Life Archives - Page 12 of 92 - Ashley Hackshaw / Lil Blue Boo

Days Go By

April 27, 2014 by Ashley Hackshaw

I flew in late last night from the SNAP, the conference that I was teaching at. Brett picked me up and Boo was already asleep in the back seat of the car. We woke up early this morning and went to church, then we decided to go on a road trip to Yucca Valley for lunch:

Pioneertown was our destination. It was built in the 1940’s and was a live-in movie set for films like The Cisco Kid. We ate lunch at Pappy & Harriet’s and then watched a re-enactment group called Gunfighter’s For Hire. They deputized Boo.

Boo’s favorite part of Pioneertown were the baby Pygora goats. The couple that own the little sweeties raise Pygora goats and use their fleece and milk for all kinds of handcrafted items like soap. yarn and accessories. This little goat is Dixie. Dixie loves to eat hair and thought Boo’s was extra tasty:

On the way home we stopped on the highway to take a photo of a billboard that Boo is on for her school. (on a billboard…..cool) After snapping the photo I ran along the ditch beside the train tracks to get back to the car and just my luck….a train came:

And now I’m just plain worn out. It was good for me to take a few days off and spend some time meeting, talking and wandering. This will be the week of getting back on track I hope…..otherwise words will start leaking out my eyes and ears.

Easter

April 21, 2014 by Ashley Hackshaw

Today Boo is still on Spring Break. That means I’m going to have exactly one day to prepare for leaving for SNAP conference in Utah. I’m feeling a little pressure today. I’ve been watching Boo prance around all morning in her new jean shorts that the Easter Bunny brought her. She’d been asking for a pair. She’d also been asking for Anne Frank’s diary. The Easter Bunny brought her that too. I read her the first few entries last night and I started to get anxiety about the end….that the diary just ends one day and the next day the diaries are scattered through the Secret Annex, thrown aside as if they were trash. Maybe I could just say “to be continued” when I get to the end.

I found this photo of me on Easter c. 1978ish. Remember the unwrapped chocolate bunnies?

My brother-in-law Jason was baptized yesterday so we went to church with him. It was really special. Hope you and your family had a good Easter!

This Is a Great Truth: Life is Difficult

April 6, 2014 by Ashley Hackshaw

Reposted from Facebook:

I’ve never done a “throwback thursday” before because, well, it’s just strangely heavy to look at photos pre-cancer, photos before my dad died, photos before infertility. It’s like I’m looking at someone else’s life, not mine. But I was wiping clean a computer drive tonight and found this random photo c. 2010.

I swear for a second I didn’t know who it was. This happens a lot. I see a photo that looks familiar to me, but the familiarity is more like seeing a stock photo in a frame. My mind tries to track backwards and acknowledge who it is, but there are gaps in memory, almost like the recording has been altered, as if someone cut out sections of reel tape. Someone edited my life! But the pieces I start to remember over time begin to feel extraordinary, little events woven together in such a way that when I start to try and digest them I’m aware of this force, a force bigger and more powerful than anything I could ever imagine. Huge. Powerful.

When I look at the old me I realize how hard I was trying in life, doing everything I was told I was supposed to do, exhausting just to think about really, and I feel like I was uprooted and chewed up and hastily spit back out. Tornado-like. But that force (surely God and grace all wrapped up and swirly) makes me feel like I can just be now. Just BE. And I’m not scared anymore. That girl in the photo…SHE was scared of life. Phew, that girl was ticking off every box, as if missing a single one would be the end of the world. Ticking off every box so no one would be disappointed in her. Good education. Check. Good job. Check. Big house. Check. Nice car. Check. Gym membership. Check. New electronics. Check. Vacations. Check. And now I realize why it’s so heavy looking at those old photos, because that life was h-e-a-v-y. But I’m not her anymore. Now I feel like I can just be. Don’t hold it in. Stop trying to hold it all together. What’s the worst that can happen? I mean, I guess I could get cancer, lose a loved one, quit my job, and become infertile overnight, but I’m on the other side thinking that can end up being okay too.

Love,
Ash

From a favorite book, The Road Less Traveled:

I can’t wait to hear Nick Vijucic speak this weekend. I’m taking Boo and the whole extended family. If you live in the Palm Desert Area: tickets are going fast but you might be able to snag one….all proceeds benefit the Salvation Army. Maybe we’ll see you there.

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