I think 2013 could be called the year of vulnerability. For me at least. And I STILL held back. I feel like I’m full of secrets right now. My whole world is shifting right before me. My heart is beating out of my chest sometimes. I’m praying for wisdom on when to share things because my soul is 1 part patience, 5 parts NOW. And on the other side of this screen I’m barely keeping my head above water, it’s like I’m in a tangled web of worldly messes that have to be dealt with. But at the same time I am stepping out in faith. I’m listening for God’s direction. The good news: it will make this year interesting and adventurous.
Vulnerability is risky. It can be scary to lower your defenses and open up your life to others. When you reveal your failures, feelings, frustrations, and fears, you risk rejections, But the benefits are worth the risk. Vulnerability is emotionally liberating. Opening up relieves stress, defuses your fears, and is the first step to freedom.
-Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life
Joy comes from being vulnerable and courageous. Even if everyone else thinks you are nuts, step out of your comfort zone. Courage will build slowly. I promise. I’ve been there. Anyway, what is the worst that could happen? Someone might not approve? Take risks for joy. Sometimes just saying YES can set your whole life into motion.
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. -Proverbs 19:21
A few vulnerable posts from last year:
And for about 14 years, from 1992 until around 2006, I didn’t have any limits. At least I didn’t think I did. And I was sent to alcohol counseling by my university, my sorority forced me to attend an outpatient recovery program, I was put on probation by my foreign exchange program in China (only because my friend was “roofied” when we weren’t supposed to be out drinking….not completely my fault right?). How many chances does a gal get? Usually not as many as I’ve gotten….
c. 1996
Nothing in my life will ever be exactly as I expected. No timing will ever be just right. Sometimes the joy in life can be hard to find. But I can find the good….anything good….and praise it. I choose joy.
In the quiet humming of a CT machine, I came to the conclusion that God does not cause suffering, but he uses it to reach us.
Sometimes it’s a relief to be NUTS…..when people think you are crazy it takes away the need for explanation.
I wanted to be liked….and popular…which I thought meant I had to hide things and keep secrets and say things I didn’t mean. Drinking was like a putty to those little chips…filling in those empty voids.
I like people that aren’t so shiny and perfect. It’s the imperfect parts that make them interesting. And it’s way too hard to try and BE shiny and perfect.
Invest Your Life in Other People
There is one day….in everyone’s life….that will be a halfway point…..the day on which you have less days left to live than you have lived already. And I wonder…..have I passed it already?!
All posts for the Year of Joy can be found here.
12 days down, only 19 to go. Phew.
This post makes me think of Sara Bareilles’ – BRAVE. That is my word for 2014.
You make me want to be a better, braver, more purposeful person, Ashley. It’s always my goal to be good, worthy and a Christian…but reading your posts always solidify this for me. Fear holds us back from so many things….you are BRAVE for putting your fear into words—on the WEB! But you touch so many people. God bless you and guide you!
Yes that pesky fear! Thank you Christie.
Your vulnerability is inspiring Ashley. Thanks
Ashley, I can so relate to that feeling of just keeping your head above water.
Life is change and growth and vulnerability and being honest with ones self.
I think the posts that I have touched me the most are the ones where you “let it all hang out”…I’m craving more of that honesty from you, tho I realize it will come with time.
I tire of bloggers that write as if “everything’s wonderful, everything’s perfect”…. Because it just isn’t. Such is the condition of life.
You are amazing and I so look forward to more from you.
Hugs and prayers from Indiana…:)
Thank you Carol for the encouragement 🙂
Ashley you have the uncanny ability to write what I am feeling, especially the first paragraph. 2013 was a challenge and I am keeping secrets, if only to keep from drowning. You make me want to confess, relieve the pressure, be vulnerable. In June, after celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary and my two year chemoversary my husband told me he wanted a divorce. In two weeks I am taking my business and my 12 year old daughter and moving out to a townhouse that will be mine. At age 47 I am starting over. I am so freaking scared but excited at the same time. I get to figure out who I am and what I want to be for the rest of my life. Deeeep Breathe. Thanks for listening 😀
I’ve definitely decided to share more of my personal experiences on my own blog in 2014. I have separated design from life for way too long, and it was liberating to decide to let them live as they are out in the open. As open as I am in my personal life, I didn’t want people in my design life to pity me. Now that I’m comfortable with leaving that worry behind, I will be able to be just me. And that’s the way I like it!
Kudos to you for always bringing inspiration , no matter how much or little you share. I know I’ve looked up to you for a very long time, and you just have earned that much more respect from me for being even MORE open than you already are.
Smart.