Life Archives - Page 19 of 92 - Ashley Hackshaw / Lil Blue Boo

Invest Your Life in Other People

August 10, 2013 by Ashley Hackshaw

In everything I’ve ever done….I’ve always been on the extreme end of it: horses, alcohol, work, Swiss Cake Rolls, iced coffee, writing, art, cleaning, Candy Crush. (I’ve spent money on Candy Crush….don’t share that.) I’ve never been able to function any other way: Excess. Extreme. Lack of sleep. 90 mph.

Why does a box of Swiss Cake Rolls only cost $1.79? How is that possible?

I realized something yesterday… I’ve spent approximately 52.2875% of my life running from God…. and because I do everything to the extreme….. you can guarantee I was running to the nth degree.

First… some trivia:

How many pages of a composition book can you fill up before the ink in a brand new Pilot G-2 pen runs out?

Answer: 57 pages.

How do I know that? Because I wrote FIFTY SEVEN PAGES of notes in my journal yesterday. I can’t feel my right arm. If writing is an exercise….. I think my bicep just got a little bigger. It’s not that I had a stroke of brilliance….. it’s because I sat for the last two days in a leadership conference….glued to every word. The funny thing is I signed up for the conference mostly on a whim because, well, I just like to learn about stuff. I crave observation. I crave information. I’m curious to the extreme.

I win!!! (what?! it wasn’t a competition?!)

And so yep….I sat for 2 days in a summit listening to great leaders. And I don’t even think any description I could give would do it justice….just know that I hung onto every single word. Heck, I wrote every single word….57 pages worth to be exact. Somehow I ended up at the Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit…. me…..a girl in her flip flops….who obsesses over things like typewriters and donuts and Little House on the Prairie. And guess what….one of the speakers was wearing flip flops. It was 14 of the most inspirational, life changing hours I’ve ever sat through. Go check out all the speakers…. and follow each and every one.

****

A friend called me the other day and after some chit chat said: you know….I really called because I wanted to ask you something….how are you so sure there’s a God?

Wait, what?! Why would anyone want to know that from me? I don’t talk about God. I’m not qualified to answer these questions.

And I tried to put something into words but I’m sure it sounded something like the synopsis of Ben Hur mixed in with the movie White Noise sprinkled with some generic “thin place” references and an exorcism. And then I said: maybe because I’ve done everything imaginable to try and leave God in my dust. I’ve told him I don’t care. I’ve told him I don’t have time. I’ve told him good riddance. But…

….he never once left.

And if I try any harder to ignore him I think I might have to be institutionalized.

I really did try to leave God in my dust. God has thick skin though….or maybe he doesn’t have any skin. Invisible skin? Oh whatever….the fact is he’s over stuff before stuff even happens. That’s a great model to follow. God is so darn smart. And think of how much stuff happens in ALL OF TIME.

At a very young age I was immersed in Christianity. Seriously…..24/7. Fast forward to middle school….at that age I decided I wanted nothing to do with God. Nothing really significant happened…. except my brother and sister started going to a private Christian school and I remained at a private secular school. Maybe it was part of some secret experiment to see how different siblings would turn out in different educational environments. Soon after that I began trying to convince my very religious family that God was a myth. The weird thing is…. I didn’t believe that. Maybe it was boredom. Maybe it was some influence at school. I’ve got a ton of theories…..but I think it was just easier to deny him than to have to face him. My mom would talk about God at home and I’d experience what I thought were surely internal seizures triggered by scripture. She’d say God Bless You to perfect strangers and I’d turn beet red, die of embarrassment, and walk 4,000 yards ahead of her.

In high school I announced my conversion to Buddhism. One of my teachers was a Buddhist…..I wanted to be like him. Teacher is cool….I want to be cool….ergo I will become a Buddhist. Then, in college I went even further…. I would drink myself into oblivion and wake up next to people I’d never seen before. I vowed: I will be the LAST girl at every party….surely then God will leave me alone! And I took classes on reincarnation and Eastern religions and watched the movie Little Buddha 432 times. God: I’m here.

What the heck?! Why is he still here? What does he want from me? So then I’d go to church….in the same clothes I was wearing the night before….sometimes still drunk…..and only because my dad gave me 20 bucks if I mailed the bulletin home. I’d sit in the upper balcony with earphones on and listen to Wu-Tang. See God…I’m. so. not. interested. God: I know. Still here though.

Ugh…… and I’d do ridiculously faux intellectual things like destroying a Bible in the name of art. Oh yes, I literally sawed a Bible into strips and painstakingly wove the pieces together into a fabric…. and then I made that fabric into a intricate backpack. It took hours and hours and hours. My professor looked a little disturbed….but only for a second…because you can do anything if you label it ART. Jackpot. I filled the backpack with stones, carried it into class and declared kind of like I pictured Moses doing with the Ten Commandments: THIS IS MY BURDEN. I got an A. God: Wow good effort. And you even thought about me a little while cutting up my book.

And I could go on like this for 100 pages but I’ll cut to the chase….I didn’t think I fit the “Christian” mold. Growing up I had this picture of what a Christian was supposed to look like.….and honestly I didn’t want to look like that. I’m unapologetically messy. I live in extremes. I run from politics. I don’t bond with people over gossip and judgment. I like telling people about all the crappy stuff I’ve done. I don’t like ceremonies, rituals and doing stuff just because “that’s the way it’s always been done.” And if you tell me “well that’s just the way it’s always been done” I’ll roll my eyes, throw a silent tantrum, and mutter under my breath:

Well that’s not the way I do it.

I’m the self-proclaimed-queen-of-going-rogue.

PSA: THERE IS NO “CHRISTIAN” MOLD. AND IF SOMEONE TELLS YOU OTHERWISE I DOUBT YOU WANT TO FIT INTO THAT ANYWAY. THAT’S LIKE MOLDY-CHEESE MOLD. FUNGUS.

*****

Here’s the deal: There is one day….in everyone’s life….that will be a halfway point…..the day on which you have less days left to live than you have lived already. And I wonder…..have I passed it already?! I came pretty close to the end a few times. And my dad died at 65. He lived a full life in those 65 years…some part of me thinks that God told him what his halfway point was. And I’ve already lived past his halfway point….that puts things into perspective….and I realized that I don’t want to spend any minute of any day doing things that don’t really matter to God. I want to experience, and learn, and grow, and teach, and inspire other people somehow. I want to make other people feel welcome because I never really did. I want to tell people that have been discouraged in the past: you just haven’t found the right place yet…..keep looking…..or better yet, if you can summon some courage, reach out to those people who aren’t doing their church any favors. Those people could probably use your help and just haven’t found the courage themselves.

Oh, and God didn’t sneak up on me…..he was always there….I just stopped resisting at some point. And I started listening. And yes sometimes I still try not to listen. He points me in one direction and I take the first detour. But then it’s like he moves the earth so I’m back on that road he had me on in the first place…..because God can move the earth you know. He’s so awesome like that. And I argue a little, second guess him, and just want to take the easy way out but then he sweetens the deal with this feeling of right. And I think things that feel right matter.

Oh, and you can’t argue with awesome.

*****

So I just wanted to tell you today:

I am ~~a Christian~~ committed to Christ.

I want to do things that matter to God.

I’ll share more about what I learned later.

The Hemlock Inn

July 12, 2013 by Ashley Hackshaw

Last night after I hit publish on that post about the typewriter I started thinking about when I was younger. And I thought: if I could take Boo anywhere this summer where would it be? And I remembered a sweet country inn in Bryson City, NC…..in the mountains of NC almost to the Tennessee border.

We went to the Hemlock Inn for a few years when I was a little girl….and you can see how little I was by the photos…..but I remember it almost like it was yesterday. I looked it up today….holding my breath for possible disappointment….and it’s still there. I. am. ecstatic.

Me at the Hemlock c. 1981

I called my Aunt Sharon tonight to tell her I’d found the website. I knew she’d have some stories for me.

Sharon: You know all the pewter that your grandparents served dinner on?
Me: Yes
Sharon: That was started at the Hemlock Inn. That’s how they served the family style meals. That’s where all the pewter dinner sets came from.
Me: I remember the country ham. They still serve it! It’s in a photo on their website.…on the same platter and with the same pitcher grandmother had!

I even called the Inn tonight to make sure they were still serving that way. The woman who answered the phone at the Inn said they still were. So. Awesome. (I could hear the dinner chatter in the background!)

We first went there as a family because it was about halfway in between Charlotte, NC (where we lived) and Nashville, TN (where my aunt and uncle lived). And ended up going a few more years….until my grandmother Marge passed away. My Aunt said tonight that her last memory of her mother healthy and happy was at the Hemlock Inn. I’m sure it was the same for my grandfather. Maybe that’s why we stopped going….it would have been too sad for him. For me it’s a connection to them though….and one that I want Boo to know.

I remember the meals were family style and they would make us little box lunches if we were exploring locally or going on a hike. Mr. Shell (the owner) even said the blessing before dinner at night while all the guests stood behind our chairs. There was a little candy store….where you placed your money in a white plastic bin with a hole cut in the top. It was the honor system. One night we were there a bear tried to break in and get to the candy. I remember laying on my bed the following night looking at the window worried I’d see that bear pass by!

A few of my favorite memories include playing shuffleboard and a wooden Skittles game. Also, the owner Mrs. Shell would make me a treasure map around the hotel premises and I’d go hunting for it. It was an amazing map.

Shuffleboard with my Uncle Steve, Aunt Sharon, and my Dad

The whole family:
Dad, me, Mom, Uncle Steve
“Paw-Paw”, Aunt Sharon, Grandma Marge

So many recipes from when I was younger came from the Hemlock. My Aunt Sharon sent me my grandmother’s copy of the Hemlock’s recipe book when Mr. LBB and I were married:

It’s even has an inscription from the Shells:

The sovereign nation of Cherokee is nearby….and you can learn the history of the Cherokee Indians:

c. 1980 Me with Chief Henry and Princess Patty

Update: I got a note from Princess Patty’s niece saying she is still in the area and works at the Cherokee Indian Hospital.

Here I am a few years later with my brother…..ringing the dinner bell for all the guests:

My grandfather and I at the Hemlock

It’s a great setting for photos!

Tonight as I read more into the Inn’s website and I came across these words:

For many years now, we have be discussing the future of Hemlock Inn debating how much change we need to make to be attractive to the newer younger traveler. It is a compelling discussion, because there are things that do need to change, but we never want to mess with the underlying character of the inn. This includes a quiet peaceful setting, simple pleasures such as hot coffee around a fireplace and homecooked family meals preceded by a blessing. We believe in family vacations, couple get aways, and a wholesome place where everyone feels comfortable and at ease. We want to embrace many of the values Andy Griffith evoked in mythical Mayberry. We still think that many folks are looking for such a place…maybe even you.

Dear Hemlock, you read my mind….I’m looking for that place!

It’s funny about timing because I spent all last night thinking about how great the good ole days were. How sweet things were when I was younger. How I want that for Boo. How I wish we could just disconnect more often. Places like the Hemlock Inn are places that we should want to thrive….small town, family run, home cooked meals….I just don’t know that people remember how special places like this are.

The Inn is still running the way I remember it. There are no TVs, phones or Internet at the Hemlock. Large, home-cooked breakfasts and dinners are served family style at large tables with lazy susans (I remember those lazy susans!) And I love that everyone stands around the tables until the blessing is said….and all the guests sit at the same time.

Even the box lunches are exactly as my Aunt Sharon described on the phone to me this evening…every detail:

The lunch includes a pimento cheese sandwich (or peanut butter and jelly), two ham biscuits, hard boiled egg, apple, and two homemade cookies, plus napkin and salt.

Anyway, I know that I was meant to stumble upon the this memory tonight. Maybe some of you will call and make a reservation and see it for yourself. Take your families. Disconnect. Hold hands at the family table and count your blessing.

P.S. If you do go….make sure to make a day trip to the Biltmore House as well. It’s one of my favorite places in the whole world. If you’ve never heard of it you’ve definitely seen it in a movie. Take the behind-the-scenes tour too….it’s like Downtown Abbey on steroids!

Nostalgia and a Typewriter

July 11, 2013 by Ashley Hackshaw

I once bought a book download….but I only got through a few pages of it. I didn’t like having it on a screen. I couldn’t feel the paper. I didn’t get a chance to break the spine. It didn’t have that “book” smell. I couldn’t fold down the corners….flip back and forth easily….or highlight and underline.

*****

As much as much my job requires a tremendous amount of technology and social media…..I feel like I’m starting to regress. For example…I’ve been keeping my eye out for a rotary wall phone with a super long cord….one that will wrap around the kitchen island as I’m making dinner….one I can wrap myself up in. Napoleon Dynamite had one….so I need one.

Me: Hey, at least I’d be able to find the phone for once.
Mr. LBB: We have three wireless phones….how do you manage to lose all of them?

You know why I lose all of them? Because they aren’t attached to the wall. And do you know why they aren’t attached to the wall? Because life keeps speeding up….every day…..faster and faster so if it was attached to the wall I wouldn’t be able to keep up, right?

As much as I love innovation…..sometimes I wish we didn’t have so much innovation. I wish we didn’t have cordless phones, Ziploc bags and Netflix. I wish we didn’t have 400 kinds of cereal to choose from. I wish there weren’t so many crappy toys from China. I wish video games had never progressed past Pong.

….and sometimes I wish we didn’t have smartphones or iPads or tablets……

I look at all the stuff we buy and own and wonder if any of it will be handed down to another generation…..will any of it be around in 100 years. Probably not.

I do try and make a conscious effort not to be too dependent on technology……

I still use my paper calendar. I still keep all my addresses and contacts in a paper notebook.

I still write a lot…yes actually write…..with a pen and paper.

I stock up on classic games like Life and Monopoly (and not the crazy themed versions).

I take Boo into antique shops whenever we get the chance….I show her those vintage hand mixers, record players and 8 track tapes. Even a VHS tape is an enigma to her. I imagine the future sometimes like the movie Book of Eli and I think how prepared Boo will be with all the old contraptions she’d stumble across. (Don’t worry I haven’t made her start memorizing the Good Book yet).

And then I think about the fact that she’s never heard a busy signal or the ring of a rotary phone or a film projector or a typewriter.

****

Except now she DOES know the sound of a typewriter. Our friend Bonnie gave us this one when Mr. LBB mentioned I was on a search:

Boo: This is the best invention since the computer.

Heck yeah….no swiping needed to activate. And you get to choose from a variety of ONE font.
But this one still has to plug in….so I’m on the hunt for an older one.

Okay so it’s going to take a little practice as she learns to type……I showed Boo the ropes by making a quick little list. I realized I am WAY too dependent on spell check.

On my wish list….a pretty red typewriter like this one: [Read more…]