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Number One

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I was sitting in the doctor’s office yesterday and I saw a patient that was a regular in chemo with me for months. I’d say he’s about my age….but I know he’s probably much younger than I am. He told me that his tumors were coming back and he had to start chemo again next week. It made me nauseous. I hope he’ll only have to do one more round. I’d been having some pain in my pelvis so I began to think that maybe my pelvic tumor was coming back too….that’s how I knew the last time it grew.   The nurse said that my hemoglobin and red blood cells were low…… I have no idea what that means, but it made me want to forget that I had any results coming back today. But then…..GUESS WHAT…..my HCG (my tumor markers) is the lowest it’s been yet:

 

It’s been hovering at 2 for so long…..and it finally dropped this week. My mom was here for 10 days….it must have been all the praying she did 🙂

It’s crazy to be focused on a number. When my HCG was at 280,000 I didn’t think much of it, when it was at 4,000 I didn’t really think about it, when it got down to 70 it didn’t phase me much…I was more focused on getting through treatment.  It’s a different feeling now that it’s almost at zero. Every little movement up or down seems so much more significant. I think at 1 my tumors are looking dead….how convenient that I already had this picture drawn!

 

I was at Barnes and Noble catching up on some writing when I got the text with the results.  I wanted to share the news with someone, anyone, but everyone was engrossed in their own conversation or reading. So instead I left a message to the next person who might sit down at my table as I left:

 

 

That was fun. I think I’ll just start leaving random notes to strangers around town now.

About Ashley Hackshaw

Living a simple, creative life in #smalltownusa Bryson City, NC. Renovating a 1960s ranch house and an old train depot. Thank you for reading! Read more in my about section. 

Comments

  1. cristy says

    Thanks awesome Ashley. I am so happy for you and your family. Awesome.

    <3 cristy

  2. Nicola says

    What a beautiful idea with the notes.
    Small acts of kindness or friendliness completely out of the blue is always something you remember and it can sometimes make someones day ♥

  5. Teresa says

    Wonderful news Ashley! Great idea on the notes too! So happy for this news for you!

  8. Allison S. says

    this.is.AWESOME!!!! Very happy news Ashley. And I love your note, if I saw that it’d make me smile and I would pay it forward.

  11. Sherry McCarron says

    You are such an inspiration! I can only hope that if I am ever faced with something anything like you have been faced with that I could handle it with such grace, compassion for other people, and such positive thinking. Even though we’ve never met you are in my thoughts and prayers daily and I am in your corner cheering you on! Great news Ashley! They only number better than1 is 0 🙂

  15. Pat says

    Awesome!!! I’m so happy for you and yes, those prayers worked along with all of ours. 🙂

    Love the note you left too. I love doing that…posting them on car windshields, in books at the library or book stores, where ever you feel someone will find them.

    Have a wonderful week!
    xo
    Pat

  17. Mary Jane Postiglione says

    Love so funny I use to leave notes when I was a teenager now I leave coupons that I didn’t use at the grocery store ha! Your little notes are going to be like the golden ticket! I can just see one now on EBay! Ha! So happy to hear you are at número UNO:)

  20. Tleshia Farrar says

    Hip hip hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Praise God! I also like the idea of the random notes 🙂

  22. Alison J Prata O'Grady says

    A a fellow Member in the “C” Club, I am thrilled for you! I know how critical those numbers are!
    People always comment about my upbeat attitude and outlook. I cause them to pause when I reply, “After beating cancer, it’s hard NOT to have a fabulous day!”
    Go get ’em!
    Alison

  25. Shelli says

    Leaving random notes are POWERFUL!! I’m so happy for you and I wish you nothing but the best!!!

  26. Janice Varvel says

    Wonderful news!!

    PS The note idea is awesome! Anonymous good works!!

  29. Evelyn says

    Yay!!! One is definitely NOT the loneliest number now! YAY! I am so happy for you! There has been such sad news here, and I was literally praying for some good news today. Thank you for the good news! It has made my day. 🙂
    -Evelyn.
    Prayers for you all… and Blessings to you all.

  30. Jennifer Owings says

    Such awesome news for such an awesome person! I love reading your blog. It always puts a smile on my face. I wish this world had more people like you. <3

  31. Laura says

    YAYYYY!!!
    It’s like operationbeautiful.com
    if you don’t know about that, check it out, it’s really cool!

  34. Cathy R says

    PTL!! Prayer works ~ God is awesome! You are such an inspiration sweet Ashley!
    Me TOO, I’m going to make some sweet notes to leave wherever I go! Heavenly blessings to you and thanks for taking the time to share your life with us! Cathy in Idaho

  35. Diane Delatorre says

    So happy for you! I was at Barnes & Nobles this afternoon too, well actually Starbucks!! I wish I had seen you, I would have recognized you from FB. I would have shouted hooray from the top of my lungs lol!!!! Keep up the notes, maybe I’ll be lucky enough to find one hahaha!!! Take care, it’s working, and so are the prayers xo.

  38. judy livonius says

    Praise God!! So happy for you and all of us who love you so much!!

  40. amy cornwell says

    Praise God! I wore my purple bracelet today and prayed for you multiple times, thinking it was a normal day for you but regardless praying for blessings. What an answer to prayer. I’m so happy for you! Here’s my photo w/ my bracelet today: http://instagr.am/p/KF28P9g3ef/ – GOD IS GOOD! Congratulations!

  41. Catherine says

    Woohoo for your good news! May they go down, down, down till – poof! All gone! And I love that note you left. Passing on the joy is a really great idea.

  42. Jan says

    I know what you mean about news like that making you feel nauseous. Each time I hear of somebody not doing well, after they had been doing well, it scares the crap out of me.
    Wonderful news for you, sweetie xoxo

  43. Vivian says

    Yeah! I never saw a more wonderful sight than that 1! I should have paid more attention to the title of the post….must say I was upset for the beginning of that first paragraph! Prayers for the man you saw today and continued prayers for you!

  44. elizabeth says

    Wonderful news!!! I love the happy note idea, I think I’ll try it out…so happy for you today!

  47. Meredith M. says

    Great news! I am total believer in prayer….I will continue to pray for healing for you! Blessings!

  48. Nicole Dein says

    Yeah!!! Miracles do happen:) I am so happy for you and your family. They have to be thrilled!! I really like the note idea…I might have to try that! Have a great rest of your week.

  49. Malaika says

    Yay for #1!

    And I love the random notes of kindness…sounds like fun! I might have to try that 🙂

  51. Lisa says

    Congratulations! That’s great news. And what a wonderful idea to leave a nice note.

  53. Kristin says

    Such great news! I love the idea of leaving little notes -another way to pay it forward 🙂

  54. Wanda Kern says

    Happy news. Here is what you have been fighting for. Keep visualizing those tumors gone and preparing for your post-cancer life! YIPPEE!

  58. Michele M says

    Amen! So happy your numbers have dropped!!!! Continued prayers being sent from me!!!! Hugs to you and your family! You made someones day with that sweet note! What a joy you are!
    Michele M

  62. Carla says

    Amazing what the little things in life can do to cheer someone up! congrats on your almost-zero! (I’m gonna start leaving notes wherever I sit. Never know who might need a cheering -up!)

  63. Lisa Cousineau says

    Congratulations Ashley! That’s wonderful news! One is a good number 🙂 So glad we’re BOTH through this part… my last chemo was a week ago. And speaking of RAK’s something you’ve inspired me and my 11 year old daughter to do is leave little “gifts” in the hollow of a tree at our local arboretum. We found a stone with LOVE etched in it, my daughter replaced it with an acorn fairy she made… we keep leaving little gifts for people to find. I love the idea of leaving little post its in public places!

  64. Betsy says

    Yahooooooooooooooooooooooooo! So happy for you – great idea for the note – I will do that myself – to God be the Glory!

  65. Maureen Wildauer says

    PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!!!!
    So happy for you. Will keep praying!
    Maureen

  68. Melissa says

    Woohoo!! I can totally relate about those numbers. They carry so much importance these days – almost more now than while in treatment because of how much I hate chemo and treatment. I think the day my numbers increase will be just about the toughest day of my life.

  69. Toya says

    Can I just say that is freaking awesome! I’ve been praying right along with your mom woo hooo. I hope you had a wonderful day!

  70. Lisa says

    I am excited for your number to be so low. I love the idea of leaving notes for strangers. I think I will make some note cards to leave for strangers. What a great idea. I would love to have found your note.

  72. cece says

    i know it’s so silly, but i love to read your blog because i feel like you’re talking right to me. = ) i’m the friend you haven’t met yet… so someday. = ) so glad you got good news. I love your designs and that you have to create to live. I love it too but am not as good at making the time to create. I guess I do in small ways… making up songs for my daughters or… creating art through photography… anyway, just thought i would express how your life has impacted my life for the good. = ) CeCe

  74. Kristi says

    Congrats! Wonderful news and so happy for you. You are always in my prayers and you are still so beautiful and inspiring. I love the “random notes” idea and think it would be great if more people did kind things like that! I certainly am going to spread the happiness! Love and blessings to you Ashley! God Bless!

  76. marla says

    hola, estoy muy impresionada con tu historia, eres un ejemplo de vida, aunque no me conozcas recibe un fuerte abrazo y que Dios bendiga y multiplique tu buena salud. Por casualidad conoci tu trabajo y no hay dia que no vea tu pagina. estas en mis oraciones , espero pronto volver a leer mas noticias lindas en tu blog…. saludos

  77. Michele says

    That’s so great! I’ve had problems with pelvic pain ever since my molar pregnancy in 2008. I asked the Drs about it but no one could ever really tell me why so I deal. Congrats on hitting ONE though that’s such great news!

  79. Anneliese says

    Fantastic news! Can only imagine what it must feel like. You’ve endured so well.

  80. Teena says

    that is so great that they have come down to a single digit. Hope the next results shows a big fat ZERO… <3 and hugs from Down Under..

  81. Jeanne Van Buskirk says

    Great news! And what a thoughtful idea to leave cheerful notes behind. I think I’ll try it too 🙂
    Have a great week!

  84. Shabbysweettea says

    That is awesome news!! I’m happy for you but really sad to hear that the young guy is back in for a round. I hope he one day gets a happy number like you did….

  85. Lynn says

    Congrats on the awesome news! Love the pic you drew. Power of intention. You go girl!

    And the note? How beautiful to have left that for someone else. Love. Pass it on.

  86. Becky says

    best news of the day so far…and its already 2pm here!!! i keep logging on to check on you and have been rewarded….so happy for you ash!
    hugs (0)

  87. Ashlee Tomes says

    That is so wonderful, Ashley!! Praise the Lord! 🙂

    “Christ can put a spring in your step and a thrill in your heart. Optimism and cheerfulness are products of knowing Christ.” ~Billy Graham

    Thank you for your consistent optimism and cheerfulness! You are SUCH an inspiration!! Have a wonderful day!! 🙂

    Ashlee Tomes

  89. Francie says

    And what great inspiration to leave the notes!!!!! I know the person who read it had a smile on their face!!!

  90. Stephanie in MI says

    My cousin finished her chemo yesterday for the breast cancer she’s been diagnosed with. It was a good day. I’m so happy for you. I love that you left that note, too.

  91. Brenna says

    Praise God!!!! I’m sittin here weeping with thankfulness for one awesome test result…obviously He’s got plans for your future and I am grateful that you have had such a strong witness. Continuing to pray for you and your family whenever I think of it. You are so STRONG, girl!!!!

  95. Susan Duffey says

    You are amazing, Ashley. I’m so thrilled for you and your healing. 🙂

  99. Marianne says

    So happy for you!! So amazing- YOU are so amazing! I love your random note- that makes me happy, I just had to smile. I think that is brilliant and I am going to follow suit and start leaving cheery notes, in random places.

  100. Laura says

    That’s such fantastic news for you Ashley. I would so love to be the next person at the table after you leave one of your notes, how cute.

  101. Charlene J says

    I dont know you, but I sure do love your outlook on life. And little notes left behind are so much fun to discover 🙂

  103. Karissa says

    I haven’t had time to read the blog as often as I was, but I think of you daily! What wonderful news! And I would be so very happy to find a nice note like that from an anonymous stranger! I hope that you see ZERO very, very soon!!!!!

    • Shevaun says

      Ashley I feel like I feel when a family member gets good news and I don’t even know you. I’m so happy the number went down and I hope the pelvic pain is nothing concerning. Continued good news for you!

  110. Aizley says

    You are such a trooper! I’ve followed your blog on-and-off again for a while, and think you’re the most creative, funky, comical, positive person out there. Your style is super cool and I love the idea of leaving happy notes for others to find. (I once found one written on a post it in the bathroom at my University that totally made my day…come to think of it, on the same campus, someone clipped a clothespin on me that said “you’re hott”.) Good ideas to make people happy and smile!

  111. Charlene says

    go to operationbeautiful.com her mission is to help many people feel better about themselves by leaving inspirational notes on the Women’s bathroom mirrors. What a lovely way to help women feel better about themselves and spread the love.

    congrats on reaching “1”. This is the only time I’d tell someone that I hope you’re a “0” soon! : )

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