Mammogram: noun A message or communication sent by a mammograph. Used in a sentence: The president received a message by mammogram.
Or maybe it’s like a pajamagram?
Delivered in beautiful keepsake gift packaging.
Just a little factoid I read: the last telegram EVER will be sent on July 13th in India. This is horrible. I would have been sending more telegrams.
So yeah, I did have my first mammogram this morning. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I mean I did feel a little trapped once the machine smooshed my boob. The only thing I worried about was a machine malfunction….and I’d be trapped….and what if there was an earthquake at the same time? (because you do think about that when you live on a fault line and you are in the only multi-story building for miles) Would the technician save me….or save herself?
Technician: So you had a hysterectomy?
Me: Yes.
Technician: And when was your last period.
Me: Before the hysterectomy.
Technician: So you haven’t gotten your period recently?
Me: Uhhh…no.
(She asked me that a few times….and I didn’t have the heart to tell her you can’t have a period without a uterus.)
And during the mammogram I made my usual awkward small talk:
Me: Sorry I’m sweating all over you…but you said not to wear deodorant and it’s 109 degrees today. Not that deodorant helps in 109 degrees….there’s a point of diminished return with deodorant and it happens to be 109. Just kidding I made that up. Do you ever get anyone with horrible body odor? You’d tell me right…if I had body odor….because once you are able to smell yourself….other people have been able to smell you for FOUR WHOLE HOURS. I hope I remember to put deodorant on when I leave. I’ll remember in four hours, right? All the old ladies I know always smell so nice. I can’t imagine they even need deodorant. They smell like powder and perfume. That’s one reason to look forward to getting old, right? Does deodorant cause cancer? Do you ever pop an implant in this thing? I knew what to expect today….I just watched Life at 40. So funny. The J Jill and Chico’s part? Oh I shouldn’t have said that….you might shop there. I mean I’ve shopped there. Well my mom has.
PG version of my smushed boob:
Technician: Oh no, we have to do this side again….it’s blurry. No idea what happened.
Me: Oops. I know what happened. You took too long to take the picture and I was gasping for air before I fainted.
I was chatting with a nice lady in the waiting room. She talked the entire time we were in there….and the time flew by even though I apparently had to wait a long time because everyone was apologizing later. When they told her she could go she said to the technician “you take care of my dear Ashley, okay?” I didn’t even tell her my name. It gave me goosebumps.
Then I had to do an ultrasound. And the ultrasound technician thought I was neurotic I’m sure:
Me: Don’t push my nipple inward.
Technician: What’s wrong?
Me: You’re making me nauseous when push my nipple in.
Technician: Are you going to throw up?
Me: YES if you keep pushing my nipple in.
A covert ultrasound photo. I’d make a great spy. Minus the nervous small talk.
Doctor: Cancer shows up white.
Me: Well…that looks white to me.
Doctor: Yes, but it’s breast tissue and it’s symmetrical to the other side so I don’t see anything to be worried about right now.
Me: Oh good.
Doctor: But…it is hard to detect cancer when your breast tissue is dense. So your risk goes up. Oh, and there is a rare cancer that doesn’t really show up white.
Me: And your telling me this because it all good news right? It’s like getting struck by lighting twice. What’s the likelihood that I get two rare cancers….like negative %.
And in my head I’m thinking….actually negative % and positive % are really the same thing. You’d want to take the absolute value. Oh that’s just with percentage of error you dodo. Error? Error!
And so this was my result:
Probably Benign Findings.
Probably?
To a math nerd this is not an acceptable result.
There are way too many degrees of probability to have just 2 boxes.
I think I should send them a new result form.
And I think I’ll send it via mammograph:
Anyway, the results are probably great. It’s probably benign. I’m probably happy and ecstatic. I hope you probably have a great day!
P.S. As I wrote those mammograms I wondered…what if I wanted to just send a message that said STOP. Would I say STOP STOP? Are you allowed to use the word STOP in a telegram? What about STOP IT? Would that be STOP IT STOP?
P.P.S. Did I spell “stop” right? It doesn’t look right when it’s capitalized. Nevermind. I just googled it. It’s S-T-O-P.
I think its good news!! You are the cutest sweetest girl!!! Carry on!
Thank you so much for sharing your results so quickly! I have to admit, I’ve been stalking your blog yesterday and today waiting .. and checking.. and checking.. I cried a little that the results are probably good. Praise be to God.
LOVE this! You had me giggling and waking up my sleeping baby! In all serious though, breast cancer runs in my family, and I have Insufficient Glandular Tissue (impossible for me to breast feed) but it also is a symptom of dense tissue, leading me to always wonder if breast cancer could be in my future. Although I have yet to find a bump, I am not a fan of the statistics.
ANYHOW, I’m praying for you! You and your family have been through so much, and it’s about time for a break 🙂
I had two sonograms today. Well four if you count both sides of my neck and both legs. She said I was normal and no blood clots. I know if I had something she would have said, The Dr. will call you with the results”, because they won’t tell you if it’s bad. I know, I had beast cancer (from the above comment). I told the tech I was BRCA-2 positive (in my ramblings because I do the same thing and talk way too much about nothing but I can’t stop myself) and she said she had never heard of it. Really? You work in the medical field and you’ve never heard of BRCA-2 positive and the place is basically a breast cancer radiology dept (do mammograms, same place where I found out I had beast cancer and it says breast on the window) and she’s never heard of the BRCA gene mutation. But I will take her word for it that I am normal. Seriously, no one ever says I’m normal so it was nice to hear for once. hehe. Glad your test came out great too. Love your posts. Okay, I’m done. For now. 😀 And glad you’re normal like me. 😉
Hi Ashley-Lynette again, breast cancer SURVIVOR (met in treatment room).I keep informed thru you website because of the fun and inspiration.
I know how scary mammograms are. Just keep in mind “PROBIBLY” is still better than “HAVE”. So I’m sticking with the first……or a turtle.
My suggestion: Get a henna tattoo of a turtle on your boob. So everytime you start to obsess about the C word, you can look down and say, ” Oh yeah, it’s just a turtle”. I was going to have a dragon tattoo stenciled on my head so I could be the “Old Woman with the dragon tattoo”……but hair started growing back for the second time and I was NOT going to shave my head again!!!
Good thoughts always sent to you and yours and keep writing about your life stories…….INSPIRING AND HELPFUL!!!!
I always thought larger was better in the “beast” department, but not when they’re squishing triple DDDs! Does that make you feel a little better? It adds new meaning to the squish, doesn’t it? Just sayin’! Anything to make you feel better. 🙂 Coincidently, I was stuck in an MRI yesterday myself. The x-ray dye injection part before that was much worse than the MRI. They had to tape my “beast” down to get a clear shot of m shoulder, and the tape kept coming loose, which of course “moved things” (can you say slingshot?) and we had to start all over again each time! I had 8 shots of lidocaine, 2 sterile fields and a fierce joint injection. Good grief. Does this make you feel a little better? A little giggle, maybe? That is my hope! 🙂 I’ve been an avid reader of yours for years and have never “piped up” but thought now is the time! 🙂
p.s. I had major abdominal surgery 7 weeks ago, and while writing this comment, the Orthopedic surgeon called and I have a rotator cuff tear on my shoulder. Not to worry though, I had one on my other arm 3 years ago, so I know all about it and the surgery! (Which of course, is not a comfort). I’m still laughing with ya though (kinda). 🙂 I don’t like “probably”, so please keep us posted.
Love,
Sheila
I’m so glad you’re “probably ok.” At the age of 32, I found my first lump. It was at the same time my mother-in-law was dying of breast cancer. I freaked out. They removed a golf ball size lump- benign. I am now 60. I have had over 20 lumps removed over the years, all benign. Now, I am the smallest busted woman ever to put on a bra, and that was before the lumps!! Women have too many parts to worry about.
So based on your theory of turtles, I have supported a zoo in the past 28 years!
Hugs and relief!
Cindy
I absolutely love the “when was your last period?” question. I am glad that I am not sensitive about my hysterectomy 9 YEARS ago because I get that question every time. The box at the top asks for past surgeries and I write it first. Maybe I should put it in mammogram form : NO UTERUS (STOP). STOP ASKING ABOUT MY PERIOD (STOP). JUST (STOP)
those technicians are scary! Mine are usually very nice. I think the radiology lab has a thing. (I was going to say racket). I’ve been going every six months for a mammogram and a sonagram for something benign on one side I cant even feel it. This last time they said I was okay on that side, but I had to come in six months for some thing probably benign on the Other side. I once got mastitis from having a sonogram at Yale! Yes, Yale. they left me in the presser for over fifteen minutes. And now some parts of the medical profession want to eliminate mammograms! Glad you went. My 32 yr old daugther wants to get a mammogram because my husbands family is loaded with breast, ovarian, colon cancer. They said she had to wait until she is 40. No BRCA there, but they dont know that.
you’re amazing. probably. 🙂
Love + prayers. Xxxx ❤
You are amazing Ashley, always sending you Love & Light !
LOLing all over myself and spitting out my cereal, probably. Glad you’re okay, for realz. xox
Ashley I would love to gift you a Zenwand. Check out my site & if you would like one it is yours from me for all the good you do & al you endure. I love your JOY. Actualy maybe you might like one that has “I Choose Joy” engraved on it. email me.. I cannot think of a more deserving person to have a Zenwand.
Lov & Light
Dawn
YAY!! (STOP)
I’m probably super excited for you (STOP)
And will probably (certainly) keep praying for you and your sweet family! (STOP)
Insist on an MRI! It can see through dense breast tissue.
i think i pobably love you.
As already stated by others, thanks so much for sharing your “probably” results. For those of us who follow your blog, your posting brought relief. We all care about you as a young woman going through an unsettling time and as a mother trying to be the best you can be for yourself and those you love. Women are the most magnificent creatures on earth when it comes to showing love and compassion to others. I once found a lump under my left arm while doing a self exam in the shower. I have also had a hysterectomy due to the discovery of two large tumors. My Paternal Grandmother died of ovarian cancer so the decision was easy for me to make. Thankfully I have two grown sons, but they were young when I went through my struggles. Life is about overcoming all of the struggles we face as people and becoming even better than we once were. I am now 58 years old and proud to say I have overcome all the struggles and challenges faced along the way. I am proud of the woman I have become because of what I have overcome. I am proud of you as a woman who overcomes, challenges herself, inspires and continues to grow and move forward. Today I celebrate you, your turtle and your “probably” diagnosis. I will continue to pray for you on this new journey. Best wishes for all things good.
So glad your test result was positive! I read over your entries for the past few days, and I think you’ve got your groove back! Go Ashley!!
I haven’t commented in a while but I’m still here reading, loving your blog. I have to agree with you on the “probably”. What kind of answer is that? But they know what’s what a whole lot better then us so I would say it’s good news. Praying for you and your family!!
Yay, I’m so glad for the good news. And I do that too…with words, where you spell it out and then it looks wrong and you think, “What am I doing wrong? Have I always spelled this wrong? Why does it look so weird?”. lol… hope you have a good day 🙂
I detected my first bumps as a teenager and I was sure I had something bad. I had to get my first sonogram at 18. I remember I was scared to death and I kept looking at the technician to read his face. He kept pointing at things in the screen for the nurse to see, but he didn’t say a word. Finally, when he told me to dress up I asked him if everything was ok. He turned around and LEFT me. I left the place feeling that I had something bad FOR SURE (I thought: why else would he not tell me that everything was fine?)
Luckily, they gave me the pictures the same day and my mom (who is a doctor) analized them for me and told me everything was fine. Turns out the technician was just a cold-hearted jerk who likes to play with people’s feelings.
On other note, I believe I could never have a mammogram because I’m so flat chested that there’s nothing for the machine to grab.
Probably happy for the result! And certainly crossing my fingers for you!
(I’m a math nerd too… you are not alone!)
I love reading your blog, u always seem to make me smile.
All if my mountain girl friends and I are praising the Lord for the good news. We shall keep praying for all turtles to stay away. I love you, Your adoring mom
I’m glad to hear (probably) good news! 3 months ago I got my 2nd scanner check-up (13 months after being put on remission) and a couple nodes showed up. Radiologists said it was nothing, surgeons went in and looked regardless because they were a tad suspicious. Woops! My cancer is back but we are promptly treating it so that we kick its ass swiftly and soon. And this time, we’ll get rid of all the nasty rebel cells so that all of my scanners show up absolutely and completely unremarkably normal forever.
Hope your incognito white spot turns out to be a harmless little turtle.
I am inspired with your outlook, you know. Even if you are going through mammogram, you are still taking your picture and seems like you are not nervous at all. This is contrary to most patients I know who go through mammogram and act like they are already about to die.