…..I shaved my head. I’m finally getting a chance to post photos….taken by my talented friend Taili Song Roth. (One of my favorite photos ever is one she took of Clint Eastwood at the Palm Springs Film Festival!) If you haven’t seen the video yet…..we made a digital short of it as well (click here to view).

It’s already been about 2 months since I first cut off that long ponytail:

My mother wanted a braid as a bookmark for her bible:

The final cut:

A kiss from Mr. LBB:

Boo brought her markers to draw on my head:

My mom:

My niece Courtney….my twin:

Thank you Taili!!!

Every day is a good day. Some days are just better than others.

The doctor’s office was chaos yesterday. They are transferring to electronic records so I feel for them. I can’t imagine the data entry and headache behind all of that. The funny part is: I am the only patient that won’t be entered into the system for right now…..I guess because my chemo regimen is so complicated…..I’d cause a bottleneck. Nurse M reminded me of it all day to mess with me….she’d give someone a nice new printout of their schedule and then say “everyone gets one of these now…..except Ashley.” It made me laugh out loud every time…..and I’d act all melodramatic like it was so unfair.

While I was waiting to go in for chemo yesterday, sitting in a full waiting room, this guy behind me started ranting to everyone around him.  He complained about how many chairs were in the waiting room. He complained about how slow everything was. He complained about the decor. He complained about the medical system. The Dr. D (who might be one of the nicest guys ever. Dr. L, my doctor, is his son….so it runs in the family) walked through the waiting room and was very apologetic about the wait and somehow the guy behind me turned it into ANOTHER huge rant. You could tell everyone was uncomfortable. I finally turned around and said “Cut the doctor a break today, okay?”  The doctor left and this guy went on and on and on……the poor woman next to him not quite knowing what to do. Everyone stared at their laps hoping it would go away. A few people were cringing. I finally turned around, looked him straight in the eye and said:

ENOUGH ALREADY. YOU ARE DEPRESSING EVERYONE.

He said very sheepishly “sorry” and then the waiting room went back to it’s friendly atmosphere. It was totally not in my nature to do that…..but someone HAD to stop him. I wasn’t sure if he’d flip out on me…..but honestly I didn’t care.  I would have given him a choose joy bracelet but honestly I was a little afraid he’d throw it at me.  I designated myself the sacrificial lamb for that morning.  A few people mouthed “thank you.”  A nice elderly man across from me, leaned over and said:

Every day is a good day. Some days are just better than others.

I felt bad for the “ranting” guy honestly. He was so full of anger. It’s hard to let that much anger go.  It came his turn to enter the infusion center and guess where the only empty chair was……next to me. Everyone just stared wide-eyed wondering what would happen.  He put on his sunglasses and reclined in the chair and never said a word. I could tell he was cold, so I offered him my blanket. He declined but said “thank you” softly. I helped him figure out his reclining chair. Then finally when it was his turn to leave he said the nicest words to the nurse…..telling her how great of a job she had done. Maybe he softened a little after all of that.

I was at the doctor’s office 8 hours yesterday. 3 hours of pre-meds and hydration…then 5 hours of Cisplatin.

I’d like to know what this Cisplatin stuff smells like….I imagine it smells like gasoline or something. It causes so much havoc on my system. I had a ton of energy in the morning and the more it entered my body the weaker and weaker I got. So much so that when I was done I just told the nurses I’d just stay reclined in my chair with my eyes closed until Mr. LBB arrived…..even though the office was closing and I knew they probably wanted to start closing up.

I felt bad this morning until….guess what…..coffee enema time. I know so many of you love coming to my blog just to read about enemas right? I could feel the toxins sitting right in the middle of my body stuck in my intestines. A few people asked if I’m messing with my chemo by trying to detoxify myself……well, the answer is no. I have a five hour drip of Cisplatin so it stays in my body for a full 5 hours……and then they give me Lasix (a diuretic) to clear it all out when I leave…..otherwise it’s too hard on my kidneys. Anyways, the cancer isn’t in my intestines…..so I figure I can clean them out as much as I want!

My father-in-law called me with my HCG numbers this morning, up one from 2 weeks ago, but that’s okay….I got a week off of chemo. I asked Mr. LBB if we could hack into the computer system and change my number from a 3 to a 2. “What? and try to HIDE your cancer from your cancer doctor?” Yep. Then maybe I’d get another week off from chemo. It’s a sinister plan, but it might just work haha.

Anyways, I’m going to rest and watch a few movies today. I’m feeling a little confrontational again….so I must be feeling better. Sorry the blog has been down a little….but I think we are just now figuring out how to handle the traffic now!  All good problems to have. Today is a GOOD DAY……I can’t wait for BETTER days.

XOXO,

Ash

Happy Sunday! After church today it was so nice outside that we decided to hike up to the cross. I felt really great and had lots of energy. I sure don’t feel anemic…..I’ve just been having a ton of nosebleeds which is probably due to my low platelets. It was Boo’s first time up to the top of the mountain. She’s gone with me before…..we just turn around half way up. It was my first time since my surgery in October. I felt like it was time to get up there before I have to start chemo again this week! Yay for my week off!

Mr. LBB and Boo led the way. It’s a high elevation change so I had to rest a few times to catch my breath…..Boo would turn around and smile each time thinking I was taking a photo…..haha….she was right. My hands turned a little purple at one point….but I felt fine otherwise! I don’t think I’ll mention this to Dr. L.

Halfway up!

The tippy top! This cross lights up at night and you can see it from anywhere in the desert:

I left a Choose Joy bracelet at the top for someone to take:

Boo loved throwing rocks over the edge…..don’t worry she’s not as close to the edge as she looks. I’m scared of heights….I’d never let her get close to a cliff:

Beautiful views of the desert valley from up top. Our car is just a teeny, tiny speck in the distance:

I went grocery shopping afterwards and the sweet elderly lady who works there (she’s in remission!) scolded me for not resting enough. I tell her I’ll rest when I’m at chemo……when they strap me to my chair. She’s so funny…..she always wants me to use the electric cart so I won’t exert any energy while shopping. That would be a disaster. I’d definitely take down a couple displays accidentally……or run over someone.

If you are ever in Palm Desert, you have to hike up to the cross!