. G: Have you been resting?
Me: Yes, I think I have.
Dr. G: Well, what did you do today?
Me: I steam cleaned the carpets, worked on my nephew’s wall mural, and reupholstered a chair.
Dr. G: That does NOT count as resting.
Me: Really? But I didn’t break a sweat!
LMAO this sounds just like me ..
you ROCK .. I rock heck lets just say it ALL WOMAN ROCK!
Hugs
Brooke
okay this was the tenth time I wrote NOT instead of Now today .. hmmmm
ABSOLUTELY!!!! I LOVE this post!!!! Well said Ashley!!!
Ashley, I love you! I strive to be like you everyday. Choose joy!
Awesome!!
You are so hilarious!!1 I didn’t breastfeed either. I have 3 happy , smart, & healthy kids. Actually they are 20, 19, and 16. I would give my life for them but breast feeding I had to draw the line. Everyone on this earth made me feel so guilty then. You really made my day! Thank you for the awesome blog I read every single one. I’m so glad to hear you are back on a healthy path.
Thanks for this post!!! Good to know.. the thoughts of “how the baby would come out” are a big part of me thinking i won’t ever have a kid… Did you have a C-section?
Oh my how you make me laugh! When I had my son the nurses wanted me to breast feed and were rude when I said no – isn’t that my choice? He is 23 now and is the best kid. I have no regrets!!
I have never laughed so hard. From fine china to “resting” the chair i was sitting in was shaking so hard. I am thankful I was not drinking at the time. Have a wonderful weekend and know you are loved by so many!
You rock Ashley!!
Boo cracks me u. She reminds me of my Rae Rae.
I too have and never will teach my daughter to call her hoo ha “vagina”. I like the term “fine China” I’ve never heard that one.
I really couldn’t have said it better myself. Awesome post! First one about this article that I have read that actually made sense, instead of making my blood boil. 🙂
You rock and are part of the club just because you’re a great mom! What’s good for you and your family is all that’s important. I don’t get the TIME cover. Who cares! There are more things to worry about, like STARVING children!!
Carry on being awesome, Super Hero Ashley!
hallelujah
Great post. I was the nightmare 48 hrs of labor, 3 hrs pushing, then a c-section. For baby #2, no way I’m going through the again, big C all the way, when and if it happens again. At least we have choices, which all mamas can be proud about 🙂
Great post. To each their own. With my first two I did OK but for the third one I only BF for about 7 months. Its so hard when you have older kids in sports, etc. Forcing BF is not good on anyone. Ridiculing a mother will just cause stress for her and the baby. Very great comments and nice to hear women coming together to support one another!
HYSTERICAL. Seriously. love it. xoxo
Amen.
I totally agree with you! I tried to breastfeed my baby, but that moments became the worst of every day for me. Besides, my milk wasn’t good enough and Carlota didn’t gain weight. So the decisission was easy to take! We didn’t co-sleep either.
And she is now an almost 4 years old who loves to dance, swim, jump, paint, sing, play with me…, and that’s how it’s meant to be! A happy, lovely and healthy child!
It is very sad that instead of finding support on other women, we just find judges and prejudices. Come on! We all want the best for our children, it’s just that maybe that “best” is not the same for all!
To all of you mothers, whatever you do to grow your children, keep up the good work!
Sorry for my english!
OMG you are soo funny ! Wyatt called it “eat the boobies” at age 3. Dying !
I tried to breastfeed..traumatic birth my milk never came in… Wyatt is super healthy too without breast milk 🙂
Great post Ashley! My soon to be 4 yr old granddaughter has always called it her “nina” (long *i*) from the word vagina!! Love the “fine china”, great name!! ha ha! I say do whatever you want, it’s your body and no one should have the right over it, but at the same time don’t mess with your child’s mind. There are some things children shouldn’t remember. Couldn’t be bothered to read such an article either!
I love this. I breastfeed because I’m cheap and the baby weight poured off. Totally selfish reasons. But at least its benefitting my daughter. Unlike you I wasn’t concerned about labor at all. I had a “millions of women have done it ” attitude. However my mom was a disaster! The whole time she was worried. She kept telling my husband that she knew how worried I was, but really it was her. I think there’s a good reason I’m an only child. As far as the whole attachment parenting thing goes, “to each their own “
Oh I love you and your parenting philosophy! I reckon anyone that has happy kids and gets through each day relatively sane is doing a great job!
I think I love you. I really do.
Thank you for this. I think as mothers we tend to judge each others decisions too much.
I agree Erin!
This is by far the best response I’ve seen to that goofy cover. You are awesome, and so are we all.
Thanks for your “either/or” support! I only bf my son for 3 weeks and had to quit because I was freaking out (aka ppd). I was always bothered by that though, and when I had my daughter, bf went fantastically. So much so that I kept on until her 4th birthday! That’s not at all what I set out for but it’s just how it happened. I also used slings and carriers for her and she slept in our bed for about a year and a half. Funny thing is, she was pretty clingy as a toddler but she is the most confident kindergartner I’ve ever seen! So you just never know, right? You just do your best and trust God with the rest.
Loved your post. Wish I had known you in the 70s when I had my babies. Awesome outlook!
So my good friend calls her lady parts Christmas, “because it’s a biiiiiiiiig deal!” I thought you would enjoy that. She also calls her ob/gyn her Christmas Doctor.
Thank you for your bluntness, I love it! I could never do attachment parenting, my first slept in our room in a bassinet 1 night, the other 2 never even got that – I agree, I need my sleep! You crack me up about the C-section though, that terrified me, being cut open! Not that labor sounded great either, but fortunately for me my kids kind of “fell out”, so it wasn’t so bad – aside from not getting that wonderful epidural part. Your daughter is beautiful and from everything you write about her she seems to be a smart bubbly little girl, keep up the great work and continuing to share your wonderful stories with us! I love your positive attitude and wish reading your stories would rub a little of it off on to me 🙂
Man oh man, I WISH we had the ‘option’ of having a c-section here. Seriously… c-sections here are only in emergent or unusual circumstances, and never ‘elective’. Instead, my fine china shattered into a zillion little pieces. All the stitches and all the kings men, couldn’t put together my fine china again. Seriously, 14 years later and if I sit the wrong way on the sofa, it ‘shatters’ again.
On the other topic, I breastfed my second for 7 months until I had to stop (6 cases of mastitis in 7 months). It was singlehandedly the best thing I did as a new mother. For me. I wouldn’t expect anyone else to feel the same way. My first I couldn’t breastfeed since all the heavy narcotics I had to take during the week in the hospital recovering from StitchFest1998…. fun times. Fun times.
Melissa…. ” but fortunately for me my kids kind of “fell out” <—– You're my hero…no sarcasm here! Seriously, I always hoped my kids would just come on out easily… instead of the 37 hours of labour, 3.5 hours of pushing, forceps and hours of reconstructive stitching. If I had easier births, I am sure I would have 15 kids by now… all born at home in the water. Oh wait, maybe there's a reason it was tough for me?! lol.
What I hated about the Time cover? How horrible it made me feel. I was a gung-ho breastfeeder. I was all about natural birth – water birth, bradley method, no drugs. I used a birth center and midwives. I was all set. Then I went into labor, things were going great. My water broke early, so they did an ultrasound to check for a prolapsed cord. Found out she was breech. I had a C-section right then and there – 7 hours into easy labor. It wasn’t my plan, but my midwife made sure that I breastfed in recovery. At least I got that. Nursing was easy for us, and we both loved it, and I was ready to nurse for as many years as she would let me. When Saoirse was 8 months old I had to wean her in 1 week so I could start chemo. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, my initial reaction was, “Can I delay treatment until June so I can nurse until my daughter turns 1?” yup, not “am I going to die” – “how long will you let me keep nursing.” It’s just the kind of person I am. And when she was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma (a deadly pediatric cancer) just three months later, I hated that I couldn’t nurse her to make her feel better. I don’t think she knew, but I did.
So what’s the point of my rant? That for this breast-feeding, natural birth wanting, attachment parenting mom, I am saddened every time I see this cover of all that was stolen from me when cancer entered our lives. This image isn’t about “strength” for mothers, its about selling magazines for shock value, and making money off opposing opinions. We should not be forcing a wedge between mothers – it is a community that we should all cherish being a part of – and for some of us, a time that gets stolen all too soon.
Needless to say, I haven’t read the article. I choose not to. I’m glad that there are some others who appreciate their children for who they are, and how they were brought into this world, no matter what their choice in doing so was.
Hi Kezia! I had to reply since I also have a Saoirse–she is 4 years old! Sending you and your Saoirse good thoughts and healing vibes–I hope you are both recovered or on your way to full recoveries! <3
Cristina
Oh I am dying laughing! I just love you and your blog. I figure each to their own. I have to say “boobies” are all the talk at our house these days. My husband and I adopted three little ones who are now 6 yrs old. The last of 8 children. Our oldest daughter brought her new baby home and guess what the kids are asking about now? They just can’t believe their precious Henri gets his milkshake from WHERE?????
I grow tired of all the judging in the world. It’s just fine with me, and you have my permission (as if) to have not breast fed your baby. You hang in there!
Love,
Shelley
seriously!! now, that’s what i’m saying! motherhood is hard enough; why on earth would we want to add the ridiculous “in” & “out” groups? it’s like “mean girls” all grew up & had babies sometimes! i wrote a similar post last year, if you’re interested: http://www.detailgalblog.com ‘dear new mommy’
Oh my gosh…I love you. Thank you for your blunt honesty. I had an epidural despite many nasty comments and felt bad about it at first. Ya know what? Im 5’1″ and 97 lbs before I was pregnant and I delivered a baby over 9lbs…Im glad I got an epidural. I wanted to breastfeed but my little chunker needed more than I could give her and all the pressure on me from everyone to breastfeed made me just stop producing all together. I wish I could have but it is what is is and my kid is awesome! She is 15 months and in the 95th percentile for her weight and shes pretty much a genius (I might be a tad bias). So THANK YOU!
@Kezia- That post just made me cry. I am so sorry for what you have been through. There are so many women arriving to “tell their story” and yours just shouts out…BE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR RIGHTS TO YOUR OWN DECISIONS!!
I could read these comments all night. I like the way people love to quote government agencies about every disease in the world being caused by lack of breastfeeding. I had no desire to do and never once apologized for it. Kids are grown and appear to have survived the lack of breast milk. keep up the good work Ashley. I’ll be the first in line to buy the book you better write someday.
kathy…
you are awesome. You have probably made so many people feel notguilty/unguilty for their choices.
my parenting has been all over the board. Each child (5 of them) was different with different needs… The right choice is the one that works for you and your family.
I also CHOSE not to breastfeed. Kudos to you for being brave enough to admit it. I’m ok, you’re ok.
I have been breastfeeding for 27 months straight. I wanted to stop at a year. I wanted to stop at 18 months. My daughter is a freaking boobie monster and does not want to wean. I have tried putting lemon juice and hot sauce on my nipples and telling her that they are “sick” and she needs to be a big girl (I read that would work). Nope. She tells me the condiments are “delicious” and refuses to stop nursing. I love my daughter. She still sleeps next to me. I love sleeping next to her. But I do look at my poor boobies and hope that any day now, she will wean. I would hate to just cut her off cold turkey for fear of scarring her for life. To each their own. It is definitely something that I feel ashamed of. When I read your post it made me feel embarrassed that I still do it. On one end of the spectrum, I wish society was more open to this very sweet and natural thing.
Noooo! Don’t be ashamed or embarassed, that’s too sad. Do what you have to do and what’s important to you. You’re the only who gets to decide what’s right for you.
Elsie, I never imagined that I woukd nurse my daughter for as long as I did.
Unlike many of the people posting here, saying that they felt pressure to breastfeed and practice AP methods (where do these people live? I should live there), everyone I knew stopped nursing at a year or earlier, everyone practiced Cry it Out (and made me feel like I was doing something wrong for not), and nobody i know admits to co-sleeping.
Somehow one year came and went and then 2 years did and we approached 3 years. By this time, my daughter was only nursing before bedtime, before an occasional nap and the few times she was hurt or not feeling well. I decided to let my daughter self-wean. There were times I thought it would never happen and times I worried she would never be able to fall asleep on her own, but she stopped when she was ready and I’m happy to report she falls asleep on her own, but we still co-sleep and will for as long as it works.
I have to say this post made me sad, as did many of the comments.
Oops, I meant to say – good for you for doing what is best for you and your daughter and don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed. No matter how or when you stop now, you’ve given your daughter an amazing gift.
Well if you did x you are so superior! Isn’t that a crock of crazy. I always say that as long as you are doing what works for your family and makes you happy than you are doing the best thing. I did not read the article and I did not appreciate the headline on the week of Mother’s Day. We are all good enough!
Uhhggg! I wish that we could put an end to the mom wars. I’m an awesome mom. I didn’t breastfeed because I just didn’t want to despite all of the pressure the midwives and pediatrician heaved at me (I actually had one tell me me I hadn’t accepted my baby and was struggling with post-partum…weird since I was obsessed with how awesome motherhood was). I refused to let my child sleep even one night in our room…crib at day 1. We’ve let Ollie do everything she could possibly do on her own, including self-feeding at 10 months. On the other hand I had a natural birth, am a stay at homer, did homemade babyfood and used a carrier for a good year. But who cares! Instead of using our birth/parenting stories to compete we should be using them tp pass on information and encouragement to other moms. There is no one right answer in parenting, every parent is different and every child is different and what works for one family may not work for another. No more mommy bashing, let’s support each other in whatever choices we make. Oh and just when I thought I was super mom, I discovered that Ollie’s stash of bath toys were covered in 6 months worth of soap scum…gross, and I guess you can judge me a little for that.
I, am, RN..Mx..Yrs, a teen..of the late 1960’s!!..Burn, that Bra!!..Yet, when it came to ( 1st Job)..as a NICU..Nurse( intensive care Newborns) I, was only 21 Yrs old..??!!..I..look back..not Baby!..died..on my Shift!!…My, R.N,..supervisor,..really !..shook her 50 Yr old finger..in my Face…Christmas..you are the Supervisor!!..All. The Preemies,..did Great!..yrs later, I, was the ” Puffer Belly”..had three Babes, 5 Yrs..The 1st..oh, my!..gave him Cow’s Milk, cleaned his Diaper Rash..ohh.hate to say..with Alcohol Wipes!!..He, Screamed!!..I, crawled into my Bed, Pulled the Sheet over my Head..Sobbed!!..( never listened to a M.D,..again..I, knew Better)” poor Child..” Banana Milk.. Yrs!!..he, at 2met his Brother!!..I, Nursed!!..so much Easier..!!..Several yrs later.. “the Think Pink” Shower..worked!!..A, Beautiful..Redhead..What, I, know..for sure!!..I, was” drugged out.. 1st Baby”..by third, I forgot..”to ask.” for Meds!!..I, swear,..too Coughs!!..no pushing..”I, was holding..my Greatest Gifts!!..Never!! Pushed!!..Whoo..did, they kinda..” fall out”…?? Huh??..I, know, 10 lbs,..or 6 weeks..sleep..at least 8 Hrs..in their Crib..!!..We, live, North..winter (10) mos..two sets, warm!!..Jamies!!..Double Diaper!!..( secret..my Sons, will..gasp!!..) I added, Heavy Duty Pad!..Bowel..I, ran in, quickly change,..Hug, Kiss..with a small Light!!..they, Always,..drifted..off, I, felt Well so much sooner!!..
First off, I LOVE you! YOU are awesome!! 🙂 Second–“fine china”?!? LMAO!! LOVE it! Third–seriously, I wish all mamas were like you. I actually desperately wanted to breastfeed and my body didn’t cooperate (here is my story: . I’ve felt A LOT of judgement from many other moms and it’s just so sad! So, thank you so much for this post! 🙂
I thought when I had a child I would join a supportive club. Ho ho ho! Parenting is without doubt the most competitive thing I have ever experienced. My choices are not the same as yours, Ashley, but by God I think you are right when you say if the children are alright you’re doing okay. I have seen some people get it horribly wrong but there are many, many ways to be right (enough).
For my personal ‘staunch’ points I fed after: an emergency Caesarean, an unscheduled car delivery, and neurosurgery…I was the only person in the ward with a pressure bandage and a breast pump.
To each their own. Love to all.
That’s pretty funny! When I saw the cover to the magazine it didn’t phase me one bit. I’m not going to purchase a magazine just to see what the cover is all about on the inside. But, I too did not breast feed my son. I tried it for a few weeks and my son ended up losing weight, so I just bought him baby formula and he’s been healthy for 8yrs.
You are awesome! Love your post! Hugs from Conroe, Texas
Great post! Brought to mind this one, “Where is the mommy war for the motherless child?” at Rage Against the Minivan.
http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2012/05/where-is-mommy-war-for-motherless-child.html
Hahaha! I love you, Ashley!
And “fine china” is my favorite new way to refer to the vajay. Too funny.
hahaha – just had a good laugh reading that post. I’m preg with #3 (INSANE!) and breastfed the first 2 because I was just too cheap to buy bottles/formula etc. But I don’t give a rats bottom what anyone else does. Why are “Mother’s” generally the most critical audience of other Mothers’ choices??
You know, I have spent alot of time in the hospital with my little one (she had two liver transplants and is doing well now.) During our time there I have seen kids at many different stages with their eating; there are breastfed babies, their are formula fed babies, there are nasogastric tube fed babies, there are IV fed babies (I could go on even more.) No one would ever tell a mother of a seriously ill tube fed baby that their relationship will never be quite right because the baby can’t breastfeed! Having an “attached” relationship is about being there for your baby, being present, being ready to comfort or play, taking care of the baby. On the same token, if a man were to be a single father of a newborn baby, we would commend him on doing the best job he can, we don’t brush him off as not ever being able to have a proper relationship with his baby.
Another thing I wanted to bring up is how unfortunate it is that attachment parents act superior to other parents. They bring up how well it works for them, and yes that is true that it worked for them, but it doesn’t mean it will work for all parents. I believe the whole attachment parenting style is a personality thing, it depends on the parent and the child. That is why many people may be more one style for one child and another style for another child. You just need to do what works best. Parenting is already sooo hard, no one should try to adopt a parenting style that isn’t natural or that makes things harder! That is just ridiculous.
I had another point I wanted to bring up. Some women try to breastfeed but give up because of various reasons. It is so unfair that they get treated like they weren’t doing something right, or that they weren’t trying hard enough. Think about how common place IVF treatments have become. We have no problem accepting the fact that some people have problems with their reproductive systems. Why is it so hard to believe that women might also have problems with their milk production? The boob is not infallible.
Personally I fell more into the attachment style. I love breastfeeding, its easy and convenient. I love carrying my babies in slings. I love cosleeping. But that is just me. If you can be a more energetic, loving, happy mom with a different style, that is all that matters to your baby! Now my baby is 13 months old. She has been weaned since 8 months (difficult transplant left her on IV nutrition and then tube feeds with special formula for a long time.) Now she is at home eating solids still doesn’t get the bottle so she is still tube fed formula and we are as attached as ever. My milk has long ago dried up and I’m ok with that. (Goodbye nursing bras – I will not miss you!)
But my biggest point is be the best mom you can be without worrying about which category you fall into. We all fall into the Mom category, that should be enough!
PS- formula is not poison
Great post! I wish more postpartum nurses and general critics of mothers would read it.
The hospital nurses actually tried to get me to NOT breastfeed because I had pemphigoid gestationis, which is a rare autoimmune disease caused by a reaction to pregnancy hormones, and presents as a hive-like rash all over. They thought it was contagious and that my baby could catch it from me if I nursed. I hate hospitals because of all that.
And one now-former friend did criticize me for weaning my daughter at 5 months. Which I did because I was starting chemo.
Some people are just kind of odd.
Great job Ashley! I appreciate your candor, even when you know it may controversial. Here are my two cents: I once heard that God gives each of us our babies knowing exactly what that kid needs, and that includes are parenting styles too! I did both b/f and formula, and my formula baby was 10 times healthier 🙂
Amen sister!! You make me laugh so hard!!! Besides that cover of Time Magazine is creepy to me and I have 2 children (almost 5 and 2 1/2) and it’s still creep to me!
Well stated, to each his own is absolutely right in every single way. I know I’m late but this is a great mantra for the day, week, month, year!
I have been following your blog for a while not but I don’t think I have ever commented. I loved this post! Almost every sentence you wrote was an exact parallel to my personal experience. Thanks so much for sharing!
Ohmigod! You cracked me up!
All I can remember is that dialogue from Desperate Housewives “There’s one thing common among all kinds of parents….They all judge each other”. I’m guilty of it, and I think most of the parents judge others for their choices…for absolutely no logical reason. Maybe we are wired to do this collectively because its good for our babies somehow. But it sure is stressful.
I laughed when I read this because I was recently writing about just this issue. Basically just as you said, “For everyone else…..I think whatever you did……you rock.” I think mothers really only hurt themselves when they judge other mothers. We need to stick together and recognize that there is no one right way to do virtually anything. So, I say, love your kid and love your kid YOUR way…
Of course, I’ll admit that when I was writing that piece I was writing it as part of a memoir piece about losing my father a year ago(something I know you can relate to) to say I have always been open-minded about issues, a very non-black-and-white thinker… except for one thing; I am quite sure that how dads treat their daughters matters A LOT. This I know for sure. But I’d never say there is a right way for a dad to parent! Though I might say my dad did it just about perfectly. 🙂
Meredith
~ Meredith From A Mother Seeking
http://www.amotherseeking.com
A Mother Seeking…
I am so glad to see that there are mothers out there who feel the way I do. I don’t have kids yet but already know I don’t want anything coming out of my fine china either, breastfeeding sounds icky and there definitely will be no co-sleeping! Thanks for the validation!
Glad to know I’m not the only Mama not loving the correct words for body parts. We southern girls have our own terms but I have to say Fine China is the best I’ve heard. I will need to share that. I keep wondering when all of these discussions will start with my 2 precious girls. I’m in no hurry as they grow up too quickly. Savor every moment!
When I first saw that Time cover, I thought for a hot-second “omg, am I mommy enough?” Then I was brought to my senses that I AM. And Time just wants to stir the pot. Shame on them! Moms need to unite and remember that what really matters is that we feed our children. Heck, there are dying children in the world who would love BM or formula or anything, and here we are with our 1st world problems arguing over stuff like this. Bravo for standing by your decision. It’s not many who would!
well put, Lisa!
I love breast-feeding but totally don’t think anyone who chooses not to do it is wrong! I hate that time magazine used that photo. It made breastfeeding seem extreme.
I was a labor and deliver nurse for years so yes, I know the benefits of breastfeeding infants. We would encourage our Moms to nurse (if they could and IF THEY WANTED TO). We would support them in any way that we could. Now, there are some nurses out there (we would teasingly call them the nipple nazis!) who were a bit more extreme in support of new mom’s breastfeeding. I have to say though…..that whenever we had mothers who were doing bottle or breast and bottle….those were our favorite patients to have. It is much easier and quicker to bottle feed a baby, especially if the Mom or baby are not experienced or if nursing doesn’t come easily. My personal experince with breastfeeding was not great…..I nursed my first baby for 8 months and then just didn’t have enough supply, so we weaned together. Second baby was losing weight and I had no milk. I supplemented every feeding and then quit breastfeeding at 4 weeks. I have to say that the most important thing for any Mom is to nourish your baby and do it in a way that works for you. If that means breastfeeding exclusively, bottle feeding or supplementing….whatever works!! I will say that the provacative magazine cover was meant to get a reaction. It put a somewhat extreme situation out there as if it was the norm.
Love this post. Yes, that breastfeeding article did cause a raucous. Oh, well.
Personally, I highly recommend breastfeeding if you are able to do it.
For years I berated myself for having a c-sec with my first. My water had broke and it was over 24hrs and I still hadn’t dilated past 5cm. AND to top it off, my milk didn’t come in until 5 days after my son was born, so I had to feed him something(formula). It still upsets me when I think about how hungry he was. Luckily for me he easily adapted between bottle an breast. Besides I ended up having to supplement with formula anyways…it was alot of work pumping, breastfeeding, and preparing formula. Stressful! When I had my daughter I decided on a c-sec. Sorry, the 75% success rate for V-BACs just wasn’t good enough for me. And sadly for me, she refused to latch on for breast feeding. I tried pumping….but who really has time to do that all day? It was a great relief when I decided to switch to formula for her.
And I know all this stress was because I didn’t feel “woman” enough. There is WAY too much pressure put on women, telling them how to be moms. You just need to do what feels right for you and your child. It is great when nature works the way it is suppose to. But when it doesn’t…well let me make the right decision for my family.
Stumbled onto your website today when looking for a tutorial…and got to snooping around. LOVE THIS POST! The Fine China made me laugh out loud because it reminded me of the time that my older son (5 at the time) told little brother (3) that “girls don’t have a penis like us, they have a china penis.” Apparently, he misheard me when I was changing my niece’s diaper a few weeks earlier and he asked why her penis was missing. I told him that girls have a a vagina. Thanks for sparking a funny memory!
I tried to breastfeed for a few days and it wasn’t happening. Definitely not for me. Even the lactation consultant at the hospital told me to stop for a while. I was totally fine with it, but since I pretty much live in the national breast feeding/attachment parenting hub of the US, lots of people around me were not. So much judgement . . . Along comes my six week check up with my OB. She strolls in with her fabulous outfit and her Jimmy Choo’s and her European accent. She’s reading my chart. She says, “You are breastfeeding, yes?” I nervously and apprehensively correct her. “No. I’m not breastfeeding.” And then she says, “Oh, I didn’t breastfeed either. My daughter goes to Harvard. Your son will be fine.” And that was that.
Not sure about Harvard yet, but son IS going to kindergarten in the fall . . .
I was the only girl in my family that wasn’t able to have a baby the “normal” way, and I honestly think it was because I couldn’t fathom how in the world the baby was going to get out “that way”. I did go into labor, but not a single thing was happening. I’m convinced that some people are not designed to have babies any other way than a C-Section. (Thank goodness I was born in this century!) With my second kid, the doctor was trying to get me to go VBAC. No, thank you. C-Sections were not bad at all especially compared to the alternative. 🙂 So fun to read something that mirrored many of my own thoughts when I was pregnant.
I’m one of those with 2 days of labor followed by a c-section. 52 hours, actually… He’s an only child.. so far anyway! Loved this post.
You really are awesome!
i normally just look at your blog for DIY projects, but you are hilarious. really, i’m enjoying your voice so much. you have a great outlook on life. keep it up.