Love is fairly new to me.  I’m just being honest with you.

I used to think I loved, but I didn’t really truly love.

I thought love meant saying I love you.

I thought love was giving advice and “fixing” people.

I thought love meant being a good person.

I thought love was reserved for people close to me.

I thought love was about being compatible.

I thought love had to be careful.

I thought love had to be controlled and protected.

I thought love was effortless and instant, or it didn’t exist.

That was not love.

That….was a greeting card.

 

Painting by Boo

Some lessons in love:

When I was sick I didn’t want to accept help, but sometimes love is allowing people to help you, navigating around your pride…because of what it can do for others.

When I joined a church I found myself in a slow-moving, conflicted community. I soon wanted out, but sometimes love is adjustment.

When my family members have shown weakness I have been quick to judge, but sometimes love is having empathy.

When a friend turned on me unexpectedly I wanted to give her a piece of my mind, but sometimes love is being silent. Sometimes love is letting go.

I used to have a tendency to treat strangers better than those close to me, but love is as much about planned kindness than random kindness.

Before (and still), when I felt I was right about something I’d fight to the end, but love is compromise, not plowing over everyone in my path.

When I ask someone how they are doing sometimes I wish for a short answer, but love is being willing to share my time and listen.

When someone was having a hard time, I used to avoid them out of fear for the right words, but love is connection. Love is reaching out.

It used to be easier for me to bond with people over gossip, but sometimes love is speaking up…or just not being interested.

Sometimes just the “thought” of donating to a cause would make me feel like a good person, but love is sacrifice.

When my daughter chooses her dad over me I feel hurt, but sometimes love has to be grown and repaired.

I’m still learning, but I do know this…love leads the way:

 

Love is cultivated and grown.

Love is seeing and doing. Love is courage.

Love is connection. Love is sharing. Love is heart to heart.

Love is belonging. Love is encouragement.

Love is compassion. Love is empathy.

Love is character and conviction. Love is speaking up.

Love is knowing when to be silent.

Love is serving, but love is also receiving. Love is humility.

Love is investment. Love is commitment.

Love is compromise. Love is adjustment.

Love is sacrifice.

Love is forgiveness. Love is reconciliation.

Love is honesty. Love is being authentic. Love is living with an open heart.

Love is about having a sense of humor.

Love is risky. Love is messy.

Love is imperfect.

Love is freedom.

What is love to you?

P.S. Random kindness is still love:

All posts for the Year of Joy can be found here.

13 days down, only 18 to go. I love you.

I think 2013 could be called the year of vulnerability. For me at least.  And I STILL held back.  I feel like I’m full of secrets right now.  My whole world is shifting right before me.  My heart is beating out of my chest sometimes. I’m praying for wisdom on when to share things because my soul is 1 part patience, 5 parts NOW. And on the other side of this screen I’m barely keeping my head above water, it’s like I’m in a tangled web of worldly messes that have to be dealt with.  But at the same time I am stepping out in faith.  I’m listening for God’s direction. The good news: it will make this year interesting and adventurous.

Vulnerability is risky. It can be scary to lower your defenses and open up your life to others. When you reveal your failures, feelings, frustrations, and fears, you risk rejections, But the benefits are worth the risk. Vulnerability is emotionally liberating. Opening up relieves stress, defuses your fears, and is the first step to freedom.
-Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

Joy comes from being vulnerable and courageous. Even if everyone else thinks you are nuts, step out of your comfort zone. Courage will build slowly. I promise. I’ve been there. Anyway, what is the worst that could happen? Someone might not approve? Take risks for joy. Sometimes just saying YES can set your whole life into motion.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. -Proverbs 19:21

 

 

A few vulnerable posts from last year:

 

The Dark Corners

And for about 14 years, from 1992 until around 2006, I didn’t have any limits. At least I didn’t think I did.  And I was sent to alcohol counseling by my university, my sorority forced me to attend an outpatient recovery program, I was put on probation by my foreign exchange program in China (only because my friend was “roofied” when we weren’t supposed to be out drinking….not completely my fault right?). How many chances does a gal get? Usually not as many as I’ve gotten….

c. 1996

 

Big Stuff vs. Small Stuff

Nothing in my life will ever be exactly as I expected. No timing will ever be just right. Sometimes the joy in life can be hard to find. But I can find the good….anything good….and praise it. I choose joy.

 

The Ghost of Cancer Past

In the quiet humming of a CT machine, I came to the conclusion that God does not cause suffering, but he uses it to reach us.

 

The Quiet Gift of Grace

Sometimes it’s a relief to be NUTS…..when people think you are crazy it takes away the need for explanation.

 

The Good Girl

I wanted to be liked….and popular…which I thought meant I had to hide things and keep secrets and say things I didn’t mean.  Drinking was like a putty to those little chips…filling in those empty voids.

 

 

What Lies Beneath

I like people that aren’t so shiny and perfect.  It’s the imperfect parts that make them interesting.  And it’s way too hard to try and BE shiny and perfect.

 

 

Invest Your Life in Other People

There is one day….in everyone’s life….that will be a halfway point…..the day on which you have less days left to live than you have lived already. And I wonder…..have I passed it already?!

 

[Read more…]