It happened. I knew the day was bound to come but it just snuck up, and I wasn’t prepared in the slightest. One day it was not a thing at all and the very next it was ALL the thing and my heart was not ready.
Having three daughters, the oldest now 11, I have wondered how its first occurrence would go down, preparing myself to have wise answers for my girls and to be able to listen gently as they expressed their hearts to me.
However, when the day actually came, my wise answers left my brain, my gentle listening skills turned into, “I’m so mad I could punch someone’s throat,” and I just wanted to undo what had been done, forgetting it ever happened. It seems there is no turning back now.
She was called fat. My oldest darling daughter was called fat. I was so caught off guard. And because it’s not good parenting to punch others, especially as a Small-Town-Pastor’s-Wife, I gave my best to her in that moment, but it truthfully hasn’t left my mind since. I keep trying to check back in and make sure she knows, that she knows how breathtakingly beautiful she is, but deep down I feel so ill prepared for her next time, and then it will be my next daughter’s turn to experience the same heartbreak. I wish I could absorb it all on behalf of them.
Can’t us Mamas shield and protect, keeping our babies safe always and forever?
Maybe this occurrence has shaken my heart more than I had anticipated it would. Maybe, perhaps especially, it forces me to ponder this moment for myself. I was the same age. I was in the same grade. This moment for me has been embedded into my mind for 25 years. Before that day, the thought of viewing myself as fat had never crossed my mind, but since that day….I have thought it over more times than I care to admit. Somehow shame and embarrassment began to feel more natural than seeing myself as beautiful. I starred in the mirror longer after that, adjusting my outfits and checking my complexion, and feeling more zoned into my body than ever before.
It tears at my heart and soul to think that she will now transition toward this very same thinking.
So…as her Mama, I am transitioning toward a new thought pattern once and for all. I am committed to embracing a new self identity for my darling daughters. Knowing that I am raising three girls in this pressure-filled culture, and not embracing myself, may open the door for more self-doubt in their lives than I care to risk.
To my Darlings,
Here’s what I know about me, your Mama:
I am His Beloved.
I am fearfully, wonderfully, and specifically made.
I am known deeply by my Abba Father,
And the Masterpiece within me is only revealed when I love myself just as I am.
This world cannot be touched as powerfully if I do not allow the story within me to unfold.
My life story showcases each one of you; that is my honor.Here’s what I know about you, my Darlings:
You are His Beloved.
You are fearfully, wonderfully, and specifically made.
You existed in the very heart of God before I ever laid eyes on you,
And the Masterpiece within you is only revealed when you learn to love yourself just as you are.
You are enough; not if, not when, but simply because.
You are my beautiful, strong, and courageous daughters.
You are my dearest loves and I am your Mama,
And I love you heart and soul.Love,
Mama
*****
A note: I thought this post from Jodi was perfect to honor today’s LOVE FLASH MOB over at Momastery, where you can donate (any amount!) to directly impact the life of one of these “sHERos.” Click here to read more! I’ve donated in honor of two sHERos on my mind today: Ariana and Nina. Will you donate? Thank you! Love, Ashley
I, too, have 3 daughters .. the oldest of whom is 35 .. she is beautiful inside and out .. but has yet to realize it. Her younger sisters see it and admire her. My middle-est daughter is 33 .. she also is beautiful inside and out .. she shows me how to keep going even when circumstances are hard. My youngest is 29 .. she has taught me much. Her faith is strong and her miscarriage 2 months ago has made her stronger. I have not been able to shelter my girls from the hurts of life .. but they have grown up to be fine young mothers who in turn will try to protect their children from life”s hurts. It cannot be done .. but we do our best and our loving Father God watches over and heals the hurts .. helping our children to know that the world may be cruel at times .. but home is safe and they are LOVED!
My daughter is in the 2nd grade and a little boy in her class called her “fat” at lunch. She didn’t eat her lunch that day and since then has been extremely aware of herself and she thinks she is fat. She is my daughter but is not in any way close to being fat! It breaks my heart seeing my 8yr old so conscious of her body at such a young age! I too wanted to punch this little boy and tell his parents what I thought about him saying that to my precious daughter!! It would be easy since they live in my neighborhood. We continue to tell her how beautiful she is and that she is a daughter of God and that she is special in every way to us and to Him!
One of the hardest thing for a mother is to see her kids go through any sort of hurt. Emotions of all kinds can come over you, anger being one of the top few. My 12 yr .old has had her share of hurt with her appearance but my frequent talking to her about the inner beauty being more important and lasting finally took root in her heart. For now, she is a strong girl who knows when to take a stand for herself. I hope she continues to grow stronger as soon she will enter Jr. high.
The world would be so boring if all of us had a cookie cutter body. 😉