Today I sat in the quiet room of the library to try and get some work done. As I sat there another woman came in and sat in front of me.  Whatever she was watching was making her laugh.  She seemed to laugh right when I was just completing a thought. *poof*  I started to get increasingly agitated and annoyed and thought about huffing out or asking her to keep it down.  Each time she laughed I could tell it was one of those uncontrollable ones.  She was trying to keep it quiet but it became worse as she tried to hold it in. I watched from behind as she fanned herself and threw her arms in the air. I just stopped writing and watched. And then I couldn’t stop laughing.

All of the sudden she got up and walked out of the room for a moment. I stared at her computer screen at the table across from me.  I wasn’t trying to snoop but I wanted to know what was so funny. There was an image of the following:

One kind word can change someone’s entire day.

That obviously wasn’t what she was laughing at, but it made me think about what my reaction was going to be.  When she came back in, as she walked past me, I said:

Um…excuse me…ok….I just have to know what was so funny….

She didn’t even pause to think….and gestured with her hand for me to follow her out of the room.  I followed her out of the room. She told me she had given a movie a bad review and she was watching the interviews from it. She’s a movie fanatic. We talked about movies for a while and then parted ways. I sat back down and the writing just came pouring out again.

There are studies that say laughter is really contagious.  Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, right? Well, some of them.

So, I could have huffed out of the room really.  She probably wouldn’t have even have noticed.

I love this definition of laughter:

I got that from Michael Jr.:

Love him.  And I’m even the butt of his joke…I spoke “banjo” as a kid growing up in Clover, S.C.

I think humor is the ultimate saving grace for me. I probably take it overboard at times, cracking jokes and oozing sarcasm at the most inappropriate of moments, then it can become a crutch. But true cheerful, joyful humor has saved me many times over. Sometimes I try to be serious, but I can’t.  And sometimes when I’m being totally serious, people think I’m joking:

Surrogacy Agency: We have a database of pre-screened carriers.
Me: So, you are kind of like Match.com for surrogates.
Surrogacy Agency: Well…um…I guess you could say that.
Me: So do you actually meet all the surrogates in person? Because I’ve heard stories about people going to meet their dates and it’s not even the right gender. Sorry, not stories about you….stories about Match.com. Not that it’s dating. Although, it is kind of like dating if you really think about it.

(total silence)

Surrogacy Agency: I don’t think we’ve ever run into that issue.
Me: Yet…

And so I try to make humor a redeeming quality when I can.

Oh, when I left the woman handed me a post-it note with the movie: August: Osage County.

 

All posts for the Year of Joy can be found here.

14 days down, only 17 to go.

 

 

Love is fairly new to me.  I’m just being honest with you.

I used to think I loved, but I didn’t really truly love.

I thought love meant saying I love you.

I thought love was giving advice and “fixing” people.

I thought love meant being a good person.

I thought love was reserved for people close to me.

I thought love was about being compatible.

I thought love had to be careful.

I thought love had to be controlled and protected.

I thought love was effortless and instant, or it didn’t exist.

That was not love.

That….was a greeting card.

 

Painting by Boo

Some lessons in love:

When I was sick I didn’t want to accept help, but sometimes love is allowing people to help you, navigating around your pride…because of what it can do for others.

When I joined a church I found myself in a slow-moving, conflicted community. I soon wanted out, but sometimes love is adjustment.

When my family members have shown weakness I have been quick to judge, but sometimes love is having empathy.

When a friend turned on me unexpectedly I wanted to give her a piece of my mind, but sometimes love is being silent. Sometimes love is letting go.

I used to have a tendency to treat strangers better than those close to me, but love is as much about planned kindness than random kindness.

Before (and still), when I felt I was right about something I’d fight to the end, but love is compromise, not plowing over everyone in my path.

When I ask someone how they are doing sometimes I wish for a short answer, but love is being willing to share my time and listen.

When someone was having a hard time, I used to avoid them out of fear for the right words, but love is connection. Love is reaching out.

It used to be easier for me to bond with people over gossip, but sometimes love is speaking up…or just not being interested.

Sometimes just the “thought” of donating to a cause would make me feel like a good person, but love is sacrifice.

When my daughter chooses her dad over me I feel hurt, but sometimes love has to be grown and repaired.

I’m still learning, but I do know this…love leads the way:

 

Love is cultivated and grown.

Love is seeing and doing. Love is courage.

Love is connection. Love is sharing. Love is heart to heart.

Love is belonging. Love is encouragement.

Love is compassion. Love is empathy.

Love is character and conviction. Love is speaking up.

Love is knowing when to be silent.

Love is serving, but love is also receiving. Love is humility.

Love is investment. Love is commitment.

Love is compromise. Love is adjustment.

Love is sacrifice.

Love is forgiveness. Love is reconciliation.

Love is honesty. Love is being authentic. Love is living with an open heart.

Love is about having a sense of humor.

Love is risky. Love is messy.

Love is imperfect.

Love is freedom.

What is love to you?

P.S. Random kindness is still love:

All posts for the Year of Joy can be found here.

13 days down, only 18 to go. I love you.

I think 2013 could be called the year of vulnerability. For me at least.  And I STILL held back.  I feel like I’m full of secrets right now.  My whole world is shifting right before me.  My heart is beating out of my chest sometimes. I’m praying for wisdom on when to share things because my soul is 1 part patience, 5 parts NOW. And on the other side of this screen I’m barely keeping my head above water, it’s like I’m in a tangled web of worldly messes that have to be dealt with.  But at the same time I am stepping out in faith.  I’m listening for God’s direction. The good news: it will make this year interesting and adventurous.

Vulnerability is risky. It can be scary to lower your defenses and open up your life to others. When you reveal your failures, feelings, frustrations, and fears, you risk rejections, But the benefits are worth the risk. Vulnerability is emotionally liberating. Opening up relieves stress, defuses your fears, and is the first step to freedom.
-Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

Joy comes from being vulnerable and courageous. Even if everyone else thinks you are nuts, step out of your comfort zone. Courage will build slowly. I promise. I’ve been there. Anyway, what is the worst that could happen? Someone might not approve? Take risks for joy. Sometimes just saying YES can set your whole life into motion.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. -Proverbs 19:21

 

 

A few vulnerable posts from last year:

 

The Dark Corners

And for about 14 years, from 1992 until around 2006, I didn’t have any limits. At least I didn’t think I did.  And I was sent to alcohol counseling by my university, my sorority forced me to attend an outpatient recovery program, I was put on probation by my foreign exchange program in China (only because my friend was “roofied” when we weren’t supposed to be out drinking….not completely my fault right?). How many chances does a gal get? Usually not as many as I’ve gotten….

c. 1996

 

Big Stuff vs. Small Stuff

Nothing in my life will ever be exactly as I expected. No timing will ever be just right. Sometimes the joy in life can be hard to find. But I can find the good….anything good….and praise it. I choose joy.

 

The Ghost of Cancer Past

In the quiet humming of a CT machine, I came to the conclusion that God does not cause suffering, but he uses it to reach us.

 

The Quiet Gift of Grace

Sometimes it’s a relief to be NUTS…..when people think you are crazy it takes away the need for explanation.

 

The Good Girl

I wanted to be liked….and popular…which I thought meant I had to hide things and keep secrets and say things I didn’t mean.  Drinking was like a putty to those little chips…filling in those empty voids.

 

 

What Lies Beneath

I like people that aren’t so shiny and perfect.  It’s the imperfect parts that make them interesting.  And it’s way too hard to try and BE shiny and perfect.

 

 

Invest Your Life in Other People

There is one day….in everyone’s life….that will be a halfway point…..the day on which you have less days left to live than you have lived already. And I wonder…..have I passed it already?!

 

[Read more…]