I’ve never laughed as hard as I did last night…….all at Lisa’s expense. I saw that someone had just Googled “girls who poop at work” to get to Lil Blue Boo and I asked them to “fess up” on Facebook…..and it set off a firestorm of poop searches. Well now…..if you google it…..Lisa’s image is the first photo  to come up. I’m so sorry Lisa.

The past few days I’ve been having pain in my lower right pelvis area. I know there’s a tumor there. But the pain feels like last time when it was growing so fast……so my gut feeling is that it’s growing….maybe not much….but it’s “invading” something down there.  I struggled a little to get out of the car after I picked up Boo from school and a wave of panic came over me. These tumors can be very invasive and aggressive…..and I know my bladder and colon are down in that area. I am squeamish when it comes to anything bladder and colon related. I get faint even thinking about it. Take a lung, take a kidney, take part of my stomach, take a finger, take a toe…..but don’t take any part of my bladder or colon. You’d be proud of me….I called Dr. L after hours. He was patched through immediately and said that we would move my scan up to this morning first thing. I had my scan at 9:45 and I already feel better that there is a picture of my pelvis floating around somewhere.

At the hospital this morning the nurse insisted on carrying my purse from the IV chair to the machine room……it was a new machine and was halfway around the building. It was a tug of war for a second…..because I was super embarrassed 1. it weighed over 20 pounds 2. was stuffed full of junk and 3. I’d brought donuts to eat immediately after my scan.

I had to drink the contrast stuff before the scan. It tastes like Crystal Light. They gave me 20 minutes as usual…..I drank it in 2 minutes flat. I’m sure the nurses were like: um, it’s not a competition to see who can drink it fast…..you REALLY have 20 minutes. Oh whatever….I like to be competitive at these things. I have no athletic ability so I’d like to be good at something.  So let me brag a little: I am great at keg stands. I can shotgun a beer in 2 seconds flat. If you went to college with me you already knew that though.

….for some awesome horticulture shots in this post. And donuts. And Tostitos. And bee pollen. Etc.

I could hang out in the waiting room of Dr. L’s office all day. The average age is about 70 years and I meet kindred spirits. As soon as I sat down this morning a sweet woman says to her friends: look how this one just sprouted up. I laughed and told her:

Me: Yep, I never stopped growing….I’m like a giraffe. If you need anything up high just let me know.
Woman: I can sense when people are friendly…..I knew you would be.
Me: I’m in a extra good mood today now that I got a seat by you.
Woman: Can I see the color of your hair under that cap?
Me (laughing): I don’t have any hair under my cap. (I show her my head….and the entire room looks.)
Woman: Oh it looks so nice. It must have been hard though.
Me: Not really, and I found out I had some secrets under my hair….a birthmark and a scar.
Woman: Oh! That’s so fun…..and mysterious! It’s a secret you’ve been keeping your whole life!
Me: Maybe I’ll get a tattoo on my head before the hair grows back. That would rock.
Woman: Oh no dear…..no tattoos, please.

I got my Neulasta shot. I walked right in and said “shoot me in the stomach”……no hesitation. It really wasn’t a big deal last time……so I figured I’d be really brave. Awww….the Neulasta shot is a cute little shot…..pretty, blue and looks like it would want to say “I want to be a big shot, but I’m just a wee little shot.”

My father-in-law called this morning and said that he had seen my HCG numbers. They went up last week to 78…..and stayed the same this week. Do. Not. Like. My scan next Tuesday will hopefully hold the secret. Maybe there’s not enough vascular activity where the tumor is growing back in my pelvis (don’t I sound like a doctor? that came from my father-in-law)…..not enough blood supply to bring the toxic chemotherapy to the cancer cells. Dear tumor: just STAY away from my bladder and colon okay? I’m really squeamish about catheter type thingys…..I’ll faint even thinking about it any longer.

VERY IMPORTANT: Before my scan next week I need to buy a new bra. I don’t have to take it off for my CT scans…..and in the last scan I wore my favorite bra with the wire all wonky. It was a push-up…..so my boobs looked all wonky in the 3-D image too. As we were talking to the radiologist all I could think was how embarrassed I was……wonky bra, wonky boobs…..cancer? what cancer? He probably thinks I can’t afford a new bra. In the scan you could see the wire loud and clear all twisted and crazy looking. I actually wear my clothes and my boots in the machine…..it must be super powerful….which means I’m getting nucleared even more. It’s never a good sign when the technicians lock huge vault-like doors behind them and pull the shades to go push a button. Just great.

On my way home from the doctor my friend Megan texted me to remind me about the Farmer’s Market on Wednesdays…..so I stopped by. I only had $17 in cash….so I had to budget.

I bought some local bee pollen….that took $10:

When I got back from the farmer’s market I stole some oranges from my neighbors house. I actually sent her a text first. Her reply was “take them all! all I eat is double stuff Oreos.”  Her dogs thought I was stealing though.

Lisa’s first day back from vacation…..and I make her drink her first glass of freshly squeezed juice. I don’t think she liked it that much. She said it bordered on workplace harassment. Then she complained that she felt like she was going to have to poop at work. Oh please, be GLAD you can poop Lisa! I’m praying for poop!  Reminds me of a Google search recently that brought someone randomly to my blog: girls who poop at work. I hope they found what they were looking for. Lisa, was that YOUR Google search?

Don’t worry….I haven’t gone on nutritional overload…..I had a donut for breakfast. My friends Todd and Jodi brought some by.  Jodi was still in her pjs.

I only slept for a few hours last night. The Decadron made me nocturnal. I made steamed broccoli at midnight and got some work done. I’m hoping maybe I’ll be able to nap. First, I’ll eat some Tostitos dipped in sour cream in bed…..and most likely completely reverse the juicing effects. Sorry Brett if I leave any crumbs.