Archives for 2012

Disclaimer: This is an entire post about chemotherapy and pooping and dying. So if you don’t like to read about poop or death please move on. Thank you.

I somehow knew this day might come…..that I’d have to write the H word. I’ll write it later down the post so it isn’t the first thing that comes up. So, we all know I have pooping issues. Some of the chemotherapy drugs they pump me with have extreme pooping consequences. So bad…..my intestines just stop for a few days. Almost like they’ve died. The poop stops midway through my bowels. It’s not even like it’s CLOSE to the end. So I take cocktails of “smooth move” tea (thanks for the awesome tea Elaine!), stool softeners, Miralax, Swiss Kriss herbs, coffee, enemas…..anything to make pooping easier. I left a message for Dr. Y, my regular doctor, because I figure there’s not much that Dr. L, my oncologist, can do about it. I’ll let you know what she says.

So here it is…..I’m pretty sure I have an internal hemorrhoid. So not only am I constipated…..but it hurts to poop. Double whammy. I’ll look on the bright side though…..at least I still have the ability to poop right? The tumors aren’t touching my intestines yet! I make it a point never to strain on the potty because I have a few ways that I would prefer not to die:

1. Drowning
2. Fire
3. Heart attack on toilet

I’ve heard of #3 happening to people. So if I can’t poop with little effort…..I don’t poop.  I don’t want to strain my heart. It has to come out easily. Maybe it’s an urban legend that difficult pooping could lead to a heart attack, but I’m not taking any chances.

Ways to die that would be sad, but I’d be okay with:

1. In my sleep (I wouldn’t know)
2. A HUGE explosion (I’m talking HUGE, so it would be instant)
3. A sniper (They are typically pretty accurate with those scopes so I wouldn’t suffer)

I’m only writing about this so it might help someone else. I don’t truly get extreme joy out of writing about poop and hemorrhoids. Lord knows I talk about it 24/7 here at LBB but it’s different writing it down for the world to read about. HEY EVERYONE! LOOK AT ME! CONSTIPATION AND HEMORRHOIDS! If you happen to have severe constipation and hemorrhoids just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone.

Another thing, I’m willing to suffer for the lack of panty lines. I’m not giving up my thong underwear for this hemorrhoid. My Lululemon yoga pants are too cute to have granny panty lines.

As I’m writing this, Lisa just walked into work…..and I’m still sitting in my towel from showering. I didn’t realize I had a towel wrapped around my head….because the bald head must retain a lot of water right? Funny how you do things out of habit. I’m pretty sure I’ll have to fire her today…..I texted her to pick up a cake donut for me and she thought today was Thursday and that I was at chemo. So I have zero donuts right now. OMG….what if donuts cause hemorrhoids?!?

Have a wonderful hopefully-hemorrhoid-free day!

XOXO,

Ash

P.S. Lisa says everyone gets hemorrhoids….they just don’t talk about it.

I didn’t sleep that well last night…..I think I was antsy for today. I found myself eating pistachios on the couch at 3:00am and watching Superman.  I think I fell asleep finally around 4:00am. Brett finally woke me up at 7:30am to start getting ready.

I was the first person in the doctor’s office today. Brett and I met with Dr. L about side effects and what to expect from the new chemotherapy regimen. He just kept stressing how hard this was going to be on my kidneys and that overly hydrating was going to be really important.  EMA-EP is the treatment we ended up settling on. Today was the E & P portion. Cisplatin and VP-16. The EMA is next Thursday and Friday. Those are some BIG bags waiting on the IV stand:

I met a lot of interesting people. Like the guy who has to be fed through a feeding tube and he said he imagines a big ham sub going through the tube. I told him he needed scratch and sniff stickers to help. I don’t think he was too excited. I felt bad eating my lunch in front of him. There was an elderly man there that looked just like my Paw-Paw. It made me a little teary. He looked so frail and tired.

All of the sudden this afternoon, the entire room was asleep it seemed….except for me of course!  I started feeling weaker and uncomfortable as the day went on. And full. And lots of heart palpitations.

They weren’t able to start my big Cisplatin drip until about 12:30pm because I had to get so many fluids beforehand as well as the nausea medication drips. The Cisplatin drip was 5 hours because it had to drip with an identical bag of fluids for hydration to make sure my kidneys would be flushed out.  I also try to drink a ton of water so I made 4,291 trips to the bathroom. It got to the point that I wouldn’t even have opened the bathroom door  to exit before I had to pee again. I wore a hole in the linoleum I think:

I wrote the beginning of this post while I was still at the doctor’s office. Now we are home and I’m not feeling so hot. Bear with me if this post is all over the place. I’m writing it in small increments at a time. My poor heart feels like it’s on overdrive.

Brett picked Sienna up from school before picking me up from the doctor. I was the last patient there. First one in this morning…..and last one out. I was getting a little competitive with the last man there to see who would leave first. His drip finished before me and he said he felt bad leaving me by myself. I told him they needed to upgrade the place to lounge chairs by the pool and cocktails and I’d be set.

Now I’m in bed…..I was so hungry I ate in bed….one small fork at a time….just laying on my side so it would stay down. My legs ache. I feel really crampy. And just too weak to get up. Boo was on the bed talking to me and it took several minutes for it to even register that she was talking to me. Brett brought my laptop to me so I could write all this down. He’s now trying to find my Zofran so I can keep my dinner down too.  Dinner was really good…..I’d like to keep it. They gave me a diuretic shot right before I left the doctor…..so I have to pee every 5 minutes still…..and I’m supposed to keep hydrating so my kidney’s are okay. If we lived more that 5 miles from the doctor’s office I would have to pee on the side of the road. This was a powerful diuretic.  Dr. L scared me into staying hydrated for the sake of my kidneys. It’s really not that bad though. At least I don’t have to do anything……I’ll just lay here and drift in and out of sleep and drink as much water as I can. I’d really love a shower….but I don’t have the energy. Who wants to volunteer to give me a sponge bath?

Dr. L said we are now “Rambo”-ing my body to try and kill this cancer. From now on, I’ll have no rest at all between chemotherapy until my body just can’t take it anymore and he’s forced to give me some time off. Works for me. Just kill the cancer.

I’ll reread this tomorrow in case I need to fix anything. Just be glad you are reading this online and not in person…Brett says I smell like fried bologna.