Recently I’ve been working on a course by Storyline for creating a life plan. I thought it might direct my biographical writing a little more if I had a process in place because otherwise I have zero process. One of the first steps in the course is creating a timeline of significant turns in your life, both positive and negative turns. I had Boo list the big events she remembers in her life so we could make a timeline for her too. I thought it would be neat to look back on later in life and see what she thought were significant events…something I wish I’d done earlier on.
Things she listed: my father’s funeral (she remembers the bagpipes and the hearse); when I was diagnosed with cancer (she doesn’t remember much, just that I had cancer and lost my hair); the time she was wrapped in wrapping paper at a party we hosted for our church’s youth group and she was crying from being claustrophobic inside, moving to North Carolina, starting a new school, and getting her dog Max a few weeks ago.
At first I was really sad and disappointed that her memories have been mostly sad and traumatic up until our move to NC. (How could she not remember that birthday party? Or Christmas? Or the time we went to Disneyland?) I made each event into a little strip and taped it to her timeline and when we looked at the events together she obviously noticed the same thing. After a few minutes of contemplation she asked me to change the rules of the process:
“we don’t have to put things that just I remember, you can help me remember big events that were happy that I was too little to remember”
She is my greatest teacher. And it’s true…we need other people to help remember our stories, the perspective of another lens to look at our life through. A biography to compliment our autobiography. My timeline takes up 4 pages to her 1…but her 1 pager is already such a great story. My job is to help her see that.
The cool thing is that no matter how crappy things have ever been at times children can see the positive changes we make in our lives…the impact of being determined to tell a BETTER story. Living that out.
I love this quote:
“And once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can’t go back to being normal; you can’t go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time.” –Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
We can edit our own life. Always a rough draft. I have this quote cut out and pasted into one of my journals:
I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be. -Joan Didion
One night Brett asked me if I knew what my purpose was in life. I answered: I don’t know, and I don’t know if I will ever know, but I think I get glimpses of it. I don’t think we are ever supposed to know, otherwise it would be like we’d reached our story’s arc: hey, I know what my purpose is! now I can retire at age 37! It seems like it would be all downhill from there. I think we do get some signs to help us head in the right direction, sometimes they are u-turns. And so I can reinvent myself every day towards the story I want my life to tell. I can safely say that I may never find myself, and I’m okay with that.
It’s never too late to be who you might have been. -George Eliot
I don’t think you EVER really “find yourself”. I think that is sort of a made up journey! Just look in the mirror and say “Hi! Self!” and there you are!! But the great part of living is the ever, ever, ever changing scenery!!! When I was 22, OMG, I was who???? When I was 32 I was becoming a first time mom! 42 brought me a second marriage to the True Love of my Life and 52 took me into a world of such discovery and drama and excitement, I was breathless!! On Monday, I turn 62! In each of these decades, I have been a completely different character…but the same ME!!! I have changed and evolved and grown deeper and smarter and ,yes, a bit more sad and a whole lot happier and more excited than ever before!! Eventually, that time line for yourself and your daughter will have alot more layers to each event. Accounts and remembrances will change a bit and more detail will be added. And someday when you are all gathered around the Holiday table regaling stories of long ago, you will be surprised (shocked?) at the way Boo tells the stories. My two sons have truly shocked me at what they remember and what impact such silly seemingly unimportant events have had on their lives!! It makes me get all teary eyed and choked up with how GREAT this journey has been!!!
There is a purpose to this life! Not to get all preachy, but here’s a link 🙂
http://www.mormon.org/faq/purpose-of-life
Be brave Ashley!
AmydeeLake, I agree I believe that each decade we become bc we grow through our experiences. I will be 60 this year and I can hardly believe it.
We just celebrated 39 years of marriage in Jan. and I was going through each year trying to remember what adventure we did on every one of our anniversaries. I with I had journaled those more consistently. I created a timeline and added births and other occasions to help me remember. It was fun! And would be a fun activity to do with children and grandchildren one evening so they could see where they fit in. and their history. Thanks for sharing this idea Ashley.
We have been told of our purpose in the Bible – what an honor! Each day, in my state of sin and self, I remind myself and my children that our purpose in life is always to glorify Jesus. In all that we say and do, our purpose as His beloved creation is to know God and enjoy Him forever, living a life of service for His name. May His face shine ever upon you and your heart know of His redemption of souls through His loving and willing death.
This is a great idea. It would be interesting to see all the big life changes you had gone through all laid out together. I imagine it would really help you gain a sense as to what shaped you into who you are today!
ThIs just reaches way down deep and speaks to me. Love love love the idea of reinvention and glimpsing and remembering the story. Thank you!
Beautiful & so meaningful! Thanks
My husband and I just celebrated our 20th anniversary, and went to the Sand Diego Storyline conference this past year. We also did this timeline with our kids… (18,16,14,11 at the time) and I loved hearing what they shared after doing it – it really puts your parenting in perspective! For me it’s made me see that this first chapter – I’ve lived a GREAT story…at least a really good one;) and as it winds to a close with kids moving on {mourning & celebrating that!} and looking to a new chapter that opens to a world of possibilities…. it seems exciting… and scary… and real. It’s been a great process for us:)