I’ve been singing that P. Diddy song all day…..it’s raining in the desert. It never rains in the desert.

I’m coming home
I’m coming home

I started singing it in the shower this morning because I was so excited that my chemo treatment was being transferred to the Lucy Curci Cancer Center here in the desert…..I felt like I was coming home finally…..no more traveling to Loma Linda. My sister and I went to see my doctor here and I feel like things will be so much more manageable from this point forward. When Dr. T walked in the room he only saw my sister and kind of did a double take…..and then saw me and asked “are you gals twins?”…..we laughed and said “not if we stand up!” (I’m like a foot taller than she is).

It’s hard to believe that two weeks ago tonight I was on an operating table completely unaware of what was going on. Today was the first time I’d seen Dr. T since he’d referred me to Loma Linda…..and he said “you have a light from above following you, the way things worked out and you are lucky to be alive.” It gave me chills. I lit up a little when he explained how rare the invasive nature of my tumor was and that they might publish a report on it.

My huge scar is healing really well….my stomach is just a little lumpy like everything hasn’t gone back to the right place yet…..but I’m starting to look normal from the outside. All the bruising is slowly fading.  The hardest part of everyday is waking up. I’m usually a very early riser but I wake up with my insides burning so I stay in bed until about 9:30 every morning. I dread eating because the movement of my bowels is pretty painful. My chemotherapy is on Mondays…..so I don’t feel that great the first part of the week but I feel like it gets better as the week goes on…..but then it’s a cycle all over again.

My advice to anyone who has had a traumatic surgery or illness? Do all you can to make yourself feel pretty and normal…..even if it’s in baby steps. Have someone paint your toes or put lotion on your legs. Wash and brush your hair…..and try to get out of the house…..even if just to get the mail.

Things I took for granted before are completely awesome now…..like the bench in our shower. I don’t think I’ve ever used that bench before. Today I carefully shaved my legs in increments and sat down on the bench to rest. I’m figuring out ways to be more self sufficient and make things work:
:: If I have to bend down to pick something up I try to pull a chair over so I can help myself back up.
:: If I have to sneeze I’ve learned to open my mouth wide and the sneeze comes out fast without using stomach muscles. If I have to cough I grab a pillow and hold it tight.
:: To get in and out of bed I grab my legs like a Pilates roll to keep anything from pulling. I use the wood railing with my toes as a stool.
:: I can hold the very tippy end of my razor so I can reach my ankles to shave my legs so I don’t have to bend over too far. I have go-go-gadget arms….so that helps too.
:: I can use a TV tray table to type on my laptop. I can craft in increments of 10 minutes.

A few people have asked what Boo knows. She doesn’t know much. She just knows that Mommy was sick and in the hospital. But daily she says “Mommy, when the baby comes out……” and I have to remind her that there is no baby. Then she gets defensive “I KNOW….but one day when a baby comes out” and I’m not sure how to make it any more clear. It seems like I’m torturing her with each reminder that there is NO baby and there won’t ever be a baby in mommy’s tummy.

Right now I can only wear loose fitting clothing and spandex so after my doctor appointment I had my sister stop by the mall on the way home so I could pick up some more leggings. I haven’t worn underwear in 2 weeks…..I’m getting kind of used to it. Maybe I’ll never wear underwear again. Perry says there is going to have to be an intervention soon for the tacky leggings.  I mean how often could I get away with wearing these pants? Yes, I bought 2 pairs. Totally 80’s and they rock. Thank you God for my surgery so I can wear tacky 80’s leggings.

We were at a stoplight and this horse was right next to us. He looked straight at me and nodded his head a few times as if to say “everything is going to be okay from here on out Ash”….I felt like it was that moment in the movie bridesmaids when Megan talks about falling off the cruise ship and a dolphin looked into her soul……I had a connection with a horse  and I giggle hysterically everytime I think about it:

I didn’t…I’m not gonna say I survived. I say I thrived.
I met a dolphin down there.
And I swear to God, that dolphin looked not at me, but into my soul.
Into my {bleep} soul, Annie. And said; I’m saving you Megan.
Not with his mouth, but he said it, I’m assuming telepathically.
(from the movie Bridesmaids)

I’m pretty sure things are going to be great going forward…..because Perry got pooped on by a bird in the parking lot at the mall…..that’s good luck.

Perry leaves tomorrow morning. She was such a big help and as always was the life of the house singing, skipping, playing with Boo. I snapped a pic of her doing a Napoleon Dynamite-inspired dance for Boo and I one night….it’s a total action shot.

Tomorrow night my mother-in-law Kathy flies in for a while to help. We are so blessed to have so much help. Our fridge has been kept full of food and everyone has pitched in any way they can. I’m indebted forever!

Well, that’s my update for now. Thank you for reading as always. I think I rambled a little in this post but I had a lot of stuff to cram in.  Yes I don’t wear underwear and I think a horse looked into my soul. I think my medication makes me a little loopy.