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I Like The Hair You Added

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I went in for a CT scan today.  Nothing really interesting about that.  I didn’t wait around to talk to the radiologist. No news is good news, right?

As I sat there drinking my huge cups of “contrast” before going in, the door swung open, and an elderly man walked out with the nurse.  He looked so tired and frail and I thought for sure someone would have accompanied him. He made it over a few seats over from me….and sat there for a while. He tried to make a phone call with a Jitterbug-looking phone….you’ve seen the commercials.  He slumped down for a bit to rest and then he got up…..and slowly walked over to the receptionist desk to ask if there was a phone he could use and they pointed him around the corner. About 10 minutes later, it was my turn to go back for my scan. And I couldn’t go…..I had an overwhelming feeling that I needed to go and check on that old man.

Leaving the waiting area, I went down the hall, following where I’d last seen him, and as I turned the corner….there he was……struggling with the phone on the wall:

Excuse me….sir? Have you….made your phone call yet?

It took him a bit to turn around….so I moved around so he could see me and repeated my question. He held out the handset and said:

I can’t……seem to make……a phone call.

I told him that my phone wasn’t working either and it was probably the fact that we were in the basement. I asked if he was waiting for a ride home and he said yes but he needed to call someone to pick him up.  I helped him to the elevator and explained that he would need to go to the first floor to get cell reception. He smiled, said thank you, and stepped into the elevator.

I went back to my chair and couldn’t hold back tears. I know the people sitting there thought I was upset about being there…..but seeing that old man struggle so much just to cross the long waiting room….and all he wanted to do was make a simple phone call…..and so many people just watching but no one really paying attention…..it was too much for me.

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When the scan was over….the nurse was taking out my IV and the technician came out of the adjacent room: Ashley….I have to ask…..is this your artwork?

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Have the Day You Have

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Early yesterday morning Boo brought me a vase with a dead leaf in it….stating that she was keeping it alive…..so that it would grow into a tree. I told her it wouldn’t work. She insisted it would….until I explained that it didn’t have roots…..not to mention it was already dried out.  I’m not sure what set her off but she got so upset over the dead leaf that I promised her that this weekend I’d show her how to make terrarium. She never forgets a thing….because it was the first thing she mentioned this morning.

We went to Lowe’s early this evening and picked out the perfect little succulents. While we were there one of the employees asked if we like owls….we said yes…..and he told us to go to aisle 5.  There in the rafters was the most beautiful owl…..it looked at us for a while…..and we looked back for another while.  Boo “hoo’d” a few times and after a staring contest it took off……with a huge 6 foot wingspan.  But it didn’t go far…..it flew up to the outside wall of the garden center where its mate was sitting.

Boo: You know….Daddy and I were here this morning at Lowe’s.
Me: What?!
Boo: While you were still sleeping…..

I didn’t think I’d make it out today…..I had such a horrible migraine last night and this morning.  I think I used my brain too much yesterday.  And then my pelvis was hurting….I have a CT scan next week.  I woke up and the house was eerily quiet…..Boo had left me a little pillow that had our photo on it and a flashcard that read “Jesus” on my nightstand. It made me laugh. Mr. LBB and Boo had let me sleep in and I felt like I was missing out on the day. I had already had to cancel breakfast with my friend Shari. And then……those owls….ever feel like there are just little gifts waiting for you? And I’m always looking around and taking in where I am…..but I don’t think I would have ever looked up into the rafters.  Those owls can be quiet and mysterious you know.

Anyway, Boo got to make her terrarium…plus one….and filled them with succulents. You know what I love about succulents? They are so cute and plump. I just have this uncontrollable urge to squeeze them…..but Boo cried over an already dead leaf….so could you imagine?

 

“About my leaves, I gave them all away, because that’s what you do with gifts.”

-Timothy Green

 


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This Daring Adventure

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Mr. LBB and I woke up this morning to Boo yelling from the living room for us to please not wake up because she didn’t want us to see what she was writing in her new diary.  We weren’t awake until she asked us not to be awake. Classic.

Mr. LBB rolled over, put his hand on my arm, and said “Dear God, thank you for keeping my wife here with me.”

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It’s one year to the day since I went in for surgery at Loma Linda University. I call it the day that never was….because I was under anesthesia.  Funny how that works……you close your eyes and it seems like only a second passes before you wake up again.  No idea how long you were under.

When I was moved out of ICU I remember Lisa calling Mr. LBB and asking if she could share an update with everyone…..and I asked him to write something on the blog.  And he did. You know….you worry about me….and I worry about you right back….that’s why I love this little online community. 

I was thinking about those few days at Loma Linda last night and just about gave myself a panic attack.  My mind started going to what Mr. LBB and Boo’s life might be like if that night had taken a different turn.  It’s stuff you never want to admit that you think about: would they be living somewhere else? who would go to Boo’s Mother’s Day activities at school? Life goes on…..

A year ago yesterday I would have told you that surgery was no big deal.  I’d recover quickly and then I’d be on my way to getting pregnant again.  You think you are invincible and then you lose a crucial organ that’s necessary for reproduction.

Boo asks for a brother or sister almost every day in some way.  On her biography poem for school in September she wrote on the line asking about her siblings: I have a brother named Diesel.  Sigh…..her “brother” is an elderly dog. [Read more…]

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