This morning I woke up and realized that Happy slept through the night for the first time. She woke up at 5:30 (which I consider the whole night) and I took her outside. Even just taking her outside takes effort…when putting Happy down you have to hold her a moment suspended as she gets her footing. She’s very unsteady on her feet and the slightest moment of inattentiveness will result in a face plant. I can’t imagine being such a small dog, with such limited mobility. She’s dependent on us for everything and I feel so much responsibility for her.
The first three nights I slept on the couch right beside her to make sure she was okay. She was restless and getting up to get a sip of water she would easily get lost. I only slept a few hours at a time and Brett asked if I was okay. I told him, “I’m great. This is my thing…taking care of little creatures.” And it is. I’m like a crazy cat lady with no cats…just dogs and chickens. It takes a lot of crazy to keep up with just Happy’s medications…but I have a very structured system:
Happy is such a joy. She sleeps most of the time but when she’s awake she waddles around with her ears perked up and tail wagging. Her little blue cataract filled eyes are so trusting. If you hold her she will nuzzle her head under your hand for more petting. She just wants to be loved.
I’ve watched Patti Smith’s Bob Dylan tribute at Nobel 2016 a few times every since it was posted:
I just was mesmerized by it…Patti’s faltering, her pause, and the apology. It just made the performance so authentic and real and perfect. Now I can’t stop singing it and Happy seems to like it, so I started to putting my owns words to the main tune, just for Happy, and imagining what her response would be to my questions:
Where have you been my blue-eyed girl?
What have you seen and heard in the world?
Who did you love and what did you do?
I’d love to know how you came to be you.
The years have been slow and steady with pace.
Quiet filled days and a kind, weathered face.
These old tired bones hold a map of the past.
A rug and a threshold and only three steps to grass.
Where have you been my gray-whiskered girl?
What have you seen and heard in the world?
Who did you love and what did you do?
I’d love to know how you came to be you.
A decade of dawns and 5am wakes.
A walk round the yard for as long as it takes.
A dinner for two and a radio show.
Early to bed where I’d watch her breath slow.
Where have you been my tired, old girl?
What have you seen and heard in the world?
Who did you love and what did you do?
I’d love to know how you came to be you.
I used to be much more sure on my feet.
That was way back when there used to be three.
He had put on his hat and we went for a stroll.
Breaking his hip was the worst way to go.
Where have you been my frail, loving girl?
What have you seen and heard in the world?
Who did you love and what did you do?
I’d love to know how you came to be you.
These tired old legs barely hold me upright.
My eyes full of clouds I can’t see through the night.
I wish you could’ve seen me back in the day.
The boss of the house and the master of play.
Where have you been my sweet, happy girl?
What have you seen and heard in the world?
Who did you love and what did you do?
I’d love to know how you came to be you.
My humans are gone and you’ve taken me in.
Your curious ways would have humored my kin.
The love I once knew now hangs in the breeze.
I still feel it at times and it puts me at ease.
And now here you are my tiny, brave soul.
Gentle in spirit and making me whole.
The wag of your tail is joy guaranteed.
The love in your eyes is all that I need.
These rules are all new and the world’s just too fast.
Those cries in my sleep are just memories past.
I hear your voice saying it will all be okay.
That I’ll live here with you for the rest of my days.
I’m no Bob Dylan, but Happy likes it, and I imagine it’s what she’s thinking in those soulful eyes. I don’t know what happened to her old owners but I have some images in my head sometimes that I think Happy might have sent me.
Very please she slept through. ?
Ok….now you have me in tears. I love that you love and care for her so deeply. I check your page to see the stories of Happy. Nothing like an old dog to make your heart full and broken at the same time. Keep sharing, the song is a classic for sure!
Ashley! It’s beautiful ? I sang it through just like Patty did. Life is so frail but kindness wins. Love wins. Peace to those who loved her well in her prime. May they know (somehow) that love won for their sweet Happy girl.
tears in my eyes. such a loving tune to a small bundle. bless you.
Wish we all have someone to love on us when we get old like Happy. You are certainly making her senior years filled with joy & glee.
Another lovely post. Thank you. We used to have a dog who developed cataracts but he knew the yard so well that he could run, or walk, around by himself. He did occasionally walk into a tree which was funny but he was fine. His name was Bo and he lived to be 14 years old. Still miss him.
Aww Bo. Foshizzle runs into things all the times. I can’t help but laugh. I miss our Diesel too. I don’t think I’ll ever stop!
You are a great and loving Mommy ,God bless your compassion ! All are blessed to know a woman such as you !
Thank God there are people like you who have the love and patience to make this little old dog happy!
Oh my, I just cried and cried. this is so beautiful. reminds me of my rescue dog Suki who I loved so very much and lost three years ago. I’m so grateful to you for taking care of Happy in her final years. Loving an old dog is so poignant, knowing our time together is limited makes each moment together important and meaningful.
Cried reading this as I’m reminded of our Sam. On the way to put him to sleep we took one last trip around the neighborhood. He was in my lap on a pillow as my husband drove. Sam had cataracts so I’m sure he didn’t see a thing out the window but he knew what we were doing as a last loving thing for him and a way to say how grateful we were for having such a old loyal friend. That was over 10 years ago. We still miss him.
So glad Happy has you.