Last week I was invited to the Orange Conference by my church. I said yes, not quite knowing what I was even saying yes too.
As I rode in the bus with people to sessions that were off the main campus I constantly got the questions: Are you a youth pastor? What is your role in the church? My answer was always: well…I’m not in leadership, but I do greet on Sundays!
And one man I sat with on the bus said to me: I’m going to take what you’ve said and turn it around for you. You are in leadership….because you are here.
We both shared the size of our churches…his was huge, thousands of people and mine was: well, I’m not sure but I think I hand out about 62 bulletins each Sunday. So maybe 100 people?
And then I shared with him what made me proud about my church:
The gossip around town is that our church loves people, but that it doesn’t teach the Bible.
I think that’s the best compliment a church could ever receive…because one visit would show that our church does actually teach the Bible. And you’d know in the first 3 seconds that we love people.
This was one of the quotes that I shared recently on Instagram from the conference:
First of all way too much breaks my heart. But what breaks my heart about the church? When people feel unwelcome or lost. The unloved are the ones who hang in the balance.
And our church loves people.
I invited someone to church last year, mostly because he said that he didn’t agree with the theology of our church. Then he said that he hadn’t stepped foot inside the church since the “hymnals and pews were removed.” So basically he’d never been to our church. (The invitation always still stands.)
Jud Wilhite said this:
No one unchurched cares if your church is missional or attractional.
Just have a heart for those who aren’t there.
We were rescued to be rescuers.
Dang that’s good stuff. Is attractional actually a type of church?
When it comes to theology personally I don’t have to reconcile my religion with my conscience. Nothing is that black and white for me. I live in the questions and lead with love. My friend Debi said in a sermon recently: To get it right is to know that we probably have some of it wrong. At the conference my pastor was wearing a t-shirt that read: Religion Kills. Yeah, it does…and sometimes just by turning someone away with our judgement and labels.
And I’m always asked: But don’t we need to confront people about their sin? Well, my answer would be no. I’m pretty sure they know their own sins. And no one should ever be singled out. And I have too many questions about sin to ever confront anyone else but myself. I always liken it to being asked to lunch and the conversation starting out with: Ashley, we need to talk about the way you dress. I might smile and chit chat but I’d secretly be thinking: WHAT-THE-HAM-SANDWICH.
You know who hangs in the balance? Dynamic pastors and their churches who are bringing together the unchurched. With love and encouragement. And without judgement. Youth pastors who are creating environments where kids enjoy coming to church, and making it a safe place for them to be themselves. It breaks my heart when I see people trying to discourage them. Our church pastor recently wrote two articles on love and forgiveness in our local paper. Letters streamed in to “correct” him. Some Christians can be real a-holes when they put their minds to it.
Our church’s gutters are falling off, the thermostat inside has read “BROKEN” for as long as I’ve been there and we only were recently able to purchase new Orange curriculum because of a donation. But our church is known for loving people. Every person is welcomed in. Every kid is fed breakfast on Sunday mornings because they might not have it otherwise. The church has firewood cutting days in the winter to make sure people have heat (people still burn wood for heat here!) There are baby showers to make sure that expectant mothers have the supplies they need. Skateboarders aren’t chased off from the parking lot. People flow through our doors that have never been to church before…because they feel the authenticity and they leave with hope. And they aren’t invisible. Last October, at an event the church held downtown someone said “I don’t go to church, but if I did, I’d go to yours.”
My 90-year-old neighbor visited recently to invite me to her church. When I told her I had already found one she said: oh that’s so wonderful you’ve found a place. I’m so happy for you. She was just wondering if I needed a community. When I tell people I go to The Grove I love seeing what their reaction is. I mean, there’s not always a reaction, but the most amusing responses have been:
The Grove doesn’t really count as church. It’s church-light.
That’s the church they took all the pews out of right?
I hope if there’s gossip about me it’s that I love people.
And I’d also be okay with:
She doesn’t really count as a Christian.
That’s the girl that has all the gay friends.
She’s the one that hangs out with all the wrong people.
She has a past.
She’s a little bit of a lost soul, all over the place.
She writes blog posts in incomplete thoughts.
Yep.
P.S. Sorry all the formatting on the blog is out of whack. Undergoing a little construction.
Ashley, there is all kinds of wonderful in the words you’ve written. I am an old cynic when it comes to organized religion, but I think even I might try your church because I can feel the love in what you say. Let people say what they will about you; love wins. ❤️
So much to love here, Ashley! but nothing more than “Christians can be real a-holes when they put their minds to it.” and “I live in the questions & lead with love.”
Ashley, i also go to a church for the unchurched. Our missionis to bring outsiders in, build insiders up, to serve others and share the gospel of Jesus Christ. I think I would love your church.
I love that the goal is to love people. Our pastor says, “God doesn’t judge you until you die, so why would I judge you now?” Why should we point out another’s sin; makes the log in our eye stand out to everyone else. Praying for those in your area, and ours, who need genuine love shown by other broken people. It gives us all hope.
Keeping it real Ashley!
Love it, Ashley! So on point! You are a blessing to so many <3
Amen sister! My church is big but we love people, flaws and all. Let the love of Christ shine through us so that all people can see His love in us. If I’m ever over your way I will be thrilled to visit The Grove.
I love Ashley’s writing, especially about her family and the move to my favorite mountain town. But there seems to be a false dichotomy here, a choice between being a church that “loves” and a church that speaks the truth. The New Testament doesn’t allow us that distinction: every NT church is called to both love and to speak Biblical truth to the people we love. Most churches do demonstrate love, that’s not really rare. But the challenge is to also speak Biblical truth to the people we are loving. Jesus showed us that: He loved all kinds of people, in all situations, whether they deserved that love or not. But Jesus never ignored sin, He never excused sin or pretended that loving a person means not confronting sin and He always called people to repentance. To love without speaking Biblical truth is not really love at all, but merely humanitarianism.
Thank you for the comment Gregg. I think all love comes from God, in those that follow Jesus and even in those that don’t. We were all made in his image. I don’t know why the church overcomplicates it. I also think Jesus would have no problem with me labeling myself as a humanitarian. Wasn’t Jesus a humanitarian? No one person has all the answers and no one church has all the answers. Confident men crucified Jesus! I pray about what I should do and I am led in a certain direction by the Holy Spirit. I pray for the moral absolutes that I can’t ignore and I ask God to put thoughts and feelings into my heart that couldn’t have come from anywhere but him. I trust the thoughts from God and my personal journey with God repeatedly leads me to not even enter into this debate of sin. Instead it leads me towards relationship, love, kindness, forgiveness and empathy as impartially as my human heart can handle.
Is it truly our job to judge other’s sins? The problem I find with so many of today’s churches is their willingness to quickly point fingers and “speak the truth in love” to those that they deem to be wrong. There is an irony in how we pick and choose what sins we are going to deem inappropriate and yet are ourselves caught up in other activities that the Bible also deemed as sin (gossip lately? Eat too much? Yeah… those are sins too… and the Bible doesn’t rank them in terms of severity)
Rather than preaching hell and damnation, wouldn’t it be more fruitful to live life with those “Sinners” and truly understand their heart and love them right where they are at? How many converts do you think happen due to someone telling a “sinner” that they are on a fast track to hell?
If they are going to truly experience Christ, I want them to first experience His abundant love and His willingness to meet them right where they are at. I am there to then walk with them, hold them when they can’t do it alone, and learn to live life in community together. I truly believe that once this initial relationship is established, they will want nothing more than to do all they can to follow in His footsteps and thus leave their old lives behind. My job is not to point out their sins (they already know what the world thinks of them) but is instead, to be there to love on them, when they encounter Jesus and they choose to allow Him to begin work in their personal life and heart.
I’m glad you mentioned about the gutters falling off and the broken thermostat. The church isn’t a building. It’s the people inside. And the fact that your group is known for loving people, well that’s the proof.
Love this and sounds like I would love your church. My Southern Baptist pastor just denied to baptize 2 friends of mine that had been attending our church and had accepted Christ. His reasoning? Because they are living together in sin. They are engaged and are planning a dream wedding, but until they are married he will not baptize them. Now the same church will go on mission trips and bring people to Christ and will baptize them right then and there without knowing a thing about their background. I’m a little disappointed and disgruntled with our head pastor right now. This young couple has not been back to our church the last 2 weeks. I just hope they will try to find a more accommodating church soon.
Love your post. Love your words. Responding just a tad to Gregg’s comments about Jesus & confronting sin. Jesus was — well Jesus. He had a right to call people out on stuff. I think He taught us that we can only do this when we are perfect. Not happening in this lifetime! Love the post that says Love Wins. I also attend a church filled with the formerly “unchurched” and filled with love & acceptance. There’s a sense there that miracles happen on a regular basis. The Holy Spirit moves in our midst — pews or no. Love & Light to all !!!!
Great post! My brain is still on overload from the conference.
The sentence “Every kid is fed breakfast on Sunday mornings because they might not have it otherwise” brought tears to my eyes. That is love. That is what Jesus would do!
I read many blogs and follow a number of “Christian” writers. It’s not every day that one of them talks about their church in a way that makes me think, “I want to go there, these are people I’d love to do ministry with.”
I started to fall in love at “firewood cutting days” and “make sure that expectant mother’s have the supplies they need.” But a church that doesn’t run skateboarders out of their parking lot is not afraid to live the love of Jesus into every corner of their community.
Thank you and bless you for being willing to represent the kingdom in Jesus name and for his sake.
Thank you for this thoughtful and hopeful post. “Live in the questions and lead with love”. Indeed. Amen, sister.
As usual, I am completely moved by your story, Ashley, and thank you for eloquently pointing out what I feel repelled by with most religion. It is not our job to judge another’s path or deeds. I feel the greatest sin is to impede or try to control another’s spiritual growth. Who am I to decide what’s best for you and what is “right”?I feel my purpose on earth is to live as openly and compassionately as possible while continuing to work on my own emotional maturity. Putting down the stones and shield and turning to looking within to correct my misjudgments of others feels more right. And further, trusting we don’t all feel or believe the same is on purpose and exists precisely to assist our awareness, acceptance and love of others and ourselves. Perhaps we’re hardest on ourselves and the judgment of others comes out in reflection of those parts of ourselves we’re judging, too.
I appreciate your never-ending commitment to explore your soul’s path as you share your insights along your way.
Humanitarians unit!!
sounds like the Grove is an awesome place to not only worship but to be all that God has called us to be
This just makes me sad. There was a time not too long ago that Americans who called themselves followers of Jesus read and studied the Bible and were conversant with its themes. Now we pat ourselves on the virtual back re: how nice we are and call it love. We wink at what God calls sin and call it grace. We claim to love the Bible but deny its authority. Sometimes I feel angry about all this, but tonight I just feel sad.
It sounds like you are saying I shouldn’t call myself a follower of Jesus. I love what Mike Yaconell said in his book MS about such riffraff as myself: Nothing in the church makes people in the church more angry than grace. It’s ironic: we stumble into a party we weren’t invited to and find the uninvited standing at the door making sure no other uninviteds get in. Then a strange phenomenon occurs: as soon as we are included in the party because of Jesus’ irresponsible love, we decide to make grace “more responsible” by becoming self-appointed Kingdom Monitors, guarding the kingdom of God, keeping the riffraff out (which, as I understand it, are who the kingdom of God is supposed to include).
Thank You for the thoughtful reply. The thoughts you share are not Biblical thoughts at all, however. I mean to say they do not reflect the thinking of Jesus, Paul, Peter, James, or John. I hope you someday turn to find the answers to the big questions there. Pop/Progressive Christian writers have their role in the ongoing history of salvation, but I wouldn’t want to have to answer for it. BTW, I do like your writing style; it’s catchy.
Her thoughts actually are Biblical. Have you read Matthew 22, The Parable of the Wedding Dinner? Specifically, verses 8-10? Are you reading the same Bible I read? What about Matthew 9:9-12? If we already have it all together, we have no need for a Savior. He came to show love to the unloved and the unlovable.
It is not my job to determine who gets in and who stays out, but it is my job; my calling, to show His love in all that I do.
Happy to have the chance to answer questions about the Bible. My answer, Jen, to your question is Yes, I guess I have read Matthew about a zillion times. I challenge you to hear what Jesus said, not the message we might wish He said. In the parable He invited two categories of people. One ignored the invite (and Jesus pronounced that group “unworthy.” Are you OK with that?) The second category said “Cool, free dinner!” but one guy was singled out as unprepared for the demands of the occasion, bound and cast into hell. OK with that?
We really do need to get back to taking God seriously, and His Word seriously. We really do.
I don’t understand why people have to make things so complicated. Love is the answer. It’s that simple…but it isn’t easy. It is challenging to always come from a loving place. That is where our work is though–to always strive to come from a loving place, to expand our hearts as opposed to wanting the world to conform to what we in our limited minds and hearts deem lovable.
I had a dear friend die–he was on his way to get doughnuts for the office. He worked a night shift and on his way he was hit and killed by a drunk driver. My friend happened to be Buddhist. His parents were Christians. At his funeral they talked about how unconditionally loving my friend was, how generous he was, how he would give a stranger the shirt off his back. He really was a great guy. BUT they said that if he didn’t accept Christ, he would just sit at the gates and not be able to enter Heaven. What baffled me was that they could see and acknowledge how unconditional my human friend was with his love and at the time believe in a conditional God. To me, if anything, God is more than we are, never less. God is more loving, more accepting, more forgiving, more unconditional, never less.
Dear DM: Please forgive me if this response unsettles your mind. But it may help somehow. Why do things about God seem so complicated? Perhaps the case is not at all that people make them complicated, but the fact that “God’s ways and thoughts are higher than ours, like the heavens are above the earth” (Isaiah).
Re: your pearly gates story, I wonder how your ideas about God have been informed. It seems to me that God is who He is. The question that people are left with is “How will I respond to Him?” And there are a crazy lot of responses… One is to deny He is even there. One is to let Him be Who He is and call Him Lord. A third is to ignore His communications, His revelation of Himself, and pretend He is Someone more to my liking.
I’m wondering more. The idea you are warmly suggesting in the pearly gates story is commonly called Universalism. I’m wondering if Ms. Hackshaw shares your view.