Well, I got the results of last week’s tests back.  I’d been hoping that my eggs would be okay to donate for a surrogate one day…..or that at least it would be an option…..but the doctor doesn’t think they are viable anymore. The chemotherapy has caused me to go into pre-menopause. It was all foreshadowed by insomnia and night sweats. Here’s what went through my head all day:

My poor eggs.  They were nuked. Maybe I should get some second opinions before I have a funeral for them?

I’ve been in denial about it…..just thinking the past few months that they’d be okay and surrogacy might be in the cards for us at some point.  There were some tears today…..but another part of me is at peace knowing that God obviously has another plan for us. I’m supposed to start estrogen patches this week but my mom wants me to look into natural progesterone too…..she’s read a lot of books on how synthetic hormone replacement can cause side effects and increase the risk of cancer. Great…..an increased risk of cancer….what would that mean for someone who already HAS cancer. The whole hormone thing makes my head hurt.

You know what I do when sh*t happens? I make something. I finished up a new pattern today and sent it out for final testing. Yay! It should be available in a few days once all the kinks are worked out. Then I drew an obstacle course with chalk in the driveway for Boo.

I had my blood test yesterday morning. When I picked up the phone today I was a little nervous to get the results but my HCG numbers stayed at 2. Yay! I have to admit I kind of forget that I have results coming each week…..I move on so quickly to the next thing. I had an appointment today with my OBGYN to see about my hormones……and how my ovaries are doing. My terminology was “are my eggs dead?” The doctor said we’ll know eventually what my hormone levels are and whether I’m going in early menopause or not.  I’m not in a hurry to figure all that out yet.

Here’s a new project I started this week……making all of the dresses I’ve made Boo (the one’s she’s grown out of) into a big double-sided quilt for her.  I’m hoping to finish it tomorrow but I leave for the SNAP conference early Thursday morning so it might not be completed until next week.  My mom flew in today to help out with Boo while I’m in Salt Lake City…..she and Boo spent all afternoon swimming and playing volleyball in the backyard. Life is good!